Getting used to the mess

 I might have said in a previous post that we are undertaking some renovation work in our house. It is a simple room extension which we thought would throw one room out of function. But the work has seemed to grow arms and legs! First the room under the room to be extended got impacted! The builders had to put scaffolding on it and make the base stronger etc. Now this room was our 'office' room. So working from home was thrown out of gear. We had to shift everything from that room. Once we started the process we realised just how much the room housed. There was the usual office stuff of laptops, monitors, printer, shredder. But then there was a huge book shelf. Little one's keyboard. A small heater fan. Plants. The list goes on. All these stuff and the people who used them had to be rehabilitated to the living and dining room. 

I set shop in the kitchen and K in the living room. The living room ended up having a very ragged look with all the plants and the office set up. It was a throw back to the covid lockdown period when we did not have a proper office setup and things were a bit ramshackle. 

Anyways the work started. There was a big skip in front of our house to accumulate the debris of construction. The parking spots for the cars were gone and we had to have a daily chase of picking a spot on our street. Initially it started with being annoying. But then it turned into  was fun and games and there was a certain thrill in getting a certain parking spot. K would come and shout woo hoo! I got the space under the tree. Other times I would be like hoorah I got the one near the wall. 

Things went a bit too our of whack when our bedroom was impacted too. Since the window in our bedroom was to be cut and shortened, they had to access it. But the delivery of the smaller window was delayed. So they boarded the gaping window space, but the room was super cold. So it was a call back to the floor of the living room for K and I. First few days it was a bit inconvenient to set up the sleeping area  on  the floor of the living room. But then the silver linings emerged. The living room was way tidier during the day since we made sure to keep it cleaner for the nights. The cosiness of the living room with all the plants had a charm of its own. 

When finally our bedroom was in operation again, we changed all the covers and vaccumed it like there's no tomorrow. It was so clean and sparkling that all the inconvenience seemed worth it when we finally hit the bed!

The work is going at a decent pace. Hopefully sometime by February next year things will be a bit more settled. The journey unsettling at first is something I  have definitely gotten used to.

The changes

 The summer holidays have drawn to a close. I had my last week off to spend with the girls, and it was the best week I had :) We managed to do a bit of trekking one day. It was part of the 3 peaks which make the Yorkshire 3 Peaks challenge. The climb was quite hard and strenuous. Especially for the kids. But it was an immensely exhilarating experience. We loved every bit of it and really enjoyed the beautiful scenery from the top. The downhill journey was ironically as hard as the uphill 😂 After what seemed like forever we did manage to come down and treated ourselves to some gorgeous ice cream! With the high of having done a bit of trekking, we were eyeing the next peak. We planned it for the coming weekend when were to have wonderful weather. 

The week was a very sunny one and we had local trips and walks to keep us going. We did spend quite some time recovering from the long hill walking. We were definitely waiting for and raring to go for the next peak. Now this was way more challenging and steep than the first one! We had a bit of scrambling to do on our hands and legs. I was stuck at a certain point. Then thankfully I was advised by another hiker coming behind me to take an alternative route. It was quite sheer and steep and very very windy. I was scared out of my brains. But then there is no backsies 😖 I was amazed at my daughters for climbing up with all the confidence. After that exhilarating climb, it was time for downhill again. This time it seemed more painful because it was just plain old walking. The girls in fact found it boring.

This peak brought a close to the official holiday week for me. The climbing of two hills was exhilarating, but what lay ahead of us was the new hill of 2 different school drops, 2 kids going and coming back at different times and a whole lot of logistics with it. I was very very anxious about it and am really thankful that I managed a remote job where I could work from home. The girls had one more day to go for school and they used the time finishing some painting they had taken up during the holidays. Tuesday Pumpki started school. It was her very first day without elder sis. Chiyaa and K made a dry run to her secondary school. Chiyaa will be walking to secondary school which is 3 kms away. We are seasoned walkers and we did not think it would be a big deal. K and she managed a dry run with no hiccups at all. It would be a 07:40 ish start for her to make reach school at time around 0815. Dry run done, we missed little Pumpki all day and waited for her to return from her first day at school by herself without didi. She had had a wonderful time and was quite fine by herself. 

