Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Almost settled?

There are just too many things happening at the moment and I seem to have a thought about every thing. Let me take my mind through each one of them slowly and carefully.

The juggle of work and kids is something constant that many in my boat have to deal with. My job offers me the flexibility to work from home. A feature I and many colleagues use as and when need arises. Since November last year, work has been loosing it's sheen for me. I have been getting bored. But I was  hit by the realisation that the feature of working from home would not be available for me from many other organisations. A friend of mine said ' work is the same anywhere it is these add ons that matter'. K advised that we had a lot of change coming on in the form of a trip to India and a house move, and I stick to the current set up till the changes are catered to. So I stuck.

Ah coming to house move! We, who have had 7 moves in 7 years. We were ready for one final move. To our own home. That in itself is a saga. We liked Ipswich a lot. I had an arrangement, K 's projects were most likely to be centred within commutable distance from Ipswich. The school was good. Extra curriculars were good. The future looked promising. And we decided to set roots. We started looking for a home to call our own. We saw many, rejected many, discussed many and many slipped away. Finally we had a place finalised. We were excited. Two days after our decision, K got news of his release from his project which set an entire different chain of events. One moment we were discussing the new home. The next, K was without a job. 

After 4 months of struggle, K finally got an offer which brought us back to Leeds. We decided to 'settle down' ASAP. After the usual ups and downs, we found our house. Our home. Which had our name written on it. It was our piece of the soil which we could call our own. It was the stuff dreams were made up of. Finally we have the space, the garden, the proper feeling of walking up to an abode.

It is still a weird feeling for me though. Like I am newly married ;) I have never stayed at home. Papa had a transferable job and for as long as I can remember  we grew up living in government quarters. When we finally had our own place in bbsr I was off to hostel. And never have been at home. Even Chennai the stint in our home was for two years after which we were off to the UK. The sense that we are living at a permanent place will take a while to get used to.

 It has also come with the quirks of sub urban life. The 'city' is some distance away. We make plans to goto 'Leeds' while earlier Leeds was where we lived and was like the back of our palm. Setting the house in order was most pleasant. Amma gets surprised seeing me buy so many things for the house. She has never seen that aspect of mine. I say, decorating something that is your own is different. Nothing but the best will do.

  I have started coming in to work more often. Because of that I am not availing the luxury of coming in a cab everyday but rely on public transport. The first day was the hardest. I was panicking about taking the bus. I was on the verge of a breakdown when the return bus was a few minutes late was I was dreading the cascading delays in picking Chiyaa and Pumpki. I have to get down from my bus stop, rush home, get my car and pick the kids. My mom helped me breathe easy when she said, when they have stayed away from you for so long, don't panic over a few more minutes. Drive carefuly. But once they are back give them 100%. Phew! Thank you mummy! Gradually I have started liking getting dressed ( even amma says she likes seeing me dressed in the morning rather than being in track pants and t shirts all day long) and enjoying the interactions. The wfh days seem a bit boring to be honest. The run from office is still a nightmare.... but I believe we will get used to it. 

It's  easy to give up. But I am forcing myself to persevere. I am gearing and preparing everyone for a tomorrow which is going to be even more challenging than today. So help me God. 

Monday, March 5, 2018

Again let time sort it out

It's been over a month we came back from India. It takes a while to settle down. It takes a while to come to grips with reality. It takes a while for routine to kick in. The kids help. They take our mind off the bad or rather sad bits and help us concentrate on the good. They help us look at the joyful vibrant bits. Be it the dash of school and nursery drops, swimming classes, reading, playing, settling disputes between them - we are able to get on with the nicer things. Eventually the wave of time fills the crevices of nostalgia with fond memories. 

Coming back to kids :) well... as I was saying they are the raison d'etre for most parents. As a mother who also goes to work, I have quite a lot to juggle. One of the important ones was school pick ups and drops. K and I have an understanding. But breaking from work and picking Chiyaa up at 1530 was becoming a bit of a challenge. We have the facility of 'after school care'. But Chiyaa was not used to it. She was adapted to having mummy pick her at 'home time'. Being a bit resilient to change she was very averse to go to after school care. Being at an age where she understands more and is more vocal, she would negotiate every day if she is going to go to after school or not. Every day we would  have a convincing routine. To gently transition her into the change we have put her for three days at the moment. Some days she cries, some days she comes back and says ' it was better than school!', some days she's anxious  that mummy will forget to pick me - no two days are the same. It breaks our  heart to make a little one go through all this. She has had it tougher always. Changing nursery, school, now this. But all the while the thing that keeps us going is - she has to goto school for a very long time. And we both have to work. We need an arrangement for picking her up and that sadly is after school care. Routine will kick in for her eventually. Till then may she have the strength to face strange scenarios, unknown people and unfamiliar emotions. 

Pumpki has been on her own settling in journey. It's been a month for her in the daycare too. She goes alternate days, so she too is in the easing in phase. She is a different person all together. When she leaves us to goto daycare she cries everyday. But she tries to cope. While Chiyaa would get all emotional and be hurt about it, Pumpki takes it as a sad event which she has to go through. It is heart rending to see her walk off, clutching her bunny toy, but not looking back knowing that mummy has to go. She does not run back to us, she does not  try to come to us. She cries and goes on. As has been fedback by her carers, she is sad during the day. She misses the familiar faces at home. But after the nap, she fares better. Think the shut eye helps her in acclimatising with her changed environment. She plays better, though she cries when I pick her up - I think out of anger for having left her for so long. We are awaiting the stage when she will form friendships and relationships. When she will be ecstatic about playing in her daycare. When she will be truly settled in. Because of the experience with Chiyaa we know that day is somewhere in the future, near or not, we are not sure. 

We make our kids go through so much. I am sure some are necessary to 'toughen' them. About some others, I am not very sure. I keep hoping they grow up into well adjusted, empathetic and conscientious human beings who will contribute positively to the world. Time will pan it out.