Upcoming holidays

 The summer holidays are upon us again. In a week, the girls will finish their current year group and settle down for six weeks of relaxation. The last week at school has been madness, to say the least. Chiyaa has three days of summer school in a maths-focused school. She gets to be there and visit the city university and make a trip to a maths museum and activity centre. It is a huge opportunity. But it is also a whole lot of things to keep tabs on. Have to be mindful of what she's doing when, any changes in pick-up, selecting her meals on the days out, to name a few. She has one day of acting in a play by Shakespeare. She needs to be dropped in early and picked up late on the day. We made all the arrangements but in the midst forgot to buy tickets for the show itself. Got that sorted and now even we are all ready for the show!

These are secondary school challenges; primary is mayhem on another level. Last week, day one, Pumpki has a trip to a local bookstore as part of her school book club, then a ukulele performance in the afternoon, and I have to remember she's going to go in non-uniform to celebrate 400 years of the city.  Tuesday, it's tug of war, hence PE kit. Wednesday, it's water fight in PE kit and a change of clothes. Thursday, non-uniform again and board games day, so send her with games. And phew, Friday is one normal day!

All this with work and the heatwave has kept us on our toes. But the pang is the absence of parents. For the past three years, my parents were here. They added a degree of calm, love, joy, and happiness, which seems to be missing. It all seems boring without them.  There is an undercurrent of something not quite fulfilled. Looking forward to the  bittersweet six weeks 🥹

Its taking a while

 Its been over a week, still the weirdness hasn't gone. We have been through a week of school and work. We have done the usual additional activities over the weekends. We are planning walks over the upcoming sunny days. There is a placid flow of routine. The IPL season has added some excitement to the evenings. The mowing of lawn, the garden benches being out, the clothes being put out for drying - all these activities are something that fill us with joy. We look forward to enjoying the spring and the lengthening of days there of. But this year it seems a bit listless and filled with nothing. It seems a bit empty and mechanical. I am not sure if it is just the hangover of a lovely time in India. Or it is the absence of my parents who have been around for the past 3 years over spring-summer to make the days more fulfilling. Sitting on the outset of the bright months, I am filled with a sense of dread as if autumn was approaching. There seems to be nothing to look forward to. Even booking a trip or planning something seems meaningless. I still look at the time in India and think of my parents, what they would be up to. How the roads would be glistening in the harsh sun and our home would be a little, cool, welcoming shelter. A piece of my heart is still there and it is going to take a while for it to get together.

The loop

 And just like that, a month has passed since my parents travelled back to India. Saying goodbye this time was super hard, but strangely the recovery wasn't too bad. I think earlier they were so active and so all over the place, helping in this, doing that, going for walks, playing with the kids, that their presence seemed to be everywhere. But this time I found them a bit more sedate. Yes, they were ever eager to do things, full of ideas for changes and willing to go out anywhere. But the tiredness of age was there as well. The preference to be at a certain place, the intention of conserving energy, the thrill of being looked after was what they sought as well. It was really sweet in a way to have this turn of events from their side, because both of them are ever buzzing without a moment's rest.

The autumn half term is the longest. It just seems to go on for ever. This time that seemed different too. It was 8 weeks long, but to be honest, did not seem so at all. Both girls were super engaged in one club or the other. There were events in school and I was personally  a lot busier at work. Work was new, super challenging, interesting and in large volumes. Most days I did have to end up working after the girls are home. Thank God they had their hobbies of gaming and books to keep them engaged. This was the first time in a long time that I did not feel the pain of a super long term. When Pumpki said, we just finished 8 weeks of school, it was sheer news to me!

We are tied in the cycle of half terms and school activities. Some years ago what seemed limiting and restrictive now seems like a blessing. It is in fact a blessing to be able to have those days of rest during the half term holidays. It is refreshing to not wake up to an alarm clock. Those few extra minutes of sleep add so much to the day. It is a different cadence to relax with the girls as it is to end up in a frenzy with them. As it is a different cadence with my parents, a gentleness, a slowly down. Life is so close to clockwork.

Maybe the end of a chapter?

 My parents start back to India tomorrow. It seems like the end of a chapter. Papa is 75 years old and is not too keen on making any more trips to the UK. The journey is too much of a toll on him. It feels especially heavy that tomorrow might be the last day they are in the UK. It all started way back in 2010 when K and I were seriously on a temporary basis here. We were so keen that everyone come and visit the beautiful country that we initiated visas for everyone and had them over for a few weeks to go through the main highlights of the country. 

One thing led to another and we had Chiyaa. Mummy was here to spend some glorious time with her when Chiyaa was a toddler. Papa was quite active then and could not do away with his engagements at home. He came over for shorter stints of 3 weeks when we visited Northern Ireland, places a bit further afield and had an amazing time. After Chiyaa it was time for Pumpki. Mummy who couldn't make it for  my first pregnancy because of visa issues, came over as soon as we needed her. She was a stellar companion for Chiyaa, was a fabulous granny for Pumpki and the solid support for me. Things did go a bit topsy turvy and K was transferred to Ipswich. We all made the shift because Mummy made everything seem so easy. Pumpki was flourishing in Ipswich and we were on the verge of getting our own house, when things took a turn for the worse. K had to quit his job to look for his next assignment in the UK. Mummy came over again once Amma had gone back to give us some respite. Since our tenure wasn't certain, we didn't want Pumpki to get enrolled in a day-care yet. K continued his job hunt and like a salmon coming back to where it is born we drifted back to Leeds. Mummy again made this second move seem seamless and effortless. 

Leeds was where we grew our roots. We got a house in 2018 and of course we had Papa Mummy come over and enjoy our new place. It was lovely to have them finally for longer durations since Papa had given up many of his long term engagements. Over the 7 years he was weakened as well and needed the companionship  of Mummy to travel. For me it was a bit of a win since I could enjoy his company for longer durations. We explored a few more places, ate at a few more joints and generally enjoyed each others company alongside our little kids. 