The next day was the main deal with Chiyaa starting her first day at high school!! Pumpki hates waking in the morning. She was the most difficult person to rouse out of bed. But she was ironically up with her elder sister. I managed to get her sorted ahead of time. We had set a routine for K to do the pick ups for Chiyaa and me for Pumpki. But since it was the first day for her, I wanted to drop Chiyaa. So K and I swapped places 😁 It was amazing walking with Chiyaa. She seemed so grown up doing so much all by herself. She was very excited for the walks. She was looking forward to her alone time with an audio book while returning. But I was concerned about her walking alone. She did not have many friends in primary school. We have seen most of the children walk back with some sort of company or friends. I was very reluctant to let her be alone. I did nt think in a span of the summer holidays she would be mature enough to walk all alone. But seeing her being so confident about managing, I did not want to dampen her spirits. It was more of a letting go for me. Only if I let her be, I would be ok with her taking ownership of stuff. So quite reluctantly I agreed to her walking back alone. 

As soon as her school was done, she messaged us and K and I got busy tracking her location. She is a fast walker! I was tempted to meet her half way. But given it was a very bright sunny day where there was amazing visibility, I did not want to ruin her maiden walk home. Eventually she came 35 minutes later and boy we greeted her with a big welcome! I asked her if she wanted to Mummy or Daddy at any point? And she said " No offence but I was fine by myself". My precious lil girl who used to cry to high heavens to be dropped off at day care and who had such a tough time at primary school in forming friendships was confident of taking on stuff!  Whole evening we kept pestering her with questions. It was a very new experience for us as well. 

The first day went well enough Touchwood. Here's fingers crossed for the whole year to be relatively smooth. 

Done and dusted

 I have started my new job. It has been a bit of a whizz. The settling in process has been really smooth touchwood. The people are nice and I feel at home. The office is quite high tech and located in an ultra central place which I love. 

Today, its exactly been a week since I left my last job and it does seem such a change, so long ago. Last Monday was to be my final day in work while I took the Tuesday off to unwind before joining. When I went in to work on the Monday, I realised that my credentials were not working any more. I waited for IT to come in. And they figured out at once, that my credentials had been removed from the organisation over the weekend. It was like a blessing I did not ask for. I did not have a lot of work to do, but my manager was kind of one who surreptitiously noted people's working hours. So I did not expect her to be benevolent and let me have an early finish. But then the Gods of Fate decided for me to have an early finish by making the IT department action my account early. I had to bid farewell to my team through another colleagues chat and that was it. It was a bit unceremonious. I did not have any last email drafted nor did I want to make a big deal, but I was definitely not prepared for what happened :) I gave my i-card at the reception where a kind, elderly gentleman sits. He in his usual calm voice asked "Oh you are leaving? Bye and good luck!" That was me done at my previous place!

It was the first day of the heat wave in the UK. And coincidentally, Pumpki was under the weather since she had had her Covid vaccine booster shot the previous day. She was at home. It seemed as if the stars had aligned for me to be at home with my sickly kid on one of the hottest days in the UK of the year. It was an amazing feeling to drive back home on the motorway for one last time. I strangely did not feel nostalgic. I just felt amazing. I felt awesome at having an extra day off. When I came back home, the curtains were drawn to keep the sun out. It felt like a hot day in India and gave proper summer vacation vibes. I was over the moon to just sit with Pumpki and do Lego. Since I was home, K was alleviated of his child care duties. I chatted with Mummy over Facetime and played and watched TV with Pumpki. Once Chiyaa was back from school, it was more or less the same relaxed day and a preparation for the next hot day :) 

Though next day was blazing, I got some exercise in. And then post cooking did a bit of studying for my new job. It was just to give me a sense of security. A false sense of security to be honest :) The day was super relaxed, but sadly the night was so hot and humid we all had difficulty sleeping. The houses in this country are not helpful if the weather turns too warm. I was also anxious about joining the new place which added to the turbulence. Somehow the raat's subah (morning in plain speak :D ) came and I was ready for my new job!

Morning shows the day?

This is my last week at my current work place. The time has flown so swiftly. There is never a dull moment when it comes to work here. The days are packed choc-o-block with something or other to do. Along with it, I have an impending holiday to plan as well. I join in the next job and within a week I am off for a week. So there is technically speaking no room to breathe. So in the midst of break neck work, there is all the juggling and planning of the holiday too.

