20 Questions-- Tagged by Raaji

Instructions:Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. Name Three Most Valuable Assets?
Confidence, Patience and Intelligence

2. If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
Thanks for understanding me(Ahem Sometimes ;-)

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
Ashma--Shes the cooooooolest one
Ashu-- Guess we could have long discussions. I like her thoughts, sometimes I could nt agree more and some times I am poles apart from her thoughts. But some how I perceive the undercurrent of logic in her writings which make them so awesome!
Swapna--Shes a dear friend


4.Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Delhi- I love Delhi

5.If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
To be as educated as possible :P

6.Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?
No regrets. I have learnt from my mistakes always.

7.What are you afraid to lose the most?
My home keys

8.What would you do if you found a briefcase full of money?
Take it of course.

9.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Nopes. :-)

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Raaji:- Sensitive, Emotional, Romantic

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Friendship. He should be a good friend. That covers a lot of requirements.

12.Which type of person do you hate the most?
Argh!! The list is long. But you are asking Hate the MOST then I think "Braggarts" Cant stand them.

13.What is your ambition?
To have my pic on the front page of the newspapers one day :-D :-D

14.What is the thing that will make you think someone is a bad person?
Bad person hmm.. I some how dont think any one is bad. No one is black or white, every person is grey. It just depends which shade is being reflected to you then.

15.Christmas is coming, who do you like to celebrate with?
Books :)
Any time any occasion nothing pleasures me more than the company of books.

16.If you could do one thing different in life, what would it be?
I would have studied harder after 10th :-(

17.Are you a shopaholic or no?
Depends on my mood and my outstanding credit bills :-)

18.(My question) What is your stress buster?
I aint sure so asking to get some ideas.

19.It would be 2008 in a few days, do you have a new year’s resolution?
Made one way back in 1994 to read news papers every day and I stuck with it big time. Am still basking in the glory of keeping a resolution that I have nt made one till date.

20.Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I would like to tag
Ashma, Swapna, Abhishek, Deepshikha, Vinayak, Parisbuggy,Shallu

Year 2007

Hmm...Well I dont give much importance to the New Year Fever and the hoopla surrounding the coming new year. But some how all the forwards doing the rounds about the year ending and all, has kinda made me recollect the very first day of this year. That day I had traveled back from my home to K's place. And one of my friends had told me, you have traveled on the start of the year, guess you gonna be on the move for the whole year(This is a very common superstition every one kinda follows, that whatever you do on the first of January you do for the entire year) But as I look back seriously this year has been full of lotsa movement. First of all when I least expected, I got a job offer and moved to another city. Then from here I had the chance to travel a lot. Nearly within every 3 months I was either moving to my home town or to visit some place or the other. And being at Hyderabad brought a welcome changes.

• I started blogging
  
• I learn t swimming
• I learn t the art of makeup
• And I got some really awesome friends
• I wrote CAT again and this time during preparation I did not make the mistakes that I had made in the last attempt. I had never thought I would be able to give the exam again. But I am simply in love with the exam. Sounds weird, but I respect the format a lot and some how I feel it tests all the aspects a person should have to be an able manager.
  

Now I am at the threshold of leaving this city again- to go back to K. But I am really gonna miss the way of life out here. I am going to miss the loads of new friends I made within the short span of time. I am going to miss the folks I used to go for lunch with. I am going to miss the gang that used to take the train together with me and who was the inspiration and reason for my dare devilish antics :D And I am going to miss nearly every single thing in the apartment I live in. I some how have developed a very very strong sense of belonging for the house. I had my shares of difficulties and inconveniences which being the ever optimist I have happily decided to overlook :-) I live by the saying, Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. So here I am hoping for a new year which is better in every respect from the year making its exit.

Verdicts

These are some of the comments I have received from friends and family about myself:-

1. Your bag has everything but the kitchen sink
2. How many times do I have to remind you that you are an adult
3. Don't answer a question with another question
4. You are such a bholu (modified version of bhola which means innocent in Hindi). You feel every one in the world is nice
5. If you would have been in front of me and said this I swear I would have slapped you (*Hahaha*)
   
6. I prefer you in western formals than Indian wear. In westerns you look like a fundoo MBA grad :D (Don't I love this line)
7. Your complexion has the translucence which reminds me of Julianne Moore (My best friend said this.. I dunno whether she was giving me an ego massage.. But I simply love this remark )
8. Your faith in God gives me faith in Him
9. No matter what, Cherrie always keeps her bathroom and her cupboards clean.
   
10. Maths is not your cup of tea(This was said long ago.. But somehow this remark has stayed with me..)
11. (My roomie said this) My roomie never says no to anything I ask. Thats why I like her so much. :)
    
12. You are my pillar of strength.

Undecided

I am a very indecisive person.