Papa wanted to make another trip the following year to perhaps celebrate the birthday of Chiyaa, Pumpki and myself since we are all winter babies. Winter is not the best time to come to the UK, but he is the kind of man who has some milestones and some self made aspirations. I was not going to complain :) Once they  reached in 2019, mummy  fell quite ill. It was the first time I felt the vulnerability of their age. It made me come face to face with the fact that they were loosing their strength - both mentally and physically. It made me aware of the changing times. But God had a different set of plans that year. 2019 was the year of the Covid and 2020 was the year of the lockdown. We had pencilled in  London and a bunch of other places. But we ended up being at home, taking many many walks, baking, cooking, playing, crafting and have a splendid 9 months! Papa had plans to celebrate 3 birthdays but we ended up celebrating every single birthday! During the birthday celebrations I kept thinking this was  perhaps the last time we were  all together cutting cakes and gorging on it because given our geographical distances, it wouldn't be easily feasible. I remember the evening prior to their departure back to India, I went on a walk with Mummy. She was looking around at the gardens and mentioned, "not sure if I can ever come back again and see all this" I replied, "Never say never Mummy, you never know :) "

As luck would have it, in 2 years' time my sister made her way to Leeds as well. It was an added incentive for my parents to come over here. They made the trips, we spent time as an entire unit - again something I never ever imagined would come true. It was literally God's grace and His awesome blessing that I got to spend such valuable time with my parents. Again there were trips, there was food and there were birthday celebrations. What started with just the highlights of UK in 2010 extended to way beyond the borders of UK by 2024. I did miss them when they stayed at my sister's place and I did wish we could literally be together all the time. But then one cant have it all.

This year 2025 has been their third consecutive annual trip to the UK. I must say this tenure has been the best. We have watched some scintillating cricket with the England vs India test series, the Asia cup or the IPLs. And maybe gotten the kids hooked to the game. We have played a lot of card games with the kids. It was a lovely time spent in a lot of warmth and love.

 I have taken the longest duration this time to reconcile to their return. As someone who has stayed away from home since I was 18 I am quite used to arrivals and departures. I miss people a lot, but then I move on. But this time around, the distance seems too much. We have come so far over the past 15 years. I have seen them slowly become reliant on us. I have seen them become even more adjustive though their body yearns for status quo. I know they have their lives back in India, it is much harder and much busier. The urge to look after them, to pamper them, to give them all the conveniences is very strong. I will be a wreck tomorrow. I will have my duties and chores, but the emotion of missing my parent will be with me for a long time. I know never say never, and the eternal optimist in me is sure they will come again and again. 

Silver Linings

I always look forward to and love the stay of my parents at home. The current stint has been extra special. We of course had all the birthdays and anniversaries to celebrate. My parents love seeing their grand daughters in action. They come over to watch their swim lessons. They accompany them to karate tournaments. They come over for school functions and events. The girls love showing off to their tubi and aja. (Tubi  is a customized name given by Chiyaa to my mom and aja is the Odia for maternal grandfather)

The blissful months in their merry companionship was going at break neck speed for me. I feel sad when I think that Papa will be returning in a month. When I say the same to anyone else they are “they have been here since ages!” Well relativity. I cannot have enough of their company. I love seeing how they just bask in the company of the kids. Chiyaa comes and just plop lands on Papa’s lap. Pumpki keeps chatting incessantly J My work is quite packed and I have reserved my holidays for the breaks from school. I was ruing not being able to spend enough time with my parents.

A weird twist of fate came in the shape of the Corona virus pandemic. Our company declared “mandatory work from home till further notice”. For me the first thought was “I can be around Papa mummy!”Working from home after 1.5 years was a novel experience in itself. Remember Ipswich days? I used to love working from home and dreaded going back to office. It was kind of the other way around here. I missed getting dressed and the rush of stepping out of home at 0730. The demands of family changed in a day. K wanted me to cook his oats or give the egg omlette. Chiyaa wanted me to brush her teeth (on second thoughts I offered because I love babying her J ) Pumpki had her hair done by me which I oh so enjoyed! I had done it so infrequently for her. Pumpki returned home around 1. Though I was in another room, I could hear her pitter patter. It was real funny and cute!  I generally start work by 0815 but now the time moved to 0830 after the kids started. It did annoy the side of me which is a stickler to time – but small price. Once the house was quiet, I had mummy bringing me a cup of ginger tea! Once my calls were done, she would step in and discuss something, some family politics, international politics, benefits of yoga, work life balance or just anything under the sun. Papa would also similarly come over and discuss something. It is a blissful feeling to be able to work and also be with touch with them.

We are to be in this work from home state for a month. I am getting habituated to this new “work life balance” J

Not meant to be

Papa mummy landed on the 10^th of December. It was a carefully planned trip, one which was decided a year ago. Generally I feel we are unsure of what is going to happen the next day, and papa planned to come back in a year’s time. The winter months are treacherous. They are the season of sickness and flu and terrible mobility limiting cold. But mummy is always gung ho to come and support us in the winter months. And papa wanted to be a part of most events in the family. Chiyaa, Pumpki and I are winter born. K’s and my wedding anniversary is in January while papa, mummy’s wedding anniversary is in February making the winter packed with a load of celebration. The decision materialized and they made the trip.

My parents are quite confident and comfortable around the house. So K and I were quite ok with not taking a day off when they arrived. We also could not work from home, since the home broad band had gone out of order. I waited the morning for them to come in. As soon as they reached, I handed the keys, gave a brief refresher of gas switches, heaters, water etc and bolted out. I spent the entire day wondering how they were doing. I totally forgot to mention that we had a phone with a pre-paid connection ready for them. I finished work a bit early since I wanted to be with them ASAP. I reached home, envisioning mummy opening the door, offering me tea and sitting down for a chat. But when I reached a very different scene stood. Papa came crying and said, mummy is not well. I went and saw mummy lying on the bed holding her head. She kept saying she felt very ill. Her stomach and head hurt a lot. Her look took the breath out of me. She looked so ill and so unwell. I was not sure what to do. The medical facilities in the UK are supremely complicated. I was not certain what I should be doing. So I gave her some over the counter pain killers and asked her to get some sleep. It was very distressing seeing her in so much pain. Their travel is especially convoluted where they have to take a flight from Bhubaneswar to a major city, then spend close to 12 hours for their next international flight. Mummy did complain that she did not sleep a wink in her flight. This compounded with aircraft and airport food, would have a crippling effect on health, especially given their age. We hoped that pain killers and some antacids would help her recover. We gave one night for her to improve. 