My notice period has been quite eventful. I have done a lot of work, it has been crazy busy. But with some portions of work, I have deliberately taken it relaxed as well. I have not immersed myself in a lot of critical tasks. I had plans to study a lot and do minimal work 😉 but that did not happen around here. As I have a week to join the new place, I intend to catch up on some studying! I will be coming in to work one more day. So rather than procrastinating the pack up, I tidied up my desk today. I packed up all the accumulated debris over the past 3.5 years. There were documents, pens, post it notes and some weird and wonderful things like a tub of salt and shoes! I have packed them all and kept them ready to go! And I reminisce that when I joined this place, my biggest qualm was with coming in to work every day. I was more attuned to the culture of working from home. And that has been the last nail in the coffin which prompted me to quit the job! Morning shows the day indeed.

The irony

 I was anxious about the result of a job interview. And on Thursday evening I got the result of interview. I am through! A different tech stack but more importantly the ability to work from home at all times. I was happy. But I was sadder. At leaving the lovely people at my current work place. 

The location of my current office is a dump. It needs to be exterminated. But the people are so annoyingly lovely. We share the working space with one of our subsidiaries. We don't even work with those people. But they are always smiling, wishing good mornings and hellos. When I finish work, the person at the reception wishes such a heart felt good afternoon. And the less said about my team mates the better. We are such a like minded bunch that it amazes me. They are a good decade younger than me, most of them living with their partners and in the childless and fancy free state, but the mental make up is as if we are clones of each other. In the past nearly 4 years, there has been no bad blood, no snobbery, no politics. Though there have been effective and efficient debates, a lot of teasing and pulling each others legs, it has been just amazing camaraderie. I will definitely miss this amazing bunch of people. Ironically I am sadder at leaving my team than I am happy at the new offer :(

The power to choose

I live by the mantra as said in The Matrix movie – the power to chose is an illusion. We think we chose, but we just move in the direction we are nudge by various forces. Call it fate, destiny, karma… we move in a path over which we are meant to.  

Coming back to the main change point over last month, it has been my job. My current job is way different from my last one. Apart from the fact that it is new and it is not the job I had for over 4 years in the past, there are a few more stark points that impact me. First point being it is way more challenging. My last place of work had pretty run of the mill sort of work, where I could hazard a statement like “I knew a lot technically”. Here I realise how lagging I am from a tech point of view. Everyone knows so much more than me. And tech in the current world is somewhere else. And I was being smug being a frog in a well before this. This challenges me and also worries me. I hope I am able to keep up. But I chose this job – seeing the brand, the opportunities to learn and grow, the location. If  I think on the contrary, there was no other which materalised either. Did I chose this job, or was I meant to have this job?

Also as I had mentioned in a previous post, everyone comes to work nearly everyday! I am still not used to it. I feel it quite  a task. In fact this weekend I noticed something bizarre. I had gone to bed 30 mins past midnight. And I was able to wake up bright and nice at 7. But on a working day, even if I hit the bed at 2300, waking at 0620 ish gets tough. I think there is some real or imaginary barrier at the 7 o clock mark. Hence waking around 0600-0620 on a working day to get to work is hard every day. It’s a mental battle I have to fight and win – Monday – Friday. I miss the days when I used to “hang around” the house and enjoy the pitter patter of Pumpki, and all the fuss she would be creating. In fact she is asleep many a days by the time I start. I miss seeing off Chiyaa as she starts for school and waving goodbye till the car went around the bend in the road. I miss the early finish on Friday, the ultimate flexibility to come home after the “oh-so-important” meeting and connect from home. The plus side, I see that I am not having to be mom and career woman all the time. While working from home, I would of course be distracted. If I had a call, I would beseech mummy to keep the kids quiet. I would be logged in for the same duration as I would at work and hence never be 100% with the kids. Now I am either mother or working woman. I am never both at the same time. It is a little less pressure on the brain (or so I  want to think to convince myself). Yes I get to use my wardrobe and shoes. I feel some purpose in buying stuff since I will be using them J Again – all rationalization points. Truth be told, I have not made my peace with my choice yet.

