Let me finish this task

There are still 6 more days to bid adieu to the year, but let me pen my customary post, and keep it to post on a later day. To top it, it's Christmas today so what better day to finish this auspicious task!

The year started with its usual coughs and colds. Chiyaa had some trouble settling into her new room in daycare. But slowly things returned to normalcy. We planned a vacation. It was an amazing trip. Since Chiyaa was 3 years old already, it was a very different experience. She was more aware of what was happening, where we were going, what she was experiencing. She was also way easier to manage and was very flexible. Its been nearly 8 months but she still remembers the trip and what all we did.

This year saw us competing 5 years of stay in the UK. It seems like yesterday that with so much uncertainty we moved in here on a strictly temporary basis. Time has flown and we are hanging around here. We have no idea how long we have daana paani in this country. But 5 years seems long enough sometimes and just like yesterday at other times. Theory of relativity is no wonder so popular!

My sister made a move on the job front. In these volatile times, a job change that is conducive on all fronts is hard to come by. This resulted in her leaving the nest finally. But she being her continued to take care of my parents with her trips home. She called them over to her place for a long vacation as well. She is so much a better offspring than me!

The job front was a year of epic fails for me. In my current organisation we need to apply for the next level of progression. Since there was an opportunity I applied for a role. I failed. It was a good learning experience, but the negative result was a bit disheartening. I also attempted to write a certification examination. I have never ever failed an exam. This time I did, not once, twice. I admit this with much shame. I can rationalise it as much as I want to. I can draw inferences and think of the positives and what not. But the truth remains. K also faced a lot of troughs in his career. Gives me the hope that things should even out in the new  year. Then again I am an external optimist.

One personal achievement I am proud of its the books that I was  able to devour. 15 and counting! Woo hoo! The penultimate month saw my mom coming over. I get to bask in her pampering. I get to have the time of my life again! 

I am not one to openly comment about political or international events. I have an opinion and prefer keeping it to myself. This year I was witness to the Syrian refuge crisis. In my years of existence I don't remember a situation of such proportions. It was heart rending  to see innocent people bearing the brunt of the vagaries of politicians. A news channel reported 'a humanitarian crisis is made up of individual humans '. In the new year I wish there is peace and cohabitation and we come together as human beings to alleviate the problem. I wish children don't face such massacres and genocide.

The new year stands at the threshold holding a lot of promise, a lot of uncertainty. As a family life will change for us. As professionals I hope it changes for the good for us. I wish the coming year brings us face to face with things that make us better, stronger and content. 

Wishing everyone a new year which brims with hope and prosperity.

It's different this time

The second sabbatical of mine is turning out to be way different from how it was the first time. This time I have a Lil monster to look after ;) And I have mommy :) Two of the most amazing people I could be spending my time with!

Chiyaa goes to daycare for the second half only since I am home. It is interesting being with her. Some days are good when she plays around without any fuss at all. Other days she is a bit clingy and wants constant simulation to keep her engaged. The bad days are when she gets  bored and cranky. But whatever be the sort of day, it is mighty good spending time with her. I get to see so many aspects of her. I get to do activities with her, have a note of her 2 meals and generally just hang around with her. I also get to savour mummy's delectable dishes. She makes the simplest dishes with the bare minimum ingredients but with the most mind blowing  taste! 

Once we drop her off, it is awesome time with mommy. We try to go for a walk in the city centre on some chore or other. It is such a joy holding mummy's hand and walking. She quite enjoys taking the festive sights and sounds in. The cold is an inconvenience she has accepted very gracefully. Not once has she complained about it. Just reaffirms my belief that she is the best role model I could dream of. We enjoy each other s company a lot. Even if there is nothing to talk I just lie on her shoulder on a bench in the mall and that in itself is sheer bliss. 

The days we feel like getting some rest or the weather is too uncooperative we stay put at home with a garam chai ki pyaali.  Some days it's a movie we catch up, or discuss family and politics or just mind our own stuff. Mummy being busy with a book. I also try to devour a book or try to make some sketch. I have tried to learn the art of quilling. Still a novice at it. But after the initial hiccups I am hooked.

I have been waiting for these much relaxed days since the past God knows how many months. Now that they here I am enjoying to the hilt. 

The Snow Child

Once in a while one comes across a maiden book which gets one hooked. I picked up The Snow Child as a recommendation from Goodreads. 

