Why do these tears come

I had read it somewhere, "..if everything is fine, then why do these tears come?" Wish I could remember where I had read it. I would love to revisit the book to find why the writer had said so. Because that is how I feel now a days. I should thank God for many things, for so many things he has just like that bestowed on me. I am happy for them but then out of no reason - I get the tears. As I am listening to a song, I get reminded of friends, of old times, of fun with them. When I see K in splits when talking to his friends, I get reminded of how we could laugh as if there was no tomorrow. How the jokes would just keep flowing in a restaurant with the people on other tables staring at a group of raucous girls. We would give two hoots to 'what others might think'.

I am not able to figure it out that what is the real problem.

Is it because I don't have work in office that I am whimsical and cranky?

Or is it because the new life is still rattling me? Is it that I would still prefer coming back from office, enjoy a cup of tea and talk with my friends about their day in office, cool dudes that we happened to meet, pull some ones leg just for the heck of it, make a couple of phone calls and then retire for the day. Rather than having to face the numerous responsibilities that come with making a home. I am not averse to taking responsibilities for sure. I in fact love setting things right. But maybe I want the variety that comes with staying with friends.

Or is it because I have some expectations set from my better half, which I would very well get from my best friend but I am not getting from him? Raaji had rightly said in her blog that Men are not the type to take hints. (http://raajii.blogspot.com/2008/03/men.html) But then I also get tired of saying it out aloud all the time. Some times I prefer if the unsaid is given credence to. Anyways, its the thing about men and women that makes the world go round and round for sure.

And as I am in this turmoil, one thing is for sure. I miss my old life like hell. I miss being at home and being pampered to no end by my mom. I miss cracking those jokes with my sis and pulling my daddy dears legs. I miss being with my own set of friends.

All these combined together end in these tears.

And that too in the weirdest of moments. As I lie on the bed and sleep takes a tad longer to come, I suddenly feel a tear trickle down. Suddenly I am reminded of my very last night at Hyderabad, when I was thinking, how there was going to be an irreversible change from the next day, for me and for some of my friends as well.

As K the baby of the house, comes back home, has his dinner, watches Slam Dunk and retires for the day, without so much as a Question "How was your day? " which my room mate in Hyds would invariably ask, I feel a tinge of tear. I am not sure if I am being a schmalz, maybe I am being one. But I am not able to help it either. I want to be that chirpy, no holds barred girl.I want to be the Cherrie who had the opportunity to crack incessant jokes with family, the Amrita who had hellova lot of fun with her friends.


Prasenjit said…
Hi Amrita,
The article you posted yesterday i.e on 7thApril is really a nice one and touching also. I generally don't visit anybody's blog. But I knew that you regularly write on blogs. Still, I never visited. Today, as I am very light on my workload I have some spare time to read your blog. And I read the first one and I swept by emotions..! Actually I was checking my Cognizant Mails. When I am seeing ur old mails just to clear what to keep and what not to keep suddenly I clicked on ur blog link below ur name(really it is by mistake). My intention was to read some lines just to find out how people writes blog...but then I couldn't resist my temptation to finish that! You are absolutely right for why we get tears on our eyes...as I am feeling it more than you...! Inspite of being a Software Engr., being in US...earning in $$...still I am not happy, still tears come into my eyes for some unknown reasons...but again I think, these was my long nurtured dreams...so why am I not happy....???? Why am I repenting???? Nobody in this world except the almighty GOD can tell the reason for my sadness...my repentance...!!!!! The same applies to you also. You have to ACCEPT everything as it comes.
Amrita said…
Hey Prasenjit!! Hmm yea some things are just not fathomable..... We just have to carry on through some parts of life....Take care buddy..Hope to meet ya soon...
Abhishek Khanna said…
interesting comment here ;)
Mez said…
Ahem....i too cry very easily and really don have any explanation to why that happens. But yeah i have learnt that noone values those tears. We cry, we fret but in the end we are all alone and have to fite it out ourselves. Maybe we can just get better with time and not let 'em flow so easily. Though i knows that's an ardous task in itself. Tkare gal!
Chef said…

I have started a blog namely Chef Friday Brunch to challenge the creative musings within to come up with a piece of writing on a theme of the week that would change every Friday. You can write up a post which can be a story, poem, prose based on the theme or the prompt on your blog if you find the theme interesting and drop a comment on my blog providing the link to your post. I would collate the links at the end of week and post it on my blog. Please do spread the word around if you find it interesting.


A said…
take care cherrie. This is a tricky phase f this relationship. survive the jitters and then a good passionate marriage awaits you!!
may be you really need to talk to your husband about this.

and you need to give yourself time. Trust me, i have done this... not getting married but moving away from the place i have loved and it is not easy but with time you appreciate both the places and it works out. I dealt with it for a long time and i am fine now. I know you will be fine too.
Just hang in there.
Sutta said…
That crying which makes u feel better.. is not crying et al.
coz if you're really CRYING.. then u'll surely pray it doesnt returns again.

and also think about it.. we always remember "THE CRYING" sessions.. and not these usual ones which makes us feel better...
and the truth is we never forget only two things.. either which made us feel bliss or the one which made us feel shit.

So now you know.. when you're CRYING and when ur just making urself feel better and venting it out. ;)
Anonymous said…

"why do these tears come??"...somehow the sentence kicked up some dirt in me too. Have u read the book huckleberry finn by any chance? i remember huck thinking that to himself... he probably was going through wot u feelin...

and i have a few questions...
a) does ur hubby read ur blog?? :)
b) wot did u really wanna become ??
c) how do u travel everyday in chennai auto's n maintain ur sanity n income?
Amrita said…
@Anon -
a) does ur hubby read ur blog?? :) Yes - I send across the posts to him cos he does nt have access to blogs in his office
b) wot did u really wanna become ??
Why would I tell you that? I dont even know you.
c) how do u travel everyday in chennai auto's n maintain ur sanity n income?
Sanity I maintain cos I got an ipod, income I aint able to maintain.... But what cant be cured must be endured
Anonymous said…
hehehe... how much about me do u wanna know before u tell me wot u wanted to become?? i have a passport id number if u want :)
Amrita said…
@Anon - To start with name would suffice...

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