With this prime change still making its impact in our lives, we there was another change which was being nudged our way. Chiyaa at the moment goes to a school which is a bit far from where we live. We put her in that school cos, when we moved from Ipswich, that was the only school which had places. We were ok with the distance. But last year during the OFSTED review ( all schools and nurseries are periodically reviewed by a central governing body called OFSTED), the rating of the school went down(this rating is primarily driven by performance of the school against national standards, but other factors such as involvement of parents and child safety are also considered). We  were a bit concerned since we did not want Chiyaa to be in a  school that would not make her reach her true potential. With that and the distance in mind, we put her application for a few better rated , nearby schools. We did not have much hope since its rare to have a churn in students. But then it happened! We got a place in the nearest school! Also it was much better rated than her current school! We were ecstatic! Everything was falling into place.

One final thing and we were ready. We had to find a good after school care place which would pick Chiyaa from school and take care of her till I returned. And there were none! L L

The one attached to her “would be” school was over booked. We tried alternatives but were left in the lurch. I as usual got on my discussion spree. Mummy and mil recommended accepting the place. They would be around to help with the pick ups which would ease our current situation, and eventually we would get a place in after school too. They reasoned that it was a good idea to go to a school near home. But my friend A rightly suggested, that such things were best left to professionals. Even I was not very keen on having a round the year dependency on people who were back in India. It would also not be a dependency that would last a year. Chiyaa has many more schooling years ahead. Pumpki would join the same school as her and the cycle would continue. It would be very unwise to have such a long term dependency to be resolved internationally ( We seem to have a full on System running in our house :D ). Another friend of mine said, that if we were coping, it would be good to continue as is. Because, girls especially sensitive ones like Chiyaa might take a bit too long to settle down again. This did make a lot of sense since the whole rationale of bringing Chiyaa to a better school would fall apart if I put her back 2-3 months emotionally. She was just about making do in her current school and had a circle in after school. She also suggested that if it was a particular area of studies I was concerned about in the current school, I could consider tuitions.

Now that’s would be a  bit much for someone in year2. But it made perfect sense. It meant we had to invest more time in her studies. It was reason to be more involved and participate more. Its not that we desire A grade performance from her. We desire for her to be curious, eager to learn and someone who enjoys learning. It seems a good cause for now. Though it seemed like a coveted prize, we have for now chosen to decline our position in the nearby school.

One step at a time, like wise one change at a time. Life is made up of these everyday choices isn’t it. But are wereally choosing?

Sometimes rains are good?

Sometimes rains are good. They force you to stay indoors. They force you not to have 'plans' for the weekend which pretty much are synonyms to shopping (even if you don't need anything). They force you to take a pause, put your feet up and just relax. ( None the less, it would help if it was sunny for sure :D)

So yesterday was a rainy Sunday. My rota in the kitchen since K once in a while likes if I make stuff ( the spices tweaked) to his tastes. After cooking it was time for a movie ( more so to calm down the kids since they were getting increasingly agitated for the lack of something to do). As I watched the movie I thought. About random things. More about what to write in my next post :) 

The main thing that struck me was  I was a week old in my new place. I had managed to come to the weekend at the new job. And it did all seem quite weird. You know how they say everything in a new job seems so much better than the old place for the first few days. And then monotonity seeps in. I think I am a bit more grown up ;) Not everything seemed sparkling to me. Yeah the kitchen was amazing. I loved the fact that they did not use any plastic cups or glasses. Everything was glassware with a dishwasher. There were proper bins with a view towards recycling. There was a dryer for drying gym or running clothes. There were shower rooms for people who might be seeking a lunch time run. Not that I am ever going to use them but I liked the fact they existed.

But it was a proper office environment. Even people with laptops were at their desks. In fact people with laptops were leaving their laptops plugged in at work and going home. ( Maybe folks really like coming to office!!) In my previous working from home was rampant. It afforded brilliant work life balance. I had not made a 5 day week in my previous place in a long time. Except my last week when I had to go in on a Friday to give my laptop back. As well as that, at the last place there were amazing Flexi time and agile working options. People worked 4 days work weeks, 3 days work weeks, 9 weeks fortnight (!! So that means they worked 5 days and 4 days alternatively taking the any day within a 2 work week period off. Complicated? I know!), finished early, started late, logged off for childcare responsibilities and what not. Here it was way more regimental. 

