Indecisive me, guilty conscience and an innocent tag

The title of the post is quite a mouthful :) For the lack of a load to write on, I decided to club everything I could think of.

The Ganesh Chaturthi weekend that went by was full of dilemmas for me. I do not mind the earth shattering, tsunami causing ones, cos I feel I am well empowered to handle them. The ones I dread are, what should I wear, should I eat another sweet or not, should I go to gym today or succumb to laziness and doze some more and so on.

There was nothing planned for the weekend, so K as per his latest fancy that I should sport shorter hair, was persistent we make a trip to a salon far far away where I would get the hair cut to die for. I like change, but then I dread if some changes will make me become a recluse unable the face the mirror and people. What if I end up having a mop like hair cut or any other the other nightmarish cuts that so many actresses sport with elan. For Sunday there was a whole bunch of things packed - puja in the morning, temple visit in the afternoon and a wedding reception in the evening. So with my puppy eyes I went to master K and said, tomorrow was going to be too tiring, could we just laze around the house for a day? Reluctantly I got his nod and then slept off for good 3 hours in the afternoon.

But when I woke, I was guilt ridden - at having wasted precious time. Rather than being re freshed and rejuvinated, I was feeling strangely drained. I wished, I had ventured out and gotten some fresh air:( But then it was too late. And I had to amuse myself with back to back movies on tv. I hoped the coming day would be better as I hit the bed.

Sunday also started on a gloomy note. I rose and shone at 0600 for the puja preparation, but then things got going faster than I anticipated. Most chores were over by 0900 thanks to the propelling force of my mil. And then there was nothing to do but wait for K to finish some sacred thread changing thingy he was on with. By mid day, a cover of sleep started to envelope me. We had planned to go to the replica of the Jagannath temple on ECR with some colleagues of mine. But with the laziness that was surging over, I chucked the plan. K tried to convince to make it, but then I chose to be lazy yet again. As an action replay of the previous day, yet again, I felt guilty of not sticking to the plan, not venturing out, not summoning that extra bit of will and making it. The ride to the temple would have been so much fun - wish I had made it. Argh - I so wish I was a more decisive person and if I was not created decisive, wish God had left me without this penchant for feeling guilty so easily.

And on the same note, Deeps tagged me
Here are the rules :-
RULE 1
You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2
You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!

Asked someone to marry you? Innocent

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Guilty

Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent

Ever told a lie? Guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Innocent

Kissed a picture? Guilty

Slept in until 5 PM? Innocent

Fallen asleep at work/school? Innocent

Held a snake? Innocent.

Been suspended from school? Innocent

Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent

Stolen from a store? Innocent

Been fired from a job? Innocent

Done something you regret? Guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Innocent

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent

Kissed in the rain? Innocent

Sat on a roof top? Innocent

Kissed someone you shouldn’t? Innocent

Sang in the shower? Guilty.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent

Shaved your head? Guilty

Had a boxing membership? Innocent.

Made a girlfriend cry? Guilty.

Been in a band? Innocent

Shot a gun? Guilty

Donated Blood? Innocent

Eaten alligator meat? Innocent!

Eaten cheesecake? Guilty

Still love someone you shouldn’t? Innocent

Have/had a tattoo? Innocent.

Liked someone, but will never tell who? Innocent

Been too honest? Guilty

Ruined a surprise? Innocent :)

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards? Guilty. Guilty Guilty

Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Guilty.

Joined a pageant? Innocent

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty

Had communication with your ex? Innocent

Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent.

Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty!

On, Off, On, Off and then Full ON!

We had planned the trip to Bangalore just two weeks prior to the date of journey. And in mere two weeks, things can precipitate pretty rapidly.

As we were counting days and entering the week of the journey, piggy flu hogged the headlines of all national dailies. I having a penchant for catching the cold easily ended up being on every well meaning relatives' radar. "Are you sure you want to travel?" Now when someone asks such a question, one is bound to have doubts. K suggested that we should cancel the trip. My sissy had plans of coming over from Mysore and visiting us. I was too agog to be with her and loiter around for 2 good days. Now that our plan was on the verge of being canceled, I asked her to loose the enthu and get back to her training. :(

But K was not one to let go of a trip to his favorite place so easily. He said, we would buy masks, wash hands, not eat outside and carry lots of amrutanjan to get rid of the cold as soon as I get a whiff of it. My mom was worried sick. I convinced her that I would be fine. The trip was on.

Finally, the trip seemed to be a possibility and I mentally started making a note of the stuff I would need to pack. My sissy called and said she was not having any company to accompany her to Bangy. This would have been my sister's maiden journey out of her city and my mom was damn scared of her making it all alone. So Momma asked her to stay put at Mysore itself. Now that little sissy was not gonna come to Bangy, it completely dampened my spirits. Seeing her was the high point of my travel. I hoped, even if I was not able to buy any thing, at least I would get to spend some time with her which would be more than fulfilling. I thought it would be a better idea to make the trip when she would also be in a position to come to Bangy and more over with the swine flu scare et al, it was best to not undertake any travel.

Par dil hai ki manta nehi :) And on Friday morning I decided, we should go ahead with the trip. No matter what. On hearing my conviction sissy said, she would come to Bangy. No matter what. While returning from work, I shopped for some goodies for sissy and then mom called and said, sissy would not make it to Bangy cos she was caught up with some work. I guess she had some test or something coming up. On the spur I said, I would make a trip and visit her at Mysore. Going all the way to Bangy but not being able to see her who was just 3 hours away seemed very un fair.

