Damn commute

 

As I have lamented time and again, I am having to come in to work twice a week. I need to use a satellite navigator since I am totally not used to the roads. Given that I use a motorway (highway) I would forever use a navigator since it would warn me of any incidents and upcoming events in advance. I am also out of touch with handling so many things too. There is my phone, my car keys, laptop bag, handbag (which contains lunch, snacks for kids for pickup, mask and the kitchen sink). I keep forgetting one thing or the other and its super annoying.

Yesterday I could not locate my car in the car park! That was the first horrible thing. It was literally there and I could not see it! How ridiculous. At one point of the journey, I was concentrating so hard on following the directions on the satnav, I totally missed seeing a signal turn red! Thankfully the traffic was slowly ramping up, there were a load of honking vehicles and ended up clearing the traffic. It was such a horrible mistake which had my legs shaking! Reached school safely and was greeted with the angelic faces of my kids.

 

I tell you I am not liking this commuting business at all!

Been 2 months or is it 2 years?

 Both. 2 months since I last posted. There was nothing sensational to post. Life went on in its own merry pace which is what we need now is'nt it? The pandemic is more or less a thing of the past. And while that holds true, another thing of the past is the back. GOING BACK TO OFFICE. It has been over 2 years since we went to work. And on 21st March, we were summoned back. 

I hated any conversation about going back to work. I loved my work place which was bang in the middle of the city. I used to have monthly lunch dates with K which I loved. Over the pandemic, my company gave up the lease of the office space and took up one with a subsidiary. Now this place in in the middle of nowhere. It is a dry office building. And I dislike the commute which will force me to drive every day. No more reading a  book while commuting to work. Also I had built my life around working from home. I did the pick ups. I was there when the kids were back. We were able to extend their after school activities. All that would change. I started looking for jobs, fully remote ones. I did manage an offer but the remuneration was not what I was after, so I had to decline it. 

The anticipation of returning to work was horrible for me. I could not imagine the rush of dashing through the morning. My mornings after some quiet time at work involve running behind the girls, plaiting their hair and getting their breakfast sorted. But things would be different once at work. I was full of a weird trepidation. Like I used to feel when I used to come home on vacation from my college hostel. I would keep counting my days of pure bliss. And as the time to go back to hostel came closer I would be filled with dread. It was similar now. As the day came closer, I felt weird and uncomfortable.

But anyways the day came! I woke before time. Finished my morning chores and got Chiyaa's braid done. I was about to get started with Pumpki, but K stepped in and said that he would do it. I started off to work. My drive was smooth (beginner's luck). I got a bit lost in the office floor where I could'nt find where I was supposed to sit. But otherwise it was all right. 

Lets see how I keep finding this "newest normal".

Almost settled?

There are just too many things happening at the moment and I seem to have a thought about every thing. Let me take my mind through each one of them slowly and carefully.

The juggle of work and kids is something constant that many in my boat have to deal with. My job offers me the flexibility to work from home. A feature I and many colleagues use as and when need arises. Since November last year, work has been loosing it's sheen for me. I have been getting bored. But I was  hit by the realisation that the feature of working from home would not be available for me from many other organisations. A friend of mine said ' work is the same anywhere it is these add ons that matter'. K advised that we had a lot of change coming on in the form of a trip to India and a house move, and I stick to the current set up till the changes are catered to. So I stuck.

Ah coming to house move! We, who have had 7 moves in 7 years. We were ready for one final move. To our own home. That in itself is a saga. We liked Ipswich a lot. I had an arrangement, K 's projects were most likely to be centred within commutable distance from Ipswich. The school was good. Extra curriculars were good. The future looked promising. And we decided to set roots. We started looking for a home to call our own. We saw many, rejected many, discussed many and many slipped away. Finally we had a place finalised. We were excited. Two days after our decision, K got news of his release from his project which set an entire different chain of events. One moment we were discussing the new home. The next, K was without a job. 

After 4 months of struggle, K finally got an offer which brought us back to Leeds. We decided to 'settle down' ASAP. After the usual ups and downs, we found our house. Our home. Which had our name written on it. It was our piece of the soil which we could call our own. It was the stuff dreams were made up of. Finally we have the space, the garden, the proper feeling of walking up to an abode.