Coming in to office 5 days was tiring. Not just the physical exhaustion of waking up( Yes that is definitely the hardest part. How I hate the sound of the alarm), getting ready, getting Chiyaa ready ( she has her breakfast etc after I leave but I get her hair and dress sorted), getting the lunches and breakfasts ready for K and me. There was also the mental time bomb. Leaving house at a certain time else I would miss my bus, leaving office at a certain time else I would be late to pick Chiyaa, waking Chiyaa at a certain time, finishing Pumpki 's chores by  a certain time. It is something I was sure would be different. It is something I had signed up for when I started looking for a new role. I should be happy that the location is not too out of the way, the company is one of repute and I have my parents as back up. 

The worst part is waking up though. I remind myself of a book I read as a new mom called '365 meditations for new mothers'. It said it's the exact moment of waking up that's hard. You just need to get over it. I have to think of it like that every day. But it's not that easy. Waking up for a baby is something totally novel! Anyways we try to make our peace.

As I was thinking all this, I chanced to meet an ex-colleague who had been made redundant in the selection process. She convinced me, change is good. She had been with the organisation for 13 years! She was dead scared of change. But she had to and she was liking it. I who have changed 6 times in 14 years should know better. Maybe I was getting complacent and lazy at my last place. Maybe I need this scenario to get on into the professional mode full on- rather than wearing a parent's cape all the time. 

I will never have the sort of flexibility I had. But we move on and learn. No pain no gain right. Let's find out in a few years time. Till then we wake up early. 

I left the last post abruptly...

..... because   I did not want a very long post. :)

It all wrapped up Friday. A long association with my last organisation. The dots join up only in retrospect. 

Going on a reminisce trip I remember my newly married days. K was struggling to get a project. He ended up being put forth for one with an American client. Possibly an on site assignment. The Durga Puja that year was full of crazy anxiety with us deciding on what to do. I had been in my Chennai job for a little over 6 months and things were looking up for me too. We did not want to make a career move which involved the sacrifice of another. Somehow  K's project did not come through and he ended up with a real tough UK client. It involved long work hours. He used to be back at home at 2 in the morning and start back at 0530 to get the 6 am morning bus back to work. 

His hard work was rewarded with an on site trip to Leeds. It was for a year with a possibility of extension. By the time I quit my job in India and joined him, the possibility of extension seemed more certain. I started looking for a job in the UK and got my first within a few months. The extensions kept happening. My job continued. We even became parents. Life seemed 'settled'. 

After 4 years as if following a typical pattern, I felt the need to up my game. I started looking for a new job. 

What are the odds? I ended up being recruited by the same company and into the same team as K's. It was quite a coincidence. The people I had heard of, the office dynamics K spoke about and the software application I had been tangentially involved in became real - they became my team and it was my software application. The work was good. The benefits were good. I started working as a big team. There was lot of new stuff happening.  As work progressed, friendships happened too.

Seemed like a short run but I had finished close to 18 months with the firm. I had my maternity break. There was a change and we moved to Ipswich. There was a redundancy cycle through the organisation. Two of my friends moved on and one was made redundant. I managed to retain my job. 

I still remember the working from home days. That was so novel - with the monthly once trip to Leeds. I worked in that fashion for a year. Again when I was going through it, it seemed like a permanent thing. We were close to taking a house and settling in Ipswich. My distance working pattern seemed confirmed. 

Change happens. Many times unwarranted. We moved back to Leeds. And the office became permanent. Ironically the number of exciting challenges were depleting and I had to look outside.

As I pursued a new job, the simple benefits of my current role were not hard to miss. Primary was the flexibility. I was available for school assemblies, meetings with teachers and any impromptu arrangement with respect to the kids. Working from home was another.  One could work from home - no questions asked. It made me participate in simple pleasures - I could feed breakfast to Chiyaa peacefully, tie her hair, heat and have my breakfast, have green tea, pick Chiyaa and Pumpki earlier from school and recently being around my parents. They will be all a thing of the past. At least for the next 6 months while I am on probation when I have to work in the office a bit more.