I did not have very high hopes from it. But within a couple of pages I was engrossed. I knew I was going to love the book. The book is about an old couple - Jack and Mabel- who have lost a child. They yearn for one,  and the desire to avoid prying relatives, they come to cold and desolate Alaska. They start a home there with no hope though. Till Faina walks into their lives... A girl of the untamed nature. She ties the lives of Jack, Mabel and their friends Esther and George. 

The book describes the wild and abandoned Alaskan scenes with a unique touch. The quietness, the secretive creatures that lurk, the vagaries of nature all have an eerie feeling. I generally pick up a book without reading anything about it. The same was the case with this. But mid way when I started getting goose flesh on reading how having a freshly created snow man melt can feel unearthly, I had to ensure that I was not reading a book about ghosts or ghouls. The genre of this book is 'magical realism and fantasy '. I read some bits about the book to allay my fears of reading a ghastly tale. 

As I continued or turned out to be a page turner. Human emotions were handled with lots gloves and were so poignantly etched. The impact of one entity on so many lives and on itself keeps the reader thoroughly hooked. I am not a fan on surreal stories and this might be the first that I liked. The book leaves a lot of unanswered questions and leaves a lot to interpretation. I would have have liked a bit more closure. But overall it was sheer pleasure reading the book and I would recommend it highly

Would not do justice to the book without some excerpts : -

'This was nothing like back home. He  didn't enjoy his solitude in these woods but instead was self concious and alert, fearing most of all his own ineptness. ' I feel we all have similar emotions away from home don't we?

'As the cabin darkened, Mabel lit the oil lamps, put more wood on the fire, and tried to stop her rhythmic pacing. She thought of her mother, how often she had paced and wrung her hands when Mabel- father didn't come home from some meeting in the university. She thought of the wives of soldiers, gold miners and trappers, drunks and adulterers, all waiting long into the night. Why was it always the woman's fate to pace and fret and wait?'

'You did not have to understand miracles to believe in them,and in fact Mabel had come to suspect the opposite. ' 

So spot on. To believe in miracles one does have to let go of reason.

'In my old age,I see that life itself is often more fantastic and terrible than the stories we believed as children, and that perhaps there is no harm in finding magic among trees.'

'Cradling a swaddled infant in their arms, mothers would distractedly touch their lips to their babies 'foreheads. Passing their toddlers in a hall, mothers would tossle their hair or even sweep them up in their arms and kiss them hard on their chins and necks until the children squealed with glee. Where else in life Mabel wondered, could a woman love so openly and with such abandon.'

Wrapping up

I am wrapping up work. Seems like yesterday I joined this place and here I am on the verge of finishing one innings. No am not quitting, just taking a break for sometime. Within a short span of time, I have already have been through so many changes, built so many relationships. It is really humbling how time passes and things take a turn for better or for worse. I had a slow period for a couple of months this year. I was awaiting the start of my break. But the last month and a half when I started working for K's project, things got busy again. It was exciting, learning something new, challenging myself. But honestly the work that was handed over to me was a beast. I had under estimated it. 

When wrap up time came close, I realised I had quite a bit to do. There were some wonderful weekends spent coding :) I had to bring work home for some days. The very last week K started to pitch in even more. Generally I finish at a  certain time so that I can pick up Chiyaa. The last week K volunteered to do it. So he would finish early and pick her up. No big deal. But I was really touched by his gesture. He could have shunned and made me take full responsibility of my tasks. Be it at home or work. But he chose to pitch in. Chiyaa really enjoyed being brought home by daddy. Father's have a unique way don't they? They would hop all the way home one day or walk backwards! Or better still he would carry her on his shoulders. None of which would happen with me. She would be bathed and freshly clothed when I reached home which K managed to do pretty easily. With me somehow it would be a coup de  resistance. 

Luckily with all the support I managed to finish the work on time! Phew! Relief on both fronts - home and work. 

Today I closed shop. I am still working from home, but there was a sort of closure today with me clearing my desk, packing everything up and getting home. Out of the blue K messaged 

I am not sure what drove him to tell that, my empty desk, my offline status in the office communicator, or nothing at all. I am tempted to believe he misses me,  our journey together to work, the lunches if calendars allowed, the cheeky messages. I will miss him. I would have missed me if I was him :)

Well this has been the end of a chapter not only for me, but for us. Here is hoping for an exciting next!