It is still a weird feeling for me though. Like I am newly married ;) I have never stayed at home. Papa had a transferable job and for as long as I can remember  we grew up living in government quarters. When we finally had our own place in bbsr I was off to hostel. And never have been at home. Even Chennai the stint in our home was for two years after which we were off to the UK. The sense that we are living at a permanent place will take a while to get used to.

 It has also come with the quirks of sub urban life. The 'city' is some distance away. We make plans to goto 'Leeds' while earlier Leeds was where we lived and was like the back of our palm. Setting the house in order was most pleasant. Amma gets surprised seeing me buy so many things for the house. She has never seen that aspect of mine. I say, decorating something that is your own is different. Nothing but the best will do.

  I have started coming in to work more often. Because of that I am not availing the luxury of coming in a cab everyday but rely on public transport. The first day was the hardest. I was panicking about taking the bus. I was on the verge of a breakdown when the return bus was a few minutes late was I was dreading the cascading delays in picking Chiyaa and Pumpki. I have to get down from my bus stop, rush home, get my car and pick the kids. My mom helped me breathe easy when she said, when they have stayed away from you for so long, don't panic over a few more minutes. Drive carefuly. But once they are back give them 100%. Phew! Thank you mummy! Gradually I have started liking getting dressed ( even amma says she likes seeing me dressed in the morning rather than being in track pants and t shirts all day long) and enjoying the interactions. The wfh days seem a bit boring to be honest. The run from office is still a nightmare.... but I believe we will get used to it. 

It's  easy to give up. But I am forcing myself to persevere. I am gearing and preparing everyone for a tomorrow which is going to be even more challenging than today. So help me God. 

The one where the phoenix rises

I have always held the legend of the phoenix as something very inspiring. Since the full meaning of it dawned upon me, during some poetry class in school I have always loved the word, the symbols and the allusions pertaining to a phoenix. That mythical creature somehow seemed to be looming large today.
While writing the last post, I was very jittery and depressed. An escalation email first thing in the morning completely bummed me out. I am someone who takes responsibilities very seriously. When someone questions that, I feel cornered.The other day I got on the back foot on seeing the way things were going. And yes there was one big pending thing from my side,which had been nagging me for long time.The period of illness pushed back my schedules majorly and somehow I never got the time nor the stamina to catch up fully till the nth moment. Somehow that one email that day, made me feel betrayed. In spite of the consistent effort, somehow I felt the email questioned my commitment. Rather than steeling myself, I broke down. I cried in anguish and tried to think of worse times in the past when I had been challenged and pushed against the wall. I was not able to summon any will, the fortitude and the calm to rebut.

At length did some sanity sweep in.To prevent any distraction and additional wastage of time, I decided to plain and simple work from home for the coming days. I was amazed how sometimes the best of me comes under trial. I had a short deadline, I was nervous, I was very unhappy, but somehow God showed me the way to get the thing going. At the cost of sounding very melodramatic I must admit, I was able to get rid of the pending chore and that too in time. A bit of delegation helped a lot. By evening the stance of the management seemed strangely positive. Things were gearing up from red to amber at least if not green.

Today at the end of day2, day2 of being this recluse in fire fighting mode, I see light. Yes things are still undone on many fronts, there are question marks on bigger areas, there are issues of a larger nature, but the clear and present danger seems to be taken care of.I love working from home. It gives me just the right balance.When I am too bogged down, simple house work, takes my mind off the problem and helps me clear the clutter, inside my head and from the house. To take a break I move around, actually live in the home so tastefully set together (Weekends hardly make one relish "home" as one gets too busy getting some rest, :| catching up with friends, pursuing some long left book or paying attention to pending household duties) On weekdays when I work from home, I actually stroll around and savor the house when I need a break (No TV, no novels, no snoozing off) . The movements of other residents of the apartment make me realise how many different types of lives are there apart from the standard IT life we face most commonly. Shrill cries of kids returning from school in the afternoon make me long for those frolicsome days. Old people sitting and generally chit chatting make me wonder how I might be when I am like them. And the icing on the cake, the tea I make for myself at 1645!

