24 hours

 The first 24 hours are the worst. That's when everything is fresh and everything hits hard. 

I climbed down to a much quieter and emptier house. As I was unloading the dishwasher this morning I was reminded of my annoying mummy loading it yesterday to give me some respite for one last time this year. I made one cup of coffee while for the past 4 weeks I was used to making one for papa as well on the working days. 

As Chiyaa left for school I thought about yesterday. She said her goodbyes to Tubi and Aja. She cried a lot, they cried a lot. Today she left with excitement to be on a trip with her friends (a happy coincidence). And my parents are in Dubai waiting for the next flight to home. 

Yesterday I did my school pickups without mummy beside me. Today I will watch Pumpki doing her swim lesson without mummy beside me. I will come home to no questions from papa about how Pumpki did. 

Each thought   is a sucker punch. Each wave of emotion is tough. As I go through the day I keep thinking how they would have felt when they say this, what they would think of such and such. My parents have seen it all but I feel wish they were here to see it again. The first 24 hours are the toughest till we get used to routine. 

My favourite holiday

 My favourite holiday is when my parents are with me. And I had the awesome opportunity of having them for a month from September to today. With my parents around it is a strange warmth. It is a mix of nostalgia and moving on. 

My father is the routine bound person who adheres to his schedule with passion. His meal times, his walks, his sports viewing , his news viewing  - every thing goes on with an  absolute accuracy of time. Being a bit out of his comfort zone in the UK and given his age he is a bit dependant on us for every need of his. It makes me feel sad for the cruelty time inflicts on us. But at the same time it also makes me feel happy to be able to take care of him in this reversed roles state.

My mom is also much weakened. Her legs annoy her and her stamina is lower. Still she's always there. Aggressively cleaning the dishes and loading the dishwasher, preparing meals with such love and always ready to make her oh so amazing tea. Today till they left the house she was doing one thing or the other - cooking, cleaning, making extra tea  and even offered to keep a cup for my sister and I to have later. Her love is something that is not of this world.

This year I was lucky to experience Durga Puja with them. I am not a religious person. But Puja has a certain vibe for me maybe because of the school holidays that were a part and parcel of it growing up. We went to see a couple of celebrations in Leeds. Though they were nothing compared to the pomp and show back home it was still joyful spending the time with papa mummy and experiencing the difference. Instead of the traditional prasad we ended up having pizzas since we were too tired to cook. The novelty of it just warmed my heart. 7 of us, 3 generations all wrapped in the warmth of love and companionship. It was just surreal.

But God had another surreal surprise in store for us. The Northern Lights! We had missed the first show on 10th of May. It was my sisters birthday in May on the night of the aurora sightings all over UK. We had missed it. But on 10th of October we were not to be fooled! We were lucky to view the spectacle from our house. It was amazing, splendid, unprecedented and exciting! I just can't thank God enough for letting me experience it with my parents.

I will only thank my good fortune and Almighty for having such lovely enriching experiences with my parents. I hope they enjoyed it too. We will hopefully host them soon again. We will hopefully make more memories together again. We will hopefully enjoy the warmth of each other's company again. Till then we will endure this separation and live through the emptiness. 

Just a day trip

 The kids' summer holidays are on in full swing. We have not planned much this time because of various work and home commitments. Also being a Guide Dogs puppy raiser needed our availability. So it was more to be a one day at a time thing. 

Papa is an avid botanist who harboured the interest to visit The Kew gardens in London. We planned a trip to visit the gardens. My sis, Mummy and Papa went a day prior to the visit. K, the kids and I were to make a day trip. Our onward train was at 0715 and we were to return at 1910. A quick and easy day trip - what could go wrong?

Well it seems like a lot. 😉

The day before our journey we got a message in the evening that our train had been cancelled. We had the option to take any train either before or after the slated time. We thought we would take the one before at 0645. It would be an even earlier start, but probably we could avoid much of the crowd which would probably decide to come later. We woke up at the unearthly hour of 0530 to start. As predicted by K, the train was quite sparsely populated. We managed to get some real good shut eye. We reached London at 0855 and as usual were hit by the vibrancy of the place 😀

We made our way to the gardens. It was a sweltering 29 degrees. As a result Chiyaa who has an Eczema condition was having a bad flare up. She kept getting annoyed as her skin irritated her. It was not turning out to be her day😔 We had to keep applying a lotion on her. Seeing her in such difficulty made us all worried and anxious. It was getting quite exhausting for all of us to walk through the garden as well. The place is not a small park, it is 300 acres full of plants from all over the world kept in various climate controlled set ups. Some of the greenhouses were quite difficult to go through because of the immense heat. 30-35 degrees seemed unbearably hot. But we persevered. We managed to cover quite a bit. It was very exhausting but enriching experience. We learned oh so much! A little bit of cloud cover could have made life so much easier, but we can only hope.

1600 we decided to make our way back to London King's Cross to get our train back to Leeds. We bagged some dinner and got on our 1910 train. My sis and parents had the train at 2015, an hour after us. We said goodbyes and got on the train. 10 minutes into the journey the train stopped! 

The driver informed us that someone had been hit by a train along the route, hence we would be stalled for some time! This had been quite a day. But just when we thought we were 2 hours away from the comfort of our homes, we had this! The rest of the story needs another post 😉

The planets align again!

 I didn't think it would ever happen again. For the planets align only once in a lifetime isn't it? But they did again! And we ended up celebrating papa and K's birthday in person together again! 

The birthday week kick started with mummy 's on the 4th of July. It was a busy day. Chiyaa had an open evening at her to be secondary school. The evening was packed. But we managed to get some cake and chicken for mummy in the afternoon since we expected a busy evening. It was a lovely sunny day. Mummy enjoyed a nice little walk with my sister. Papa mowed the lawn and did some cleaning activities around the house. It was the proper countdown to their return as papa kept saying. They are slated to go back to India on 2nd August and we could feel the pangs of separation as the birthday week approached. But then life goes on and we take pleasure in the small things that are bestowed upon us. I was happy that again mummy was with the people she literally dotes the most. She is also a very closed person with a small social circle which mostly entails family. She is closest to her daughters and loves being with her grand-daughters. So, I was pretty sure that, with no gifts, no big celebrations, she was still at her most satisfied.