That's the future. As I walked out my past, I felt nothing. I didn't feel any nostalgia. I was anxious about the future. I was worried I don't leave stuff lurking in my laptop. But otherwise there were no feelings. Maybe because I was never a part of the team. I was never one of them. I always felt like the new comer( people in my team  had spent 20 years or over within the bank)  I was always addressed from a distance. There was somehow a wall - a metaphorical one and a literal one since I sat near a pillar. 

There is no looking back anymore. Maybe it's a step forward in the right direction. The future will tell. The dots connect much later don't they?

Perhaps this is called settling down

Leeds has not been treating us well. Chiyaa started her first day in school with amazing promise. When I picked her up, she said ‘I had a brilliant day at school. I was not shy at all.’ I was so proud of her! It would all be fine. She was ok the first couple of days after which she started getting reluctant to go to school. This was a far cry from how she was in ipswich where the mention of school used to brighten her up. In fact she used to get annoyed when the weekend came. We were very sad to see this facet of hers. We hoped it would settle down with time. It in fact got worse. She started to cry when we dropped her off. As a change K started dropping her instead of me. He is a fun dad while I tend to get a bit emotional. Though I don’t show it we wondered if the vibes might be rubbing on. She did not cry with daddy around, but she lacked friends. She did not have peers to run a mock with. She did not have classmates to go crazy with. As I used to prod, she said she had her meals alone and played by herself during the lunch breaks. She mentioned playing with an older student sometimes. I felt sorry for my child. I felt sad for my child. But then my mom and sister gave me strength. We had changed a lot of schools as kids since mom and dad had transferrable jobs. We might have felt sad during the changes, but it didn’t scar us. In fact we are more adaptive to changes cos of those experiences. Yeah it does feel sad to see ones offspring go through pain, but this pain would make her stronger. 

Pumpki on the other hand was having troubles of her own. She had been signed up to attend a certain daycare. But I saw another right next to Chiyaa’s school. I declined the place in the previous daycare and went forth for the new one. I thought it would go smoothly from then on. As usual there were a couple of settling in sessions. I knew she would cry. I knew she would be upset. Our experience with Chiyaa had prepared us for the worst. There would be a couple of instances where she would spend time in the nursery to get to know the staff. Then she would have to start off. Like Chiyaa had. She would have trouble getting used, but prior experience made us feel she would cope. The surprise came from the daycare. After a couple of sessions, they said since she was not ‘settled’ and they would continue with settling sessions. Meaning she would come intermittently and try to settle in. Err... I had no choice. But the troublesome part was they were calling me every time she cried a bit uncontrollably. And my dear Pumpki can cry real loudly. Secondly I was paying for the sessions. I never asked for the sessions. Why would I pay for them when it was me who was coming and comforting her every time she got upset? I compared notes and none of my friends had seen such a bizarre set up.  The sessions were also so few and far between that it was going to do no good to anyone. We chose to fail fast. I got in touch with the previous nursery that K had booked. They too had the same long drawn settling in sessions. But.... the good points were:- they took the child away and did not call parents back and I did not pay for them. 

But the visitations were to be over 4 weeks! Managing a toddler with work for 4 weeks is pretty onerous. Anyone who has worked from home can vouch for it. I took a week’s emergency leave.  Amma came as a saving grace in this. She volunteered to come over. It was like manna from heaven, without that support, surviving through the on and off nursery arrangement would have been a night mare. 

I used to feel very distraught initially. I used to feel ill at ease and suffocated by all the changes. Everything made me miss Ipswich. We were so settled there, but one thing after another in Leeds made me crave for that comfort which was Ipswich. It used to make us think that we unnecessarily spoiled the apple cart. I remembered the last days in Ipswich when I was talking to one of Chiyaa’s classmate’s mom. She mentioned that moving houses was the next stressful thing after having a baby ! Wow! That must be true. She also mentioned that it takes around 6 months to settle down. As I was going through the flurry, I thought of her words. And I felt, there was no need for me to rush around. I think I had to let it go and let time take it’s course. Things have a way of evening out don’t they?

Whatever s on my mind

There are just so many thoughts swirling in my mind. The first is the dialogue from the movie airlift where Akshay Kumar says which loosely translates to 'one reaches out for mother when hurt'. My mom is a bit of a super mom. She knows when I might have trouble and comes to shield me. Yes just like that. How she happens to be around my most difficult times, I have no clue. 

