Monday, June 22, 2009

Feeling blue

Since the month of March, ever since I came back from a visit to my parents, I was waiting for June 17th. The day they would come to Chennai and we would make a trip to Mysore to see off my sissy for her job. And the run up to their arrival was filled with so much anxiousness. I wanted everything planned to the T. Since there would be 6 of us travelling- I had the hotel rooms and the cab for travel pre booked. When I learned that my sissy (being my sissy ) had a luggage count of 5, I started scurrying for an optimum vehicle. I had to scout quite a number of cab providers in the city to finally get to the one which would be able to provide a large enough vehicle. That apart, I got planning on what to cook the next day. My dad has a tongue for non spicey food - which is not so much of a norm in southern India. So I had to coax my mil to let me tweak the food to adhere to my dad's taste. She was exasperated seeing the miniscule quantity of tamarind and red chilly I used. She felt it was sacrilege to make sambar with just a pinch of tamarind and one red chilly (for 6 people) but then I put my two dainty feet down and said "Today you adjust :P "

The whole day prior to their arrival I could barely contain my excitement. My friends would vouch for how I was all pepped up for the upcoming vacation. I was waiting for the clock to tick the day away.

When my folks finally arrived - it was some feeling. The house was full of stuff. The gifts were exchanged - the best being a diamond ring for me from my dad! Over the chatter everyone forgot their apetite. Inspite of my cajoling that mil and I have been up since 6:30 cooking, my folks barely had the hunger. It was only excitement that prevailed - nothing else. A meagre breakfast done, mom, sis and I ventured shopping while dad chose to avoid the tan :) With mom shopping is typical - its a frenzy. She makes sure she checks out everything, more or less visits every shop and ends up buying a lot but each one is simply unique. Sis and I survived the period with mom and also managed 4 awesome buys. That done we strutted home where there were a zillion+1 last minute stuff to be done. Till the last moment we were zipping bags, pushing things into polythene bags to put it properly later in the station, yelling at each other, reminding whether one has taken this or that, checking the taps, the switches, the gas stove - it was pandemonium personified. Thanks to all this - all 6 of us slept like there was no tomorrow in the train.

Reaching Mysore, we had an awesome time. The lesser said the better about the tour. We ate good, we slept well, we had some real nice time talking with eachother, we argued about which way to take, we felt exhausted, we clicked a lotssssa pixies :). The penultimate day did turn out to be a bit on the off side, since we chucked the plans to tour around cos of general exhaustion. But the choice made us all feel a bit lousy and bored towards the afternoon. But then - nothings perfect. That night mom, sis and I chatted late till the night. The conversation just flowed easily and did not dwell on anything in particular. We kept on cos we had a feeling - tomorrow yet again we go separate ways, having no idea when we might meet up again. And tomorrow, the baby of the house - my sis, leaves the nest. It was a feeling full of trepidation and anxiety. But more than my sis, I was worried about my mom and dad. I know having 2 daughters, they might always have prepared themselves for this time, when inspite of needing them the max, they would be without them. But no amount of preparation comes close to the actual event. While dropping sis at her stay, when my dad also shed tears, I felt too frustrated at the damn distances between us :( Wish any one of us was a bit closer to them :( I know my condition is much better than folks who stay across the continents, but then ......

Through out the return journey I was bursting into sporadic tears. I am not a person to let my emotions flow easily, but then yesterday I felt it was better to let go. Giving two hoots to what people might think, K just hugged me and let me be. All the planning, all the preparation everything over in those 4 days and all that remained was a lull and fond memories. K was so used to the ruckus that morning he too had a forlone look. Our house which was such a mess just 4 days ago, seemed so empty. My parents today went into a house where the dirtiest room was the cleanest. It was very painful. But then when sissy called and said, she had slept well and last evening had gone cycling with friends to "survey" the place- we all smiled in spite of her tears. Life is so bloody ironical.


(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

pain of separation is oddly depressing. Nothing makes one feel more empty then when you are separated from the ones you love.

I am sure you will find a way to be strong. Its a wave of emptiness, it will pass.
Best wishes!

Piper .. said...

I so understand.. You`ll be fine and so will your sister. Dont worry. Hugs :)

Jack said...


It is the law of nature. Even offsprings of animals and birds move away to be on their own. Only difference we have with them is that we can always be in touch and continue meeting. What job has your sister joined? You will have nice memories of this and will always cherish them. If I am not mistaken you will be closer than your parents to your sister, distancewise I mean and she can always visit you on weekends.

Not seen you in my space.

Take care

Satish (a.k.a) Bhaashaa said...

GOD is so intelligent in designing our relationships and he knows when to do what and he knows our weak points as well, but at the same time he has given us the courage and strength to cross all these in life and move forward. Don worry dude, in this modern world, everyone are just a button away or a click away.

Abhishek Khanna said...

tough time.. but the show must go on.. dunt worry ur kiddo sissy will enjoy the new found independence for few days.. n then will be habitual for her.. n the weekdays working would make you go back to routine life in just a cople of days

Amrita said...

@Raaji - thanks dear
@Piper - yea time is the best healer :(
@Jack - Sissy joined yet another IT firm .. I am closer to her.. but I feel sad for my parents.. they are alone when they need us most
@Satish - Tech is more for the younger lot... for the generation of our parents things work a bit differently
@Abhi - Yep ... shes finally gotta grow up :)

Jack said...


You and your sister try to remain in regular touch with your parents by mails, phone etc and visit as often as possible but not at the cost of your job or HOME. They may also visit at regular intervals. I can well understand sentiments.

Take care

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