3 days later it was K and Papa's birthday. By the stroke of luck it was a school holiday for the kids for teacher training. It was just pure coincidence and again something that had never happened before!! We took the day off and planned a day trip to York. Pumpki had gone there to a chocolate museum and she was keen that we all go there and experience what she had. And here Wham! came another brilliant coincidence. It was World Chocolate Day! It was all getting tied in a neat little parcel by some divinity. The trip at York's Chocolate Story was quite good. We stopped by for some lunch and then walked over one of the parts of the Roman walls that were built to protect the city of York. It was quite an experience. But by this time, the sun was getting on everyone's nerves. It was becoming a bit too hot and tiring especially for the kids and Papa. There were a lot more sights to see, but we decided to take the train back home. We quite enjoyed the trip and it was a wrap to a good day spent together.  

The days together might be drawing to an end, but we are so loving all the sweet moments that we can capture. I could not thank God enough for these days. 

Parents are annoying indeed!

 You remember when I wrote about my super duper annoying parents? Well they have proven to be more so with the passing years. 

My sister had gone to India to visit them during the Christmas vacations. During one of the video calls, I mentioned that it had been nearly years since I had mutton curry and had in fact forgotten the taste of it. Not that I am a bit mutton eater or even a non veg eater for that matter. 

But it was something my parents registered. The day before my sister was to start, Papa got the best mutton he could find. Mummy sweated for hours to make her signature curry. They froze it so that it remained fresh for the more than 24 hours it had to spend in different modes of transport to cross continents. And finally I had a taste of mummy made most deletable mutton curry ever! Every spoon tasted of love and concern and the undying commitment my parents have for their kids. In our younger days they did their bit of guiding and scolding. But now that we are adults, when they pamper us with these small but super meaningful gestures, it feels like divinity itself. No one spoils an adult like their parents!!

How it unfolded

 August was the summer holidays so luckily Papa, Mummy ended up spending a lot of time with us. They were to depart from the UK on a Monday, so we had a Covid test booked for them for the Saturday. We went to the city centre to get the test done. After that, we had some food stuff to get for K from one of his favourite shop. As we made the trek, we bought a hummus and falafel wrap and some cakes from the shop. We ventured through the farmer's market and got a few veggies in the kitty too. It was very pleasant to be walking around with Papa Mummy, unbothered by the kids or other worries. I really felt like a child going to the market with her parents. 

Once back home, we had the finishing touches on the packing and weighing to be done. The evening was spent chatting and calling up friends and saying final goodbyes over Whatsapp video. 

Sunday was the big day. Mummy was in full form. She kneaded some flour, made dosa batter. She also made a truckload of pakoras. It reminded me of the time when she was posted in a different city from Papa, my sis and I. She used to come to us over holidays and before going back, she would cook at break neck speed. She would stash the fridge with curries and snacks. Some would even go bad eventually. But that never deterred her from working just as hard in stocking the fridge the next time she came.

She was very keen on going for her evening walk one last time. And I was very keen on going for one last evening walk with her. So as soon as the kids had their "TV time", the mother-daughter duo scooted off. Every time we went for a walk, like a child Mummy would ask me if we can go this way or that. And I would agree and we would end up finding a new way. On that day too we took a new route, went through some dilapidated buildings. Mummy said "One last time, I wanted to see all this scenery and etch this in my mind" We love talking about plants and flowers, gardens and houses during our walks. Beside her that evening, I wasnt sure when I was going to have the pleasure of her company again. 

The evening was jam packed. We finally received our Covid negative results. But it was not a smooth sailing. We received Papa's results, but not Mummy. What ensued was frantic calls to the clinic. We had paid a lot of money for the private tests. We were informed that the test had gone "missing". We still had time, but it was harrowing. Finally, 90 minutes later, we received the results. After that we had to fill in 1001 forms. First there was something with British Airways, then a form with New Delhi Airport, then a record with Air Suvidha, and exemption report with Air Suvidha and a gazillion other things. Papa Mummy had a kilo of documentation to carry each. Thank God we have a printer at home :D What came forth with all that documentation was a good amount of fear too. We hoped that all the paper work was in order. 

The next day, they started off at 0830 leaving tears in their eyes and ours. They had a long journey. They reached London from Manchester. They had an over night stay in a hotel there. We were very nervous about this, since London is not familiar territory. Given their age, they were also a bit nervous. Luckily, they approached someone who showed them the way to the hotel. The hotel was very comfortable and they had a much needed rest and internet connection. This resulted in calls to us and to my sister. 

A special mention to that little girl of mine. My sister knew that I would be a bit upset and hence kept on calling me sporadically. We were feeling very distraught. To keep our minds off the matter, we got some lunch from outside. Then we went for a good long walk in the nearby woods. It was a holiday for us, and I would not be wrong in saying, that it was a an awful day. 

The next day, Papa Mummy had their onward flight to New Delhi. After 11.5 hours they finally reached Matribhoomi! The quarantine exemption approval had been accepted by Delhi government and thankfully Papa Mummy had received the email during their stay in London. They were able to come through immigration quite quickly. They had a further 7 hour long wait for their domestic flight to Bhubaneswar. Finally after 60 hours of leaving their home in UK, they reached their home in Bhubaneswar. 

My sister had ordered most grocery and food stuffs online which had been delivered to our tenant. The house had been cleaned by our help the previous day. What had seemed very very harrowing, was luckily a smooth and peaceful journey. 

Parents are so annoying

 They leave and we are left with all the emptiness.

