Rubbish

Rubbish. I have no better word to express my feelings for the weekend that went past.

It all started on Thursday. Chiyaa suddenly came into my room at night and said her ear was hurting.  I gave her some paracetamol. She struggled to sleep inspite of it. As she struggled to sleep so did we. We took turns trying to make her feel better – but how can you make an ear ache go in the middle of the night? We tried to soothe her, to placate her, to make her feel better.  We all kept drifting back and from sleep. Poor thing she just wanted the night to get over.

Friday, she wasn’t supposed to go to school. K and I started a really groggy day. I was in fact faring better than I had anticipated. I did well till lunch, after which I could barely keep awake. I so missed my “wfh” days when  would have spared of the commute and the chores of being at the work place. Anyways that should be water under the bridge one day. I kept waiting for the minutes to tick by till it was ‘home time’. I was super drowsy. Mummy kept prompting me to hit the bed, but I did not want to burden her with minding both the kids through the evening as well. I know they can be pretty draining and she and Papa had taken care of them all day.

At 2115, the kids showed signs of being sleepy. I could not ask for anything more. I hit the bed with them.  We woke relatively refreshed. But we decided to skip the usual Saturday rituals of dance and swimming lessons. This gave us a bit more time to rejuvenate. Since Chiyaa was not 100%, we decided to stay at home to give her maximum time to recover. A lazy day just moved on. We watched a few episodes of BBC Earth which were a saving grace. Other than that it was a pretty drab day.

Sunday also stretched on similarly. Plans to order food or do this or that bubbled but never led to fruition. To add to this K got on with reading and researching and was holed up in a room. So selfish! This is going to come back in a future fight for sure and he wont know what hit him :D   I had an imaginary headache due to over-resting  (yes a term I invented like just now :D ) . I felt so so so lazy and bogged down and just so bored, I did not do anything at all. The kids also lolled around and at one point Chiyaa asked “ Can we go somewhere?” Sadly it was 1700 ish by then and pitch dark outside which ruled out venturing anywhere. So we continued to watch some more PJ masks, BBC Earth and the like.

I realized there was a big pile on for the week days with not much having been done over the weekend. Monday started pretty bleary with the rains, missed buses and what not. But the sun was trying to brave it and make the world shine. So I decided to put up a brave front too. Work gave a moderate sense of achievement. Mummy picked Chiyaa from school which lessened one task from my to-do list at home. Chiyaa did a whole load of arithmetic problems and enjoyed them and it thrilled me to see her enjoying mathematics. We decided to call it an early night. Monday – you just redeemed yourself :D

PS . I decided to write this drab, mundane, super boring post to give an idea as to how rubbish my weekend was. Also as a note to self – don’t let the entire weekend be this bad!

Outraged

People who are close to me know for a fact that I hate shopping. (I hope they know that :S) Yes, I am every guy's dream but only one has me ;) 

OK, before I  lose the few readers hanging around, I will get to the point. Because  I hate shopping, most of it is done by my sis and mom and parcelled to me since  the past God knows how many years and counting. But I desperately needed some clothes, since my shipment from India was getting delayed. I decided to take matters in my hand and go shopping. 

Since I am not one who asks for a shopping spree, I had to season the husband to get ready for some serious plastic money action. We reached the mall, and he agreed that I have unlimited time and privacy in the fitting rooms. That was one thing that did not happen because the munchkin nearly drove the father crazy. Well, that would be a post in itself. Beginner's luck - I found something I liked in the first shop I stepped into. Result! There was a bit of a trough - I don't select stuff that easily. After a short lunch break we were back in business and I ended up with 4 additions to my wardrobe. Hurray!!!!!!

You know how the shopping  bug is - infectious. K too caught it and ended up buying a pair of shoes. The happy trio returned home. Once we got home, per habit I started inspecting the days catch.  I remarked - I got only 2 dresses? K said - well seemed like much more. Then I screamed where is the dress from h&m and the jacket??

The shock and horror!!! I ran to check if we had left the 2 additional bags in the car. But they weren't there. Crest fallen I knew it was a lost cause. I rang the management suite of the mall. They took my contact  details and assured they would ring back if anyone came with the packets. I rang the shops we went to after making the purchases but to no avail. We were within minutes of closing time of the mall so driving back was not an option.