This time K and I had booked our tickets in the sleeper bus services that run from Chennai to Bangy. It was an entirely different experience. It is extremely comfortable if one chooses to ignore the rude behavior of the bus conductors. Banglore as usual filled us both with nostalgia as it never ever fails to do. The atmosphere itself is vibrant with a feel which is so very different from the tradition soaked Chennai. The malls, the youth thronging the streets, the westernised attires - the city has spunk. Saturday 4 and half straight hours I spent shopping for clothes and got some real good buys at Brand Factory - 3 pairs of trousers and 4 shirts. K had to stand the entire agonizing duration and had to go through my "should I take this?", "do I look fat in this?", "does this color go well with my skin tone?" and a zillion and one "gal questions". He lost his patience, shouted at me, complained why was I even bothering to ask his opinion when ultimately I was doing contrary to what he was saying, and also gave me some real good suggestions to mix and match. That done, he purchased some shoes and I got a pair of jeans from a factory outlet. It was a very tiring exercise. But all the purchases were worth it :)

That done, we travelled one half of the city to meet my friend Sam. I helped her around with some of her shopping. No sooner than we had settled our selves in KFC with a lemon and a mango banana Krusher, that I got a call from sister in law saying it was time to head home for dinner. It was already 7 in the evening and she was hosting dinner with some other relatives. I was with Sam for hardly an hour, and it was sad to leave her so soon, but then some things got to be done.

The next day started early with us leaving home at 7. The journey to Mysore ended at 12 noon and I met my dear sis. She was just the same, but with some dark circles under her eyes. We had lunch at a place called Parklane. We had random conversation flowing and she narrating tales of her office and training in her childlike fashion. Post lunch, for the lack of time or space for anything else, we 3 just sat on a wall near a park and chit chatted. The clock struck 2 and we had to start the return trip to Bangy since we were heading back to Chennai that very night. It took a 4 hours to get back home. I travelled for nearly 7 hours to be with darling sissy for 2. But it was worth it. I would have felt very empty if I would not have seen her. And K was a real sweetheart to accompany me. I know he would have, but he understood my wish to meet my sister and accompanied me rather than doing so as a chore was what made it beautiful. God bless him :)

A trip, which might never have happened, was so close to never happening, but when it did - it was something. A vacation plan we had made for October got cancelled cos of K's office work yet again. Maybe a Bangy visit again would be enough to cheer us up :)

Weekend Musings

The life of a software professional is from one weekend to the next. And the weekend which went by, 1st and 2nd of August to be precise was a pretty tumultuous for me.

Now let me build the background a bit before I leave my readers completely bamboozled. I think there is one unsolved mystery which could make it to atleast one of the many freak shows on tv. And that is of married women putting on weight out of no reason at all. My friend A and I spend a good amount of time mulling over this life and confidence altering fact. :( We are just not able to figure out, why inspite of everything remaining same, just having a life partner makes the body's equation with calories go berserk. I am more on the utterly critical side, cos I hit the gym regularly, do cardio, pump weights and all I get in return is reflection which shows tyres. Come on now, how pathetic is that!!?? :( As a consequence, except for one pair of jeans, I was weaned of all my western wear and am surviving on the same, boring, repetitive wardrobe of kurtas :(

But last weekend, I pumped up by my mom whose words, confident is what confident does went the bold way and decided, I am ready to accept this new me which looks more like the Michelin Man. K was highly supportive and we ventured on the highly ardous journey of getting me a new wardrobe of western wear. 4.5 hours spent in Spencer's Plaza ( allegedly a mall which sports 'most' of the brands) and I resulted in a naught in the western wear section and got 2 more kurtas... bwaaaaa (who wanted more kurtaaaasss boooo hoooo ) I was devastated. The size which would fit me, did nt have the colors I wanted. The colors I wanted teased me for being the size I was in. It was a diabolical smirk of fate.

In spite of all the pep talk from K about me getting back to my previous size thanks to my 'regular' and 'rigorous' and 'religious' gym routine - I felt dejected. I was switching between unsurmountable wrath to unfathomable grief. After a point, K lost his patience, and washed his hands off the entire affair. I tried many things to revive my spirits, but even ginger tea did not work that day.

Thats when my mom called up. First I thought, I could spare her the grotesque details of the day, but then me being me, had to off load everything to my darling mom. And she being she, gave the most bizzare idea - "Go to Bangalore for shopping, that place has better choices" Ahem! well, not infeasible, but is nt it carrying the whole thing a bit too far? Just for a new wardrobe am I supposed to travel to another state? None the less, the girl talk and the irrelevant planning of where all I could shop there, give bring the smile back :D. I casually mentioned it to K, and he said "Why not??" Ahem ahem.... are pigs flying??? He stated, we could meet a lot of relatives and generally roam around too - Bangalore being a place which sparked our 'romance' holds a special place for both of us. So we are all set to travel to Bangalore the Independence Day weekend. I would also get to meet my kiddo sis and a whole lot of friends and relatives.

If fate turns out my way, I will be back with some chic clothes too. Keeping my fingers crossed.