It is so weird to turn the intruder alarm off when I wake up in the morning, because for the past 8 and a half months Papa who used to wake around 5 was in charge of it. 

It is disconcerting to walk downstairs and find every room dark. Mummy who used to wake up next used to ensure that all the curtains were drawn back and the rooms were awash with light. If it was one of the chill mornings,she would also turn the heater on to get the rooms to just the right temperature.

Mummy would not even let me make my morning glass of warm water and cup of coffee. She would ask me to log in straight away and bring the two things to my desk. 

Papa had a keen eye on the weather and used to advise us which day would be best to do the laundry and put the clothes out for drying. Being the economically wise one, he didn't want us to waste electricity in running the tumble drier. 

Papa would clean vaccum the house every alternate day, clean the windows and even the toilets and bath once a week.

Mummy of course had taken over the kitchen.

K and I had time to go on runs on a weekend morning. We used to go grocery shopping together leaving the kids at home. All this was taken for granted and normal. 

We had immense help, even for childcare. But the most important thing we had was the vibes. 

There was a genuine feeling of love and warmth. There was a flow of conversation. Out of the blue we would start discussing politics or economics or people and relatives. We would play wordscapes which a word game or word search. Mummy would whip up delicacies just like that. Her uber simple cabbage curry or her decadent carrot halwa or the awesome jhal muri which is a dry and spicy version of bhel puri with hot ginger tea on rainy mornings without anyone asking for it - it was nothing but love. 

I made a trip to the supermarket yesterday and I had a blob in my throat when I saw a melon. Mummy and I would cut and much through an entire fruit in one afternoon with Pumpki joining in. As I went through the biscuits aisle I realised we wouldn't need rich tea biscuits for a long time. We don't eat them, but it was a regular when papa mummy were here. 

The house is cleaner now, since there is way less cooking and less people. The rooms are stark and empty. There is a coldness in everything. Everything reeks and smells of them. It is weird. We are going through the motions of living, but it feels weird. As if an important thread is missing. We are at a weird stage in life where our mental age is closer to our parents. So we understand them and I am sure they see themselves in us. It was a lovely stress free time that we had. We will take a while to recover and stop missing them. 

The planets had aligned

Papa simply wished to celebrate the birthday of his grand daughters. That was his plan for his trip to UK 2 years ago. He also harbored a secret desire to make a trip to the London Natural History Museum. He had plans to return in March 2020 after Chiyaa's birthday celebration in February. The day her birthday party was held, he said the words "What a great celebration! Now time for return " But! Man proposes God disposes eh? Come March and we know what hit the world :D All plans cancelled, including the tickets for London. Everything in the back burner and Papa and Mummy were slated to be here for a long run.

My sister teased them on the day the tickets were cancelled that, "Ah! you are going to stay for your birthdays too" Papa and Mummy have their birthdays in July. Sitting in April, July seemed a faraway time. Mummy was confident they would travel by the end of May when her tickets were scheduled. Well, everything was up in the air wasnt it. Including sweepstakes happening at work where people were betting on when we might return to work place.

April went and with it May. Things were a bit better in June but the lockdown was not going anywhere. Till the PM of Britain gave the news of "non-essential businesses" opening from the 4th of July. On Mummy's birthday! Yay! Not that we were going to do much! But still yay! This was the fourth time Mummy was with me for her birthday, since I got married. (My life after marriage is like a watershed moment for me ;) Its like Before Marriage and After Marriage :D ) She was in the UK one time to take care of Chiyaa since she was keeping very unwell. After that, I managed to be with her one other time, since I was in India for my second maternity leave following the birth of  Pumpki. Mummy again managed to be with me when she landed in Ipswich for her birthday, again to support us through the difficult time of K's job hunt. And this! This might be the last time she is around for her birthday, since we do not anticipate our parents coming in that frequently. The kids are growing up, making their own independent worlds. And our parents are aging too. I did not desire to go out and go shopping for a birthday gift for her. But how could I not gift her anything? So, we made something. I made the kids make drawings with acrylic paint on cups. It was very exciting especially for the little one to be engaged in this secret activity. We closed the door to a bedroom and got busy with our work. There was a moment where she had to step outside and had to get some stationery. Mummy happened to come across her and asked her what she was doing. That four year old little one lied through her teeth "We are exercising". Mummy asked where. She said "In mummy and daddy's room" When Mummy asked what exercise she was doing, she convincingly replied " Just normal exercise, press ups".

God that little one is dangerous! I clarified to Mummy that they were making cards in secret. The real special gift was a secret. Since Mummy is an avid walker, I decided to get some walking shoes for her. Now I am an absolute dud when it comes to making cakes. And the kids would not let me live if i did not order a cake on a birthday. But where would I get a cake from given the situation. I scoured the internet and came across some bakers. Some were not offering their services yet, some were super busy, some did not respond. God! I was reaching a road block. I found some online sites. But which one to trust. Finally I took a leap of faith and ordered from a place which guaranteed to send it by the date. Fingers crossed now.

Come her birthday, the kids were super excited. They did not want to wait at all. They ran into her room as soon they woke up and gave her the gifts. The joy on Mummy's face was beyond expression. We had plans for lunch from a takeaway. Once that was on the way, I got the cake. The cake was all right though a bit sweet. I decided to go for the same place for Papa and K's birthday which was 3 days away. 

Mummy was very glad at the end of the day since this was first time in ages that her birthday had been celebrated! The last time was a decade ago when her students from college had come in and surprised her. I felt very glad to be able to have her around me. 

I remembered that around the same time last year, I was hoping I could have my parents over for summer. Around the May-July time when it is really hot in India and quite pleasant here. But it needed some miracle of sorts to come true. There are no school holidays during that time and my parents would not like to be at home without the grandkids hovering around. They prefer even bearing the bone chilling winter, just because the children are around for Christmas holidays. So having them over for the English spring/summer was a far off dream. But you never know do you?! It was as if God just sat on my shoulder and heard my prayers. I will be eternally grateful to him for facilitating this for our family. Not only were my parents spared the Indian summer, they had the kids around too! Since March. It was a once in a lifetime event. The stars needed serious aligning for this to work. 