When all roads led to a dead end, I started crying. Yes! K consoled me saying it was just something material and mere clothes. We could get the exact same pieces. But I took a while to come to terms. I felt outraged. I was sure someone had just picked it up and gone home. Someone had just like that stolen it from me! My effort in trying them ( which I find annoying ) with K 's efforts in managing a berserk toddler had resulted in some total stranger reaping the benefits. This was a bit unlike me. I generally take most incidents and outcomes of events very casually. Something has to be epic to affect me. But this small instance jostled me, had me in tears. The logical me  tried a lot of soul searching and concluded it must have been the effort that seemed wasted. As of now lesson learnt - keep counting your baggage as my dad used to when we embarked on long train journeys as kids.

Have you ever felt something like this  - over the top response for something seemingly trivial?

Bloody politicians

I hate these bunch of people called politicians.
I know its a common feeling among Indians, and Murali Deora said that he was ashamed to call himself a politician (in the aftermath of the Mumbai attacks). But I feel, the day God just lost all virtues from his tank, but still had to meet some deadline of creating species, he went ahead and made the ignominious one of politicians.

Today I had to attend a training at 10 in the morning. For that, given the awesome traffic condition that Chennai boasts ( I am not passing a general comment on Chennai, but yes - I would love to spit on the face of the CM who is so occupied in grooming Stalin ( Gosh what a funny name!! ) that he has scant regard for anything else) (Parentheses ended there :) - read on ) I started from my home which is some 14 odd kms from my office at 0815 hours. Yes a good 1 hour, 45 mins ahead of schedule.

All along the road, there were pictures of the old *&^^)$ (This is what I will refer to the CM as) smiling at the gentry. Some were re-ee-aa-lly hideous smiles. I was able to reach Guindy which is kind of a middle point for me around 0915. I had 45 more minutes with me, and I was optimistic that I would be able to meet the deadline and reach the nearbies of Ramapuram by 0955 ish at the least.

Buttttt.... At Butt Road (Yea thats the name of the road :D )- there was not a but but a full stop.

All on-going traffic was halted for the Prawasi Bharatiya Diwas celebrations at Chennai Trade Centre. We were halted at Butt Road around 0925 hours. First I had no clue whether it was a traffic jam or there was some other problem. So I started my fervent prayers to Ganpati Bappa who is my friend in need. When the clock ticked to 1005 and I came to know of that traffic had been blocked for VVIPs I gave up all hopes of reaching office remotely on time and I started messaging K complaining about the way things were functioning.

Being crammed in the share auto for over 40 minutes was already cramping our legs. Finally around 1010, I asked the other two girls in the share auto, if they would be game for walking the stretch (it was still some 6-7 kms from office) The girls readily agreed since there was no clue as to when the blockage might end. There were quite a bit of people who had started alighting from their respective means of public transport and walking. After walking for say 500m we were stopped by a policeman who said that "VVIPs were supposed to come, so no one would be allowed to proceed." This irritated some people who were walking ahead. An elderly uncle standing at a bus stand retorted "These fellows are going to work, at least let them pass. What problem might you have with people who actually work". A couple of gutsy men also got into an altercation with the policeman.

Then we saw a man strut right ahead tagging a bag along. In a pretty brusque way, he reprimanded the policeman and made a gesture from which I could understand he was surging to slap the policeman. Then he shouted "I am a DELEGATE out here and you are stopping me? And why not allow these people to go? #!$$^$%^# (some profanities in English) I was like Hallejuiah!!

There was a crowd of atleast 500 people stranded in the middle of the street opposite to Madras War Cemetary, for nearly 35 minutes under the hot sun watching one or the other vehicle with a red light and screeching sound zip past. Then another funkily, but "out of placely" decorated couple who screamed "WE ARE NRIs" through their clothes passed by. By standers went ballistic and had a roaring time passing comments on the white kurta of the man with dyed blonde hair and the heavy jacket ( yeaaaa in Chennai if someone flaunts fur she has to be a NRI) of the woman he had in tow. But some 15 minutes after they passed, strangely we were allowed to walk through.

As I passed through the Chennai Trade Center, I saw the first delegate fellow who had passed us, and I really felt like thanking him because I felt he must have mobilised some support for the people who were sweltering in the heat. Then on, we walked for some 2-3 kms till we were able to board an auto and get to office.

What irked me the most was the total dis regard for the convenience of the common folks. There was the MIOT hospital on the way - what if someone needed to get there urgently. The way the police force was behaving, I am sure, they would have no regard even for human life. And if there was something planned like this, where the hell did the minimum sense go of sending out a circular that traffic might be stopped/diverterd. Does it need the brains of a rocket scientist to figure this out - or was the civic administration and political class so busy licking the boots of the fellow above him, that this completely missed him? Seriously, the politicians here are gung ho about supporting the LTTE folks which completely the problem of another independent nation and would even go to the extent of de stabilising the government in Center, but would not bat an eyelid for the people of their nation.

