Monday, January 25, 2010

In the same vein

I am feeling like I felt 2 years back. I thought reading that might make me feel better, but then I saw nothing was worth the while. So to give vent to my pent up feelings or maybe to get some clarity as to what the heck am I thinking, I chose to write this.

Things are seeming all haywire right now and blame it all on the work. Work has kept me more than busy since the last quarter of last year. Illness ruining my speed for nearly 3 weeks added fuel to the fire. I have been bringing work home, I have been running against time to get the stuffs done and even when I am not working its work on my mind. I simply hate the feeling. Even when I am with family, a part of me feels, I should go and get connected. But then the other half things "When duty calls shove it under the carpet (I have a penchant for remembering the wrong idioms :D ) Its very tiring I feel - always walking on the tightrope. The constant dilemma, the guilt (be with family or get to what gives you your daily bread.) I prefer the easy ways of life, when things are under control. Who wants to drive in top gear and feel jittery all the way?

Somehow this time also, I happened to read a piece in the Times of India, which stated how work defined the existence and identity of so many Indians. I completely concurred with the content. Work does not make us. There is more to us than what we do to earn. But then is there more to us than what we do for some good 10-12 hours everyday? It is so difficult to etch another self from the one which takes up so much time, energy and commitment!

For quite a while things at work - this thing that pre dominates our lives have been so uncertain. The worse part is, not only for me, but for K too. Both of us would have simply loved to continue what we were doing for as long as we can. But, there seems to be something different planned - and the plan is still nebulous for both of us. Not only us, there are people around us who are also in a state of flux. The team structures which both of us have become so attached (or rather used) to is on the brink of a mammoth change - and not all change is always for the good :S. With so many winds blowing, we are not even sure which terrain to align ourselves to. And if things ultimately remain just the same, I am sure the effort spent thinking and planning is so exhausting, it will seem like a gargantuan waste when its over and done with. I keep praying, asking Him for the way, for a hint. He somehow whispers, it will end up being good, but till then I think we have to summon some underground source of will within us.

Just waiting for the tides to settle down and praying for strength. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor they say ( At last I remember a decent saying :) ) ...... Hope this ends soon and whatever lies beyond the calm, be the best for us both..... :S


5 comments:

Satish N said...

When ever you feel that GOD is frying you in a pan, dont think he is troubling you, he is just trying to get the best out of you. Remember, COAL has to be burnt beyond recognition for us to see the DIAMOND :)

Things will be fine soon ... don worry!!!

deepsspeakingup said...

Just go with the flow,Amrita and things will be fine. thats what I do :)

Jack said...

Amrita,

Relax. Just concentrate on work and do not keep getting tense unnecessarily. Please do not keep your mind divided between work and family. When with family be with them 100% and when at work no other diversions. I am sure you both will come out with flying colours in this time of test.

Take care

♥ÐÅyÐяєÅмє®♥ said...

life is unpredictable... don't bother that much..think that u r here for a purpose ..do that and feel content

Abhishek Khanna said...

As i say it to most of the people around me - Go get a life! (kripya ek jeevan ki praapti karen! )

will write a post about it sometime on my blog.. but will just say here that on the days when you are sick, why did your office people call you - to ask about the pending work or to ask about your health? (your discretion is required to differentiate between genuine asking and just asking so tht u wud nicely tell about the work.

When you have figured out the answer to this question, you will find the right priorities in life. We all need to stop for 5 minutes and think of our lives instead of ust running in a mad race.

@satish - u burn coal, you only get CO2 and no diamond.

@deep - everyone is going with the flow and no one is stopping for 5 mins to think about his/her life

@jack - well said.. very well said

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