For this time and also for 7th July. The dual celebration of Papa and K's birthdays! I always bask in the fact that my two favourite men share the same birthday. I had them together for the first time ever. It was also the day when it was 10 years since I arrived in the UK. That morning I had bid a tearful bye to Papa after wishing him a very happy birthday. And in the evening I had landed in UK to wish him a happy birthday. Now in 2020, I was with both of them again, wishing them both a happy birthday. This seriously needed some supreme divine intervention. This was indeed again another once in a lifetime event. 

As the day wound to a close, the chapter of birthdays drawing to a finish, all I do was thank my lucky stars.

A speedy recovery

It has been a week. I can say that though I miss his presence, I am not crestfallen. In a nutshell, I feel normal.

The day he started it was a crazy busy day. I came in to work. I had to rush back to Chiyaa’s school for a meeting with her headteacher around mid day. Then at the end of the work day I had to leave Leeds to goto Oxford for a training. It was  a very hectic and jam packed day. The impending travel did not help me get over my emotions regarding Papa’s departure. I would have loved to mull over and think about the time spent with him. But I was going through the motions of the day in a rather robotic fashion. As I said in my post a week ago, I just felt numb. 

My training was slated till lunch time. I thought I would take a train around 1300 and manage to reach home by 1800. That way I would be with the kids before they went to bed. Yes! It was the first time I was away  from the kids for a night! Even when I used to travel to Leeds from Ipswich, I would make the grueling journey back the same day so that they did not sleep without me. But for this particular journey, the timings of the trains were very weird. Mummy was confident that she could handle them. She  was also insistent that I need not take unearthly train times just to be with the kids. It was important that I rested and had a relaxed journey. Well as relaxed as I could have while thinking about things back home! It did not help that I had to go to an unknown place and face unknown people. My manager had very kindly agreed to accompany me. She did not need to, but she decided to come along on the 4 hour long journey just to keep me company. Since my manager was coming along, the HR rep, who sits in the office in Oxford, decided to keep a meeting with all of us in the afternoon from 3-4. The meeting invite came close to the time I was about to log off. I checked with my manager as to what would I do during the gap from the training to the meeting. She assured that there would be plenty to get on with. In spite of that, I somehow felt very shattered that I would be late to return home. And I felt shattered that papa had gone back. I rushed to the rest room and cried out. I cried till there were  no more tears left. I needed  it. 

We started off to the station. On  the way there a problem in the rail network. We had to get down and get the subsequent train which was an hour later. There were further delays and reschedules. We finally reached our destination 1.5 hours later than scheduled! 

I was checking on the kids. They were fine ( or so was reported.) Chiyaa had a rare treat of watching a movie on a week night. Pumpki was kind enough to sleep off early. So it seemed relatively peaceful. The training went good. I was graced with the wonderful presence of my manager who was lovely  company. There was never a dull moment with her. And I never felt awkward of inhibited either that I was with my boss. She was just a normal person having everyday conversations with another person. The return was uneventful though delayed. Since I had clocked close to 10 hours in travel, I was due for some time off. During the return journey , she kindly mentioned that I would be totally ok to take the Friday off if I wanted to. And I am not the one to say no to time off :D 

Once I was back home I was given the real low down on how the kids had been. While I was away at Oxford, the kids had behaved relatively well, though Pumpki had thrown some tantrum at night. She wanted MUMMY! And was demanding that I come :D Poor dear, she did not now mummy was away – far far away. Know what, at times during the journey I felt so exasperated. I was going really far from home and with the delays and railways issues, I felt so stuck. I could not go ahead or return. I was just stuck. And I imagined myself on the map of England being really really far from home. I am quite a visalisations person. Same reason I love seeing the flight itinerary when we travel. As I was travelling papa was travelling too. I kept checking the live flight updates. I could sense him slowly go farther and farther from me – geographically at least. He had reached safely and had spoken  with the kids. The kids unfortunately could not fathom what was up. Chiyaa understood  that he was in  India, but she  was too busy with her school and extra curricular activities to fully appreciate what was happening. . Pumpki was a bit clueless. But it seems whenever there was a knock, she used to say its Ajaa. Since she had not gone to her regular day care session, her routine was not the same as every other day. So she did not feel the difference of the absence of her grandpa. 

But time heals. Time moves on. As Roomie dear said, if I read the last post when papa is here next time, I would realise how fast time has gone. In fact reading it today makes me realise that a week has gone. I had the Friday off and mummy and I had plans to just venture out and clear our heads. We had had quite stressful couple of days. We had a simple meal of burger and milk shake which she enjoyed a lot! (She has very low demands!) . The weekend passed with the kids and here I am having survived yet another Monday. 

Time heals and I have recovered. A part of me misses papa , as will always.

The numbness

The numbness is weird. I am supposed to feel sad, anxious, uncomfortable. But I am not feeling any of it. I am feeling weird for sure. I wish I could crawl into bed and  lie in this numb state. Or  talk to my mom or my sister. 

Papa has left for India and I  feel blank. 

 K and I had plans of taking the day off, as we tend to do when a parent leaves for India. But Chiyaa had a day off because her school was closed on the Friday. So I took the day off to be with her. And of course to be with papa and mummy and Pumpki. It felt like it would be better use of a holiday to be with papa rather than to think about him after he has left. Since I am on a shoe string holiday allowance in the new place, I did not have any more leaves to take. 

On Friday we planned to finish off some official work during the morning. Once that was done, we  went for lunch nearby. Five of us marched  on to the pub to have some  classic British pub food. It was delicious. But more importantly we all had an immensely good time. We laughed, we shared stories, the girls even played with the dog of the pub owner. It was amazing fun. 