I somehow believe, we always have a trickle down effect - the head of an organisation should be proper to ensure the organisation is functioning properly. Any where if the person heading an institution/initiative is proper, he/she can ensure that all subordinate to him follow his path, but all the people down the runks might not be able to pull it through, if the person who heads is corrupt. Sometimes they might be able to reach success, but there are greater chances, that the dubious credential of the man heading, might mar rather than make things.

That India would actually be in a position to show the light to the world one day needs nothing short of a miracle. We do need a miracle so that we are able to succeed INSPITE of the gruesome malice called politicians.

International Cribbing Day

Today is International Cribbing Day.

Today you can crib about anything and everything(your work, work location, pay, manager, bai, watchman, in law, inflation, weather, wardrobe, malls, etc etc etc) to any one(friend, mom, spouse, cousin, bagal wali aunty, generally to the air, trees, road). And if some one comes over and cribs you either have the option to shut up and listen or crib back.
Hmmm well wish there was a day like that. But that is how today has been for me since the morning.

Yesterday I was in a very lethargic and un motivated state of mind. So I ended up wasting a lot of time though there were important things lined up for me to do. That in turn had the cascade effect of me going to sleep with a truckload of guilt and ending up sleeping a bit late.
I had planned to go for a walk in the morning. But since I woke up late, I had to cut short the duration of the walk. It was something like going and saying good morning to the beach rather than taking a good long solid walk. Now having a bad exercise session irks me to no end. I am an extremes person in this. Either do it with full gusto or don t do it at all. Today, I neither had a longer sleep, nor I had a good walk, nor was I was able to something useful after coming back from the walk since I was so divinely pissed off. You see the pattern? :) As a result the irritation, the bile was just increasing exponentially.

And I started cribbing to K.

He tried to make up by booking tickets for some movie over the weekend. But then we remembered we had some other commitments and a movie would not be feasible. Damn!

Hmm so I thought, better get to office soon, atleast there I could make myself useful. But but but - fate gave me one more chance to crib even more. Water stopped coming! There was some stored water so I managed, but then - what an already pissed off person does not need is more creases in the routine.

And my cribathon continued - building up a nice little pyramid, taking all variables into consideration. Coincidentally - the bus we boarded to get to office had an ace cribber as the conductor. Voila! Everyone seemed to be on a roll.

So go ahead! Celebrate Cribbing! :)

As you like it

There have been so many posts on similar lines that I left the name of the title to be decided by the reader.

Any one who has as much as put a toe nail in Chennai will surely mention this feature of the city - the auto rickshaw drivers. And I have set up my home here - how would I not pay my homage to a credo of this city.

On a working day I commute using auto rickshaws. Now for the first one month, each day was full of suspense as to which auto I would take, how would the driver be, how much would I end up eking out. There were many options available to me - namely - picking up an/any auto plying on the road after stepping out of the house. Since the drivers could read "alien" written on my forehead in Comic sans font, they would spell the most atrocious, humongous amount their brain could imagine at that moment. I would give a look of utter disgust/amusement/surprise/anger and many more depending on my frame of mind at that juncture. Then after quite a bit of haggling and waste of time, I would get the ride.

The other option was a "Call Auto"(I salute the creative and entrepreneurial genius of the person who started this!) In this format I would call the "call auto" center ( their services are available from 0700hrs to 1900hrs everyday of the week), and book an auto for the designated trip at a particular time. Now this class of auto drivers do a unique thing that NO OTHER Community of auto drivers do. They use the ELECTRONIC METER!!!! And a major service for the well being of the aam junta. But they too have a household to run, kids education to be financed, fuel to be filled, booze to be had :| , how would they manage these simple mortal chores with the paltry income. So they just charge Rs 20 extra. This works out much cheaper than the price one would reach with any degree of passionate haggling. But, But, But - who said life is all rosy dandy? There is a CATCH! They call up 30 mins before the time you want to move and confirm whether they have an auto for you or not (resource scarcity you see) This means you remain on tenterhooks till the celestial call comes. It worked fine sporadically for me. 2 days in a row I would get an auto, but then 3rd day, the auto would have its gear wire messed up. And I would have my schedule messed up big time. I endured it for quite some time. But every time why the bloody gear wire messing syndrome with me!!???? One day I took the number of the MD from the driver who used to frequently ferry me and asked him to come up with a new excuse each day. The gear wire getting damaged was getting a bit monotonous. Puncture would be another good option.

After that I severed all ties with Call Auto services.