Hmmmm...well back to ground zero. Immediate concerns are getting ticked off while long term ones - well I prefer not thinking about them. They seem ominous enough but still they can change at any moment into anything - it is not possible to be preemptive enough. Till then as Abhishek says - hum ek jeevan ki prapti karte hain (Let me get a life)

PS. His sarcasm did make me sit up and take notice. And for all your (Jack, Satish, Deeps and DD) concerned comments - Thanks so much!

In the same vein

I am feeling like I felt 2 years back. I thought reading that might make me feel better, but then I saw nothing was worth the while. So to give vent to my pent up feelings or maybe to get some clarity as to what the heck am I thinking, I chose to write this.

Things are seeming all haywire right now and blame it all on the work. Work has kept me more than busy since the last quarter of last year. Illness ruining my speed for nearly 3 weeks added fuel to the fire. I have been bringing work home, I have been running against time to get the stuffs done and even when I am not working its work on my mind. I simply hate the feeling. Even when I am with family, a part of me feels, I should go and get connected. But then the other half things "When duty calls shove it under the carpet (I have a penchant for remembering the wrong idioms :D ) Its very tiring I feel - always walking on the tightrope. The constant dilemma, the guilt (be with family or get to what gives you your daily bread.) I prefer the easy ways of life, when things are under control. Who wants to drive in top gear and feel jittery all the way?

Somehow this time also, I happened to read a piece in the Times of India, which stated how work defined the existence and identity of so many Indians. I completely concurred with the content. Work does not make us. There is more to us than what we do to earn. But then is there more to us than what we do for some good 10-12 hours everyday? It is so difficult to etch another self from the one which takes up so much time, energy and commitment!

For quite a while things at work - this thing that pre dominates our lives have been so uncertain. The worse part is, not only for me, but for K too. Both of us would have simply loved to continue what we were doing for as long as we can. But, there seems to be something different planned - and the plan is still nebulous for both of us. Not only us, there are people around us who are also in a state of flux. The team structures which both of us have become so attached (or rather used) to is on the brink of a mammoth change - and not all change is always for the good :S. With so many winds blowing, we are not even sure which terrain to align ourselves to. And if things ultimately remain just the same, I am sure the effort spent thinking and planning is so exhausting, it will seem like a gargantuan waste when its over and done with. I keep praying, asking Him for the way, for a hint. He somehow whispers, it will end up being good, but till then I think we have to summon some underground source of will within us.

Just waiting for the tides to settle down and praying for strength. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor they say ( At last I remember a decent saying :) ) ...... Hope this ends soon and whatever lies beyond the calm, be the best for us both..... :S

Chayya bina jiya jaaye naa :(

Thats what people in Chennai call a cup of tea - chayya. Its one of the beverages I love and can have any quantity at any time. My love affair with tea began since I was very young under the tutelage of my father. Yes you read it correct - my father. My mom makes a tea which is close to in-consumable for me. Its bitter. She makes a real hard drink of the poor tea leaves :( While my dad savors the tasty version - you know the one with lots of milk, just right sugar, some cardamom and ginger for sure. That is what he asked me to make one day, since mom was not around. I happened to taste my own creation just for the heck of it (My mom rues the fact that she is such a hard core addict of tea. Its the petrol she needs at least thrice a day; earlier it used to be five times! She always wanted to keep her children out of this dreaded addiction). But that day, when I tasted that divinely aromatic drink - I fell in love with it. Till date, its one thing I never ever say no to. Though kudos to my mom, she so fervently wished that we should nt be tea addicts, that till date neither my sister nor I am addicted to tea.

Now, why on earth am I blabbering all this? Well, it is cos, this very thing I love- has been made a paid thingy in my office!!!!! Imagine no more free tea. We got to buy it! I would not mind spending 4 odd rupees and getting a good cuppa. But the tea that is being dished out is so lame, it barely fills a paper cup and the tea bags seem to have lost all aroma. I do reiterate that I am no addict to tea. In spite of it, tea drinking is like a ritual. An excuse to move from the desk, some time to relax and give those sore neck and legs some motion, and on cold rainy days like Chennai is having right now, it feels divine to sip that warm cup. But sadly, that cup is now where :(

When the email was first sent out that there would be no more free tea from SRK's birthday onward, the mango people thought "Oh! come on this won t be possible to implement. Anyways everyone will go to have tea outside office which will result in man hours wasted which would in turn force the non mango people to roll back the idea." There was a seething of a revolt, the jitne bhi tu kar le sitam hans hans ke sahenge hum types attitude. I felt as if I was part of a an andolan, an important satyagraha. There were some emails floated to garner support and the public forums were replete with messages with some employees becoming demi Gods with their innovative ideas. But then, nothing moved the bade logs.