Day2 Papa finally said that she needed medical attention.  She had not eaten a morsel of food. It was very unlike her who throws herself into action. The kids waited on her, coming to her bed and checking her. I am sure, she would have hurled herself at them and hugged them. But she was so severely unwell that she did not rouse herself. I made a lot of calls and found the best course of action to undertake. I managed to get a walk in appointment. Mummy was finally seen by a doctor after a wait of 1.5 hours. The doctor recommended medicines for an infection. It was my birthday, not a day I thought I would spend at the hospital. I had hoped for a big cake, dinner at a new place and long chats with mummy and papa. Things have a way of getting messed up. Atleast I was happy that mummy got the medical attention without the fuss we had anticipated.

The birthday celebrations were subdued. I got some cake for the kids. We decided to order some food, but the order got cancelled due to some technical glitch. It was as if things were not meant to be. In a days’ time, we were throwing a party for Pumpki’s 4^th birthday. We hoped that mummy would be ok to attend that. Friday she showed remarkable progress and started coming and helping. She had to be scolded by me to take things slow.

Mummy did attend Pumpki’s party and it was a lovely feeling to have them around. But her sickness made me feel how vulnerable my parents can be when it comes to health. I hope God always grants them the health to pursue whatever they want. Amen.

100 days

Papa doesn’t speak much. But once in a while he can be very vocal. When he opens up, he can speak his heart out. So yesterday he was quite emotional all of a sudden. What triggered it was a mix of events. Yesterday mummy got some stuff from the market which he will take back to India to give to family and friends. He will be returning to India in a few more weeks L The knowledge of the fact makes me very sad. In fact this Monday I was discussing with my sister, that I have exactly 3 more weekends with Papa which I am sure will just fly by. But when all the stuff came and he had to put them in his bag, the reality hit him. 

He usually spends his time writing the book he is authoring if the children are busy by themselves or we are watching over them. Yesterday even though there was spare time, he did not get on with writing. He was just sitting. He looked dull and lack luster. Finally when K was around, he said, “Today I have completed 100 days here. There are 19 more days to go.” ( As I type this, I get tears in my eyes. I can visualize, how empty the dining table will look without his books. He does not have much stuff around, his clothes etc are all neatly packed up. He is a very tidy man. Its only his books which are always by the window sill near the dining table. He keeps mentioning that he messes the look of our dining space! He will be retuning in a few days and the lack of books will haunt me). Anyways I don’t think I can help that. He said he really loved the stay and he had never been away from home for so long. But he had thoroughly enjoyed the 100 days. He said, he would dearly miss the kids and wished them all the luck. He was getting tears by this point. K tried to diffuse the situation by saying that they should make many more frequent trips while the kids are young and are enjoying the pampering of grandparents. Papa went on to say how he was tied up with commitments related to books, the community he manages and his teaching duties. But he said he would come again for sure.

As K moved away, Papa went on to speak about some old photos my sister had sent. They were picture of us four when we were kids. He said they made the whole life seem like a dream. Memories flooded him. He remembered everything, from the day he had come to see mummy as an alliance ( the day that kick started everything J ) , the day he had to leave mummy and go for his posting after marriage, and how she stood at the window waving him goodbye, the day they first fought and he left home without eating and mummy came behind him to call him back for food, the days prior to I being born when he had to travel from Calcutta to Cuttack in the midst of a cyclone and had to get some sweets from a derelict shop since all others were closed.. the list of memories went on. He said he appreciated our struggles and mummy and he were always behind us to support us whenever we needed. But during their days they did not have anyone and managed everything between them. There was no support or friends or family around – and between work and transfers and school runs and all life’s challenges we moved on. It all seemed like a dream. 

It definitely made me count my blessings. Even mil had a tough time raising her children after K’s dad passed away. She did not receive any help from family. But life has a way of carving itself out.

As we face out struggles, our challenges and gain our rewards, I felt thankful to our parents for raising us the way they have raised us and for helping us to raise our future.

The sun moves on

Well actually the earth moves - not the sun. But thought it was a funky title to the post after the previous one :)

How long can the sun shine? It needs a rest too. And it slowly drifts to lie down. The earth is moving away and the sun is making its journey southwards to the tropic of Capricorn. As a result our days are shortening. 

Even then who says not to make the most of what we got. Papa mummy reached here in early August. After that it has been  a mix of chaos and fun. Chummi summer holidays were on for a month. Thanks to mummy and papa the kids were well taken care of. There was fresh food, lots of games and good fun. We went on a walks together, to the parks together, on a few trips together. I have gotten  rid of the alarm at 0545 and have the one at 0630. The tea sessions in the evening are back with discussions on welfare system in UK to landmark supreme Court judgements. I can come back from work rest assured I have a back up. And that feeling is superb. Even if I am delayed by 5 minutes I don't have to keep worrying that the routine might get disrupted. 

Chummi has started her new year at school. The distance of her school is a concern for us. We would like to have her closer to home. But till she gets a place in another school, the current one is the one for her. 

Pumpki has settled in beautifully in her nursery. In spite of my parents ' protests, she goes to daycare for the afternoon. We would not want her to get unaccustomed to the schedule and people there. She goes and comes with Papa, chatting all along. She is forming a routine and also a bonding  with her carers. 

Papa and mummy also have their system. Papa sticks to his program as if he was back in India. He wakes up around 0530 and gets busy writing his book ( he is authoring a curriculum book in India). He goes on his hour long walk, which cos of the pleasant weather stretches to 2 sometimes. He cleans around the house, the garden, and plays a lot with the kids and continues his writing. Mummy is always busy. Along with the kids, she has of course taken over the entire kitchen where I get to step very sporadically. There are the texts of 'when will you start', 'where are you', 'what do you want for dinner' - which mean the world. 

