We don't do perfect

We had quite a weekend. I am still reeling from the effects and have close to 100 photos to show off. What happened? Will come to that :)

(For the first time, I shall attempt to keep a secret :P)

Friday started on a good note anticipating the arrival of a close friend of K's who is also a very dear friend of mine. We have quite a lot of shared interests and K says, he is one of the few people with whom he can converse on a plethora of topics (still) (Lately we have noted people being too held up in their own small cocoons with spouses, kids, work and what not) He was slated to reach close to mid night, but that was not a bother. Being able to catch up with someone across continents is indeed a blessing. K had planned a proper 'dude's night out' with PS3 gaming and pizza. K proposes, Chiyaa disposes (inadvertently though) She had a bad cold, and ended up searching for K a lot. So he had no other go but to pacify her. Pizza was right up their street but PS3 gaming didn't happen :(

Saturday started with some scrumptious food dished out by mil. All 'tubby-fied' we looked at the day with dazed eyes. But K just had one day with his friend. They decided to make the most of it. He went ahead on a tour of the city . Mil and I ventured out to do the weekly shopping and grab the cake. Which cake? Well that was the big surprise :) we were hosting chiyaa 's first birthday the next day.

We had given a lot of thought into the party ( me in the foot soldier role and K in the Azeemo Shaan Shehanshah one ;) ) I got the invites ready, zeroed in on the return gifts (boy that was tough) , packed them (rather horrendously - no ISO certificate for that for sure. Guys any gift wrapping tips are majorly welcome ;) ) , bought the dress for the lil one, scouted for the cake , bought it and also got it from the store-phew! Hang on I am running out of breath here. I also had the task of getting in touch with caterers and getting estimates from them. We also had to look for venues since we were unable to fix a place that served food as well . I somehow was not getting a favourable response on either fronts. By chance we happened to notice a new restaurant in town called curry leaf. It served Sri Lankan cuisine. From the moment we laid our eyes on it- we knew this was the place.

To get the insider story we decided to lunch there one day. The food was to die for and the portions were huge ! The owner was also in hand and was gung ho to host the party . We had a deal ! Attaboy!

The last couple of days from the big day I had to chase them up with the count of guests , the number of vegetarians and non vegetarians and other nitty gritties. Now the very big event was just a day away.

But would things go as per plan?

Letting go

The closing chapters of the story have begun. The story which started an odd 52 weeks ago. 

Inability to sleep made me advance my maternity leave by a week - not a big deal I could have trudged through 5 more working days - but then there are times when a single day makes all the difference. Spent a good half of my leaves re-decorating the house, and making crafty stuff. I had my bucket list of course. Then the stork came with the lil bundle of unfathomable happiness. Things were never to be the same again and how! 

Till 13 days back when mil came - and things changed again!  Being able to step out of the room without straining your ears for a cry , a whimper. Read a book for close to 30 mins without a care. I have time - to do stuff, without worrying about the kid. And it seems bizzare! Sinful even. Walking without a pram - how weird? Grocery shopping with K - huh - did we do such things? 

I can do whatever I want whenever I want  (nearly). Its a process of letting go - and it feels funny. The kid has taken wonderfully to her Paati (thats what Granny is called in Tamil). In 4 days time when I leave her for 7 hours, that would be a consolation. For now - these mock runs of being away from her are bitter-sweet to say the least. Having kids is truly 'having your hearts walk outside your body'. 

The Immortals of Meluha

First things first - I HATED the book so much that I had to write a review. Now if you loved it, this post might not be your cup of tea.

The Shiva Trilogy has been hugely popular. I had to read it. I picked the book and was aghast at the writing style! It was just so crass. It was appalling. I had to literally steel myself to endure the torture. But I had picked the book and I had to read on.

The story has Shiva and a lot of mythological characters in real environment - more literally in the times of the  Indus Valley civilization. They have been fit into the ancient times rather than being something totally mythical. He has also drawn in some current happenings like terrorism, border issues and guerrilla warfare. The story is that of Shiva coming to terms with the greater goals he is meant to achieve and his journey towards them.