Thankfully I was not counting down to the day papa would leave. I was being calm and enjoying the moment. I knew I had three days and I was to make the most of it.  The next day was quiet. Papa continued with his writing and text book work while we were busy with chores with kids. Sunday I made plans to go to the city center to enjoy the city lights and Christmas decorations. Papa was quite keen to have a last look at them all. He  enjoys and soaks in the sights and sounds of the city. But rain played spoil sport. It was too soaky and papa wasn't too keen to venture out. Mummy, the kids and I stepped out. We had a lot of fun though we missed papa. We chatted late into the night.

 Today  when I woke up in the morning papa was already up and at the dining table.  He said his fun time was over. I knew he was feeling torn inside. He is also a very nervous traveller. So I was very worried about his state of mind. He seemed ok in the morning. He started to finish the final preparations for the journey.

Chiyaa  likes papa a lot. More than she likes mummy to be honest. Papa didn't want her to be tormented by the information that he would be travelling to India soon. So it was only over the weekend K told her that ajaa was travelling back. She has a different way of dealing with things. She asked him who would vaccum the house when he was gone ( papa used to vaccum the house everyday. She used to be annoyed if she was watching TV or he asked her to move.) That she was asking for it made us feel so sad. She also said that he had promised 6 months but he was going back earlier. We were not sure how Chiyaa would handle his absence. 

 Chiyaa woke up and was very subdued. She had her breakfast and was about to go on to get ready. Papa came back all dressed. Not seeing papa at the dining table as other days, she had assumed he had left. So she was acting quiet. When she saw him, she hugged him. No words said. No tears shed. She only hugged him. Papa was crying bitterly. He  managed to say “I love you.”

We all got ready to start to our respective work places. Pumpki also woke up and sat with Papa. It was heartbreaking. The silence, the waiting for the cab to come. It finally did and papa managed to say “take care, become even better when I come next time. I will only see you in videos till we meet again”. I was sad, but I knew it was inevitable that he leave.

I hope to have a good cry tonight and get rid of the numbness.

100 days

Papa doesn’t speak much. But once in a while he can be very vocal. When he opens up, he can speak his heart out. So yesterday he was quite emotional all of a sudden. What triggered it was a mix of events. Yesterday mummy got some stuff from the market which he will take back to India to give to family and friends. He will be returning to India in a few more weeks L The knowledge of the fact makes me very sad. In fact this Monday I was discussing with my sister, that I have exactly 3 more weekends with Papa which I am sure will just fly by. But when all the stuff came and he had to put them in his bag, the reality hit him. 

He usually spends his time writing the book he is authoring if the children are busy by themselves or we are watching over them. Yesterday even though there was spare time, he did not get on with writing. He was just sitting. He looked dull and lack luster. Finally when K was around, he said, “Today I have completed 100 days here. There are 19 more days to go.” ( As I type this, I get tears in my eyes. I can visualize, how empty the dining table will look without his books. He does not have much stuff around, his clothes etc are all neatly packed up. He is a very tidy man. Its only his books which are always by the window sill near the dining table. He keeps mentioning that he messes the look of our dining space! He will be retuning in a few days and the lack of books will haunt me). Anyways I don’t think I can help that. He said he really loved the stay and he had never been away from home for so long. But he had thoroughly enjoyed the 100 days. He said, he would dearly miss the kids and wished them all the luck. He was getting tears by this point. K tried to diffuse the situation by saying that they should make many more frequent trips while the kids are young and are enjoying the pampering of grandparents. Papa went on to say how he was tied up with commitments related to books, the community he manages and his teaching duties. But he said he would come again for sure.

As K moved away, Papa went on to speak about some old photos my sister had sent. They were picture of us four when we were kids. He said they made the whole life seem like a dream. Memories flooded him. He remembered everything, from the day he had come to see mummy as an alliance ( the day that kick started everything J ) , the day he had to leave mummy and go for his posting after marriage, and how she stood at the window waving him goodbye, the day they first fought and he left home without eating and mummy came behind him to call him back for food, the days prior to I being born when he had to travel from Calcutta to Cuttack in the midst of a cyclone and had to get some sweets from a derelict shop since all others were closed.. the list of memories went on. He said he appreciated our struggles and mummy and he were always behind us to support us whenever we needed. But during their days they did not have anyone and managed everything between them. There was no support or friends or family around – and between work and transfers and school runs and all life’s challenges we moved on. It all seemed like a dream. 

It definitely made me count my blessings. Even mil had a tough time raising her children after K’s dad passed away. She did not receive any help from family. But life has a way of carving itself out.

As we face out struggles, our challenges and gain our rewards, I felt thankful to our parents for raising us the way they have raised us and for helping us to raise our future.

Together, depart, repeat

The air has got that crisp dryness which announces the advent of Durga Puja. My favourite time of the year. The other day Mummy was putting some of her clothes away in her suitcase and she thought, 'the time for packing has come'. There is still a little over a month for her to start back to India, but I have already started preparations. I have started steeling myself, that in some more weeks, it would be mad crazy getting ready in the morning, it would be real empty coming back to a vacant house in the evening and it will be very weird seeing the second bedroom lying unused.

The first half of her stay (I divided her stay into Before Papa Came And After Papa Left) seemed way quicker. Maybe I was eagerly waiting for Papa to come that I was willing time to pass quickly. Time for a change heard my wishes. Or maybe it was the peak of summer and we had so many things to do, so many places to be that we did not realise the flow of days. Papa was here for a short time of 3 weeks. The time Before The Trip went on at a slow pace but After Trip was just about winding down. I miss our coffee sessions. Papa and I have this funny quirk. We love picking peanuts from Indian Mixtures when we are  having coffee in the evening. We literally used to have contests to grab the next visible peanut first. I find no fun in eating all the peanuts by myself now. The short walks with him, the general chit chat… well I still see all the pictures of his time here every night before going to bed. Chiyaa took some time to realise that Ajaa (that's what she calls Papa) was missing. I think for the first few days she thought he has gone somewhere and will be back. On the fourth day, she kept searching for him at the places he used to hide during their peek-a-boo sessions. Then she started dragging Mummy to search for him outside. At one point, she would pick up any available phone and say 'talk to Ajaa' and start blabbering something. On seeing any elderly gentleman with a coat she would start jumping and saying 'Ajaa'. Slowly she has come to terms that Ajaa would appear on the computer only. It breaks my heart to see her thus. She is innocent, she does not realise, and she will forget. But wish we could have everything we want at one place.