 The  best thing is the way my parents are reliving their lives. The shenanigans of the kids reminds  them of  stories of my sister and me. Papa who is the nostalgic  and enjoys a good tale regales us with what my sister and I did. For that matter when he used to go pick Pumpki, he would inadvertently say my sisters name. They are being parents again - comparing my girls with their girls. And I love to see and hear the comparisons! 

As the days get shorter and air gets colder, here is hoping all the love will keep us warm enough. 

Getting home

My sister's marriage was something like an imaginary longitude in our family's timeline. Papa said he would come to the UK to visit us 'once Lichie got married'. My parents had plans with investments and places to visit 'once she got married'. I used to look at stuff in shops and say to myself 'I will get this for Lichie 's wedding'. One time mummy, the kids and I were walking through the markets and there was a street artist playing music. Chiyaa started dancing. Mummy said ' I hope to see them dancing like this for Lichie 's wedding'. I think I have made it amply clear how much we were looking forward to it. We hoped and prayed for the event. 

Once the alliance was fixed, we could not wait to make the trip to India. As I said in my earlier posts, we kind of defined everything as 'before India trip' and 'after India trip'. I had no interest in working and strangely neither did K. I kept thinking what would the kids wear for this occasion and that. My wardrobe was totally sorted by mummy and sis - more by my sister - every detail considered including makeup and accessories. Mummy had also laboriously worked on the children's dresses and stitched them herself. But she wasn't sure of the measurements and hence I had to get some backup dresses for them. K's attire was again taken care of by sissy. 

We packed carefully considering we had two young kids and a very long journey. We had a transit of 4 hours in Abu Dhabi. Then a domestic flight from Delhi to Bhubaneswar after a halt of 4 hours. We had anticipated that 4 hours would be adequate to finish immigration, claim baggage and rush for the next check in. But Republic Day celebrations played spoil sport. Our domestic  flight was advanced by 3 hours which would have made catching the connecting to Bhubaneswar impossible. The next flight was after 10 hours. We had no other way but to reschedule. Since it was a very long wait, again we were left with no option but to book a day's stay in the airport hotel. 

Thankfully we came to know this information a week in advance which made planning easier. The day we were to reach Bhubaneswar was the day of our 10th marriage anniversary. Mummy had kept a prayer at home since she had to offered to do so once Lichie's marriage was finalised. It was a coincidence that the prayer and the anniversary were on the same day though it made sense later. Now with us having to catch a later flight, we would not be in a position to attend the prayer. We spent the day of our 10th marriage anniversary in an airport hotel. 10 months ago I was planning an elaborate trip to mark a decade of wedded ... coexistence. Once K was out of job, I totally ditched that plan. He got his job and Lichie got hitched at the exact same time. So I looked forward to a grand family get together to mark the event. A week to the date and how luck played it's trick. We were to spend the day in a hotel.

We tried to pep ourselves by saying that we would visit places around. We had nearly 10+ hours of wait which would be adequate to step out to nearby Dwaraka. But on the day, we were beat. We reached the hotel and Pumpki and I were the first to hit the snooze button. K and Chiyaa had plans for the complimentary breakfast but a 30 mins wait proved too much for tired eyes. They too slept off. 5 hours later we woke up rejuvenated. Had an elaborate photo session in the hotel lobby and then made our way to the boarding gates. 

The mandatory rest did well for us. We were pepped up. Reaching Bhubaneswar after close to 36 hours seemed - well I dont have words. I can't express it. It's not like I am filled with jubilation. It's not like I get all emotional and exalted. I think the word is content. It's the same feeling as sitting down after standing for a long time. It's the same feeling as just closing the tired eyes for a minute. It's just feels good.

Hope is a good thing

There are many  things one hopes for. As a child I hoped to do well in my 10th and engineering entrance exams and get a job at the end of graduation. These were pretty deterministic dreams with a lot depending on ones efforts to study and do well. 

As an adult I remember in the recent past hoping for a child. When we decided to have kids, every month was on tenterhooks. We hoped to be surprised and even a couple of months' wait seemed long and had us rushing to the doctors. When we were assured there was  ' nothing wrong' and 'these things take time' we hoped. Again the hope had scientific backing and there was nothing to panic. 

When K was searching for his new job last year, that was another phase of cautious hope fulness. We hoped he got a job soon. The failures disappointed us, but again we were hopeful that as he prepared and gave each interview with increasing confidence, it would be a matter of time. 

There was another thing  that I have hoped for a very long time. That my sister finds a life partner. Someone who would share her feelings and emotions and be a partner in the true sense of the term. This has been the most non-deterministic and the most fatalistic wish of all. Finding someone to spend an entire life time is daunting. Add to this our Indian culture which heavily involves parents, clans,.celestial bodies, 33 million or something dieties of the pantheon and most crucial the two people getting hitched - and you have a perfectly randomised lottery system. 

I chose the person I had to marry ( I do not call marriages as love or arranged - cos all marriage have love and all marriages are arranged). Though it eliminated some variables it had a fair share of maneuvering. My sister had not found anyone she liked. So the onus came on my parents. Well meaning relatives, family friends, neighbours - the usual suspects came with prospective alliances. That did not work out. Though we are a very scientific family we had to accommodate "horror scope" matching if the other party were insistent on it. Some alliances fell through these cracks. Other times there were more tangible and rational reasons - educational qualifications not matching up, employment of one which might force the other to quit or relocate which might not be easy, sometimes physical attributes like weight, height, hair ( yeah important things them!) while at other times the would be "partners" did not like each other. Time went on. There was a steady flow of proposals and rejections. Scarcely did we realise that it had been nearly 5 years in our unsuccessful search.

We tried the Internet  route. The newspaper route. There was a trickle. But no success. In the midst I had my two kids. Mom had to leave papa and sis to support me whenever the need arose. She was super pragmatic about it. She could not magic a marriage by just being around. She rather do something tangible. Last time when I went to India, I could see the desperation in my parents. Though Papa is a hugely scientific person, I saw him adhering to some advice from well meaning people  and doing temple trips on on some days. Desperate times! We kept hoping. We took solace in words like ' she would definitely get married', ' she would find someone great who is destined for her ',' she would get someone by the end of such and such time' and so on. We hoped. I am an optimist. I hoped for the event one day. But this was not a deterministic algorithm. There were too many variables. Too many unknowns. Too many possibilities. Too many vagaries. Bad things happen to good people too. What if it was not a happily ever after for my baby sister?