Finally the day came, one cold rainy chill morning here. The day sans tea. Ideas were afloat again. Black tea, hot water, getting tea from homes in thermos flasks, going to the houses of folks staying near office and having tea (ready to pay them also if they were insistent) and many many more. But then black tea is not equal to tea. Hot water is OF Course not equal to tea. Getting tea from homes - thoda zyaada ho gaya. Going to folks staying near office - not that besharam :( So Day1 we decided to go out and have tea and check the turn around time. Day1 it was 35 minutes. Day 2 new shop - it was 55 minutes. Day 3 - It rained so hard, we had to buy the tea at office. But then how long can this continue? Slowly I see some satyagrahis succumbing and yes, in the long run I wonder how I can hold on. So though sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab humare dil main hai not much zor will power main hai :'(

PS. Did not have the patience to translate the Hindi text - apologies if it is majorly incomprehensible to many.

Positive People

This I feel is one of the very rare posts inspired from office. :)
There have been days in office when everything seems so repulsive. Everything seems to antagonize the way I plan to take to get somewhere.

But then sometimes there are folks whose very presence gives that awesome positive aura that hey presto!! I am back.

I had a person in one of the previous firms I used to work with. Brilliance in the form of a human being - that's what he was! I used to adore his skills - be it technical or inter personal. And somehow I observed this weird pattern, the days thing would be going haywire, I would chance to meet him. Even after a chat of say a couple of minutes, I would be so enthused with positive energy, that I would be at my productive and effective best.

Similar is the case with my US counterpart now. I am simply amazed at the length and breadth of knowledge he has. If I was in his place, I wonder if I would be able to go from one day to the other.

Being an immigrant from Brasil, he has the cutest accent possible. He has this quirk of humming ta pa ri da pa ra ta pa di da dum as he is working on. During the calls, when there are moment when he has to stop by to fetch some document or grab some detail, his ubiquitous humming has all the folks on the other side of the call in splits :) And his sense of humour is a biggie feather in his cap. Working with him is such a pleasure. Its not only the dedication he demands from us by raising the bar himself, but he also has respect for our personal time, our space. That is something which is so commendable.

Yesterday I was getting news which was irking me from left right and center, and I had decided to give two hoots to work and just get home and put my feet up at the earliest possible time. But then during the evening call, just the customary status updates itself, made me feel - what the heck; why should I be postponing something which can be done today. And the only thing that made the day yesterday, was getting the job done- on time, on demand ;)

Well, I just hope I have an iota of the positive vibe these folks exude. Its sometimes one of the best gift you can unwittingly give to others. (Apart from a smile which can raise hearts )

As you like it

There have been so many posts on similar lines that I left the name of the title to be decided by the reader.

Any one who has as much as put a toe nail in Chennai will surely mention this feature of the city - the auto rickshaw drivers. And I have set up my home here - how would I not pay my homage to a credo of this city.

On a working day I commute using auto rickshaws. Now for the first one month, each day was full of suspense as to which auto I would take, how would the driver be, how much would I end up eking out. There were many options available to me - namely - picking up an/any auto plying on the road after stepping out of the house. Since the drivers could read "alien" written on my forehead in Comic sans font, they would spell the most atrocious, humongous amount their brain could imagine at that moment. I would give a look of utter disgust/amusement/surprise/anger and many more depending on my frame of mind at that juncture. Then after quite a bit of haggling and waste of time, I would get the ride.