PS. We dont talk with all Ps and Qs. I think he sent that message from work and hence was taking an official tone :)

Business with acquaintances

I have always found it weird having to interact with people I know personally in an official setting. But I have had innumerable such scenarios. My schooling was in a small town where the predominant establishments were a steel plant and a technical college( where my mom and a maternal grand uncle were faculty). People lived in official quarters provided by either of these heavy weight employers. People literally lived in each others pockets. I had a few teachers who were wives of my mom or dad's colleagues. So when I passed them in school I had the wry smile that I know Miss Sahu as Sahu aunty as well. Papa was a professor( not in the technical college but a general one) and some of my teachers were aware of it. They reached out to my dad for advice as to which set of courses would be good etc. This increased the circle of acquaintance. Some of my friends  knew Miss Mohindra had visited our home to have a conversation about her daughter 's admission. And when I would get the wink wink nudge nudge if she smiled at me. Trust me I never got any unfair advantage. On the contrary I had to be extra extra good and well  behaved lest I ruin their impression of me :(

Papa 's college provided what is the 11th and 12th standard courses in higher secondary education. I opted to do in his college, since his transfer was imminent. Getting an admission in his college provided the fall back option of moving to a new institution when he moved. Now the two years here were pure nightmare. I literally knew the whole college faculty. To top it, since we lived in the college campus the 'bumping' into each other was way more frequent! Luckily there were a few more kids of faculty so not all limelight was on me ;) But I hated it if I got a good on my diagrams, some other kids suspected favouritism. In fact there were a few teachers who asked me more questions for no good reason evident to me. If I missed a class, Papa was asked the reason. He gave me compete autonomy as to which classes I wanted to attend. But I would not have liked being asked why my kid did so and so every time she did something. There was in fact an occasion  where one colleague of my dad 's who did not get along so well with him complained to the principal about me! Whew that one came from no where.

Ironically I joined the popular technical institution in the city and it was all back to square one in terms of people. In fact my grand uncle still worked there and he kept me on a real tight rope. 

After my education was over, I was sure gone were those uncomfortable  days. Yes I would have loved having a friend as a colleague. I made new friends with colleagues. So much so I ended up marrying a colleague ;)  Things have come a full circle now and last year I ended up joining the same organisation where K works. That was good enough. I had  a permanent lunch buddy. Now last month we were pitched in the same project! Hmmmm deja vu.

Now this is a whole new world of awkward. In status meetings K is unable to keep a straight face when talking to me :P I on the other hand am  extra extra formal and cautious. I think all the years of conditioning to be a 'good girl' kicked in. After meetings K  many times pings me on the the internal communicator with 'abbe what sort of update was that ' I would retort' is this how you talk with all your subject matter experts?' There are times when he reaches out to other colleagues for updates he could get from me just to avoid talking to me but then go on speaking about the project at home much to me annoyance. With some desk moves he sits closer to me. He is not directly in my field of vision but I can see him when I move around. Sometimes he gives me a squint eye or funny face when I pass through. It has me in total splits. 

Seems like the story of my life that I have someone who makes me 'uncomfortable' at my professional eco system :D

The weekend of dreams

The weekend that went by was the stuff that you always fantasize about. The kinds you wish would happen, but you know the chances are as great as dinosaurs roaming the world again. No I did not bump into a celebrity or win a lottery. (And those are not the stuff I day-dream about either).

Long long ago – more precisely 10 years ago, my bestie and I were lying on our hostel bed and making glorious plans for the future. One of them included having a family vacation together once in a while. I know there are people for whom such dreams materialise. There are people who are neighbours with their best friends! Such things don’t happen to me. Of the few friends that I have, none were in the same city as me for a long time after graduation. Now none are even in the same continent. 

But then life has a knack of throwing that odd bouncer, which struck just right goes for a six! After a decade of work and life, Ashma had the opportunity to visit a neighbouring island. It felt like an arm’s reach from UK. Of course she would come and visit us if she was coming to Ireland. There was the initial dilemma of whether she would accept the offer or not in the first place, given that she had a young child. My suggestion was to accept the offer with open arms and bring family along since it would be a very good opportunity. At least her fares would be paid for and they would have a mini vacation abroad. Everything progressed smoothly from then on. They were travel ready, but then she had a personal emergency due to which she had to cancel all plans. We were kind of prepared for some dreams being too good to come true. 

As months moved on, the opportunity presented itself again. Yayyyy !!!!  This time she was finally and definitely coming! It was all happening   very fast and we thought we would go about planning everything once she landed. She landed and we did some sketchy planning. Her trip was super compressed into 3 weeks giving her 2.5 weekends. She had to make a trip to UK in the middle week. Coming all the way to UK, she definitely wanted to give London a look. So the Friday, Saturday and Sunday she decided to come to UK with Saturday reserved for London. 

