Rain rain - do whatever you want to do

It’s a murky day today. Its been raining since I don’t even remember when. It is cold in June. It is the sort of weather that would make you climb under the duvet and not see the world. It is the kind of weather I hate. Or maybe I should say I used to hate.

I am reformed. I am not hating it. I am not loving it either. I am liking it would be close enough. 

I am liking the fact that I don’t have to hunt for a seat on the right hand side of the bus. Let me explain. The sun’s oblique rays scorch the left hand side of the bus i.e the east. It is more of a problem for me since

a. I read a book on my phone and the reflection and glaring rays really bother me.

b. I sit on the top deck of the bus because I like sitting there. The lower deck distracts me, people getting in and out, the activities on the street what not. I am very easily distracted.

So I like the fact that I don’t have to go searching for an appropriate seat.

Also the blanket brightness removes the feeling of the passage of the day. It is the same bright day from 0600 to 2130. Literally. But when rains and the associated clouds come into play, the texture of the day keeps changing. Sometimes it dull, sometimes its dark, sometimes it becomes a teensy bit bright and then rainy. It seems to have a bit more variety. I dont mind that.

It reminds me of home, of Bhubaneswar – of the monsoon. It is nearly monsoon time there. And it reminds me of how much I hated it growing up. And all the stuff we used to do to dry clothes. We Indians are passionate about drying clothes arent we? Something I feel we share with the Brits. Any day the sun shines I see clothes magically appear on the clothes lines. I wonder if people wait for the sun to wash. Or they put clean clothes to wash just because its sunny or they put dry clothes on the clothes line just for laughs. I cannot check, but I remember back in India the passion with which we needed to dry clothes. We used to string wires across rooms – bedroom, dining space – anything goes. And put all the wet clothes there with the fan on in full speed. We hated the “fan dried” clothes. And waited for the rains to stop. We do not face the problem of drying clothes because of the dryer. But there is an inherent dampness in the coats and the shoes. I would prefer it dry, but I don’t mind it.

The place where I live, there is a general misty feeling around. An earlier me would have hated it. This new me finds it poetic! I am alarmed. I asked K if everything is ok with me and he said “It actually is beautiful, why wouldn’t you find it beautiful ?” Point. He can shush me!

I am happy with the changes though. Age has come with some positive changes I would say. I am not grumbling as I stand in the bus stand and the bus is delayed cos of the rains. I am also thankful for the right choice of footwear and outerwear which enables me to be relatively dry (of course this is a skill developed over the years of residence in this country. I have figured out what to wear when :D ) . An earlier me would have worked from home under such inclement weather ;) But I am liking coming to work and sitting in the climate controlled 13^th floor, where my window seat gives me the privilege of looking outside and the murky sky while appreciating the artificial brightness inside (I am not being sarcastic ). 

Working at office is helping me to be more disciplined rather than foraging through the fridge and food cupboard.

The rains are supposed to get worse over the next 2 days. Bring it on. I feel prepared :D  

Stolen Moments

Time management is one of the most common classes in our office. Time and again we keep receiving emails for yet another time management course and as habit, I drag to the trash folder :) But time management is one thing any one needs heavily.

Many a times I feel, K and I hardly have time for each other. I rise around 0630 and attend to the chores in the kitchen. After an hour and a half, when I am done with my duties, and ready for the gym, K wakes up. He is around in the house for an hour or so when he gets ready for office and packs the lunches. By the time hes ready to leave for office, I come back from the gym and have a 40 minute window to get ready for work. Evenings are equally crammed. Some days in case hes early ( which is a big rarity, I get caught up in something. ) Even if I am early, many a times I have some pending tasks which I cater to from home. Else he gets immersed in preparing for a certification he is planning to write. I do not complain about this, cos this is life, but then when we cross each other passing by (he starting for office and me returning from gym or he hitting the bed while I am on with some work, he with his mug of coffee while I am starting to the gym etc) we kinda miss each other. But its good in a way because every time we are together, we relish those precious times.

Like last weekend. We ventured out just for the heck of it in a bus to a land far far away for a haricut :) Yep we chose to travel some 20 odd kilometers while people do come to some salons in our area for a nice hairdo. And fate had it such, the main person (the "Billoo Barber " we had heard a lot about and gone to see ) was missing from the salon that day and we had to make just a round trip. On the return we got famished and had an amazing Chettinadu meal!! We were soooo full, we decided to do our tummies a favor and walked back the entire 4 km stretch back home. We chit chatted, and discussed so many things - my opinion about his friends, his childhood days, my memories of our time in Papas government quarters and so many other things we rarely talk about. The walk from the hotel to our home, is something we both will cherish for a very very long time.