Due to this trait I make my own life miserable.
I am a stage where the time ahead is a big bold Question Mark(make it font size 48).
And I hate being like this.
On one hand I would like to spend some time in my current firm and learn the stuff properly and leave. Things are seeming bright here with my career moving on the right track( I know one can never be sure with the big bosses, they are expert at giving the shock waves when least expected). More over its a place with a unique work environment which kind of makes me look forward to coming here everyday. On the other hand, there is a colleague of mine whom I have to face every day,and who irritates me to the core. I would love having another offer and shoving my papers to the VP.
Some times I feel I should stay in this project and become a valued resource. Then the promotion will be a bit secure. At other times I feel what is the point of getting expertise in one system; it will just stagnate me. I should explore beyond and the only way to do so is to move out from this place.
Some times I feel, I should take rest and just enjoy the relaxing period that stretches in front of me. I feel lethargic to study again and brush up my concepts and go for interviews on weekends. But then I feel, whats the point dummy. You should be making all the effort. You should be driving yourself. What good do you get by wasting time? So move on. Make all the effort.No pain no gain right?
But some how as of now I don't feel super charged for anything.
I am not getting the full enthu to move.
K says take the first step and then you will get moving. What is stopping you from taking the first step. Only when you take the first step you will know where you stand. You will get your confidence back. And you will see a clearer path. You will know if you have to stay in your current organisation.
I wish I had everything clear cut in my life. Without it, I feel I am running after a mirage. And it might be just a futile waste of energy and time.
I wish everything was planned and all set perfectly. I am hating this stage where all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle are scattered. And I don't even know what picture I have to build.

DareDevil

Hmm one thing I hate is crossing the railway tracks. But it is what I do every day.
I take the local train to commute from home to office.
Evenings we have a drop from the office to the station.
Now there are two ways to get to the platform to board the train: -
1. Go over the foot over bridge
2. Jump over the tracks

The entry points for taking either of the routes subsequently are different.
The employees of my firm literally coax the driver of the cab which takes us to the station to park it so that they can go over the tracks rather than take the foot over bridge. ( much to my annoyance)

Jumping over the tracks freaks me out.
A relative of mine once had a pretty bad experience when her shoe got stuck in between the tracks with a train being pretty close.
I always get terrorized by that thought.
And many a times I can hear the whistle of the train, or the light cast by it, and still I huff and pant and struggle over the tracks mustering all my courage. ( now don't ask me why do I do it, if I dislike it so much. Maybe the thought of being all alone on the platform while all my colleagues would be chugging their way home, is not very palatable for me)

So many a times I have ended up scrapping my precious shoes over the pebbles on the track, hurt my foot innumerable times, stumbled, dropped my laptop, and been through a literal rough patch while crossing the tracks.

But yest I just crossed all the limits.
There was not just our train which are coming, there was another train from the opposite direction as well. So basically there were two monsters heading on towards me.
People were scrambling to make it to the other side.
One of my colleagues who is a close friend, reached the safety of the plat form quite soon.
She stood there calling " Come on Make it Fast,Come on"
And here I was scared, petrified, in dilemma and very tensed- Looking at the two sets of tracks to be crossed.

Then I just decided to go for it.
I literally covered one of the tracks in one leap(Boy! did nt it feel amazing! ).
I hope my mom never gets to read this blog, cos she was hell worried when I had mentioned the 'track jumping' act.
If she hears of me making it with the train being so close, and more over with two trains heading towards me, I think she will make me leave my job :D

PS: My friend told me, my train crossing reminded of her of the famous Aamir Khan train run from the movie Ghulam :D :D :D

Perfect timing or Completely wayward? :-S

Some times I wonder what makes God do some things at some times? I know His ways are completely unfathomable hmm but some times I would like to unravel His intentions.
There was a time when I was in Calcutta and things were going on in a very disconcerted way. My professional life was in utter chaos. I had no other go but to make a move from the organization. And I went to any extent for that. There was a period of time, when with the salary of a fresher I used to take flights all the way to Bangalore to give interviews, much to the concern of my parents. I did not have a single penny as savings cos of this. I had work which drained me to the end, and after that what ever time I could manage I used to study for interviews and all. I tried umpteen times, but every time what I got was failure.
At that juncture I happened to read an article in Reader's Digest in which a lady had left her job due to some constraints without having another job in hand. She was in a similar state, where she was running from pillar to post but to no avail. In that article she had mentioned, " Maybe every rejection is just taking me closer to the ideal job which is waiting for me." This statement stayed with me. And no matter what I kept on trying to give every interview possible.
At a point of time I decided with my fiance (lemme call him K) that I had to relocate to the city where he was working. I opted for a transfer.
But as my luck would have it, that did not end up being a smooth transition either. My transfer date kept getting postponed, and in the meanwhile, K was sent onsite.
Ironically, the date I finally managed to get a transfer coincided with the date K got for his return to India! It just seemed as a stroke of luck, superb timing by Chubby God! It was as if He had just planned it out like a master composer, every instrument in the orchestra, every artist of the symphony, He had just laid it down. It was as if He was giving me the message"See girl! This is how I wanted it to be. Not smooth sleek flows, but ups and downs (yea Hellova lot of them) but end crescendo should be memorable"
Till date I remember flying from my home town to K's place.
At the new office, work environment was very good. I was happy all the more cos of the fact I was with K in the same city after 2 years. Our entire span of courtship (if we ever had one :|) had been with us being in different cities.
Life seemed idyllic now.
But to make any progress on the professional front, I had to quit my current organization. I had made too many changes in projects and places which ruined my chances of making it to the next level in the current organisation I was working in.
And luck had it so... I got the best offer and challenging and different work opportunity in another city. K and I thought, fair enough, if this is how God's planned it, I move, work for a year and half, put some solid learning in my resume and earning in my account and come back to K.
I moved to a new city(Again). The traveler in me loved it. And after eons I had good room mates for company (I have stayed with good people before, but staying with 6 good girls is like a boon! :) )
The work was engaging. It s like I enjoyed my life here, but I keep thinking about my life with K and when I might be able to get back. I also know once I am back with him, I will miss my friends here like hell.
But then in the recent past, one of my colleagues had been up to certain misdemeanors. I cannot challenge him on it, but he has made my stay in office pretty uncomfortable.
It was work only which brought me to this place and was making me move on. (Having good company at home and a generally peaceful existence were just lateral benefits.) Now if the work front unnerves me, I feel it was utterly futile exercise to make the change.
I dont know why God had to put me through this trail. Seems completely unwarranted to me.
Allowing me to have a pleasant stay here and a smooth shift back, that would have been so cool. But I am just not able to fathom why this now.
Seriously, strange are His ways.
I am just waiting when the perfect timer will strike again and bring in the epoch. Till then, the recent changes seem completely wayward to me.