A month down the line, the same would be the case for Tubi(that’s what she calls my mom. :D) But I  have got my lessons learnt after Papa's stay. I try to max up the time with Mummy. K wonders, what do we talk everyday? I can tell him the exact details, but I know that would put him to sleep. We discuss clothes, banking, coding, colleagues, work experiences, spirituality, books, movies and what not! Even if we had an infinite number of days together, we would still talk this much.  This time, I will have Mummy with me for Durga Puja. She will also spend Diwali here but start 2 days after that. It is some consolation that she will be around for some important functions. We may not do anything out of the world, but at least we have got some more company.

We are already making plans for our next India trip and for getting Amma here again. I wish we could make more frequent trips to home like some people do, but with a toddler and 2 jobs it’s difficult. We are thinking about what to do in the long run. There are too many parameters, but I keep reiterating, when the time comes, we will look at one deciding factor and take a call. Till then these sine wave periods  of tremendous joy and bitter agony will continue.

You took a little bit of cheer away

Papa started back to India today. It was only 3 weeks back that he got here. It seems like yesterday that we were worried about him travelling all by himself . He's already gone back and halfway home :(

Papa talks to me about very different things. We discuss genetically modified foods, population of countries, immigration rules- you get the flow :) Once we have discussed something we are  quiet but I really enjoy having those discussions with him. I always learn a lot. Sometimes I teach him too :) I also immensely enjoy having the morning and evening coffee with him. He especially likes the brew I make. He savours the biscuits with coffee as much as I do. It is good fun sipping coffee and munching biscuits with someone who loves every bite and sip as much as you do. 

He is a big fan of walking. When we were kids, I 10 years old and my sis around 5, we used to go for evening walks every day with him. I still enjoy any opportunity to just walk with papa. Evenings I used to come home , have the coffee with mummy and papa and then walk with him to get Chiyaa from the daycare. It was just like old days, walking with him, talking about something current. The days I would not be able to wrap up work early I would go directly to the daycare and papa would have already reached there with a banana or an apple or a piece of cake to give the kitten on the way back. Such simple things but it gave me immense joy! 

Chiyaa also took to him very easily. He was not cautious with her at all. The moment he reached he picked her up and started jumping. From that moment he became VIP for her. He had to take her to the toilet, give her food and water, put her to sleep , play with her. Boy did they play rough- shouting at the top of their voices , running around with Chiyaa chasing him on her bicycle , putting stickers together , and a host of other activities. He loved taking her to the park, pushing her pram for giving her a stroll and doing anything related to her. He also did a lot of work around the house, getting the grocery, putting the trash away, cleaning odd bits . I used to always come back to a house that was clean and well stocked. I cannot thank my parents enough for just taking on the mantle of keeping my house in order. If I had to go anywhere, absolutely anywhere he would accompany me. If he was tired, I would ask him to get some rest since I was used to doing things alone. He would say he was aware I could do it alone and I would anyways be all my myself in sometime, but if he was around , he preferred coming with me. 

It was a very nice experience having him around. He was very different from mummy when it came to being in changed circumstances. He complained about the cold but quickly appreciated the cleanliness. He missed the variety of Indian vegetables but loved the quality of potatoes and cauliflowers so much that he said he won't have them bday more back home . He relished the coffee while disliking the tea. He always kept the balance. If he expressed his lack of appreciation for something he was quick to praise something else. 

There are so many things I wish I had done with him. Taken him to so many places, bought him a burrito from an eat out  that makes amazing ones, got him a pair of sports shoes, had more coffee with him, taken more holidays to just hang around with him. But ... 

He hid his feelings prior to his departure. He spoke about his anxiousness to travel but not about missing us. I would notice him suddenly put a hand in Chiyaa's head as she played and I knew he would miss her. Today morning she wasn't even awake when he started. We asked him to come to her room and see her. He came in and said 'sleeping' mimicking the way she says. Then he stroked her head, kissed her and walked out with a big sob. He was falling apart. 

What terrible torture it is to go away after having spend such wonderful time together. It pained me to see my papa, my hero sit in the taxi and wave me goodbye without looking back at me. 

Chiyaa felt something was different but she could not place her finger on it. As I saw his towel  which he left since it wasn't dry, I felt a blob in my throat. The place where his shaving kit stood all the while in the bathroom stared back emptily. The house felt stark. Papa I wish you could have been here longer. :(

An eventful trip

The last Bank Holiday of the summer got over on Monday. We had planned a trip to Belfast with Mummy and Papa. It was marked with lots of events :)

1. The morning flight was at 0835. K is not a jittery traveller. He is a VERY VERY jittery traveller - the kind who can spend the night in the airport if encouraged. He said we were going to reach 2 hours before. That is 0635! Since the airport is in a city that is 1 hour away, we had to start at 0530. ( It was not necessary since it was a domestic flight and we did not even have any check in luggage.) But K ko kaun samjhaye?? We had booked a cab. To add fuel to fire the cab driver messaged and said he could come early. K was ecstatic . He advanced the ETD much to my chagrin . Which principle of project management recommends you to do this? Like people of Pompeii fleeing the lava we scurried and got into the cab.

