D day and nonchalance

Its my wedding in 15 more days.

And the strange fact is I am feeling completely numb towards it.

I can feel how busy my mom and dad are with all the preps back at my home.

But strangely I am having none of the “princess for one day”, “the D day” etc etc feeling.

I have seen friends around me going all hyper towards their wedding preparations. They plan everything to the very last details. Yeah my thing is also pretty planned. But most of it is being handled by my parents cos I aint big enuff to do all those stuff :-D

Jokes apart, some how the close ness of the day does nt arouse any feelings in me. Nor does it make me nervous. I feel it’s a day which has been touted a lot and which will pass.

Something like 18^th November.

Since the last week of October I was waiting for the 3^rd Sunday of November. Cos that was CAT day. An exam I loved and respected a lot and wanted to crack big time. I used to get butterflies in my stomach thinking of that Sunday. God knows how many times I rehearsed how that day would be.

One scenario would be me sitting in the hall not able to answer much and feeling dazed. Then the next moment there would be another of me coming out of the exam hall feeling all triumphant and relaxed and then going off for a movie. Yet another bout of wishful thinking would make me imagine myself all bored through the evening as happens after any important exam.

And all the while when any one would ask me in November, are you feeling excited etc for the wedding I would say “No.. Not exactly”. I thought it was primarily because CAT was over powering me. It was the imminent clear and present danger which needed the alacrity of all my senses.

But then CAT is over and done ( Now its result time I know :- (

And still if any one asks me “So the D day is close eh? How do ya feel?” I say “Hmmm well nothing much :- | “

I aint sure why it is so.

I would love to feel all gaga that I am gonna get married and all.

But I am not.

I tried to analyse what mite be the reasons.

Its none of the predictable reasons like I am afraid to loose my independence or I am scared of the responsibilities that I would need to shoulder now( frankly speaking I am too fiercely independent to give it up and I am mature enuff to shoulder my share of responsibilities and delegate the rest :-D

The nagging feeling still remains – that why am I not feeling all agog. :- (

I think next Saturday when I go home (it starts my 3 week long vacation for the wedding) I might start getting all enthu since then I will be in the thick of activities.

Hoping for that.

20 Questions-- Tagged by Raaji

Instructions:Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. Name Three Most Valuable Assets?
Confidence, Patience and Intelligence

2. If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
Thanks for understanding me(Ahem Sometimes ;-)

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
Ashma--Shes the cooooooolest one
Ashu-- Guess we could have long discussions. I like her thoughts, sometimes I could nt agree more and some times I am poles apart from her thoughts. But some how I perceive the undercurrent of logic in her writings which make them so awesome!
Swapna--Shes a dear friend


4.Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Delhi- I love Delhi

5.If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
To be as educated as possible :P

6.Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?
No regrets. I have learnt from my mistakes always.

7.What are you afraid to lose the most?
My home keys

8.What would you do if you found a briefcase full of money?
Take it of course.

9.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Nopes. :-)

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Raaji:- Sensitive, Emotional, Romantic

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Friendship. He should be a good friend. That covers a lot of requirements.

12.Which type of person do you hate the most?
Argh!! The list is long. But you are asking Hate the MOST then I think "Braggarts" Cant stand them.

13.What is your ambition?
To have my pic on the front page of the newspapers one day :-D :-D

14.What is the thing that will make you think someone is a bad person?
Bad person hmm.. I some how dont think any one is bad. No one is black or white, every person is grey. It just depends which shade is being reflected to you then.

15.Christmas is coming, who do you like to celebrate with?
Books :)
Any time any occasion nothing pleasures me more than the company of books.

16.If you could do one thing different in life, what would it be?
I would have studied harder after 10th :-(

17.Are you a shopaholic or no?
Depends on my mood and my outstanding credit bills :-)

18.(My question) What is your stress buster?
I aint sure so asking to get some ideas.

19.It would be 2008 in a few days, do you have a new year’s resolution?
Made one way back in 1994 to read news papers every day and I stuck with it big time. Am still basking in the glory of keeping a resolution that I have nt made one till date.

20.Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I would like to tag
Ashma, Swapna, Abhishek, Deepshikha, Vinayak, Parisbuggy,Shallu

Year 2007

Hmm...Well I dont give much importance to the New Year Fever and the hoopla surrounding the coming new year. But some how all the forwards doing the rounds about the year ending and all, has kinda made me recollect the very first day of this year. That day I had traveled back from my home to K's place. And one of my friends had told me, you have traveled on the start of the year, guess you gonna be on the move for the whole year(This is a very common superstition every one kinda follows, that whatever you do on the first of January you do for the entire year) But as I look back seriously this year has been full of lotsa movement. First of all when I least expected, I got a job offer and moved to another city. Then from here I had the chance to travel a lot. Nearly within every 3 months I was either moving to my home town or to visit some place or the other. And being at Hyderabad brought a welcome changes.