The other option was a "Call Auto"(I salute the creative and entrepreneurial genius of the person who started this!) In this format I would call the "call auto" center ( their services are available from 0700hrs to 1900hrs everyday of the week), and book an auto for the designated trip at a particular time. Now this class of auto drivers do a unique thing that NO OTHER Community of auto drivers do. They use the ELECTRONIC METER!!!! And a major service for the well being of the aam junta. But they too have a household to run, kids education to be financed, fuel to be filled, booze to be had :| , how would they manage these simple mortal chores with the paltry income. So they just charge Rs 20 extra. This works out much cheaper than the price one would reach with any degree of passionate haggling. But, But, But - who said life is all rosy dandy? There is a CATCH! They call up 30 mins before the time you want to move and confirm whether they have an auto for you or not (resource scarcity you see) This means you remain on tenterhooks till the celestial call comes. It worked fine sporadically for me. 2 days in a row I would get an auto, but then 3rd day, the auto would have its gear wire messed up. And I would have my schedule messed up big time. I endured it for quite some time. But every time why the bloody gear wire messing syndrome with me!!???? One day I took the number of the MD from the driver who used to frequently ferry me and asked him to come up with a new excuse each day. The gear wire getting damaged was getting a bit monotonous. Puncture would be another good option.

After that I severed all ties with Call Auto services.

And the knights in shining armors were the auto drivers from the local auto stand. Now they charge the normal Rs 150 drop me at office, but no other hassles. No crib session by them, no confirmation calls to make me all jittery; I have in fact started recognizing some of them :)

Now so much was for my auto rides for getting to my office. The chronicles of the return trips have a story of their own.

To get back home I use share autos - these are huge toad shaped auto rickshaws in which anything from 6-12 people can travel. Before I get into any of them I make it a point to ask the driver where is his vehicle bound to. Some times, the drivers choose not to reply. I seriously feel like slapping the buster and flinging some choicest slangs at him. Come on what about the great Indian tradition of Customer being king?? Atleast minimum courtesy the dude can reply where his auto is going right? But no. Hmm.. Whatever.

The share autos don't go till my home. So from the last stop I have to haul another auto rickshaw and reach home. Each day I get to meet a new specimen of driver. Yesterday the driver wanted to get rid of me ASAP. At every intersection he asked, Madam shall I drop you here? Madam shall I drop you here? I was like WTH!!!!!! With the rudest voice, I shot back, Mister I will tell you where you have to drop me. Look at the road and drive on.

He gave the most sulky look any mortal could muster and muttered something about the distance being too much and I paying him peanuts. (It pays not to understand the language fully :) )

Each day of travel is a travail for me in fact.

Getting used to

The last post had me in a pretty disconcerted state. I am still far from being settled, but I am slowly getting used to this life.

The fact that I am yet to get a machine in office and the broad band connection at home is kaput is keeping me away from the net. I do keep visiting the blogs I used to frequent, but I dont have the sustained access to the sites, so I give posting of comments a miss.

But I remember the comments which were posted by people who read my last blog. And that helped me a lot in ironing out my restlessness.

Here a standard day involves a lot of loitering around. At home I follow my mom in law around. I feel like Marys little lamb ( yea the same lamb from the nursery rhymes).

Commuting to office is a big pain which burns a big crater like hole in my pocket. The killing heat of Chennai completely dissuades me from taking a public means of transport. So I end up taking an auto all the way to office which is very far from home. And in office since I dont have work, I am yet to have a machine of my own. Which means I end up sharing 4 systems with 10 odd new joinees. There is literally a game of musical chairs in and around here.

We have resource managers who are responsible for mapping us into projects. And Murphy s law is at its best, my resource manager is the lousiest one. He s a youngistaani with a scar from his nose through his left cheek. Let me call him ScarFace. Now he comes in at 0815 hours pronto. And then works till God knows what time cos I scurry out at 1600 hrs. And whole day he is attending telecons and phone calls which sound important to me. But till now I have not seen him map a resource into a proper project (#@$^&*#$^@#) I am not sure when he will be able to put me in my due place. It better be soon else I feel the chances are very high that he will get a scar over his other cheek courtesy me (#$^#^@$%@).