Blog Quizes Thanks to Ashma... :D

Ashma my friend is such a waste of a person..She is such an awesome blogger.. But all she does is take blog quizes and post them.. and tempt me to do the same...
You are to be blamed wholly for me posting quiz results :D


Now this one is tooooooooooooooooooo damn funny LOL..


And...........


Yes 78%
No 19%

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun quizzes for blog & myspace

Ahem

	MODERATELY SENSUAL
	Your sensuality quotient is 67%
	According to research, people who are more sensual enjoy life to the fullest. They live in the present, and don't dwell on the past or worry needlessly about the future. They truly experience each moment, and relish it. They live life king size! People who are too sensual are the ones who are most prone to substance abuse and leading a hedonistic existence. You seem to have found the perfect balance. You know how to enjoy and titillate your senses, but you also know where to draw the line. You enjoy the smell of fresh flowers, the touch of your lover and the taste of good food, but you won't lose yourself and get totally carried away by your feelings. You often experience a tug of war between your heart and your mind, and while your heart wins at times, your mind doesn't lag far behind. You are a warm, yet practical person. You let your hair down once in a while, throw caution to the wind, and have a good time.

Take the Quiz :-) http://www.indiaparenting.com/quizzes/sensuality/index.shtml

Keeping Busy

I like it when I am damn busy I think. In the days that have been I have been literally running around with out any time to spare.

Till the 18^th of November, I was preparing for an exam.

So mornings after the normal chores and 45 minutes walk, I used to sit down with books. While traveling to office, it would be a novel which would occupy me. Work would keep me on my toes for the next 10 hours. After which travel back home, scram and have dinner and then sit down with the exam prep again.

My free time used to be… hmm I can say… the minutes I used to spend talking to family or one or two friends. That would cumulatively be some 1 hour at the max.

With that pace of life, I wanted the D day to pass soon, so that I could sit back and relax.

I used to see my flat mates having a gala time, moving leisurely, having (what seemed to me) the luxury of watching tv, talking over the phone with out thinking how many minutes is the call eating up, and generally having a peaceful and calm existence.

I felt I was all the while literally running on a treadmill.

But after the exam got over, I had one complete day when I just chilleddddddd it out. I watched tv as if there was no tomorrow :-). Then for the next 2 days, coincidentally work pressure was a bit low. And I used to come back home, read a novel and drift of to sleep. I used to sleep so deep and so much with out any damn concern. I remember waking up all alert in the mornings with out any sign of left over sleep.

I continued like this for 4 days I think. And I loved it. But I got bored of it I guess.

The very next week, I resumed my swimming.

So the mornings I wake bolt up at 7, scurry to the pool, after an hour there, run home, have breakfast, read the paper, get ready and then dash to office. And now see the twist of fate: work is hectic again – demanding me to multi task over 3 completely different arenas. I come back home and then again I have this whole pile of un read novels asking for my immediate attention. And I have to force myself to hit the bed by 2330 hours so that I can get up again all fresh and bright for the humungous morning that beckons me.

Hmm…. Well… keeping busy tires me. But I cant take the relaxed pace either. Hmm… weird dilemma.

Cosmic Connection

I must have had some cosmic connection with the city of Chennai.

It was on the date of 30^th of June, 2004 that I had got the mail for the posting of my very first job – to Chennai. While most of us were anticipating and looking forward to Bangalore to be the first destination, it was Chennai for me.

My parents accompanied me to consign me to a new world; to see me off at the threshold of change from being a student to an employee. On the day they were supposed to return to my home town, I was on the throes of despair. I remember sitting on the benches of a mammoth shop shedding copious tears. I was too crestfallen at the thought of my parents bidding me good bye. I had been a hostel boarder through out my graduation life, but some how maybe the situation made me feel so vulnerable that I could not help but be morose.

After the initial training, my permanent posting was in Calcutta. Now this place was much closer to my home town. All other folks who were in and around the eastern part of India were overjoyed at this stroke of luck. But I dunno why, in spite of Chennai being so far from my home and in spite of the culture, the food habit and the very way of life being so different from my native place, I was sad at leaving it.

May be there was some bonding which I felt with it.

Luckily I got many more chances to re visit the place for short as well as long terms. Every time I went there, there was a sense of “being at home” in me.

Most people from the northern half of India face the impediment of language out there. But some how I was able to maneuver with ease. Luckily I generally ended up with auto rickshaw drivers who were conversant in Hindi, or dhaba folks from the north of India. (Now people who stick to logic and reason might say – that’s a direct consequence of the IT boom which has completely transformed most metropolises in cosmopolises in India) But I some how like to believe, its like my second home, easing out my stay a bit, ironing out some minor inconveniences so that I have a pleasant stay.

