I thought my last post was the most random-est thing to take shape, and I was so ho-ho pleasantly surprised by the comments! People read and what I think, liked it! Whoa! So propelled by all, I thought of writing about some more random thoughts of mine.
I feel I keep thinking one thing or the other all the time. Since I cant think all the thoughts aloud, I love blogging which gives me the chance to put some of my words in bold face and maroon font color :) Now that I have all the time in the world to use or to waste, there have been a lot of thoughts whizzing around.
I had often hear Renu say(I have never even met her and it seems she talks to me through her posts :) ) that her children give her all the happiness and sorrow. A couple of days after getting here, these words stuck me as more poignant. I always remember the tear streaked face of my mom as I was leaving Chennai. She took quite some time to get accustomed to the fact, that my calls would not be that frequent, that there would be a time lag, that she could nt reach me anytime she wanted to. I somehow did not want her to make all these adjustments at her age. My heart also went out for my mil, being all alone in our home. Even if K was not there, I was there to give her some sort of companionship, she too did not deserve being just by herself. I know there are many parents who have accepted this as their destiny. Even our parents have gone on to make their lives useful by doing social service and being devout. But I kept feeling, I failed as a child by leaving my parents- that too maybe when I was capable enough to be of use to them. I once confessed this to roomie dear, to which she said, imagine if you were a good for nothing and at home, wouldnt that have been more painful for your parents. Touch
e. It was paradoxical - and Renu's words drove home like a ram on a rampage. I hope I am a good enough daughter and daughter in law :S
Along with this, the other day I had gone to get myself registered at the local NHS office. In the form there was a question 'First Language'. I had no qualms in filling the answer - I filled it as ahem yep - the Queen's language, English. I did it and then I thought, hmmm, now I had put the thing in black and white atleast somewhere. I have always thought in English, I have been love with the language since I care to remember. Yep, the traditional meaning of first language is one that a person knows from birth but its also one a person speaks best. Honestly speaking I learnt Bengali before Oriya ( the language I called my mother tongue), I tend to lapse into Hindi more easily because of my cosmopolitan friends, and I married into a Tamil household and day in and day out, I talk in English. I am most confident and most articulate when I talk in English. Hmmm to hua na first language :)
I have no idea where do I come up with such absurd thoughts, but then thats me :)