She was here when we shifted from Leeds to Ipswich and she is here on our return. She takes care of so much that I don't even notice. It is only when she won't be here 11 days later that I will see the difference when I take care of the kitchen, when I feed the Pumpki, when I engage Chiyaa, when I take ownership of so many small small tasks which none the less add up. 

Mummy takes the brunt out of many things. She makes changes bearable. I would have been borderline depressed without her with the movement, the house in total disarray, the shorter days and the overwhelming amount of work. She goes about without a complaint through the messy and disorganised house. She even sleeps with the little one so that I can have a better sleep at night. I just can't start to be thankful to her. 

The farewell to Ipswich with her was amazing too. The last week was half term break for Chiyaa. So we used to walk to and from her karate classes. The weather was perfect, slight dusk with a hint of winter, the company was perfect and the feeling was perfect. We were savouring the last few days with Ipswich. 

Packing was as usual a nightmare. I worked from home most of this year. So most of my clothes were unused. They literally made a trip from Leeds in a box to hang in the wardrobe and go back to Leeds back in a box. If I knew this would be the state I would have never unpacked :) 

In our frenzy with two kids and work and what not, we had grossly over estimated how much stuff we needed for a week of stay in Ipswich. So there was a huge amount of grocery, toys, clothes and knick knacks. Since we were coming to Leeds in the car space was a constraint. We went berserk dumping things, keeping things, and as usual playing the blame game. We had to give away quite a lot of eatables and grocery which would have helped us immensely in Leeds. But at least they got utilised by our friends there. The most precious thing we left behind was the electronic brushes of the whole family :( 

It's been over a week. I am still not settled. I had taken four days off work, but the house is still upside down. We are yet to fine tune the pick ups and drops from schools and daycare, the extra curricular activities for kids and a thousand and one things that make up our routine. Ipswich seems such a quiet peaceful haven from the distance. 

Last day in first school

This was one last day I was dreading. Chiyaa 's last day in school. Chiyaa was counting down. While we waited every day for the school gates to open and the kids played around I could see her telling  her friends how many days she had left. I might be the shy one, but she is the open one. Thanks to her, most of her classmates knew she was finishing school. 

On the first day of her school, last year I had asked her if she made any friends. And she had said that she made one friend. She thought her name was Kashauna. Her name turned out to be Keshawna, but Chiyaa had got the pronunciation right. Over the days they would greet each other with elaborate hugs. Many a times group hugs which included Keshawna 's brother. If one of the pair was in a bad mood, the other could cheer her up easily.  She did turn out to be Chiyaa 's first school best friend. 

The last day of school, I felt very emotional. It was a dark, stormy day. It was as if the elements of nature did not like what was happening. While we were waiting for the gates to open, one of her classmates came and asked if it was her last day. She did yes. And he in all his naivety asked why was she going away? I told it was because her dad had found another job in another place. And I could feel myself chocking up. The return route was jam packed with traffic. The distance which takes me 5 mins took me 40 minutes that day. As I idled the car, I felt as if again some power wanted me to spend as much time in the place as possible. There would be no chance that I would ever be travelling this road again in my life. I would love it if the chance came. But I doubt it will ever happen. I reminisced the initial days - walking up to pick up Chiyaa with Pumpki in the pram, my good fortune at being on maternity break during the first 4 months of school when I could actively participate in the school affairs, the period of dropping her after the bout of chicken pox which was quite a restart for Chiyaa, the later parts when we started taking the bus to return home, and finally me driving her home after I secured my license. How things have moved on in less than a year. 

When I went to pick Chiyaa up, she who is usually  one of the first to come out was waiting. I had got some chocolates for the students and everyone was taking  time chosing a few. She was waiting for her class mates to take the sweets. The teachers thanked me profusely for getting the chocolates. Most kids came out and the first thing they were told  their parents was that it was Chiyaa 's last day at school. My heart melted. Chiyaa was holding a gift bag. Keshawna left a doll for  her. And she had received quite a few cards from friends. One mom stayed back to wish us  luck. I felt too touched.

I took a picture of Chiyaa next to the school entrance. She gave a vivacious smile. As we sat and buckled up in the car she said 'everyone got a letter but me. Because I won't come to school anymore right?' I said ' yes right. You won't come to this school anymore '. Then I asked her' are you feeling sad?' To which she very confidently replied 'why should I be sad?' I was so glad at her practical, resilient answer. Hope you stay that way girl! 