Not only that, I have never once encountered “bad weather” there. Ask any north Indian about Chennai, and they wont miss mentioning “humidity”, ”sweat”, ”oppressive heat”. Luckily or unluckily I never got a chance to crib about the weather at Chennai. I have been there in months of June – March, but never ever has the weather unnerved me. May be I have to try the month of May once:-D.

I think I am in love with most of the things of the city. I like the ethnicity of the place. The deep rooted culture of the people. The omnipresent shoppers. (Some how I feel people there always have a reason to shop. The shops always have the same density of population :-)) The raw mangoes available on the streets. The beaches. The plush shops standing vis a vis the street vendors selling their wares. (And each getting their fair share of customers). The awesome temples where you can literally feel divinity.

The city holds some charm over me. It’s simply a joy being at Chennai.

Pressure Cooker

I suffer from the pressure cooker syndrome badly I think. (This is a term coined by me for the knack of not expressing ones feelings then and there but keeping them pent up)

Currently I am going through the same so thought might as well write it down for future reference.

I am a person who does not give vent to her feelings to some people easily.
Its not that I am the egoist types who wants the whole world to come up to me and ask what’s wrong. It’s more like I try to under play my negative emotions.

If I am angry I try to forget it, rather not acknowledge the fact that I am angry. I try to carry on.
Some times this trick works beautifully. Its just makes sense not to harp on some emotions and go on as if nothing happened.
But then at other times as yesterday, it just goes on to wreck me.

Yesterday night I was very irked with a friend of mine. Now he has the penchant for teasing me big time.
Yesterday during a teasing session, my restrain snapped.
Rather than having a confrontation, I decided to sleep over it. (A TERRIBLE decision)



But.. it did not turn out to be one for those lovely days when I sleep within 30 seconds ( some of my friends are so jealous of this trait of mine.)
And I was fretting and fuming over what happened.
I was going through this endless cycle of re-play and analyze the sequence of conversation which ended up in me being all the more worked up.
I thought of all the worst case scenarios regarding all the future plans that I have laid. (I swear to be a die hard optimist.. But yesterday I was aghast at my own thoughts!! )
I was seething and simmering for a good 2 hours in bed :(
Generally if I don’t get sleep within 10 minutes I assume I am suffering from insomnia .I was nearly in the brink of tears yesterday trying to sleep for 2 hours :(

Today morning had some spillovers of yesterday night.
But I reached a pact with the friend of mine that next time I am going to be very vocal in case I get irritated.
Its now entirely my responsibility to stress which is the limit when he gets into teasing mode again
One should learn how to shirk from responsibilities from guys!
:D

The better half of the day has been wasted in me trying to make up for the sleep lost last night.
Dunno how I am planning to use the remaining time left.
I think I am gonna kill myself by the guillotine of guilt :)

Tagged

Hmm I owed this to Raaji..
So there you go..
My middle name is way too long 10 alphabets :-(
So I am gonna go with my nickname Cherrie :)

"C" - Cold/choice
I am very susceptible to the first.
And I don t like making the second.
:)
A little waft of cold breeze from the nook in the window, a little drop in the temperate, the fan staying on a little longer than the usual time at night - And thats it. I am all sneezing and huffing panting in the morning.
As I am prone to acute sinusitis, pain reliving balms are my best friends. My handbag always has one and loadssssss of tissue papers.
I never go to bed with out a handkerchief and a bottle of de-congesant beside me. Such is my plight.

And I have always hated making choices.
Since I was a kid it seems, I am the indecisive one. "People like us should not be given choices" - Is what my close friend and I declare. But alas!! Life throws ample choices at us :( I envy those people who had to go on a straight path through out their life, there were never many choices to make, life just thrust things on their face... I know they must be cursing their existence... But I would love to swap places with them. ( Ya ya.. I hear quite a few saying.. The grass on the other side......... )

"H" - Hope
I am always filled with it. No matter what the situation I trust the God above. I refer to Him as My chubby God :) And I believe, He can never mean harm. So why loose hope. We ordinary mortals are not able to see the bigger picture which he is etching.

"E" - Exercise
I am a freak when it comes to exercise. My family is full of exercise freaks I feel. Dad never misses his walks. Mom and sis are avid Yoga practitioners. And I have been into everything from walks to Yoga to aerobics to swimming.
And if I don t do any sort of exercise for a week, I start imagining love handles and tires :(
And this is the state I have been for the past 2 weeks. Since the weather has become a bit chill, I have been too lazy to move in the mornings. :( Have been scolding myself but not getting motivated enough :(

"R" - Reading
I love it. Cant say more than this :)

"R" - Romantic
That I am of course not. :)
Again I will quote my best friend who says " We are too practical to be romantic" I don t know how many people would agree with this. But it sounds a jazzy catch line- so we stick with it.
My idea of romance is getting duplicate keys done from the store across the street, buying vegetables together and quarreling over the quantity, and very very common place things. I am not into the hearts and flowers stuff at all...I infact get irritated by any thing remotely mushy.

"I" - Impatient
Impatience should have been my middle name :D
But it does not sound so nice so I gave it a miss.
I am as impatient as my dad.
I am impatient when it comes to any thing and everything, starting from waiting for the train/flight, queuing up in the bank or post office, people walking slowly on the streets, stubborn vegetables not getting cooked sooner,water coming slowly out of the tap, the list can go on and on and on.
I wish patience was a virtue I had. And my mom being the epitome of patience, I so so wish I had an iota of her patience.
But now I think now I am too old to change :)

"E" - English
My adopted mother tongue :)

Waiting for.. ?

