Thursday, January 28, 2010

The one where the phoenix rises

I have always held the legend of the phoenix as something very inspiring. Since the full meaning of it dawned upon me, during some poetry class in school I have always loved the word, the symbols and the allusions pertaining to a phoenix. That mythical creature somehow seemed to be looming large today.
While writing the last post, I was very jittery and depressed. An escalation email first thing in the morning completely bummed me out. I am someone who takes responsibilities very seriously. When someone questions that, I feel cornered.The other day I got on the back foot on seeing the way things were going. And yes there was one big pending thing from my side,which had been nagging me for long time.The period of illness pushed back my schedules majorly and somehow I never got the time nor the stamina to catch up fully till the nth moment. Somehow that one email that day, made me feel betrayed. In spite of the consistent effort, somehow I felt the email questioned my commitment. Rather than steeling myself, I broke down. I cried in anguish and tried to think of worse times in the past when I had been challenged and pushed against the wall. I was not able to summon any will, the fortitude and the calm to rebut.

At length did some sanity sweep in.To prevent any distraction and additional wastage of time, I decided to plain and simple work from home for the coming days. I was amazed how sometimes the best of me comes under trial. I had a short deadline, I was nervous, I was very unhappy, but somehow God showed me the way to get the thing going. At the cost of sounding very melodramatic I must admit, I was able to get rid of the pending chore and that too in time. A bit of delegation helped a lot. By evening the stance of the management seemed strangely positive. Things were gearing up from red to amber at least if not green.

Today at the end of day2, day2 of being this recluse in fire fighting mode, I see light. Yes things are still undone on many fronts, there are question marks on bigger areas, there are issues of a larger nature, but the clear and present danger seems to be taken care of.I love working from home. It gives me just the right balance.When I am too bogged down, simple house work, takes my mind off the problem and helps me clear the clutter, inside my head and from the house. To take a break I move around, actually live in the home so tastefully set together (Weekends hardly make one relish "home" as one gets too busy getting some rest, :| catching up with friends, pursuing some long left book or paying attention to pending household duties) On weekdays when I work from home, I actually stroll around and savor the house when I need a break (No TV, no novels, no snoozing off) . The movements of other residents of the apartment make me realise how many different types of lives are there apart from the standard IT life we face most commonly. Shrill cries of kids returning from school in the afternoon make me long for those frolicsome days. Old people sitting and generally chit chatting make me wonder how I might be when I am like them. And the icing on the cake, the tea I make for myself at 1645!

Hmmmm...well back to ground zero. Immediate concerns are getting ticked off while long term ones - well I prefer not thinking about them. They seem ominous enough but still they can change at any moment into anything - it is not possible to be preemptive enough. Till then as Abhishek says - hum ek jeevan ki prapti karte hain (Let me get a life)

PS. His sarcasm did make me sit up and take notice. And for all your (Jack, Satish, Deeps and DD) concerned comments - Thanks so much!


Satish N said...

Issues, escalations, blah blah blah are part and parcel of our profession aren't they ? Just the way we keep our footwear outside and walk into the house, just leave all your office worries and walk in. As a fellow IT friend, I wish all your issues get resolved soon and your team meets the dead line.

Enjoy your day buddy!!!

PS: Abhishek sir ... I am sorry to have blabbered in my last comment. I actually heard or read somewhere that we can make diamond out of coal :(( I know I am wrong. Thanks for letting me know and stop me from future blabbering :)

Amrita said...

Well Satish, guess I am yet to attain the maturity to take everything in my stride. At some level I am still "emotional" about work which is not such a great thing to do. Guess will take some more time here to get "detached".

And about the diamond coal controversy :)
A quick search on google gave me this
"If the sheets of
graphite are compressed close enough together, the carbon atoms will be in
just about the right position to make the bonds of diamond. In fact, at
high temperatures and pressures, this indeed happens.

Would not say "burning" coal gives diamond but high temp and pressure can.

Satish N said...

I never took that as a controversy :)) It was informative and good that Abhishek let me know that :)

Renu said...

I can epathise with you so much as i am also like that, i feel shattered only when someone doubts my sincerity.

You have it in you to surmount all these worries and come out victorious..its always a matter of time.

Amrita said...

--Satish - thanks so much for being a sport. Many people dont like being corrected, so was not sure if you took it the right way. Could not stop from publishing the Furobikers comment cos they made so much sense.Good to hear there was no controversy :D
--Renu - Things are getting way too complicated ... and allegations on top dont make things any better. Hope your words come true soon.

Abhishek Khanna said...

Happy to read that atleast someone took note of my lectures and is actually getting a life :D

@satish - no offence dude.. i know i am a total jerk at times

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