Evening we video chatted with Keshawna and her mom. Her mom said Keshawna  would be fine over the half term break but once she would come back to school, she would definitely miss Chiyaa. I imagined Keshawna looking for Chiyaa. In my mind, kids are occupied in class. But it's during the time before the gates open, during lunch and the playtime during lunch that they need the friend. They get comfort and security from that  friend. I hope Keshawna is not left alone. I hope my child is not alone in her new place. 

I felt I was leaving school. My heart felt wrenched. As if it wanted to remain here. As if it wanted nothing to change. I remember changing schools, many times. Once in fact when I was the same age as Chiyaa. For that matter when I sent Chiyaa 's picture to Papa, his reply was she reminded me of when I had left Central School. I don't remember exactly how I felt then. I don't think I felt sad. I hope Chiyaa is not sad. I hope she will get used to her new school, new friends, new teachers. I wish a lot of strength to my little fighter.

Back to square one

I don't believe I wrote this. Really? I will always love Leeds!? 

I kept going back to Leeds over the past 10 odd months. And every time I missed Ipswich. Yes Ipswich was home. But there was also something slow, steady and satisfying about the place. I was ready to fall in love with the place. I did fall in love with the place. 

It proved to be a much better place in terms of engagement of kids. Since it has a more rustic setting, there are lot of open playgrounds and fields. From our current location we have 3 playareas within 5 mins walk. I was able to enroll Chiyaa in brilliant karate and swimming lessons. Though they were expensive, they were effective. She has progressed by leaps and bounds in both areas. Her school has been lovely too. Saying hello to the parents in her class I understand what 'community' feeling is all about.  I feel ready to grow roots.

Chiyaa has definitely grown them too. But she is being very mature and cognizant of the change. She now understands what's moving. She has been telling her friends and teachers. Today her best friend's mom was shocked and said she felt sad for her daughter. Her lil girl and Chiyaa have been friends since day 1. Chiyaa 's sports teacher said, he wished she stayed in Ipswich forever. Chiyaa found it funny and felt good at the importance. But even I wish she stayed in Ipswich forever.

Wishful thinking but. It's time to move on again. We have some way of coming to square one!! We are going back to Leeds!!! Just when everything was going great. When Chiyaa was doing well in class and close enough to get her third gradation which would have gotten her a gold medal( not that they mean anything but they are a major encouragement). Just when she was doing so well in karate that her teachers were going to recommend her for higher grade training. Just when Pumpki was on the verge of starting daycare and her journey to independence. ( We had to delay that since things were in a flux for us and we did not want her to be unsettled with the already occurring changes. We opted to put her in daycare once and for all in Leeds) When I was so so so loving working from home. I am an anti social to the core. I don't enjoy interaction with people. Wfh enables me to concentrate on work without the distractions of human interaction. I am also able to do 50 squats as the application builds. In Leeds  I will  need to go to work more often. I will need to participate in 'team building events', 'charity drives' and 'senior leadership meets'. Things that make me nauseous. 

It is unthinkable that I am looking for reassurance from others about Leeds. A place I would have proclaimed my love of a year ago. I was calling up the swimming academy to cancel Chiyaa 's session. For sometime the reception was bad over the phone. When it got better  Liam on the other side said ' oh hello!' I said 'the reception goes a bit off'. Then he said ' that's Ipswich for you! The reception in Leeds will be much better. It's a lovely place you will like it.' Thank you Liam for reassuring me. 

I will miss Ipswich. Though it's called all sorts of names like being 'the murder capital of England' or 'a place for witness protection' - I feel it's the locals who under play what this place has to offer. The quaint little place with the river and the swans. This year the swans laid 7 eggs and all of them survived and have become full grown swans! This little gem surrounded by places of natural beauty and families. I will miss the many unknown people with known faces. Over the year we have seen a bout of chicken pox, Amma's trip, mummy 's trip, K's job hunt and the eventual success, Pumpki turning one, and many more little moments that sum life. Over the year we have collected so many memories. Over the year we have grown so much richer in experience. Now it's time to box it all and go.