• I started blogging
  
• I learn t swimming
• I learn t the art of makeup
• And I got some really awesome friends
• I wrote CAT again and this time during preparation I did not make the mistakes that I had made in the last attempt. I had never thought I would be able to give the exam again. But I am simply in love with the exam. Sounds weird, but I respect the format a lot and some how I feel it tests all the aspects a person should have to be an able manager.
  

Now I am at the threshold of leaving this city again- to go back to K. But I am really gonna miss the way of life out here. I am going to miss the loads of new friends I made within the short span of time. I am going to miss the folks I used to go for lunch with. I am going to miss the gang that used to take the train together with me and who was the inspiration and reason for my dare devilish antics :D And I am going to miss nearly every single thing in the apartment I live in. I some how have developed a very very strong sense of belonging for the house. I had my shares of difficulties and inconveniences which being the ever optimist I have happily decided to overlook :-) I live by the saying, Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. So here I am hoping for a new year which is better in every respect from the year making its exit.

Verdicts

These are some of the comments I have received from friends and family about myself:-

1. Your bag has everything but the kitchen sink
2. How many times do I have to remind you that you are an adult
3. Don't answer a question with another question
4. You are such a bholu (modified version of bhola which means innocent in Hindi). You feel every one in the world is nice
5. If you would have been in front of me and said this I swear I would have slapped you (*Hahaha*)
   
6. I prefer you in western formals than Indian wear. In westerns you look like a fundoo MBA grad :D (Don't I love this line)
7. Your complexion has the translucence which reminds me of Julianne Moore (My best friend said this.. I dunno whether she was giving me an ego massage.. But I simply love this remark )
8. Your faith in God gives me faith in Him
9. No matter what, Cherrie always keeps her bathroom and her cupboards clean.
   
10. Maths is not your cup of tea(This was said long ago.. But somehow this remark has stayed with me..)
11. (My roomie said this) My roomie never says no to anything I ask. Thats why I like her so much. :)
    
12. You are my pillar of strength.

Undecided

I am a very indecisive person.

Due to this trait I make my own life miserable.
I am a stage where the time ahead is a big bold Question Mark(make it font size 48).
And I hate being like this.
On one hand I would like to spend some time in my current firm and learn the stuff properly and leave. Things are seeming bright here with my career moving on the right track( I know one can never be sure with the big bosses, they are expert at giving the shock waves when least expected). More over its a place with a unique work environment which kind of makes me look forward to coming here everyday. On the other hand, there is a colleague of mine whom I have to face every day,and who irritates me to the core. I would love having another offer and shoving my papers to the VP.
Some times I feel I should stay in this project and become a valued resource. Then the promotion will be a bit secure. At other times I feel what is the point of getting expertise in one system; it will just stagnate me. I should explore beyond and the only way to do so is to move out from this place.
Some times I feel, I should take rest and just enjoy the relaxing period that stretches in front of me. I feel lethargic to study again and brush up my concepts and go for interviews on weekends. But then I feel, whats the point dummy. You should be making all the effort. You should be driving yourself. What good do you get by wasting time? So move on. Make all the effort.No pain no gain right?
But some how as of now I don't feel super charged for anything.
I am not getting the full enthu to move.
K says take the first step and then you will get moving. What is stopping you from taking the first step. Only when you take the first step you will know where you stand. You will get your confidence back. And you will see a clearer path. You will know if you have to stay in your current organisation.
I wish I had everything clear cut in my life. Without it, I feel I am running after a mirage. And it might be just a futile waste of energy and time.
I wish everything was planned and all set perfectly. I am hating this stage where all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle are scattered. And I don't even know what picture I have to build.

DareDevil

Hmm one thing I hate is crossing the railway tracks. But it is what I do every day.
I take the local train to commute from home to office.
Evenings we have a drop from the office to the station.
Now there are two ways to get to the platform to board the train: -
1. Go over the foot over bridge
2. Jump over the tracks

The entry points for taking either of the routes subsequently are different.
The employees of my firm literally coax the driver of the cab which takes us to the station to park it so that they can go over the tracks rather than take the foot over bridge. ( much to my annoyance)

Jumping over the tracks freaks me out.
A relative of mine once had a pretty bad experience when her shoe got stuck in between the tracks with a train being pretty close.
I always get terrorized by that thought.
And many a times I can hear the whistle of the train, or the light cast by it, and still I huff and pant and struggle over the tracks mustering all my courage. ( now don't ask me why do I do it, if I dislike it so much. Maybe the thought of being all alone on the platform while all my colleagues would be chugging their way home, is not very palatable for me)

So many a times I have ended up scrapping my precious shoes over the pebbles on the track, hurt my foot innumerable times, stumbled, dropped my laptop, and been through a literal rough patch while crossing the tracks.