I reach home early in the evening, and have a nice cup of tea. If my mom in law gets on with the cooking, I give her moral support by standing next to her in the kitchen. Else if she is daring enough that day to give the task of cooking to me, I don my chefs hat and get on with the work. At 2020 hours, I get the message from K to pick him up from the bus stop. I dont miss the chance to do so, cos thats when I get to drive the scooty, and dont I love it :)

I miss my old office a lot, I miss everything about it. The work culture, the space, the people, the friends I had there. And I miss my friend Sw a lot. I still keep calling her up a lot and shes such an angel that even in office hours when she has work, she spares time for me :) And of course I miss my flat mates and room mate. But I am not clinging to the fact that I am far from them. Hyderabad as of now seems pretty approachable from Chennai.

Here I feel I am slowly reverting to my old self. I am getting used to the life here. The way of living out here. I cannot vouch for the fact that marrying the person you loved makes life any easier. The ups and downs still exist. For me I believe the best part is that I have very supportive in laws. At no point have the forced me to adopt anything. As I have a lot of time in hand now, I feel the urge to get going again. To learn some new sport, nurture some new hobby, study for some exam. I am not sure what exactly I want. May be its just the wish to be gainfully employed for all the 12 waking hours of the day.

Perfect timing or Completely wayward? :-S

Some times I wonder what makes God do some things at some times? I know His ways are completely unfathomable hmm but some times I would like to unravel His intentions.
There was a time when I was in Calcutta and things were going on in a very disconcerted way. My professional life was in utter chaos. I had no other go but to make a move from the organization. And I went to any extent for that. There was a period of time, when with the salary of a fresher I used to take flights all the way to Bangalore to give interviews, much to the concern of my parents. I did not have a single penny as savings cos of this. I had work which drained me to the end, and after that what ever time I could manage I used to study for interviews and all. I tried umpteen times, but every time what I got was failure.
At that juncture I happened to read an article in Reader's Digest in which a lady had left her job due to some constraints without having another job in hand. She was in a similar state, where she was running from pillar to post but to no avail. In that article she had mentioned, " Maybe every rejection is just taking me closer to the ideal job which is waiting for me." This statement stayed with me. And no matter what I kept on trying to give every interview possible.
At a point of time I decided with my fiance (lemme call him K) that I had to relocate to the city where he was working. I opted for a transfer.
But as my luck would have it, that did not end up being a smooth transition either. My transfer date kept getting postponed, and in the meanwhile, K was sent onsite.
Ironically, the date I finally managed to get a transfer coincided with the date K got for his return to India! It just seemed as a stroke of luck, superb timing by Chubby God! It was as if He had just planned it out like a master composer, every instrument in the orchestra, every artist of the symphony, He had just laid it down. It was as if He was giving me the message"See girl! This is how I wanted it to be. Not smooth sleek flows, but ups and downs (yea Hellova lot of them) but end crescendo should be memorable"
Till date I remember flying from my home town to K's place.
At the new office, work environment was very good. I was happy all the more cos of the fact I was with K in the same city after 2 years. Our entire span of courtship (if we ever had one :|) had been with us being in different cities.
Life seemed idyllic now.
But to make any progress on the professional front, I had to quit my current organization. I had made too many changes in projects and places which ruined my chances of making it to the next level in the current organisation I was working in.
And luck had it so... I got the best offer and challenging and different work opportunity in another city. K and I thought, fair enough, if this is how God's planned it, I move, work for a year and half, put some solid learning in my resume and earning in my account and come back to K.
I moved to a new city(Again). The traveler in me loved it. And after eons I had good room mates for company (I have stayed with good people before, but staying with 6 good girls is like a boon! :) )
The work was engaging. It s like I enjoyed my life here, but I keep thinking about my life with K and when I might be able to get back. I also know once I am back with him, I will miss my friends here like hell.
But then in the recent past, one of my colleagues had been up to certain misdemeanors. I cannot challenge him on it, but he has made my stay in office pretty uncomfortable.
It was work only which brought me to this place and was making me move on. (Having good company at home and a generally peaceful existence were just lateral benefits.) Now if the work front unnerves me, I feel it was utterly futile exercise to make the change.
I dont know why God had to put me through this trail. Seems completely unwarranted to me.
Allowing me to have a pleasant stay here and a smooth shift back, that would have been so cool. But I am just not able to fathom why this now.
Seriously, strange are His ways.
I am just waiting when the perfect timer will strike again and bring in the epoch. Till then, the recent changes seem completely wayward to me.