The driver seemed like a Kumbh Mela bichda bhai of K. He asked us to hide the kid since traffic cameras might spot us with a child on the lap which is illegal . Try hiding a toddler who is as slippery as eel. The hour long journey seemed an eternity after which we all heaved a sigh of relief.

2. The name of the hotel in our booking reference was Hilton Belfast TemplePatrick. Since we were totally new to the city, we said the name to the cab driver at the airport. He said it was a 25 mins drive. It seemed a bit strange since we were sure, it was some 10 minutes away. Well, we could have been mistaken. So we went ahead and reached the hotel. All the while, we were totally buying the cab driver's offer to take us on local tours. We reached the hotel and our booking was not to be found. Weird. We searched our printouts, the lady at the desk searched her records, there was nothing to be found. Ultimately we realised, we were supposed to be at Hilton TemplePatrick while we had been deposited at Hilton Belfast. Urgh. We had to back track 20 minutes, not to mention the money lost and the time wasted. The cab driver also lost some future customers. Hmpf! 

3. Most of our trips post Chiyaa revolve around her. So the first stop was a zoo! I was very keen for the zoo, since it housed elephants. We have been to a lot of zoos but never seen one with the pachyderm. We decided to give it a go. It was very thrilling to watch all the different animals. Penguins, giraffes, elephants and flamingos particularly appealed to Chiyaa. Papa was especially excited to see giraffes and sea lions. So the zoo was a resounding success. We decided to book our return cab by the same company whose cab had ferried us from the incorrect hotel to the correct one ;) They estimated the time of arrival at 30 minutes away. We started winding up our tour as we neared the 30 minutes deadline. 40 minutes gone, no sign of the cab. 60 minutes gone, no sign of the cab yet! It was getting colder, windier and evening was setting on. Chiyaa's susceptibility to cold worried us. K rang the company and there was no response. The zoo was not in the middle of the city either. It was on top of a hill and coming down on foot would have been a challenge for Mummy and Papa. At long last, 70 minutes later, we got a call informing us the cab slated for us had met with an accident and a backup was on its way for us. The back up reached 1 hour and 45 minutes after we had placed our initial call! It was really a tiresome wait, trying to keep the kid engaged while battling the cold and the wind.

4. We reached our rooms and we did not need anything more than Mummy-made-room-coffee. She can breathe life with the bare minimum elements. It had been a really long day. All we needed was some shut eye. 

5. We spent most of the next day roaming the coast of Belfast in a cab. It was a very picturesque drive . Once we reached the hotel, Chiyaa seemed to be having a temperature. It had come from nowhere. We were worried sick. We applied lots of menthol balms and hoped and prayed that she got well soon. 

6. By God's grace the temperature had receded the next day. It was mostly tours of the city in an hop in hop off bus . Now the little birdie was not very happy being seated in the bus for long durations. She kept singing twinkle twinkle little stars at a volume such that stars could also hear it! There were moments when the tour guide had to stop talking till her voice receded ;)  She went on her singing spree. We tried to keep her a bit quieter by giving her a sticker book. She loves stickers!!! She was engrossed for sometime till the driver had to brake suddenly . She hit her head on the front board. She let out a wail. And kept crying for a good 15 minutes. There was nothing that could pacify her. The guide literally hushed for the while duration. The poor bunny tired herself and slept off after that :(

7. We retired early the next day too since as usual we had an early morning flight and as usual K was the panic cat. I had set the alarm for 4 since we were checking out at  5. Around 0420 there was a loud knock at the door. Guess what? Yes we had slept through the alarm . We did not have any check in luggage. And we had managed to carry a toothpaste which was more than 100 gms on weight. It was dumped by security on the onwards flight. Papa's toothpaste had survived since it was a smaller tube. So we were sharing that . Since we had not gone to their room till 0415 they inferred we might be sleeping and came to give it to us! Imagine if we had our own toothpaste and Mummy Papa had assumed we were on with our morning chores till the 11th hour!!! Oh the horror !! Dekha jo hota hai insaan ke bhale ke liye hi hota hai!

We are all back home and the normal routine has resumed as the brilliant holiday with those wonderful experiences never happened. But the heart holds such wonderful memories that it can barely be uttered in words! 

Papa here

I feel blessed. Big Touchwood. I have both Mummy and Papa with me now! Its temporary, but having them close to me, I am speechless.

Mummy has been here for 3 months now. I had planned Papa's travel a bit later, since there were tasks at home which need him. We were doubtful whether Papa should travel, but I thought, he needs to see his grandchild who is growing up so fast. Papa has a deep rooted liking for kids. He loves them. In fact he is a kid himself. My maternal grandma says, he is still the same as he was when he got married 32 years ago! I did not want him to be bereft of the pleasure of being with a toddler who drives you crazy ;) 

His travel was not meant to be straight forward. We had the initial jitters because Papa had never travelled by air all by himself. We were worried about travel sickness. He is also very absent minded. The whole journey involved a domestic flight and then an international with a transit in Abu Dhabi. We were concerned whether he would be able to manoeuvre through all those transfers. Him raising questions like 'Will I be able to identify my luggage?' and 'Where shall I keep the luggage if I need to visit the washroom?' were not helpful at all. To add fuel to fire, he is not very keen to take advise and information either. My sister literally gave him a lecture on how to go about things. At the end of it he exclaimed 'Lets hope and pray I reach' *rolls eyes * Imagine the utter exasperation of my dear sister.

There were road blocks all through the time. Some or the other outage kept happening at home. Every issue seemed like it was going to take a while to get resolved. That added a question mark to Papa's travel plans. 3 weeks before Papa was slated to travel, my sister got very sick. She started having severe abdominal pains. We were very concerned. She went to a hospital and they took her at once for a colonoscopy and MRI scan. The doctors gave indications that she might need a surgery. Mummy was beside herself with anxiety. I assured her, that I would make arrangements for her to go back. My mom's sisters assured her that they would take care of everything, and Mummy need not return since Chiyaa was dependent on her care. Papa's travel was kept on standby, if things took a turn for the worse, we would cancel his tickets. I was worried for my sister and hoped that all was well with her. The reports suggested that she had an abscess in her lower intestine. Surgery was the preferred route but the doctor opted to try medication first. It was a very slow and painful recovery. 2 weeks later, she was not totally fit, but definitely better (Thank God for that) Papa's journey seemed highly likely.