Forced and frustrated many times I tried to convince her for alliances she did not have her heart into. I gave arguments like 'it's all an adjustment game end of the day', ' nothing really matters' and many such abominable platitudes. Acquaintances  gave examples of girls who had gone for one criteria over another  and having a failed marriage. There were snide comments that there was not enough 'effort' on our part to get her wedded. My parents were not compromising. But there were moments of frustration on their part too. It did not help that all her batch mates were married. It definitely did not help that cousins younger than her were getting married. But what could one do?

One could hope. 

Mummy was totally dismissive when an alliance came and the mother of the boy said that the horoscopes had matched. *rolls eyes* Mummy was starting to UK in a day and gave the lady my sister's number. There had been many such calls and it was something like a business as usual step. Mummy started to the UK and one fine day I tried calling my sister and her number was engaged for a very long time. She later said that she had been talking to the guy. I gingerly asked how did go. To which her reply was ' as usual.' They had decided to meet over the next few weeks. She had had many such interactions. There was no reason to get our hopes up. After  a couple of weeks when the boy's mom called saying that he really liked my sister - it was not a big surprise. There had been such instances before. The surprise was my sister had called a few minutes prior stating that she was OK to proceed with the alliance. Thus, the people who really were needed to make the decision had made the choice. 

There were no parental pressures, no brain washing, no coercion. The adults had chosen. In fact the developments were so stunning that it seemed to be happening to someone else. All the sooth sayers' words, all those horror stories, all the happily ever after stories - nothing made sense. It was all a rumble. What shone to me was the WhatsApp status message my sister had kept for a very long time ' have a little faith'. 

Arm chair thoughts

I have a lot of time to chew the cud and just observe and think about a lot of things. So here is a log of my totally random thoughts.

One aspect I notice is just how busy my father is. He is retired but is a visiting professor. He is also the editor of a science magazine and is involved in authoring curriculum books. He is also the chairman of the association we live in and is actively involved in activities such as coordinating with municipal authorities for improving civic facilities, organising cultural events, publication of the local newsletter. Along with it he does his regular household tasks of putting the washing machine, keeping the drinking water from the purifier, the weekly cleaning of the car, bike and bathrooms and the like. He does not relinquish those activities because he is not satisfied if anyone else does it.  To be honest, my mother has always been busy with with housework, stitching, gardening etc after retirement. I was concerned how my father would pass his time. But seeing him so occupied makes me feel very happy.

A day before I was to get married, a neighbour whom I fondly called didi told me, you might be getting married but you will always keep coming back here. Truer words have not been said. I keep coming back to my maika for emotional succour,honest advice, encouragement, and a shoulder to cry on. They inspire and urge to be a better person and a professional - even today when I think I have done enough they push me by example. I would be nothing without them.

I love to see the desire to improve and excel. One of our neighbours has a watchman. He generally sits for 8 hours. I saw a crude patch of land with banana, pumpkin, drumstick, curry leaf plants. The watchman to uses his time to add some greenery and grow some vegetables. Such motivation!

When I was younger I never fully understood the importance of the famous Rath Yatra. The coverage of the journey was viewed by my parents but I used to take it as something running in the living room. I was never around ever since we moved to Bhubaneswar to grasp the importance of the festival. I was always in a cosmopolitan environment where some specifics of my state were not explicit. This has been good in that I accept different cultures very easily. This time I am at home during the Rath festival. And I appreciate how important the event is to the Odia ethos!I am a Krishna bhaqt but  I can feel how strong is the bond and the association with Lord Jagannath. 

 I am in India for a long time after a long time. Long enough for the 'special' status to fade and I am not treated as a royalty. I love the feel of family. And as I see the changes I love the way the country is moving. I have had this thought numerous times but now I feel more strongly that to what end am I in a far away place? Away  from where my heart is? Truth be told UK is a very expensive country (among the top 10 in the world), so money is not the reason. For that matter my peers in India earn the same or more than me with the perks of being in India (I know they may not think of it as a perk). Yes I enjoy first world infrastructure  with no class system and of course without the unsolicited interference of acquaintances. But is that reason enough? I have been talking about this quandary with my friend A and my mother a lot. They both say 'stay there'. They must know better. But this time more than ever I am divided in half and will be giving the return a serious thought before the kids are big enough to have a say.

There are exactly 6 more weeks to  go... 3 here and 3 in Chennai. I have no idea how I will fare with mummy not being there. Even a simple task like going to the toilet will need planning with a toddler. I have done it before but I have been pampered by my mother over the past few months. I will be taking the change head on. Added will be Chiyaa 's School (which is still undecided) and maybe something drastic on my employment front. Plus we won't have the lovely sunshine that can cheer you up. I know it won't be an easy transition. 

Well... Life will go on.. Let me live it now.

Time

There is less than a month left. For this idyllic vacation to end. It seemed like a project when it was conceptualised. A month in Bhubaneswar  and a month in Chennai. K's work timelines ended up making it two months in Bhubaneswar and a month in Chennai. From afar it seemed enough. In fact I was naive enough to think what were we going to do for do long. I was searching play schools and swimming classes to keep Chiyaa occupied. How silly was I to underestimate the time needed to bask in the love of grandparents. To be pampered by granny and grandpa. To soak up in love where time is not a slave to routine.

But relativity kicks in. Time seems to zoom when the experience is as pleasant as this. And already the majority of our stay here is over. It seems two months is not such a long duration after all. 

Chiyaa is counting days to see daddy. She can't wait for it to be August. I was so scared of missing K. I even shed a few years bidding him goodbye in UK. I am eager to see him. But I will miss my parents. I will miss this time. I will be heartbroken to think what my parents will undergo. They who carry each child in their arms nearly every waking moment. How will they cope with a clean house smelling of children? How will they cope with no shouts of joy, no cries of anger, no squeals of delight? How will they cope with the emptiness? 