I could not stress more about the pathetic writing style. The author treats the reader to have the same IQ level as his - there are instances where he has described things which put you to sleep. Case in point - his description of Shiva taking the Nataraj pose. I was at sea as to what was he going on about. It was only when he said it was the Nataraj pose I was like Ooooohhhh!!!!! Case 2 in point - Shiva was served a dish made up of steamed batter of lentils. I would stop there. But the author chooses to name it - The dish is called idli. Dude! Did anybody ask you ? Leave something to the reader's imagination.  Let him draw the conclusion. That is the whole thrill of portions of book - open to interpretation. Case 3 in point - where he describes the Trishul. Was it me or did everybody sleep off? ( I know not everyone did else the book would not be a best seller :D ) 

I was geared for the 202 page ordeal (there has been no other book whose number of pages I  will never ever forget :P ) Somehow by the grace of Shiva , the book picked up a semblance of pace at page 105 ( see how diligently I was marking pages) Or on second thoughts, maybe like smoking cigarette with each word I was reading a couple of brain cells where committing suicide. The path from the halfway mark was not half as bad. I had totally decided once bitten twice shy. There was no way that

That seemed abrupt right? Exactly how the book ends. Which meanssssss....... I have to torment myself with Secret of Nagas and Oath  of Vayuputra. (Or whatever the names of the next books are!) Grrrrr......

In the name of the Holy Lake (that's how Shiva swears in the book) till my dying day I will never be able to fathom how this book has grossed so much! And I will never forgive myself for following the herd and starting this book. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

My big lil sis

I have never spoke about my sis eh? As in what a fashionista she is. What a hardworking Taurean she is. What a stable mature head she is. Then let me write a post.

She was always my baby . 5 years my junior I always treated her with kid gloves . Since our parents were on transferable government jobs there were lots of times the four of us would not be together. It was either child with either parent due to one exigency or other . Somehow towards my teens it so happened that we both were with dad and mom was posted in another city . Tough times :( but more about them later. I was through the major grooming years of sis for which I can say my influence on her has been pretty profound ( good or bad? The world has to judge that ) Till date there are many things that she confides only in me. Some things she listens only to me (mom uses this to get her messages through ;) ) But she is also my fashion guru. She is also a receptacle for many of my rants which I may not feel like bothering my parents with. Our bond is very special and unique. (I know it's the same for most siblings :) )

Since the past couple of years she has been working while staying with my parents. Now my parents are awesome people. They are gainfully engaged in a lot of activities. But a lot revolves around my sis too. She is the one who surprises them with cakes and bakery items on her way back from work. She is the one who coaxes mom to go out shopping with her - they may not buy anything but the general outing and having pani puri  is a good experience that mom enjoys. She converses cricket and politics with dad. She never misses any birthday or anniversary and lavishes gifts on both of them. And now, this girl, who has always been a baby for me has taken them on a trip to Bangalore and Chickmagalur. She found all the details, tour operators, hotel reviews et al , made the bookings and arranged an A1 trip for mom and dad! I was so so proud of her. She is a blessing. She gives them the most important things that any child can give - time and unconditional love. 

I had written this when she had gone off to work wishing someone was with my parents. God did bring her back! She runs into the regular arguments with my parents. She does feel the need to have a bit more independence at times. She does feel bummed out if she is dragged into the plethora of family functions many a times :) But then she bounces back with all the verve. She never grudges the minor inconveniences. Even though making a move out of home might be very easy, the thought never crosses her. She lives for my parents. I am ever so grateful to her - she does my part of the duties of an offspring as well. She may be my lil sis - but she is a much bigger person.

Straw that broke the camel's back and other stories

Wow! The title is pure genius! (Main apni favourite hoon :P) I wish someday I get published and maybe I will keep this as the name of my book. Thinking of which that was one of the reasons I started blogging. I thought I would be a prolific blogger, going on to be a best selling author and then I would have an easy peasy life giving press conferences, book readings and the regular sound bite on controversial issues to get my 5 minutes of fame once in a while. Pulling this chain of thought even further I infact wanted to be a journalist - a la Barkha Dutt. Never in my wildest dreams I thought I would end up being an engineer - huh - I who makes 2+3 = 6 (in my defense I read the + as * and there by hangs another tale) . Well where have I digressed to do you see. Note to self - cannot become (successful) writer  if you dont hold the attention of your hapless reader.

Straw that broke the camel's back

You know how babies are. You dont? Let me enlighten you. They (atleast mine) wake up in the middle of nights (BAD) and ask for comforting and then after what may be minutes or years go back to sleep (GOOD) . The most crucial time is when they are drifting to sleep - that can make the difference - whether time is going to be measured by the watch or by the calendar. The problem with parents is they take forever to get up and get their bearings once the baby is up (BAD ) and once the cherubic baby is asleep like nothing ever happened they are as awake as you would be in a town square (BAD). Baby 1 parents 0. 