I don’t know what I am waiting for. I feel as if I am anticipating something. As if something important is going to happen and I am all agog for it. Each day I am inching towards it. But what is it?

I have lots of important events lined up till early 2008. Have a lot of personal and professional commitments to be met. And each day is bringing me closer to them. As each day passes I kind of put a mental tick against that day. Ok. Done. Now next.

But then when I look back on the day that just went by, I feel, oh! No! Did I use it to the fullest? I love these words of Rudyard Kipling from the poem If

“If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run”

That’s what I feel at the end of each day.

Did I utilize it well?

Did I fill each unforgiving minute with worth?

Or was I a wastrel when it came to the 24 hours that just went by?

When I am pushing myself to do all the things that have to be done and that I want to do.. I say to myself… Hey slow down… Take it easy…

And if I let the pace slacken a bit… I reprimand myself… Oh Come on you are going to repent this. Get up and get going.

Argh! I am in such a fix :-(

And today I spoke to my room mate.

I could not take this tug of war any more.

So I just blurted out,”Such weird days aint these... I kind of feel restless”

And she was like, “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa very true... Even I feel like that. When the week starts I wait for the weekend.. And once the weekend comes I am like... Oh God when is this going to end. I don’t feel like doing anything at work. Life is just going on yaar. Even I don’t know what is going on. May be it’s the weather.”

Then I though yes!! Eureka. May be it’s the weather after all. We have not seen the sun since ages. It has either been raining or it’s been cloudy and chill. It’s all soggy and soppy all over. And that irritates me and my roomie dear big time. May be we are a bit under the weather (mentally though ;))

I am not sure.

But I just wish I get rid of this restless feeling.

I wish I stop putting those mental tick marks against days like a prisoner.

I wish I stop looking at the calendar once in a while and count days, weeks, months….

I wish I knew what am I waiting for.. :-(

Feeling Blank

Some times I am very incoherent. I hate being in the state when I am blank. I am without an opinion, without a thought, without a vision – a state when I feel everything zipping past me and I like a mute spectator just watch on. My mind on one hand urges me to move, to get up, and to do some thing, anything but lie in a limbo. At any given point of time are not there lots of things to be completed, lots of tasks pending, lots and lots of ‘to do s’? But on the other hand I feel like just being as I am. I feel like wasting my muscles, subduing my thoughts. I feel any ways I won’t be able to effect much change in a few hours or in a day. There will still remain lots more things to be completed, some more pending tasks and there will never be tick marks against all the ‘to do s’. So why make the effort?

Just let time take hold. Let the day move on. Let tomorrow come. Tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow will throw new challenges on your face. Tomorrow will ask you to take up a new gauntlet. Tomorrow will force you to come out of the state of inertia. Tomorrow you won’t be in this insipid state of inaction.

But when tomorrow comes I feel ‘ARGH! I wasted yesterday :-( ‘

I celebrated I-Day

Well- there is nothing like a holiday standing in the middle of a week. I love it much more than an extended weekend. And this year India’s birthday fell on a Wednesday much to my joy!

Ever since 1^st August, I was looking forward to the 3^rd week. It would be a much shorter working week :-). An extra day to rest, extra hours to unwind, extra time to catch up on pending chores (thankfully no trips to the bank or the post office for me :-).)

Start of the 3^rd week of August – and office started loosing its tautness. My manager timed his vacation in this week - leading to a general slackening in the team’s interest to work. And since 13^th I was all agog for the 15^th. I was literally urging the Monday to pass.

Come 14^th morning and the newspapers were vibrant with the colors of the coming Independence Day. I don’t know whether the articles were thought provoking and compelling (because it being the 60^th year of India’s independence) or I was in a heightened state of consciousness – I could feel the patriotic fervor. So much so that as I was picking what to wear to work, I gave the western formals a pass and chose an ethnic Indian attire.

Towards the evening there were some celebrations in office with performances by live band etc. I gave the events a miss but in spite of that I could what shall I say – feel the thump!?

15^th morning – holiday : -). Customarily I hit the newspapers with my morning cuppa. And I could feel the hair on the back of my neck raise as I read the articles. Some good some bad, some touting India some deprecating. But each letter made an impact.

As I was reading there were strains of Aye mere watan ke logon, Jhanda ooncha rahe humara and the like wafting from the nearby school. The air had a tinge of chill (pretty unlikely I feel in the middle of August that too in a place located at 17.20 N latitude.) There was something different about the day – I kept feeling.

60 maybe is a big and important landmark to cross.

And evening it was the movie Chak De India for me!

Could not have asked for a better way to savor Independence Day. And could not resist uploading this picture :-) At the beginning of the movie as the entire auditorium stood for the national anthem, I felt so Indian.

I did not wear the tricolor on my shirt, I did not go for a flag hoisting or watch the ceremonial parades on national TV – but throughout the day I felt proud and strangely happy. I feel I celebrated I Day.

Tears

They don’t seem to stop some times. In spite of all my attempts, there are times when my lachrymal glands are just not under my control. The tears just roll on and on as if there is no tomorrow.

