Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Warts and all

On the surface I have everything going for me. I have a loving husband, a child, a job I love, loving circle of family and friends. I am mostly happy go lucky, and tend to take a devil may care attitude towards most things. I am a very firm believer of some nuggets of wisdom like 'Live and let live', 'To each their own', 'No one is black or white - everyone is grey' which helps me accept many road blocks. I have read quite a bit of Hindu scriptures (more their loose adaptations and re-telling by mom and mil) and the concept of Karma gives me further acceptance of people and circumstances.

In spite of all this, once in a while, I get jealous. Well... jealous is not the right fit. I get a rumbling feeling - what did so-and-so do to deserve such-and-such. I hate having such thoughts, as there is a popular Facebook wall picture - Never judge the happiness of others for you don't know what their struggles have been like (or something on the similar vein). Yes. I understand that too. We do not have full appreciation of what another person's life is in detail. How is any other person's bounty going to affect me? I have my kitty and they get their dividends from theirs. Their progress in no way impairs mine, affects mine. We are like different celestial bodies in the vast space, whose paths would not intersect come what may. Then why that negative feeling from me? 

This time I gave it a good hard thought... and since this space is my space for getting clarity, I thought let me try to write and analyse. Why this angst against some achievement of another? Is it because, in my not-so-perfect world, there are some wishes that seem should get a higher priority in the grand scheme of things? And when another person gets something he/she wants, I feel my desires are being pushed down a level by some Supreme Power? Is it because in my head, I have a designated state in which every person should be? Is it like I have given a time and space coordinate to each person, and any movement disrupts the field? Is it the case of misery loving company that I wish a lot of other people also wallowed in misery and defeat? 

I feel guilty for harbouring such thoughts. Being God-fearing, I dread being punished for having ill-will against another. But then I am a mere human... so help me God.


Renu said...

I too also always try to be positive and good in everything but sometimes something crosses my mind and makes me feel jealous of that person..

Then i divert my mind by thinking that god cant grant everything to me only, whatevr he has given is already more than I deserved..

And then the best for me ids belief in Karma..I must have done something to deserve it:)

Amrita said...

Yes that's what I try too Renu

Ashma said...

I think its natural, I wont call it jealousy or ill will.. Sometimes you wish you also had the same thing as the other person... A very simple Ex, you would love to have a similar dress like someone else.. Jealousy is when u didnt wish the other person to have it.. Wanting for self too is normal.. 😊

Amrita said...

Well Ashma it's not that innocent, I don't want the same thing. I don't need the same thing. I wonder why did someone get something, what did they do to deserve it.

Ashma said...

Hmmm....why someone got something.... Its complicated I guess... Destiny is the simplest answer 😊

Anonymous said...

To err is human!
We all have our personality flaws but then perfection exist only in the mind of those who lack the will to be humble.

All is good as long as one is not overwhelmed by such emotions for most of the phases in life.

Amrita said...

Well said... yes the crux is not to over whelmed by such emotions and not to let such emotions affect our actions

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