Monday, October 13, 2008

Return to normal state

This time of the year, always gives me the same kind of feeling :(
The feeling of emptiness.
Its the end of the Puja :(

For me Durga Puja/Dushera is not a festival per se... its a culture. Its a time, which fills me with a plethora of feelings. And its a time no matter where I have been and how I have been, for 5 odd days at least, I am happy, contended and strangely at peace.

This year puja was a pretty well planned out event and I was all enthu for it since July. Everything was going too smoothly. My holiday was to be with my husband and mom in law. I was to visit relatives, make trips and be with my parents after 9 odd months!

But I had planned an important event a day before the vacation was slated to begin. And somehow that very important task did not get accomplished. It left me a bit shattered and very very disappointed. I could not see the reasoning as to why it should have happened, a task involving pain staking effort over months- but then some things are supposed to happen and when I am able to fathom no rhyme or reason, I leave it to some ultimate power. Maybe that thing was not supposed to happen so it did not.

The next day was a flurry of activity which included a lot of shopping. And in the evening when we were all adding final touches to the packing et al, we got a minor glitch. A scenario which demanded instant decision and which would disrupt our plans. There were raised voices, high tempers and tears as the three of us discussed, debated and deliberated. Finally we decided to bid time till we are back from the vacation to get the final plan of action. But in spite of that, there was a sense of anticipation. We set on the journey with questions, uncertainties and hope- hope everything will fall into ultimately.

The on ward journey to my home seemed soooooo long and tedious. I could barely contain my irriation when the train slowed a bit. Finally we chugged along and reached bhubaneswar after 22 hours of travel.

And homeee ah! home was home. Perfect, spacious, welcoming. The lights on the streets, the tinge of coolness in the wind, the warmth of being surrounded by my mom, dad and sis!! - nothing can beat that feeling.

The next day onwards, there was no end to the invitations we had to accept- friends, family, relatives, each and every one had to share a moment of fame with the newly weds :) This being the first trip K and I made home, we were given celebrity status :) And boy cant go on to describe the calories we gorged on. Food was delicious, so did not have the heart to say no. I am a miserable failure when it comes to saying no anyways; any aunty says - itne pyaar se tere liye banaya hai - bas - I should have a heart of lead to say no.

We made a trip to Puri and stayed at the same resort where K and I had had our mini honeymoon. This time with the whole bunch with us, it was even more fun. I am not a great fan of the Puri Jagannath temple. But this time for the first time, I felt His aura! It was so humbling. It was like, God has chosen me to be convinced of his divinity. I could completely understand why the temple stands to be so popular in spite of the utterly obnoxious attitude of the priests there. I could fathom why there are innumerable songs, which go on lauding the Lord. I could understand the depth of the words I used to just like that sing when I was learning Hindustani Vocal. I felt touched. But the best part was yet to come. I turned to see my mom in law - and there she stood - dumbfounded and flushed with her eyes nearly on the verge of tears. I did not want to break the spell, and only after some seconds, I went ahead to touch her shoulder and escort her closer to the idol of the Lord.

Hmm.... quiet an experience I must say.
The days that followed were too fulfilling and satifying. But then all good things come to an end. This time it was a bit less painful since I was traveling with family. Bidding goodbye to my parents and sister was heart wrenching - but then since we still did not have one confirmed ticket, we were in the middle of a bit of confusion, which took our minds out of the pain of parting. At last when I lied down to sleep, with no thought , the tears poured in.

The return journey seemed so lacklusture, and I remarked to K - hey returning seems so boring, it seems faster, but still its kinda numb. He said - yea return trips are like that - they lack purpose na!! Hmmmmm those words stayed with me.
Reaching the house in Chennai, we had to get on with some setting up cos the working week began the very next day. So while there was a lot of hustle bustle through out the evening, the night seemed deadly silent. When I called up home to check out how my folks were doing, I learnt the conditions were no better there. Every one was missing us a lot.... :(

Today morning, when K mentioned he was feeling a bit bummed out and feeling out of place. If he could sense the momentum of the change, imagine my state. Hmmm it felt terrible in a word.

I am in the most depressed state now I suppose... feeling as if there is nothing to look forward to. I know it takes some time to come out of the hangover of such a good vacation. Hmm just hoping to keep myself real busy and get rid of the blues soon........

6 comments:

Nitin said...

hmmmm.. cmg back from home is always like that... and it is more if u r coming back after festival..

fikar not .. appka boss aapko zyaada din 'without purpose' feel nahin hone dega.. (wooh bhi intezaar kar raha hooga)

Abhishek Khanna said...

return journeys,.. i used to hate them when i had to go bck to hostel!
it feels sooo long n boring goin back.. but well i ws goin back to college.. so the home hangover was just fr couple of hours..!

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

ahh puja chhuti...

U had a wonderful one..I too had one that sweet...

puja's anticipation is more beautiful..and everytime it ends so abruptly :(..

shubho bijoya

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

aww.. I know how you feel. It happens. I am sure you will feel better in a couple of days :-)

Renu said...

u have written in a very interestin way and emotions are so similar that I have. whenever my children go, I always feel..now I have no purpose,no aim in life and feels miserable for a few days and then life goes on:)
return journey, even if short ones are aways very longish....

niceguy251 said...

Amrita,

Nicely written. Yes, many a times you feel in communication with Almighty when in a sacred place. This is what your m i l felt. Younglady, please do remember your HOME is now where you are with your husband and that was your parent's HOME which you went on vaccations. Please do not mind my saying so.

Take care

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