When I have such pangs, I literally clutch my heart, lest I choke myself. There is an upheaval within me which if I don’t let out, threatens to suffocate me. I feel shrouded with grief. I feel I will never be able to come out of the envelope of sorrow. I beseech the heavens to relieve me of the pain. I think of brighter times so that I can feel better. Sometimes in a masochistic stint, I scratch the wound even more. I try to prod the cause of distress and cry it all out, so that my eyes are dried of the tears.

But no. Nothing works.

With my will failing me, I just let the tears roll on.

Oblivious to surroundings, unconcerned about what people might think – I just cry. I have cried unabashedly on the benches in a teeming mall. I have cried inconsolably in the departure lounges of airports. I have cried with reckless abandon in public transports, telephone booths (prior to the age of cell phones); eat outs and many other places under full public glare. I am not a person who is comfortable displaying her emotions and would prefer to drench my pillow rather than create a scene. But some times in spite of myself, I have had such uncomfortable instances, where I seem to be under free fall under the influence of the feeling of despair.

Generally after this emotional catharsis I feel drained.

The analysis of the events that lead to ‘pain causing situation’ wrecks me.

Insignificant things keep reminding of what went wrong, or how things might have been.

I fall into a reverie and feel a stir of distress at ubiquitous sights and sounds and smells. The heart inundated with pain, takes time to see the sunshine over the horizon.

I pray to God, after each such episode not to make me pass through such trauma again. But then… life’s sky is not always azure…

The ones who never saw the light of the day...

I am generally pretty indecisive as a person.
It takes me eons to decide on the most trivial of things.
And I have not been able to zero in on a blog.
There have been quite a lot which were in my mind as nascent ideas. But I never summoned to zeal to give shape to them as words. The drafts of the wannabe blogs buzzed in my head during long train journeys or when I brushed my teeth or worst of all, while I read the newspaper.
But some how I never managed to put them in black and white.
Either I was hard pressed for time, or I found the ideas too mundane to claim space in my blogosphere, or they just skimmed into a nebulous form when I attempted to give shape to them.
But there were a few lucky once who passed through the initial draft. But then when I got to read them, my very first response would be "NAYYYYYYYYYYYYY".

Many a times I did attempt to add another line here, edit a paragraph there – but the results lacked sheen. So I gave up further attempts at improvisation.

So this blog goes out to all those who did not make it. :-(

Auto Mode

Been there Lived there

Horror And I

Profundities

Scent of a Moment

Summer of 03

Hope some day I have some postings with these titles.

Till then, rest in peace. :-|

24X7

When I was in school, during a moral science class, our teacher asked us a question, “What do you all think - is life too short or too long?”

I promptly raised my hand and said, I think it’s too long.

A lively debate ensued, and I gave a plethora of reasons for my stand. There were some who rebutted me and many who joined forces. We did not reach a conclusion, but the teacher concluded the class by stating, life is too short to learn about God, so spend as much time as you can each day with Him.

It was a moral science class, so as per norms it ended up with the matter boiling down to The Divine.

But the question persisted in my mind.

When I came home, I asked my dad what he felt – Is life too short or too long.

Dad said in his usual nonchalant way, still poring over the newspaper, with out even lifting his head from it – depends, if you have work, it s too short, if you don’t have any its long.

I thought that’s it?!

That’s all he has to voice on a question that bothered me through the entire ride from school to home?

But today when I have my both hands full of work and commitments, I feel yes, maybe what Dad said does sum up how life seems.

Here I am jostling between a job, tasks at home, my hobbies and interests. And each day I wish there were a couple of hours more in a day or some more days in the week.

Alas! 24X7 is all I got : (

Guru

I took a .Net training session for a batch of fresh graduates in my organization. And they gifted me a key chain. It has a lovely quotation inscribed on it, “Blessed is he who receives education and thrice blessed is he who educates”. I don’t know if I am thrice blessed because I don’t think imparting some mumbo-jumbo on .Net framework makes me worthy of that ( and since I am doubtful even if 2% of them will end up working on .Net technology :| ). But I would say I have been blessed in my life with some wonderful teachers who have – though it may sound clichéd- made me who I am today.

My first love is English- I am simply in love with the language. And it was my teacher in school who instilled this love. Miss Sharda Chadha- she epitomized perfection- be it her vocabulary, her diction, her thoughts, even her wardrobe! My best friend, Sameepa and I literally used to drool over her. English classes could not have been more interesting than Miss Chadha made them. She not only used to give some invaluable insights to the works we used to study, but what was more innovative was her logical bisection of scenarios. I still remember when she was teaching the poem “The Highwayman” by Alfred Noyes. (For those interested, here is the link to the poem http://www.teachersfirst.com/share/highwayman/st1.html )

At the end of the discourse, she posed a simple question,” Do you think the Highwayman was true in his love”. This led to a pretty animated debate, but I was impressed because she questioned an unstated assumption. She drove logic into literature - and nothing can be more engrossing.

My professional education career hardly had any “educators” making a scratch.