Time again will step in as the best healer. I hope it does a good work. 

Parents

I think about a lot of things. I have the time , but more than that I have an empty head. Which is amazing. I don't have to keep ruminating about a 101 infrastructural issues, lunch time, dinner time menus, my to dos , even my toilet timings. All of these need precise planning when I am on my own. But with my parents around, things just flow. I have to handover the little one to Papa or Mummy and I can go sit on the swing and chat with a friend. This would be unthinkable in my 'real' life. 

One thing I have noticed being at home is all the stuff that is around. My sister and I  have left the nest, but we have left behind quite a lot. There are clothes, books, shoes, stationary. So much so,  Chiyaa is playing with our Barbie dolls, which are a good 20 years old. That my parents have kept  them across the numerous transfers, change of cities and houses is truly commendable. In this 'instant everything' life, those are the true keepsakes. 

I must have confessed many times that I am morbidly afraid of lizards. Bhubaneswar has no dearth of them. The other day, there was a lizard in the bathroom. My mother spent half an hour trying to shoo it. When it went to a corner which she could not see, she asked my father to have a look. My father came in with a torch to have a look. He did make his teasing remark that lizards had caused a few human casualties ;) . But still he was persistent in finding the lizard. Doing this for a 10 year old is fine, but the time and effort they were putting for a  middle aged daughter ! I told mummy later, that I really appreciated their effort and she said, for one's children nothing is an effort. Honestly I hope I am half as good a parent as my parents are. 

As children, my sister and I were never denied anything. We had a very comfortable childhood by God's grace. But we were never spoilt. I remember a story Papa once told us about some scientist (whose name I have forgotten). There were people at his house to collect money for charity. They heard the scientist scolding his help for wasting a match stick. The folks for the donation had least expectation from the scientist who seemed to be pretty tight about money. None the less, they approached him, and he gave the most generous donation. One of the charity workers couldn't help but remark, how could he give so much money when even the wastage of a match stick irked him. The scientist said, it's not about the thing, but it's utility. He was cross at the wastage of anything, be it even a match stick. Because by wasting that thing was lost for ever, never to be used again. This thought has stayed on with me somehow. I give a lot of thought before I buy anything, be it even a small tit bit. If it's not going to be used to its fullest, I rather not buy it. I see so much of it in my house still. We have tattered bed sheets used to mop the house and all sorts of waste containers used as pots for plants. It is not about being a miser, it is about using everything to their fullest potential. 

There are so many other tit bits that is entirely the teaching of my parents. And one of the most important one is children are a very important commitment. Mummy always says, children imbibe a lot from observing and not just when they are young, but throughout. Even small things like how parents treat each other , their relatives, their jobs have an impact. We were taught to be respectful to others and diligent in our jobs because we saw our parents do the same. 

 Growing  up we were always at the centre of everything our parents did. I remember in the cold December temperatures of four degrees in Rourkela at 5 in the morning, Papa used to drive 13 Kms to drop me at a tuition. He would drive all the way back, get my sister ready , drop her for school and drive again to pick me up (mummy was working in a different city since she had a transferable job). All these runs before 10 in the morning after which he had a full day at work.  This was just one of the things. There were numerous runs for special classes, debate, essay competitions, picnics and birthday parties and what not. Mummy used to take loss of pay leaves to be with us around all important examinations. Just because I liked someone around as I studied late at night, she used to lie on the floor in the same room and give me company. My parents were totally invested in us! Not were... Still are. Even now, we sisters are number one priority. We are total VIPs at home. 

Mummy, Papa... You are truly special.

Aaj to sach main dimaag ek dum khaali tha

Like seriously. Generally there is some budding thought but today I am at a complete total utter loss as to what to write.

After a lot of thought I realised I am yet to complete my chronicles of the India trip. Hmmmm so where was I ? I did write about the initial bits. Now for my fav part - BBSR!

As soon as we landed I could not wait for the baggage to come - for I could see my dad eagerly waiting at the entrance. I grabbed the munchkin and rushed out. He held Chiyaa and hugged her. I was so touched I nearly had tears. I know my dad has a lot of fondness for daughters and having a grand daughter he has become very emotive. Earlier I have always seen his stern disciplinarian self. But since Chiyaa I have seen the self that sneaks upon my sisters iPhone to check videos of the baby, the not so computer savvy person who keeps pestering everyone to log onto Skype and the one who keeps asking for updates on Chumki every now and then. Yea he calls her Chumki and I think that name is going to stay :)

Stepping into home was aahh!!! Home! Period. The pictures of lord Ganesha adorning the stairway, the handicrafts mats on the floor and the general air of the hard work mom puts in everyday to maintain it just fills me with joy and satisfaction. Once a bit refreshed sis took the onus of lunch. We got ordering like crazy from a local takeaway. The food was simply awesome but we were looking forward to the evening when we would make the haloed trip forrrrrrr pani puri!!! Woo hooo!!

Now I am a pani puri connoisseur. I have had it across the length and breadth of India and reached the conclusion that the awesome-st yummie-st divine-est and just out-of-the-world-est happen to be in Orissa ! ( Call me chauvinistic and yes you have full rights to disagree and you may even tout your state's fare as the best)

We made a trek to the place that sells the best pani puris in the world. I could write poems about them, I could wash the feet of the vendors, I could build statues of them or I could just keep on eating them. One crunchy puri filled with spicy potato filling dipped in the sour n spicy tamarind water - zannat kahin hai to yehin hai yehin hai yehin hai.

We scooted home and retired quickly for the next day would be long.

An end and a day of beginnings

All good things come to an end and so did the holiday season. It was something dreams are made up of. I was with my parents and sister and we never did anything out of the world. The only thing we actually did was spend time with each other doing the simple day to day things.

