CAT - Over and OUT

This goes out to all the people before they start asking me my CAT score. Got a paltry 81.27% ile. Leaves me heading to no where.

So am I sad? Not exactly. I feel like a lost warrior. I fought I lost. Hmm but I did nt give in in between. I fought till the whistle was blown thrice.

Did I give in my best? Hmm... Tough question. Aint sure. If I look back maybe I could have tried a bit harder, but then, No ones died of hard work, but why take chances? :-D

I had some visions of the year ahead, under the presumption that I would be clearing the exams. Guess those visions get to go back to the Archive folder in my memory management system. Now its time to start creating new visions.

As soon as I got the result and was discussing the same with mom and my first impulse was to say "Mom I will give it again."
She was like "What the hell... Will you keep giving it ad infinitum. Ridiculous. Stay put. Try to concentrate on your new job from hence forth."

Then I realized, Yea that makes sense actually. I should know my limits. By giving the exam again and again and again whom am I trying to prove that I am a determined person? And I have always believed in the saying, "You get what you deserve, not what you want". So maybe those elite IIMs are too grand a dream for me.

If I look at the positives, not clearing CAT irons out quite a lot of troublesome months of decision making on the personal and professional front. I just have a straight path now with no future probable quandaries regarding the road not taken.



So heres me, the optimist, still believing, whatever happens, happens for the good only.....

D day and nonchalance

Its my wedding in 15 more days.

And the strange fact is I am feeling completely numb towards it.

I can feel how busy my mom and dad are with all the preps back at my home.

But strangely I am having none of the “princess for one day”, “the D day” etc etc feeling.

I have seen friends around me going all hyper towards their wedding preparations. They plan everything to the very last details. Yeah my thing is also pretty planned. But most of it is being handled by my parents cos I aint big enuff to do all those stuff :-D

Jokes apart, some how the close ness of the day does nt arouse any feelings in me. Nor does it make me nervous. I feel it’s a day which has been touted a lot and which will pass.

Something like 18^th November.

Since the last week of October I was waiting for the 3^rd Sunday of November. Cos that was CAT day. An exam I loved and respected a lot and wanted to crack big time. I used to get butterflies in my stomach thinking of that Sunday. God knows how many times I rehearsed how that day would be.

One scenario would be me sitting in the hall not able to answer much and feeling dazed. Then the next moment there would be another of me coming out of the exam hall feeling all triumphant and relaxed and then going off for a movie. Yet another bout of wishful thinking would make me imagine myself all bored through the evening as happens after any important exam.

And all the while when any one would ask me in November, are you feeling excited etc for the wedding I would say “No.. Not exactly”. I thought it was primarily because CAT was over powering me. It was the imminent clear and present danger which needed the alacrity of all my senses.

But then CAT is over and done ( Now its result time I know :- (

And still if any one asks me “So the D day is close eh? How do ya feel?” I say “Hmmm well nothing much :- | “

I aint sure why it is so.

I would love to feel all gaga that I am gonna get married and all.

But I am not.

I tried to analyse what mite be the reasons.

Its none of the predictable reasons like I am afraid to loose my independence or I am scared of the responsibilities that I would need to shoulder now( frankly speaking I am too fiercely independent to give it up and I am mature enuff to shoulder my share of responsibilities and delegate the rest :-D

The nagging feeling still remains – that why am I not feeling all agog. :- (

I think next Saturday when I go home (it starts my 3 week long vacation for the wedding) I might start getting all enthu since then I will be in the thick of activities.

Hoping for that.