As I moved on to work, I enrolled for coaching classes for MBA. Life was totally changed after that! When I was at home I used to plan how to get the job done at office and when I was in office, I felt like a prisoner. Every passing second made me feel like leave the very chair and rush home to DI, Quant and Verbal Ability. I was worse than a junkie experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

And to make matters worse, I had some pretty ungodly elements at work to completely upset the apple cart. I went to my mentor at the coaching centre Sajal Mitra. He had the élan of a celebrity, but the intellect of a sage. At a stage when I was unable to cope with the pressure, he made me see the daunting task as a challenge. He literally made me feel like a phoenix and pushed me to push myself to the levels where I had never dared. He told me,”You will have troubles, but you will fight. You will show yourself and the world that you won’t crack. You will give CAT your best so that at the end of the exam you don’t regret not having put in your best.” He even went on to draw my plan of action. He made me pull in 18 solid hours from the 24 hour day and helped me allocate time to every aspect of the preparation. It was really amazing to see that so much can be achieved within the time we got also. I did not manage to get any calls from IIMs but I did not get an ignoble score as well. In spite of the trials I can say that I managed a decent 89 percentile; more important than that- I gave CAT my very best. Nothing can be more fulfilling. I still have the spark that he instilled in me and intend to attempt to “bell the CAT” this year. Hope this time I can convert my efforts into results.

The next person to cause pedagogical ripples in my life is Giri Sir. He is my swimming instructor. (Yes I am taking swimming classes :)) The sheer patience of this man amazes me! Swimming is a very tough thing to teach. But he has the utter patience to go on and on. I get frustrated with my lack of control on my breath and inability to move my left hand while swimming, or lack of coordination between legs and hands, but Giri Sir just does not give up. On one hand he is full of advice and on the other with encouragement. And not only for me, he coaches a 50 year old lady and 5 year old kids with the same dedication and determination. I can’t stop eulogizing the spirit of the man who is so true to his profession and an inspiration to so many.

It’s said a teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops. Truer words have not been said.

Never say GoodBye....

I was tempted to name this blog Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. But it being the movie people love to hate, I did not want this blog to turn out the same. Though I feel even people who love me are gonna hate me for having written this.

KANK is movie that has received a lot of brick bats. KJo managed to get good reviews for the movie though it was lampooned by the general public. I am not a KJo fan and I feel he degraded love by making a movie as crass as Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I am also not a believer in the concept of soul mates which he touted in KANK. In spite of all this, I liked KANK.

I can hear some say what? Come again. Well I liked Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.

I found it the first and the most mature movie made by KJo.

Be it the highly uppity Preity Zinta or the self deprecating Rani Mukherjee, the child-man Abhisekh Bachchan or the utterly bloated and repulsive Shahrukh Khan - I found each character real. The fact that the audience found SRK irritating or Rani Mukherjee a schmalz I think just proves that they delivered the character they were supposed to. But in KANK we had stark reality.

The couples in the plot were the most ill matched ones personality vise, but I think that’s how life is very often. It’s a different matter that we rarely see them in candy floss cinemas.
In Indian marriages we have an unwritten code of honor “Adjust”. But the characters in the movie were not taught that I suppose. And that made them jarring and aberrant. And that made sense to me.

The audience sympathy was with Preity Zinta and Abhisekh Bachchan, because they had not erred. They were the ones wronged against. Again I felt that’s a very human trait to cling to the first support one finds. And that’s the characters of Rani Mukherjee and Shahrukh Khan did. They found support in each other and broke the sacred vows. I am also an Indian to the core and don’t corroborate what they did, but on a logical after thought, I would say what they did was attuned to the concept of one making relationships rather than having relationships thrust upon oneself.

I simply loved Shahrukh Khan in the movie. Being an ardent admirer of his, I hated his character; which just proves how very convincing he was. Usually as one of my friends says, “his performance has layers”. It’s not a simple one track depiction of a character. He makes it realistic and puts a lot of zeal and feel into the depiction. So every time you see his work, it’s like a different and new perspective of the character being unraveled each time. And KANK I feel had the multi dimensional SRK at his very best. The first time I watched the movie, I detested him. He seemed as a term goes – an MCP (Male Chauvinist Pig – for the uninitiated). I found him weak and loathsome. But the second time I saw, I was hit by the pathos in his character. And the third time around I was gaga about his perfect timing of comedy. He just gets better at reinventing himself with each movie :).

[I know when my friend Ashma (an Aamir Khan fan) reads this, at the above line she would have the best frown a girl can put on her face.]

Some characters were redundant and not so well etched out like that of Amitabh Bachchan. And the ending could of course have been a bit sleeker. But I think KANK would have been much better received with out the prevalent multiplex culture. Because I feel in a multiplex one is too affected by group behavior. You see one person letting out a yawn and fidgeting and your attention level drops. It’s so easy to get influenced by the person seated beside you. And matters just get worse if you have a big group along with you. Under those circumstances the movie has to fight for an equal footing with the pop corns and colas moving between the chairs. KANK on the other hand deserves ones undivided attention else or none at all. I being one who watches and not sees movies, felt the small screen does more justice to the script of this movie.

I hope with this blog I might have opened a lot of debate gates :). I also hope some will give KANK a dekko again.

Gandhigiri

As a student of history in school my heart went out for the militant nationalists. Because for me they were men of action. And I held a very strong dis-enchantment and antagonism for the Nehru Gandhi family.(I still do :) )
But yesterday I was taking my monthly pass at the railway station. A burly man brushed past me to get the ticket. I did not flinch though my natural response would have been a harsh "EXCUSE ME!!". Maybe I was plain lazy to respond. So I let him go ahead.
As he was getting his ticket done, he looked back and said,"I am sorry". I nodded.
Once his ticket was done, he turned back and said,"I am really sorry, I was getting late so I barged in." I told him it was OK.
He moved on.
But I think what I was in his eyes was compunction.
My first trial at Gandhigiri (inadvertently though) and it was a success!