I got my mom one day to office, and that being the very day, the car broke down cos of the battery giving up. Thank God mom was with me, else I would have really freaked out. That day it really struck me how less is the penetration of English in Chennai. Somehow I have never been bothered by Tamil being the lingua franca in Chennai. But when things were really bad that day, we were just not able to communicate to folks in the company Tata motors and Exide what was wrong. It was really exasperating. In any state I have been in, the folks speak at least one other language apart from the primary language. But that is just not the way things work here. My apologies if I hurt the feelings of any Tamil speaking reader, but seriously that was one day I wished for petty politics, Hindi was not ostracised as it is in TamilNadu.

Hmm anyways enough of the drab stuff. The next day mom was home alone and poor thing, she spent the day watching 2 sad movies - Traffic Signal and Pinjar :) She heaved a sigh of relief once I was back. The following day I decided to work from home to be with her. While I was busy with work, there she was like my mom of olden times. In my childhood, my mom always made it a point to be near me when I was studying for important exams. She would eat with me, sleep near me, do whatever she had to do sitting near me. There were barely moments when she left me - being that strong solid pillar of support. That was the way I felt she was that day. Once work was done, we took a long stroll on the beach.

Dad and sister came to town on the 31st evening a ruckus broke in the house. We were our boisterous self, cracking jokes and I soaked in the pleasure of speaking in my mother tongue. Mil was on a week long pilgrimage, which made my dad feel even more comfortable and be at his louder best :D Shopping at T Nagar, going to temples, cooking a variety of dishes and road side shopping at Adyar and Besant Nagar, we did it all. But what I enjoyed the most was the long walks we took when we went shopping in and around Besant Nagar. We would venture out for sometime but when we got back, the clock would show 4 hours having passed! And we would realise we had walked and shopped the entire duration! I was so cocooned by my family, that I did not mind K partying the whole night of New Year Eve with his colleagues. I even did not mind him being down with a hangover of the New Year. I had 3 people making up for the love and attention he would shower ;) *evil*

But then came the morning of 3rd January when I had to see them off. It did not feel as painful as it would have been if it would have been just my parents. Since sis was along with them, I was more peaceful. My parents were well covered for. And so was my sister. I missed them immensely when I got home, but then, this is life.

The next day, was the first day of the new year at work! K had a new schedule to stick to which was much earlier than his prior timings. :( And I had picked up walking. The doc had advised me against gymming following the typhoid attack. So I took to walking, reminiscing the lovely walks I used to take with a dear friend when I was in Calcutta and the refreshing ones I used to take with roomie dear in Hyderabad. But now I just got the ipod for company and the vast expanse of the sea. I also started taking the car independently to work - a thrill! and the first time was a fright!! A dream has come true after 22 months! :D

Heres hoping things remain sunny. And hoping all my readers had a wonderful start to the new year. :)

Now for the gory part *evil*

While at my parent's place, I loved every bit of the time. The lack of routine, wake up when you want, food always being ready, tv remote always being with me :) One thing I was relished this time was my mom's hot champi. I let the oil soak in over night and had a luxurious head bath the following day. But after a couple of hours of that, I started feeling a bit uneasy. Since I had just recovered from a fever, I was doubly worried. Instantly in went a crocin and I felt better in some time. It was the fateful Wednesday when I had to attend the distant cousin's wedding. I had no appetite there. Once back, it was one more crocin for me and mummy's tight hug for a good night's sleep. Strangely next morning around 9 the fever was back. Thursday night when the fever came it came in with a heavy bout of shivering, I decided, there was no way I was making a return trip the coming Sunday. Friday we made a visit to the doc who to nail the usual suspects gave in some usual tests.

When the test results came back in the evening, he suspected some kind of kidney infection :O So he asked us to go in for some more cultures. In the meanwhile, he prescribed some real heavy duty anti biotics. Now the culture results take a good 72 hours to come up. It would be no sooner than Tuesday that we would be getting the report back. My mom was getting worried by the day. The fever used to come with real bad shivering and body aches. The temperature would start with a measly 100 and within 15 minutes peak to a 103-104. The symptoms were akin to malaria too. She got in touch with a uncle of mine, who is also a doc, and asked in case it might be malaria. This time, the malaria test had come negative. But that had been the case last time too, though it was a dosage of quinine only which had brought the fever down. My uncle said, quinine would not harm the anti biotics and he prescribed the dosage of quinine to be taken. So for 4 days I was taking something like 15 pills per day. Morning mom would wake me and give the antacid and the anti vomitting pills (Quinine causes vomitting) (2). I had to take 4 anti biotics per day (2+4=6) Then the 2 quinine pills (6+2=8) 2 more lacto bacillus pills to prevent acidity. (8+2 =10) And the usual B complex tabs (phew 11 ) Plus my body would be ravaged by the fever 4 times in a day mandating the consumption of crocin and bringing the pill count to 15. It was really frustrating to see absolutely no improvement over a span of 5 days. Even the quinine course had not yielded any results.

What saddened me most was the pain of my mom. She was always at my beck and call, massaging my sore back, rubbing the stomach aches, applying balm on the head. To worsen things, I got a cramp in my left shoulder due to the shivering. So there was my mom putting hot water packs too. I was very fussy about food, and even to make me have one morsel, she was out there in kitchen making anything, just about anything I might find palatable. She would be up all night responding to each sigh of mine though she had to be up early morning for the normal household chores. Once I caught her crying when she was praying and I could not stand it. It was just not fair to have her endure so much pain through her child. I just prayed and prayed that I get well soon, atleast for her sake.

Finally on Wednesday when the culture results came back, it was all sterile. Which meant the first results were wrong to start with. Evening we went up to the pathologist and decided to start on a fresh note - which implied a fresh set of tests. When finally the results came on Thursday, it was diagnosed as typhoid :| Luckily for me, the anti biotics that had been prescribed earlier would work good for typhoid as well. But I was to be under the medication for a week more and on restricted diet - no spicy or oily food, no roughage, mostly liquid or semi solid diet. I again extended my stay by a week more. Ironically, my condition improved the very next day. But the stomach aches were persistent which the doctor said would subside only once the intestinal wounds were healed.

