Thursday, November 6, 2014

Bad mother II

I never thought I would get to write a version 2 of this topic. But history repeats. And today I was not only bad I was horrible. 

Lately we are trying to make Chiyaa walk rather than relying on the push chair. She does not like it all the time. But it's an effort on our part to acclimatise her. Since the nursery is very close by for starters we drop and come home walking. 

They are good days and there are bad. Some days she is really cooperative and walks along enjoying the sights of the pigeons and dogs being brought out for a walk. Other days she cries, asks to be picked up or stands at one place. 

Today while returning she didn't want to walk at all. She didn't want to be picked up either. She just kept dragging her feet and being difficult. I somehow brought her till our apartment complex. Once inside we need to take the lift to the second floor. We reached the second floor. She refused to come out of the lift. To make her come outside I stepped out of the lift  and said 'OK I am going' and turned my back to her. In a split second the doors of the lift closed with my baby inside. My heart skipped a beat. I pushed the button immediately to make the lift doors open. They did not. I panicked and ran to the ground floor. I pressed the lift buttons. The lift came down and opened. But Chiyaa was not inside. Luckily just then K reached. It was a pure stroke of luck that he was an hour early. I asked him to take the steps while I took the lift. I planned to stop at each floor and look for her. The first stop I made was at the second floor. K was there too by the steps and we both could hear her cry. She was in some floor above us and had stepped out of the lift. 

Second stroke of luck,I thought I saw her press the button for 8th floor as soon as we had entered the lift. She had this silly habit of trying to press all the buttons on switch board. I hit the button to the eighth floor and as soon as I  stepped out  I saw her crying hysterically for mummy. 

I took her into my arms and came running down to our home. I cannot imagine how scared she must have felt. She spent the whole evening crying. She did not eat much, she just kept remembering the horrible incident and crying bitterly. In a moment I had turned a happy smiling girl into a petrified child. I dare not imagine anything untoward which could have happened.  I am so guilt ridden. I feel horrible. I will never forget what I did. I will never forgive myself for what I did. I hope she does one day.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

weSurvive V

We are still in the dress rehearsal state. Mommy reached home safely on Tuesday. From Thursday I rejoined work after my 3 day vacation and kitty started going to day care with me. 

She woke all refreshed in the morning. She was quite eager to goto nursery as well. She waved goodbye to her daddy with amazing enthusiasm. It was very encouraging to see how much she was looking forward to her time at the nursery.  Sharp at 8 she was in. I had plans to pick her up by 1630. One thing led to another and I was able to log off only at 1630. I scooted from work. Earlier I had plans of going home, preparing something for her and then coming back and picking her up. Since the nursery is stone's throw away from our home it would have been feasible. Since I stated late from work I picked her up directly. 

It was very endearing to watch her play with the other kids. She was jumping and running around the room. She was such a far cry from how she was barely a year ago when leaving her was the most depressing and guilt ridden task ever. She came leaping to me. I picked her up and she walked home babbling something or the other. It was all fine till we reached home and she was insistent on opening the door. She throws a tantrum if we open the door. We humour her by letting her try to open. But yesterday I was in no mood for that. I was tired and I knew the more I delayed, the more agitated she would get. Just as I was about to confront her and get the keys, I heard a click from inside. K was home(he is yet to get back to work) and  he opened the door. Seeing daddy on the other side cheered the kitty and she was her normal self again. 

I had kept a boiled egg which she snacked upon. It was time for the Skype calls after that. Maybe plain and simple beginners luck, but day one was not half as bad so had imagined. 

We badly miss mommy but somehow we do survive.