Friday morning Ashu, M and her lil boy S reached home. It was wonderful to have her make tea while I flipped dosas. K was trying to work from home :D. The home was filled with warmth as the adults chatted and kids after their initial shyness played along. I will admit, that thanks to technology its not we are totally out of each other’s worlds. We keep messaging each other, swapping pictures and I make it a point to call twice a month. We have our long chats about everything under the sun then. So though I was seeing her after 6 years, it was not 6 years  of white noise. It was  6 years where we were ‘virtually’ in touch with one another. Evening the men decided to hit the bar while being typical women folk, we busied ourselves with kids and cooking. It was very interesting to note the little bickering, competition for attention, the clamouring for same toy and the final reconciliation that the kids had amidst themselves. Evening it was gorgeous Indian takeaway and an early night in since Ashu and co had a rise and shine at dawn for London. 

We spent most of Saturday by ourselves. Sunday Chiyaa had her swimming class. Since Ashu was the only one awake (miracle!) she came along with us. As Chiyaa and K took to the pool, we got another half an hour to just randomly chat. It was S’s birthday! Once back home, after breakfast, it was time for cake! Woo hoo! The gift we gave to S was a bone of contention as both the kids wanted exclusive rights over them. It was so funny, entertaining and educating to watch how the kids dealt with the situation. Just because S began to cry at a certain point, Chiyaa started crying as well. Finally peace reigned and they played together. We were too lazy to venture outside. But finally at 5 in the evening K took control and asked everyone to get started. We went to the nearby docks which was a pleasant walk together. The kids were going berserk literally using anything and everything as an item to play with. We have been in this city for 5 years but we had never used the water taxi that ferries on the canal. With friends around, it was the best excuse and we all took a ride in it and thoroughly enjoyed it. Some really amazing Indian food was the perfect end to the evening. 

Back home, the kids played as we packed and got ready for the upcoming Monday. There was just so much to generally talk, the refugee crisis, disease control in India, fate and destiny and what not. I literally had to pull myself away when the clock approached 2200 since they had to depart to the airport at 0430 in the morning. I had a weird dream where I saw K and me walking with Ashu to drop her while M was coming along in a car behind us. At the end of the journey, Ashu just turned back and hugged me. I felt very vacant after that dream and it was a bit tough for me to get back to sleep. Finally the hands of the clock indicated, it was time to say goodbye.

The house seems vacant today. But somehow Chiyaa and the routine around her is making everything bearable. It is oh so rare that we get to have real friends over – friends with whom the times apart does not matter, because there are no actual times apart. Friends with whom one is perfectly comfortable making calls home or playing games on the computer without thinking what they might think. Friends with whom one is ok to venture out for a couple of drinks even if you have met them for the very first time. Friends with whom one is crazy enough to think of a family vacation together again in the near future.

Still Alice

To be honest, I never understood the big deal about Alzheimer’s disease. You slowly forget everything. Which in a way is a good thing is nt it? No grudges remembered, no embarrassing memories, no idea if you have a good or bad relationship with a person – it’s a come as you may world. Living each moment. Sounds like a good thing in fact. But then no memory of your achievements, of that moment when you felt you have found your soul mate, of the family get-togethers,  your children. That seems like torture. Apart from these enhanced attributes, what about the basic attributes which separate humans from other organisms – language, control over bodily functions, threat perception. What happens when a human being slowly loses those brain cells that hold the information about these. That definitely is not a happy place to be.

A friend of mine had a relative who succumbed to dementia. She used to tell me some instances and episodes. Though I had some awareness, I never fully got the impact of the ailment. Till I read this book.

The book is about a Harvard professor – Alice Howland who is diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease. She is only 50 which is a very unlikely age to have the disease. A mother of three successful and intelligent kids and a celebrated teacher and professor – a debilitating disease of the brain is the worst thing that could happen to her. The book is the journey of Alice from a point where she is a bit incoherent on a downward slope. It is a very realistic portrayal of the everyday struggles of someone with the illness. It certainly helped me appreciate just how important our brain is! ( I know of course it’s important ). It also brought to life the feelings of family and immediate carers. 

Read the book for an insight into the mind of someone who is slowly losing grips on her identity and individuality. For a true appreciation of how lucky we are to have healthy bodies and more importantly healthy minds. A fantastic read!