I had a huge pending workload staring down at me. The insensitive brutes at office had the audacity to ask status reports from someone who was nearly bed ridden.... seriously the corporate culture does suck away the human aspect from people. But then I was at peace since I was at home. I could just walk into the balcony and smell the flowers to feel better. I would put my lazy feet up in the sunshine with a worn novel in hand and feel so happy. I would take a walk around the house and forget every care. Since my wedding vacation, this was the only time, I got 3 weeks at my parent's place. For that matter even during the wedding vacation, I was with my parents for 10 days only. Maybe God devises strange ways to keep people together. Whatever happens does happen for the very good.

Now that I am finally going to leave Bhubaneswar the coming Sunday, it kind of saddens me. Even my parents are also coming to terms with the fact that I am finally going back to Chennai. Its never enough with the parents :( Heres hoping for one more long trip back at Bhubaneswar..........

Maika*!

*Parent's home for a married Indian woman


There is no place like maika for any Indian woman. It is better than candlelit dinner with the husband, gossiping with friends and even shopping for shoes! And thats the place I made a trip to on the 21st of November. It was an impromptu decision. There were lots of push and pulls. One push was my parents were getting immensely lonely with both the kids out of the nest. But one major pull was I had a go-live in December. I could not ask for leaves. One push were there were flights from Chennai to BBSR!! While the counter pull was K was not able to get leaves and I would again need to go alone. Finally I gave in to the pushes and booked the tickets :) I did not manage to get any leaves and had to keep working from home. The project was in a decent enough shape, so I was not so worried about it.

The flight which should take 2 hours uncannily made it in 1hour 40 mins :) So even before my parents had reached to pick me I was already there. Coincidentally I met a colleague of mine who was on his wedding vacation. He was supposed to have started the previous day but ticket problems stopped him and he ended up taking the last moment flight. Chit chatting with him in my mother tongue, feeling the tinge of chill in air as I stepped out and seeing the good ol' Konark Chakra motif at the entrance, I could not have felt more at home :)

To top my joy was the shiny new black dad's Swift Dzire! After getting home and dumping my stuff, I did what I do best - slept!

Next day was a trip to my granny's place. Meeting up with the whole bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles. I still get celebrity status there, being the eldest grandchild and the now being the only grandchild married and that too in a Tam family, I am till date questioned about my daily routine and stuff like that! None the less its fun. Food that followed was simply out of the world.

This time being at home was a bit different, with sissy not around. The house was a bit more silent. I also saw mom and dad having gotten involved into separate routines, one involving their own books, their own tv shows and their own household chores. How much change children bring to a house! Since it was a bit quiter, I was a bit more observant of things. I noticed K's first perfume bottle , a gift from UK still being there (though empty :) ), my best friend's long given gift - some 9 years old, posters and novels, as old as the hills - seriously only ones maika will have these treasures. There is a memory attached to every simple thing that one does. While sitting and talking to K on the balcony I was reminded of how we used to talk some 5 years ago. Things were so different then. While taking out the blankets for drying in the sun, I was reminded how sis would always insist on taking out the thicker blanket even if it was not that chill. While seeing some old clothes, I was reminded, I used to wear them for college some years back! Which in turn brings in a fresh flood of memories.

The most unexpected part was, I was to attend a wedding of a distant cousin. His father also happened to be my dad's colleague. So there were a lot of old colleagues of my dad invited. There, everyone was so amazed to see me! Many uncles had taught me in college! Some were neighbors when we stayed at Rourkela long time back. I had changed a lot since those days, and everyone was pleasantly surprised to see me. Even I felt top of the world meeting so many old faces...And attending a proper Odia reception is something! I was too used to the Tam style of the normal food being served in the traditional way. But here we had pani puri, chicken tikkas, fish fingers, and the entire array of veg, non veg and Chinese dishes! That too spread over a sprawling lawn with corny Hindi movie numbers like Bole choodiyan and Tujh main rab dikhta hai in the background. Hehe it was some fun.

I was enjoying to the hilt..... But then some things are too good to last :(

When will this pass?

Its going to be close to a week since we saw off dear sissy at her work - and the emptiness is yet to go. What bothers me more is the state my parents are in. I have not heard them happy since Monday. There is a strange note in their voice - something which makes me feel like leaving everything and rushing to them.

When I moved out of the house, which was a good 9 years ago, never once did my parents urge me to come home. Yes they used to miss me and they wished I was around with them, but they always stressed what I was doing then was more important than home. I always had stern directives, if classes are a bit slack then come home. If the project release is over, then come home. I always had an assurance, they are fine without me. Even if they missed me, it never came out overtly except sometimes over phone calls and letters. I always felt my parents are self reliant and I used to be proud of the fact.

But now that they are alone, their loneliness just comes through in every word they say. In spite of having an active social life, I feel as if they are yet to escape their loneliness. Mom asked me if would be possible for me to come over for a week in July and dad went to the extent of saying, take a month's leave and be with us. I know they are saying all this in a fit of weakness and emotions. Still it makes me feel helpless. It is so unfair, that parents spend a good part of their lives fending for the very children who one day might not even be close to them. The gross injustice of this fact leaves me suffocated.

And I feel completely at a loss reaching a solution for this scenario. 2 days back, I was nearly tempted to ask my supervisor, if it would possible for me to attain a work from home option alternate months or so. On another occasion I was thinking, how good it might be if my parents move base for a year or so, say take up a house in my city and be here just to be closer to us. Otherwise I keep mulling how good a puppy be in replacing us and then again I wonder, how about adopting a child and giving a good upbringing for someone with a disadvantage. I do know that all these options are just an eye wash - a mere veneer to cover a deep scar. But I so wish, I had some remediation. I see the same situation for a lady who is our neighbour. She too has 2 daughters, married and settled and her husband is no more. She is as busy as any other working lady being voraciously involved in religious and charitable activities. I admire how she gives the same commitment to so many activities she is involved in. But when sometimes mil says, she breaks down into tears sometimes when she was misses her husband and her children, I felt exasperated.

Phew! I am not sure if I went through a whole lot of ranting. Some of my readers are in the situation my parents are in - I would love to hear how they deal with it and maybe give some insights into how my parents might be feeling at deeper level. If they feel there is something I should do that could better things, I would be most welcome to do it. I hope this passes over soon :S