Today baby woke at 0530. Started drifting to sleep by 0600 thanks to some crazy rocking by mom. Dad was also awakened. So what does he do? Give mom words of encouragement and praise? Nope. Dials office. Mom seethes but controls chagrin. Dad has the good sense to make his way out of the room. But just before exiting he says 'Hello?' BABY WAKES.

A toe nail away from the door - could'nt he have said the dreaded word after crossing the door?????? Mom lost it and flew into blind rage.  She was so angry, she could have made mince meat of dad. Thankfully she was pacified by some warm coffee and biscuits :) 

Sundays and Sunshine

I dont like shopping. Weird ? Yes - that's me. But then I did some analysis. Aur is nateeje par pahunchi that shopping ka maza is in who you are shopping with and who you are shopping for. I love the shopping sprees with my mom and sister. I remember back in Hyderabad with roomie dear our gang of girl used to paint the malls red (happy days). Somehow the lack of a shopping partner after marriage ruined the fun of it. Till I got my new BFF. Yep. Chiyaa. With her its real fun. I take her opinion - there have been instances where she has hand picked stuff. Yup.Literally. So last Sunday as the sun shone bright and warmed the place and thawed the snow, I ventured out with her. After the mandatory grocery shopping, it was time to pamper ourselves. Shopping for her is soooooo awesome . There is  no end to the cuteness and pink-ness in baby wear for girls! Aaah I could loose myself. 2 hours just went by and we both returned much energised and recharged.

Tall order

I decided to start setting my wardrobe. Trying the old clothes, segregating them into ones I fit into, ones I may fit into, ones I will never ever fit into but like them too much to give away and ones I will never ever fit into but are not important enough and can not be given away. It was an arduous task. I decided to take it further. I went on to one by one pick up each shelf and set them in order. It has been taking forever and I have some more forevers to go before I can rest. One thing that hit me was how much 'new baby' stuff I had in papers. As in books, pamphlets, coupons, discount vouchers, free samples and what not. See for yourself! 

I loaded this pile into one big carton - excluding the steriliser which is going to another expecting couple :) - and went straight to the garbage bin.Still 6 more shelves to go *shudders*.

Thinking of which there was a time when I used to read every line of every book and follow them to the dot. Now :) I read on happily on my kindle while baby amuses herself :P Kanfidence is the name of the game :P 

The Selfish Gene

I am not one into non fiction. If we dis-regard Rich Dad Poor Dad and Freakonomics and the books I read during pregnancy and for parenting :P . I was tempted to pick this book by an excerpt written on Facebook by an ex-colleague. It seemed very interesting and irresistible.  So I searched heaven and earth to get a copy and finally managed to get a torrent. Thus began my first book on an e-reader. ( I started off reading on K's tablet till he finally gifted me a kindle mini for anniversary. The best thing ever!!) 

Well coming back to the book by Richard Dawkins- it was nothing like what came through in the excerpt. It seemed more like a sociology book. It ended up being a treatise on zoology! Now I have always like biology through my growing years - more so my dad being a professor in Botany - it was inescapable rather. I always wanted to be a doctor too :( There there there I digress again. Huh. Where was I - the book. Yes. The book explains evolution from the perspective of genes. It proposes how organisms - plants, animals, viruses are mere vessels for propagation of genes. They metamorphose every organism and they are ruthless and 'selfish' in their approach. Only the selfish ones survive the vagaries of nature and are able to propagate themselves.

The bit of the book that is most interesting is where he explains evolution according to Game Theory. He takes the example of the game of Prisoner's Dilemma. (Feel free to dose off now - this is going to be elaborate ) 

There are 2 players A and B playing against a Banker. They have 2 cards - Cooperate or Defect. They choose a card - which the other is unaware of and give to the Banker. Depending on their chose the points are scored. 

• They both choose cooperate. They both get a bonus for it say +100.
• They both choose defect. They are penalised for it say -100.
• A chooses cooperate, B chooses defect. B gets paid for the temptation to defect +50 and fines A -10.
• B chooses cooperate, A chooses defect. Its the mirror image of the previous scenario.