Shantaram

Yesterday I asked a friend of mine not to post reviews of books and movies on her blogs. But here I am writing my next blog about a book which is occupying most of the hours that I am awake.

Well I won’t write a review on “Shantaram”, because I think there will be ample number of people who would have done the same.

What I want to voice is the influence the book has had over me.

The novel is set in Mumbai. And each page is seeped in the atmosphere of Aamchi Mumbai.

As I sit in the platform and read through the pages of the novel, it’s as if I am tele-ported to Bombay. Most novels have this effect on me since I have a vivid imagination. I construct the places and people in the novels in detail. But this novel seamlessly throws me into the lives of the characters. It’s never like I read 2-3 lines and then I get into the flow of things. On the contrary it’s more like even as I am walking on the streets of Hyderabad, I have the sights and sounds of Mumbai zipping past me. From the slums of Bombay, to the crowded trains, to the swank hotels – there has been not a single instance where I had to read a line twice to get the picture. Rather there are umpteen instances when I re-read the lines to re-live the incident.

The incidents that have been mentioned in this novel are not earth shattering events. But the way the nuances have been outlined and the way the sheer indomitableness of the human spirit that has been described-it leaves me speechless and eloquent at the same time.

Simplicity is said to have an intangible charm. After reading Shantaram I know the worth of this saying. The author has down played many events and gone on an even pace as if he is writing a diary. There is no embellishment and no hype in any page. In spite of that I am all agog to read. I can feel a taut wire of suspense; I can feel an undercurrent of mystery as if I am reading a thriller.

Each sentence in the novel is a full of wisdom. I am tempted to underline each and every printed letter. I read some sentences again and again so that I can commit them to memory. But each time I remember one sentence of profound wisdom, I stumble upon another, some sentences down the line. And I wish I had some supernatural memory to have the whole book in my head. But Alas! God has given me limited capacities to learn. : (

The book is replete with examples which show the author’s keen sense of observation. And many a times I mouth the words “exactly” and “how true” when he makes a comment on a certain situation. He uses just the right words to convey the message. And that ensures the message makes the impact.

I am said to have a very transparent face. It’s easy for people to decipher my feelings from my expressions. I am sure while reading my face must be a kaleidoscope of expressions. Many times I have caught myself cringe my nose in disgust or raise my eyebrows in astonishment or release a gasp of breath in relief.

Well, the novel is like surreal force on me. I wonder when I might be able to come out of the enchantment of Shantaram.

My God!

It was a bad day. Work was mundane in the office. There were awful traffic jams. I was forced to walk for quite a long distance and was getting irritated with the whole affair. I wanted to get home ASAP. That’s when I just thought I might as well start thinking of my next blog. So I thought I would write about the traffic in Hyderabad. I walked on forming the rough draft of the blog mentally. Then I stumbled on a mound of earth and fell down. I scratched my palm and feet. I got a bit irritated and sent a complaint to the heavens. I screamed within,”Oh God! Why such a pathetic day?”

That’s when I thought hey! I can write about my God.

My belief in God is strange (others say so, though I find it logical). I am always reminded of a story when I think of him.

When I was in school our Moral Science teacher once narrated this story.

She said, once there was a man sitting on the banks of a river and thinking about God.

He saw a small child dig a hole in the bank. The child then ran to the river to get some water and poured it in the hole. He went on doing this for quite some time. Curious, the man called the child and asked him what he was doing. The child replied that he was trying to empty the river and put all the water in the hole he had dug. The man started laughing and said it was impossible. The child was a bit crest-fallen. But then he asked the man what he was doing. The man replied that he was trying to understand God.

The child laughed hard and said that it might be possible to that he would empty the river into his hole, but it is impossible to understand God. Because God is limitless and unfathomable.

This is the crux of my belief in God.

When I go to temples, my friends say I should put some amount of money when I take the Aarti. It is like we offer some thing in return for his blessings. I comply with their wishes; because I don’t want to show case my debating prowess in a temple. But in my heart of hearts I am like, come on God would not want these change coins.

And my daily interactions with Him are pretty casual.

On the way to my office there is a Ganesh temple. It is a very small temple on the street. But India being the land of the devout, it is usually crowded for the good part of the day. And every day I make it a point to say hi to Him. But some days down the line, the journey to office started getting a bit frustrating as trains got too delayed from their schedule and got too crowded. So one day I shot a prayer to the deity, “Give me a safe and comfortable journey today”. And that day the train was bang on time and I traveled like a queen, with very few people standing in the train.

After that day every day I say the same prayer to him. It’s not that every day I get a seat and the train is never delayed. But usually I have some company to entertain me if the train is too much off the schedule. The days I don’t get a seat, the weather is so nice that I forget about the standing completely. Other days I end up meeting some one interesting if I am standing and making new friends. So each day He answers my prayer in his own sweet way.

And some days He answers my prayers just at the nick of time. I see the “hand of God” when the electricity comes back when I ask Him. Or when He sends the bus after I have stood for no longer than 10 minutes at the bus-stop; because He knows that my patience threshold is low. Or when He stops the rain when I am about to go for shopping : ). Really I can’t think of the zillions of times when He has done the right thing at the right time.

I don’t believe in fasting and performing rituals for appeasement of deities. I am also not a temple freak because I feel closer and more in sync with God in my own small room. My belief in Him is too informal and for some borders on being profane.

But one of my friends says, my belief in God makes her believe in Him.

Amen. : )