I don’t know what I am waiting for. I feel as if I am anticipating something. As if something important is going to happen and I am all agog for it. Each day I am inching towards it. But what is it?
I have lots of important events lined up till early 2008. Have a lot of personal and professional commitments to be met. And each day is bringing me closer to them. As each day passes I kind of put a mental tick against that day. Ok. Done. Now next.
But then when I look back on the day that just went by, I feel, oh! No! Did I use it to the fullest? I love these words of Rudyard Kipling from the poem If
“If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run”
That’s what I feel at the end of each day.
Did I utilize it well?
Did I fill each unforgiving minute with worth?
Or was I a wastrel when it came to the 24 hours that just went by?
When I am pushing myself to do all the things that have to be done and that I want to do.. I say to myself… Hey slow down… Take it easy…
And if I let the pace slacken a bit… I reprimand myself… Oh Come on you are going to repent this. Get up and get going.
Argh! I am in such a fix :-(
And today I spoke to my room mate.
I could not take this tug of war any more.
So I just blurted out,”Such weird days aint these... I kind of feel restless”
And she was like, “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa very true... Even I feel like that. When the week starts I wait for the weekend.. And once the weekend comes I am like... Oh God when is this going to end. I don’t feel like doing anything at work. Life is just going on yaar. Even I don’t know what is going on. May be it’s the weather.”
Then I though yes!!
I am not sure.
But I just wish I get rid of this restless feeling.
I wish I stop putting those mental tick marks against days like a prisoner.
I wish I stop looking at the calendar once in a while and count days, weeks, months….
I wish I knew what am I waiting for.. :-(