As per the author all organisms (err... genes) are playing this game iteratively. There have been computer simulations of this and there is the best strategy too! I am tempted to say it - but then :) Thats the most brilliant point of the book. I felt it works in real life too. That was one of the USP of the book for me. There were many insights which are purely technical but then seemed so true in human interaction. For instance :-

• An organism has as much relatedness to ones own child as it has to its baby sibling (there is a mathematical proof to it) . Hence genes 'make' the organism care as much for the baby siblings because either way they get propagated further. Makes sense eh?  But then an organism is more sure of its child (How does it know its baby brother is really its 'own'? ) This gives rise to the increased attachment to own children. Seen many times in human life, how we tend to take care of our younger siblings as our kids. 
• Quoting from the book - 'The mother lays the visible, tangible egg or bears the child. The poor father is much more vulnerable to deception. It is there fore expected that fathers will put less effort than mothers into caring for young. Similarly, maternal grandmothers can be more sure of their grandchildren than paternal grandmothers can and might be expected to show more altruism than paternal grandmothers.' He goes on to elaborate many such weighing of relationships. He does leave the argument open to challenging and states' Perhaps social anthropologists might have interesting things to say.'
• The book elaborates how the male of a species is always the more decorated one - having a mane or an elaborate tail. But for humans it seems the battle of sexes is reversed. 'Modern western man is undoubtedly exceptional in this respect. It is of course true that some men dress flamboyantly and some women dress drably but,on average, there can be no doubt that in out society the equivalent of the peacock's tail is exhibited by the female, not by the male.Women paint their faces and glue on false eyelashes.' Again an area he leaves open for more debate and research.
• Just like genes tend to propagate themselves, he advocates we have the equivalent of 'Mimeme' - ideas which propagate themselves. They could be in the form of tunes, catch phrases, styles, ways of making pots and pans and the like. He proposes that the idea of 'God' might have been such a 'meme' which has been successfully propagating itself since time immemorial. Food for thought :)

The most interesting must read chapter of the book is one named 'Nice guys finish first'. A very different thought in this dog-eat-dog world. Drove home the fact that even if the gene is 'selfish' good things survive.

Quite a different book from the general crop that I read. Was interesting enough like a novel but must confess skimmed through some bits which were too much into the subject. Not an everyday read, but am happy that I managed to read  it.

Bad mother

You are never good enough . You are full of limitations and do a job riddled with mistakes . You are always second guessing and mostly failing .

These are part and parcel of the emotional baggage of being a mom - so I had read :) I was never one of them . Yes there were the initial days when the little one was just days old and I was clueless as to why she was crying all the time. It took me a while to understand what works for her and what does not . But somehow I saw in myself an acquifer of patience . I am the one who is first to loose it - the bus is delayed, there is no electricity and my favourite show is on tv, I am not able to find something, my code is not working - I loose my patience . That was the one bit I was most scared of in being a mom. I am ok when things are happy but my lack of patience could make me a veritable monster for someone that feeble. Somehow my mid wife's words came true- she said women are meant to have babies don't worry trust your instincts .

And there I was instinctively managing - her feeding , her baths, her motions, her outings, her colic, her moods. I always remembered to give myself and K the credit. Nah not shouting it out from rooftops but the silent ones :) (the books say to do that :P increases your confidence and self esteem which gives good vibes to the baby :P And as they say if you don't value yourself who else will :D) For first time parents with no elders around we had done pretty well . Hail instincts !

There were of course the occasional outbursts when I would be a bit edgy- mostly if she would'nt eat . But then 'hungry kids eat' and it is true :) those small instances were few and far between and forgotten quickly .

Yesterday was different though. Chiyaa has a nagging cold which made her loose her appetite. Consequently she did not have much energy to play around. She did not prefer being carried or kept on the lap either - she was generally restless and unhappy.  She was especially cranky after her afternoon nap . I tried playing with her. Giving her small snacks since she did not have the energy for big meals. As usual at 2115 I tried to make her dose since she seemed exhausted . But she would not sleep after 45 mins of singing, rocking and patting. I gave up and let her play some mild games for some time. 30 mins later she seemed ready to sleep . Since it had been quite some time since her last meal I tried to feed her something - she was not interested. All these futile attempts resulted in a full blast bawl and I lost it. I let her be. I had no energy and more importantly patience to pacify her. After 2-3 minutes over come with guilt and teary eyed myself I got on to cuddle her. She sobbed for close to 30 more minutes before getting some shut eye.

I was truly her culprit. Poor dear suffering from a blocked nose and congested chest had only me for succorance and I fell short. I could not keep it together when it was needed. Feeling guilty does not redeem me. It will take a while to forgive myself.