Friday, September 29, 2023

Second chances

 I am a firm believer in second chances. I had sat my engineering entrance exam after my year 12. I did not get the branch of my choice and decided to sit the exam again. This time as I was preparing, everything made much more sense to me. The organic chemistry lessons which seemed like voodoo the first time I was studying them became my favourite sections. I had always enjoyed physics and I enjoyed it a bit more this time around. It was all making so much more sense that I felt how dumb was I a few months ago to not be able to understand all this! 


I hated my first job. Everything was super hard, I didn't feel I was treated well. So much so I made up my mind that I was not designed for a career in IT. I still wish at times I had a different career, but my second job onwards I discovered the thrill of coding and loved it. I have been doing it for the past nearly 18 years and will keep doing it for another 18 I guess. 

My previous job was a radical shift in the way of working I was used and in the technology stack. I was working on some very cool and new stuff with quite modern ways of implementing. I felt quite daunted and suffered a lot from imposter syndrome. I was full of self doubt. But then my current job where I kind of do similar things, it is way easier for me. 

I don't know what happens with second chances? Are we armed with more information that we fail to see in our nervousness with the first attempt? Are we more relaxed because of our attitude that 'what's the worse that could happen ' and that lack of pressure makes us perform better. Are we more resilient after what we think was a failure the first time around. I am not sure what the reasons are, but second chances are really a deal breaker. They are our chance to get it right the second time around. Here's to second chances!

Thursday, September 7, 2023

The changes

 The summer holidays have drawn to a close. I had my last week off to spend with the girls, and it was the best week I had :) We managed to do a bit of trekking one day. It was part of the 3 peaks which make the Yorkshire 3 Peaks challenge. The climb was quite hard and strenuous. Especially for the kids. But it was an immensely exhilarating experience. We loved every bit of it and really enjoyed the beautiful scenery from the top. The downhill journey was ironically as hard as the uphill 😂 After what seemed like forever we did manage to come down and treated ourselves to some gorgeous ice cream! With the high of having done a bit of trekking, we were eyeing the next peak. We planned it for the coming weekend when were to have wonderful weather. 

The week was a very sunny one and we had local trips and walks to keep us going. We did spend quite some time recovering from the long hill walking. We were definitely waiting for and raring to go for the next peak. Now this was way more challenging and steep than the first one! We had a bit of scrambling to do on our hands and legs. I was stuck at a certain point. Then thankfully I was advised by another hiker coming behind me to take an alternative route. It was quite sheer and steep and very very windy. I was scared out of my brains. But then there is no backsies 😖 I was amazed at my daughters for climbing up with all the confidence. After that exhilarating climb, it was time for downhill again. This time it seemed more painful because it was just plain old walking. The girls in fact found it boring.

This peak brought a close to the official holiday week for me. The climbing of two hills was exhilarating, but what lay ahead of us was the new hill of 2 different school drops, 2 kids going and coming back at different times and a whole lot of logistics with it. I was very very anxious about it and am really thankful that I managed a remote job where I could work from home. The girls had one more day to go for school and they used the time finishing some painting they had taken up during the holidays. Tuesday Pumpki started school. It was her very first day without elder sis. Chiyaa and K made a dry run to her secondary school. Chiyaa will be walking to secondary school which is 3 kms away. We are seasoned walkers and we did not think it would be a big deal. K and she managed a dry run with no hiccups at all. It would be a 07:40 ish start for her to make reach school at time around 0815. Dry run done, we missed little Pumpki all day and waited for her to return from her first day at school by herself without didi. She had had a wonderful time and was quite fine by herself. 

The next day was the main deal with Chiyaa starting her first day at high school!! Pumpki hates waking in the morning. She was the most difficult person to rouse out of bed. But she was ironically up with her elder sister. I managed to get her sorted ahead of time. We had set a routine for K to do the pick ups for Chiyaa and me for Pumpki. But since it was the first day for her, I wanted to drop Chiyaa. So K and I swapped places 😁 It was amazing walking with Chiyaa. She seemed so grown up doing so much all by herself. She was very excited for the walks. She was looking forward to her alone time with an audio book while returning. But I was concerned about her walking alone. She did not have many friends in primary school. We have seen most of the children walk back with some sort of company or friends. I was very reluctant to let her be alone. I did nt think in a span of the summer holidays she would be mature enough to walk all alone. But seeing her being so confident about managing, I did not want to dampen her spirits. It was more of a letting go for me. Only if I let her be, I would be ok with her taking ownership of stuff. So quite reluctantly I agreed to her walking back alone. 

As soon as her school was done, she messaged us and K and I got busy tracking her location. She is a fast walker! I was tempted to meet her half way. But given it was a very bright sunny day where there was amazing visibility, I did not want to ruin her maiden walk home. Eventually she came 35 minutes later and boy we greeted her with a big welcome! I asked her if she wanted to Mummy or Daddy at any point? And she said " No offence but I was fine by myself". My precious lil girl who used to cry to high heavens to be dropped off at day care and who had such a tough time at primary school in forming friendships was confident of taking on stuff!  Whole evening we kept pestering her with questions. It was a very new experience for us as well. 

The first day went well enough Touchwood. Here's fingers crossed for the whole year to be relatively smooth.