Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Blue day

Yes the kid started day care today. I enrolled the services of daddy to help her settle down and also for my own moral support. Both of us took the day off to be on standby hoping that the back up power would never ever be summoned . 

I was all through putting up a false bravado. I kept believing that the kid would fare way better and I had to keep my mind off it. She would adjust fine. I was conditioning myself.  As K says – you feel what you want to feel. There was quite some truth in that.  I wanted to feel positive, I wanted to feel relaxed, I wanted to feel this separation pangs would inevitably hit her when she got to school. I had to wear the safety net myself first before I could provide any reassurance to anyone else.

We woke up way ahead of our regular time. Our chores done we waited for Chiyaa to rise and shine. Generally the water tap, the microwave bing , lights and sound of any fashion wake her up. Today she kept sleeping like a angel . It was heart breaking to lift her from the bed, change her and get started. It felt out right cruel. But what is to be done is to be done . 

We started in the right earnest . Reached the daycare. Chiyaa saw her dad packing the pram and had the most pleading look on her eyes . We slowly took her over to her designated room. Kids were seated around having their breakfast. She reluctantly settled into a chair. Her eyes had welled up though she was curious of her surroundings. I felt as if something inside me was dead because I did not feel sad at all. Sounds ruthless I know . But I felt the whole process was akin to taking vaccine shots - painful but necessary and for our good. I felt I had somehow pushed all emotions under some big dead weight. K on the contrary was a crumble . His eyes had the faraway look, there was a sniffle and he would not utter a word. I could understand he wanted his time to realign . Finally he broke the silence and uttered 3 words - I miss her. I wished to hug him and say kind words and console him. I knew it would all be useless. K had to get his own anti bodies for his shot. 

It was barely 15 minutes since we had left her and I already felt the urge to call and check how she was faring. I somehow managed to hold myself till it was 1.5 hours without her. I was not too happy with what I heard. She had been pretty upset and been crying through out. I tried to brush the news and get on with my normal activities. I had planned to get her back at 1430 which would be the  time as per my part time schedule. At 1300 Amma asked me to check how she was faring. I could not resist once the idea had made home in my little head. I called up and I could hear her screaming. It was unbearable. I jumped into my jeans and mommy daddy rescue squad was on its way. 

We reached and saw her sobbing on the lap of a child minder who was trying her best to make her ok by showing a toy. All the other kids were fast asleep and my dear darling was crying her eyes out. We brought her out and got her dressed in her coat. The lady who was with her for most the time said that she had played a bit . The moment she would hear the door open or see parents drop their kids she would remember and start crying. I felt very sad at the thought of it but she reassured me that as she would realise that mom and dad are going to come back she would fare way better. Not a pleasant idea to make your child used to. I know. I got her a big cookie and was consoled by the fact that she was not responding adversely to either of us. I had heard instances from friends where the child became too clingy or repulsive towards a parent. Poor dear kids we sometimes bheja fry them :(. 

We brought her home. She looked relieved (or that was my interpretation of her look) she got on playing with her familiar toys. I wished her strength. I wished her patience . I wished I would never have to leave her but I would. Hope tomorrow is much better than today my little birdie . 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Things move on - pretty quick

My head was about to burst. Yep - I had so so many things to write. But time!! That elusive element that slips from our hands. :( 

Well whats been up. I mean what has been happening- lots.

Diwali came. A work related set back for K was not the prelude we were hoping for at all. He was crestfallen. But the proverbial things must move on. The day of lights started off low key with the usual feelings of nostalgia and reminiscence. As the kachori and achaari paneer got ready, we got into celebration mode. We had more the reason to celebrate since Amma was also with us. It was a Diwali when all four of us were together. K put on some channels streaming Tamil programmes (Diwali is celebrated by hosting debate competitions in TamilNadu. Incredible India! I hear you :D ) Some colleagues of his came up with savories. We also gave eenth ka jawab with pathar by serving mil made burfi and murukkus. Eating is such an integral part of our ethos. We eat and all is well.We munched upon a variety of food and Diwali was celebrated in the truest of spirits! 

The next day was Halloween celebration at K's work. The kid was the devil,mom a leopard and dad crazy cat. She danced her way to glory.It was so thrilling to watch Chiyaa just get into the flow and dance to the wild jhinchak music. Again - food glorious food-  was just too good! There were games, songs, dancing and general fun. Chiyaa was so beat that she literally came to me drifted off to sleep right in the middle of all the conundrum . 

The following morning work seemed unreal. I was in a trance. I had no clue about the happenings around. Slowly the senses returned. The usual humdrum of work prevailed. All was not so dark and murky even though summer was officially over. The Christmas decorations started coming up around the city. A fresh festive fervor started getting enthused. All started to look bright and happening again. 

Which made us for a moment forget that Amma's return was a month away. The month became 20 days, and then a fortnight. We had the trial run of Chiyaa at the daycare centre. The first day was a charm - she ran off,  played around and scarcely came back to us when we called. Morning shows the day?Unfortunately not in this case :( Second day she got really upset after 15 minutes. Day 3 the same saga. I decided to forgo the next session since I wanted her to have a day at peace at home with her granny. For tomorrow  we face the real deal. Yep just like my initial jitters about joining work after maternity I have total monarch butterflies in my stomach thinking about tomorrow when I start her day care. No amount of preparation can help me in gearing up to face the challenge. I know kids adjust way better, things fall into place way sooner, but when I look at her expectant little face which comes running to me for reassurance and security - I get on the inevitable guilt trip. Who will she go to tomorrow?

I just hope all goes well and all my fears are baseless hopeless paranoia.