But yest I just crossed all the limits.
There was not just our train which are coming, there was another train from the opposite direction as well. So basically there were two monsters heading on towards me.
People were scrambling to make it to the other side.
One of my colleagues who is a close friend, reached the safety of the plat form quite soon.
She stood there calling " Come on Make it Fast,Come on"
And here I was scared, petrified, in dilemma and very tensed- Looking at the two sets of tracks to be crossed.

Then I just decided to go for it.
I literally covered one of the tracks in one leap(Boy! did nt it feel amazing! ).
I hope my mom never gets to read this blog, cos she was hell worried when I had mentioned the 'track jumping' act.
If she hears of me making it with the train being so close, and more over with two trains heading towards me, I think she will make me leave my job :D

PS: My friend told me, my train crossing reminded of her of the famous Aamir Khan train run from the movie Ghulam :D :D :D

Perfect timing or Completely wayward? :-S

Some times I wonder what makes God do some things at some times? I know His ways are completely unfathomable hmm but some times I would like to unravel His intentions.
There was a time when I was in Calcutta and things were going on in a very disconcerted way. My professional life was in utter chaos. I had no other go but to make a move from the organization. And I went to any extent for that. There was a period of time, when with the salary of a fresher I used to take flights all the way to Bangalore to give interviews, much to the concern of my parents. I did not have a single penny as savings cos of this. I had work which drained me to the end, and after that what ever time I could manage I used to study for interviews and all. I tried umpteen times, but every time what I got was failure.
At that juncture I happened to read an article in Reader's Digest in which a lady had left her job due to some constraints without having another job in hand. She was in a similar state, where she was running from pillar to post but to no avail. In that article she had mentioned, " Maybe every rejection is just taking me closer to the ideal job which is waiting for me." This statement stayed with me. And no matter what I kept on trying to give every interview possible.
At a point of time I decided with my fiance (lemme call him K) that I had to relocate to the city where he was working. I opted for a transfer.
But as my luck would have it, that did not end up being a smooth transition either. My transfer date kept getting postponed, and in the meanwhile, K was sent onsite.
Ironically, the date I finally managed to get a transfer coincided with the date K got for his return to India! It just seemed as a stroke of luck, superb timing by Chubby God! It was as if He had just planned it out like a master composer, every instrument in the orchestra, every artist of the symphony, He had just laid it down. It was as if He was giving me the message"See girl! This is how I wanted it to be. Not smooth sleek flows, but ups and downs (yea Hellova lot of them) but end crescendo should be memorable"
Till date I remember flying from my home town to K's place.
At the new office, work environment was very good. I was happy all the more cos of the fact I was with K in the same city after 2 years. Our entire span of courtship (if we ever had one :|) had been with us being in different cities.
Life seemed idyllic now.
But to make any progress on the professional front, I had to quit my current organization. I had made too many changes in projects and places which ruined my chances of making it to the next level in the current organisation I was working in.
And luck had it so... I got the best offer and challenging and different work opportunity in another city. K and I thought, fair enough, if this is how God's planned it, I move, work for a year and half, put some solid learning in my resume and earning in my account and come back to K.
I moved to a new city(Again). The traveler in me loved it. And after eons I had good room mates for company (I have stayed with good people before, but staying with 6 good girls is like a boon! :) )
The work was engaging. It s like I enjoyed my life here, but I keep thinking about my life with K and when I might be able to get back. I also know once I am back with him, I will miss my friends here like hell.
But then in the recent past, one of my colleagues had been up to certain misdemeanors. I cannot challenge him on it, but he has made my stay in office pretty uncomfortable.
It was work only which brought me to this place and was making me move on. (Having good company at home and a generally peaceful existence were just lateral benefits.) Now if the work front unnerves me, I feel it was utterly futile exercise to make the change.
I dont know why God had to put me through this trail. Seems completely unwarranted to me.
Allowing me to have a pleasant stay here and a smooth shift back, that would have been so cool. But I am just not able to fathom why this now.
Seriously, strange are His ways.
I am just waiting when the perfect timer will strike again and bring in the epoch. Till then, the recent changes seem completely wayward to me.