Why do these tears come

I had read it somewhere, "..if everything is fine, then why do these tears come?" Wish I could remember where I had read it. I would love to revisit the book to find why the writer had said so. Because that is how I feel now a days. I should thank God for many things, for so many things he has just like that bestowed on me. I am happy for them but then out of no reason - I get the tears. As I am listening to a song, I get reminded of friends, of old times, of fun with them. When I see K in splits when talking to his friends, I get reminded of how we could laugh as if there was no tomorrow. How the jokes would just keep flowing in a restaurant with the people on other tables staring at a group of raucous girls. We would give two hoots to 'what others might think'.

I am not able to figure it out that what is the real problem.

Is it because I don't have work in office that I am whimsical and cranky?

Or is it because the new life is still rattling me? Is it that I would still prefer coming back from office, enjoy a cup of tea and talk with my friends about their day in office, cool dudes that we happened to meet, pull some ones leg just for the heck of it, make a couple of phone calls and then retire for the day. Rather than having to face the numerous responsibilities that come with making a home. I am not averse to taking responsibilities for sure. I in fact love setting things right. But maybe I want the variety that comes with staying with friends.

Or is it because I have some expectations set from my better half, which I would very well get from my best friend but I am not getting from him? Raaji had rightly said in her blog that Men are not the type to take hints. (http://raajii.blogspot.com/2008/03/men.html) But then I also get tired of saying it out aloud all the time. Some times I prefer if the unsaid is given credence to. Anyways, its the thing about men and women that makes the world go round and round for sure.

And as I am in this turmoil, one thing is for sure. I miss my old life like hell. I miss being at home and being pampered to no end by my mom. I miss cracking those jokes with my sis and pulling my daddy dears legs. I miss being with my own set of friends.

All these combined together end in these tears.

And that too in the weirdest of moments. As I lie on the bed and sleep takes a tad longer to come, I suddenly feel a tear trickle down. Suddenly I am reminded of my very last night at Hyderabad, when I was thinking, how there was going to be an irreversible change from the next day, for me and for some of my friends as well.

As K the baby of the house, comes back home, has his dinner, watches Slam Dunk and retires for the day, without so much as a Question "How was your day? " which my room mate in Hyds would invariably ask, I feel a tinge of tear. I am not sure if I am being a schmalz, maybe I am being one. But I am not able to help it either. I want to be that chirpy, no holds barred girl.I want to be the Cherrie who had the opportunity to crack incessant jokes with family, the Amrita who had hellova lot of fun with her friends.