And the next day I did something I had never done before - I invited 2 of his friends for dinner. I always have fond memories of mom hosting a lot of get togethers for dads friends and their families. I was a tongue tied ungainly teenager then and remember being very quiet. My feisty sister was an epitome of cuteness and quietness too. I remember one of dad friends ask her one question after another to get more than a monosyllable as an answer. But none the less as I look back, those days were idyllic with all the elaborate cookings and choosing the best dress to wear and tidying up the house (rather pushing all clutter behind the cupboards :) ) Last sunday when we hosted K's friends, I could understand how happy my mom might have felt going through all the pain of cooking, arranging and later even cleaning. Post that, as we both were sipping the Coca cola, K got talking about some of his wishes and random aspirations. We were discussing them, as if they were events about to take place in the coming week and were charting the plan of action for absolutely hypothetical scenarios. Do not remember how time passed by, but I do remember feeling very satisfied after that long drawn conversation. :)

Luckily fate gave us another chance to steal some precious moments last Thursday. K and my workplace are in the middle of no where and both the no wheres lie diametrically opposite to each other (@!%^@!$!) But Thursday, K had to come in the direction of my office to meet a team mate of his whose father had expired. We both decided to return home together. Once K reached my office, we had snacks together. It was more just to be together rather than out of hunger. Just as we started for home, it started pouring. And we shared one umbrella and came home drenched. I hate the journeys in share autos I undertake every day . Its like smoking a cigarette, each one takes 5 minutes of happiness from my life :( The days it rains when I am commuting, I hate it even more - much much more. But for the first time since I joined my office, I liked the journey back home. It felt like good old times in Bangalore where our love more or less blossomed in one fated auto trip where K gave me his shoulder to rest upon *blushes*. Once home, we had yummy mil made pasta and yummy me made masala tea and the soporific sound of rain drops dancing on the balcony in the background. It was bliss, I felt happy to be where I was - with a loving friend ( I still do not look upon K as a husband :) ) and an mil who adds a unique angle of wise support to our domesticity.

I am not sure when again I might get such pleasant moments with K. Maybe they should have a course on "personal time" management course for people who work in God forsaken work places and have a lot of personal hobbies and interests to accommodate and who .........the list just does nt end here :) (I should start working on designing such a course maybe :D )

Waiting for.. ?

I don’t know what I am waiting for. I feel as if I am anticipating something. As if something important is going to happen and I am all agog for it. Each day I am inching towards it. But what is it?

I have lots of important events lined up till early 2008. Have a lot of personal and professional commitments to be met. And each day is bringing me closer to them. As each day passes I kind of put a mental tick against that day. Ok. Done. Now next.

But then when I look back on the day that just went by, I feel, oh! No! Did I use it to the fullest? I love these words of Rudyard Kipling from the poem If

“If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run”

That’s what I feel at the end of each day.

Did I utilize it well?

Did I fill each unforgiving minute with worth?

Or was I a wastrel when it came to the 24 hours that just went by?

When I am pushing myself to do all the things that have to be done and that I want to do.. I say to myself… Hey slow down… Take it easy…

And if I let the pace slacken a bit… I reprimand myself… Oh Come on you are going to repent this. Get up and get going.

Argh! I am in such a fix :-(

And today I spoke to my room mate.

I could not take this tug of war any more.

So I just blurted out,”Such weird days aint these... I kind of feel restless”

And she was like, “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa very true... Even I feel like that. When the week starts I wait for the weekend.. And once the weekend comes I am like... Oh God when is this going to end. I don’t feel like doing anything at work. Life is just going on yaar. Even I don’t know what is going on. May be it’s the weather.”

Then I though yes!! Eureka. May be it’s the weather after all. We have not seen the sun since ages. It has either been raining or it’s been cloudy and chill. It’s all soggy and soppy all over. And that irritates me and my roomie dear big time. May be we are a bit under the weather (mentally though ;))

I am not sure.

But I just wish I get rid of this restless feeling.

I wish I stop putting those mental tick marks against days like a prisoner.

I wish I stop looking at the calendar once in a while and count days, weeks, months….

I wish I knew what am I waiting for.. :-(