And the knights in shining armors were the auto drivers from the local auto stand. Now they charge the normal Rs 150 drop me at office, but no other hassles. No crib session by them, no confirmation calls to make me all jittery; I have in fact started recognizing some of them :)

Now so much was for my auto rides for getting to my office. The chronicles of the return trips have a story of their own.

To get back home I use share autos - these are huge toad shaped auto rickshaws in which anything from 6-12 people can travel. Before I get into any of them I make it a point to ask the driver where is his vehicle bound to. Some times, the drivers choose not to reply. I seriously feel like slapping the buster and flinging some choicest slangs at him. Come on what about the great Indian tradition of Customer being king?? Atleast minimum courtesy the dude can reply where his auto is going right? But no. Hmm.. Whatever.

The share autos don't go till my home. So from the last stop I have to haul another auto rickshaw and reach home. Each day I get to meet a new specimen of driver. Yesterday the driver wanted to get rid of me ASAP. At every intersection he asked, Madam shall I drop you here? Madam shall I drop you here? I was like WTH!!!!!! With the rudest voice, I shot back, Mister I will tell you where you have to drop me. Look at the road and drive on.

He gave the most sulky look any mortal could muster and muttered something about the distance being too much and I paying him peanuts. (It pays not to understand the language fully :) )

Each day of travel is a travail for me in fact.

Some Day!

Well.. Today I just had to write this post. Morning I was feeling so strongly about this issue that I decided no matter how much the work load, no matter what the deadline, no matter what is my state of mind, I will write this post.

First of all, commuting was problem number 1 for me. Work arounds were galore. But for me, travelling comfortably is of vital importance. No matter what, I should travel in utmost comfort, at any cost. And I am shelling out some Rs 200 per day for commuting. If we consider 20 working days per month this comes to Rs 4000 only. And per year ahem ahem a wooping 48K. People might find the numbers eye popping. But I have decided to turn a deaf ear to what others have to say. For me, I dont want to reach office drenched in sweat neither to I want to reach home pissed off because of travel. So better invest this money for peace of mind.

Anyways the mathematics of my travel cost has motivated me to lay 2009 July as the milestone date for owning a car. Amen.

Now for problem number 2.

One problem that peeves me to no end in life is Water Problem. And see my destiny - Chennai has no dearth of it. On all my prior stays at Chennai, I have been blessed with a really smooth existence. I some how loved being in this city. But now I feel, they were all baits by God to lure me :S

I had heard Chennai has water problems. Hmm there is a difference between hearing things and living them! :(

Every day I literally come prepared that some new water related problem will be there.

In our house, we have lines from which saline water comes. And there is a separate tap for fresh water in which the water comes for some 10-15 mins from 0730 hours. This water is stored in drums etc for cooking and bathing purposes.

2 days before I landed here, in our apartment provisions were made for 24 hrs supply of saline as well as fresh water. My joy knew no bounds. I some how dont get that fresh feeling if i take bath in stored water. So I was very happy with the arrangements.

But 2 weeks down the line, we got a circular from the apartment management, that the supply has not been able to meet the demands and some other lame excuses, so the old sys of 24hrs saline water supply and 10 mins fresh water will be the norm. I was like Ok fine.

It would have been all rosy dandy, if this had been the state of affairs. I was slowly getting acclimatised to using water sparingly (how I hated it initially ) . It was K who complained about my using a lot of water. I asked, You expect me to use less water. He said A lot LESS. That day onwards I mended my ways to suit Chennai :)

Ever since I became a good girl, water started throwing tantrums. Some day, the fresh water would not come for the adequate duration ending in all the drums not getting filled up. I would be pissed off that day. Some day salt water wont come for some time rendering the flushes and basin taps useless. I would be pissed off that day too. And now we have a new problem - no salt water but fresh water for 24hrs - means no use of any tap/flush in the house except for the one tap. I have forgotten the joy of opening a tap and water running down, small simple things I used to take for granted.

I remember when I was in school, and we were staying in dads government quarters for some years. There water used to come from 7-10 in the morning and 5-7 in the evening. That was BIG WATER PROBLEM for us. Apart from that, I have never faced any water woes, no matter in which part of India I have resided. Here when I told the same, my sister in law said," If fresh water comes daily for 10 minutes, people in Chennai say there is no water problem." I was shell shocked.

And today, when I came back from the gym, my mother in law was standing just like that(usually shes scurrying around the house) When asked she said, no fresh water also. So many emotions ran through me like :O :S :( :(( :'(

K had to push off first. So he took crows bath and left. And I was left waiting. The last thing I want to hear when I come back all sweaty from the gym is "There is no water" But that was the first thing I got to hear today.