That's when his elder brother was hospitalised with renal failure. Being diabetic, things were not looking very promising. It was rapidly deteriorating with uncle suffering a stroke and going into coma. The next day, he passed away, leaving Papa crestfallen. He was able to participate in some of the ceremonies before setting for his trip. In spite of all the trials, he was able to finally board the flight was a miracle in itself. When he reached UK , I was thrilled and excited. It was beyond comprehension to see the joy on his face when he entered home, picked up Chiyaa and started jumping. That was the moment I was waiting for! 

End of an innings

Yesterday was my dad's last day at work. Technically.
He still has lot of years more which he can put into work, but yesterday was the end of term by Government rules.

We always used to tease my dad a lot that when he retires he would get bored and all. But some how he used to give an impression that he was looking forward to retirement. He used to make such lavish plans of spending his time with 3 of his fav things - cricket, news and newspaper. I some how could never digest the fact, that my dad who loves being outside, would be at home all day long. Yea he is a very lazy person .....but being at home whole day long - nay, thats not him.
I used to pull his leg by telling - you gonna make mom's life hell by bullying her around whole day long. And since she has so many years more before she retires, it will be all the more troublesome for her.
Then he used to reply - no need to bother for me. I will be engaged in some thing or the other. Every day just gossiping with my pals can take solid 2-3 hours. And then I will get on with TV.

I used to think - may he be his chirpy self always. Cause I had heard a lot of tales about people being depressed when they retire. My grandma, was very cranky for nearly a fortnight after she retired. And she used to get all teary eyed on seeing the big fur teddy bear her students had presented her.

Hmmm ... I used to think, may be its the same kind of feeling I have when I leave a company. On my last day with a firm - there have been 2 occasions for the same - I would meet up every single person I have had a more than mere professional relationship. And those farewell parties et al :( The sending of that "Last day at office/Adios/ etc etc " mail. Those moments kinda make one relish the good and only the good of the days at work. No matter how bad some days might have been, no matter how unscrupulous the boss might have been, no matter how pathetically un responsive the team mates might have been - end of the tenure one remembers only the applause, the accomplishments, the accolades - and that makes one feel so nostalgic :( . I used to think would nt it be the same way for dad? I any ways have a new job, new colleagues, new work to look forward to- but being at home full time ........ hmm now thats a tad scary :S

Some days prior to the actual retirement, he popped a surprise by saying that he would be joining another organization!! Well well well... my dad too is averse to being at home all day all alone. He was not as lazy as I had assumed him to be.

And yesterday the D day came. Evening when I called up home, my sister said that he was pretty irritable. Seems he was in a foul mood ever since he got back. Hmm and I could somehow empathize with him. He had had a lavish farewell, he had been attending quite a few farewell parties over the past week - but yesterday was a big and tearful one. In the morning one of his old colleagues came over and wished him luck on his last day at work. I think no one missed the opportunity to make him feel that 31st July 2008 is the day when he retires from work.

He used to crib a lot about his work place - which entailed 2.5 hours of travel every day. He was at loggerheads with some people in the office. He used to look forward to his retirement. But then, when it came, I don't think he welcomed it.

But Papa, don't worry. As you said yesterday - I still have 5-6 years of work with me. He has this knack of rattling statistics. So as usual yesterday he said, life expectancy has increased - its 75 in India now - I aint old :) 60 is not senior citizens any more. Its gonna be 65 soon. True Papa. You still have lots more in you. Its just the end of an innings. You still have to rattle those concepts of bio chemistry and microbiology to many many more students. You have a long long way to go. Retirement is just another word.

My daddy Strongest :)

Well this is one of my favorite anecdotes and I thought I might as well put it in my blog.

The incident happened when I was in standard 12^th and was preparing for my board exams. Like any other diligent student I used to waste the whole day and burn the midnight oil.

It was one such day when it was well past 2 A.M in the morning and I was studying. My study table used to be right in the center of the room. And from the place where I was seated, I faced a window.

All of a sudden there was a creak! I was like, yeah things do go bump in the night but where did that creak come from? I continued to study when the creak steadied and increased in decibel level. I looked up and saw two eyes staring at me from the window. I was petrified.

There was a person staring at me from the window! From his dark face two alert eyes peered at me, the whites of his eyes scaring the living day lights out of me.

Suddenly I sprang to my feet and ran to my father’s room and woke him. Poor thing he was fast asleep. I told him breathlessly, “Dad there is some one staring from my room’s windows.” My dad was woken from a real deep sleep.

(He is a very sound sleeper like me : ) and he too loves sleeping like me : ) )

He was like why, what where. I repeated my self.

Then he got onto his feet as if I had hit him with a hot iron and ran to my room.

There he screamed at the top of his voice.

(He has a very loud voice. Even his yawns can reach people in the ground floor from our first floor house :)),”Where is my GUN? Come on Cherrie BRING MY GUNNNNNNN”. At that point there was the sound of some one scurrying through our garden.

Then my dad ran out to the house to scare the trespasser in case he was still there.

After we had made sure there was no one he came into the house. I was still shivering. Then he told me that it must have been a petty thief and told me to go to sleep ASAP.

Well the next morning we came to know that in each and every house in the colony there had been a theft the previous night. Some ones coat had been stolen, someone’s slippers and still some one else’s cycle. It was only our house which was spared because of the diligent night watchwoman :)

But I am all gaga about the way my father handled the situation. Woken in the middle of the night, he had the presence of mind to handle the situation in the best possible way. My daddy strongestttttttttt :)