The watchman said at length that water would be coming in some time. We waited and waited, all we got from the tap was a hiss. Since I was getting late, I asked my mother in law, if I could borrow a bucket of water from the ground floor residents in case they were getting it. She consented and accompanied me. But see my luck, we hardly filled half a bucket, water stopped running. Mom in law told me to wash face and leave for office. I geared myself for it. But when I stepped into the bathroom and saw the precariously less quantity of water, I balked. I decided, I will go late to office, but I wont go unclean.

I read and re - read the morning newspaper as I waited for water to come. Finally at 0930 hours there was water!! I felt like a villager in the movie Swades, just like they rejoiced for Bijli I was doing a hurray when water came!! I was smiling at the sight of water for a good 5 minutes!!

Pressure Cooker

I suffer from the pressure cooker syndrome badly I think. (This is a term coined by me for the knack of not expressing ones feelings then and there but keeping them pent up)

Currently I am going through the same so thought might as well write it down for future reference.

I am a person who does not give vent to her feelings to some people easily.
Its not that I am the egoist types who wants the whole world to come up to me and ask what’s wrong. It’s more like I try to under play my negative emotions.

If I am angry I try to forget it, rather not acknowledge the fact that I am angry. I try to carry on.
Some times this trick works beautifully. Its just makes sense not to harp on some emotions and go on as if nothing happened.
But then at other times as yesterday, it just goes on to wreck me.

Yesterday night I was very irked with a friend of mine. Now he has the penchant for teasing me big time.
Yesterday during a teasing session, my restrain snapped.
Rather than having a confrontation, I decided to sleep over it. (A TERRIBLE decision)



But.. it did not turn out to be one for those lovely days when I sleep within 30 seconds ( some of my friends are so jealous of this trait of mine.)
And I was fretting and fuming over what happened.
I was going through this endless cycle of re-play and analyze the sequence of conversation which ended up in me being all the more worked up.
I thought of all the worst case scenarios regarding all the future plans that I have laid. (I swear to be a die hard optimist.. But yesterday I was aghast at my own thoughts!! )
I was seething and simmering for a good 2 hours in bed :(
Generally if I don’t get sleep within 10 minutes I assume I am suffering from insomnia .I was nearly in the brink of tears yesterday trying to sleep for 2 hours :(

Today morning had some spillovers of yesterday night.
But I reached a pact with the friend of mine that next time I am going to be very vocal in case I get irritated.
Its now entirely my responsibility to stress which is the limit when he gets into teasing mode again
One should learn how to shirk from responsibilities from guys!
:D

The better half of the day has been wasted in me trying to make up for the sleep lost last night.
Dunno how I am planning to use the remaining time left.
I think I am gonna kill myself by the guillotine of guilt :)

Waiting for.. ?

I don’t know what I am waiting for. I feel as if I am anticipating something. As if something important is going to happen and I am all agog for it. Each day I am inching towards it. But what is it?

I have lots of important events lined up till early 2008. Have a lot of personal and professional commitments to be met. And each day is bringing me closer to them. As each day passes I kind of put a mental tick against that day. Ok. Done. Now next.

But then when I look back on the day that just went by, I feel, oh! No! Did I use it to the fullest? I love these words of Rudyard Kipling from the poem If

“If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run”

That’s what I feel at the end of each day.

Did I utilize it well?

Did I fill each unforgiving minute with worth?

Or was I a wastrel when it came to the 24 hours that just went by?

When I am pushing myself to do all the things that have to be done and that I want to do.. I say to myself… Hey slow down… Take it easy…

And if I let the pace slacken a bit… I reprimand myself… Oh Come on you are going to repent this. Get up and get going.

Argh! I am in such a fix :-(

And today I spoke to my room mate.

I could not take this tug of war any more.

So I just blurted out,”Such weird days aint these... I kind of feel restless”

And she was like, “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa very true... Even I feel like that. When the week starts I wait for the weekend.. And once the weekend comes I am like... Oh God when is this going to end. I don’t feel like doing anything at work. Life is just going on yaar. Even I don’t know what is going on. May be it’s the weather.”

Then I though yes!! Eureka. May be it’s the weather after all. We have not seen the sun since ages. It has either been raining or it’s been cloudy and chill. It’s all soggy and soppy all over. And that irritates me and my roomie dear big time. May be we are a bit under the weather (mentally though ;))

I am not sure.

But I just wish I get rid of this restless feeling.

I wish I stop putting those mental tick marks against days like a prisoner.

I wish I stop looking at the calendar once in a while and count days, weeks, months….

I wish I knew what am I waiting for.. :-(