Its going to be close to a week since we saw off dear sissy at her work - and the emptiness is yet to go. What bothers me more is the state my parents are in. I have not heard them happy since Monday. There is a strange note in their voice - something which makes me feel like leaving everything and rushing to them.
When I moved out of the house, which was a good 9 years ago, never once did my parents urge me to come home. Yes they used to miss me and they wished I was around with them, but they always stressed what I was doing then was more important than home. I always had stern directives, if classes are a bit slack then come home. If the project release is over, then come home. I always had an assurance, they are fine without me. Even if they missed me, it never came out overtly except sometimes over phone calls and letters. I always felt my parents are self reliant and I used to be proud of the fact.
But now that they are alone, their loneliness just comes through in every word they say. In spite of having an active social life, I feel as if they are yet to escape their loneliness. Mom asked me if would be possible for me to come over for a week in July and dad went to the extent of saying, take a month's leave and be with us. I know they are saying all this in a fit of weakness and emotions. Still it makes me feel helpless. It is so unfair, that parents spend a good part of their lives fending for the very children who one day might not even be close to them. The gross injustice of this fact leaves me suffocated.
And I feel completely at a loss reaching a solution for this scenario. 2 days back, I was nearly tempted to ask my supervisor, if it would possible for me to attain a work from home option alternate months or so. On another occasion I was thinking, how good it might be if my parents move base for a year or so, say take up a house in my city and be here just to be closer to us. Otherwise I keep mulling how good a puppy be in replacing us and then again I wonder, how about adopting a child and giving a good upbringing for someone with a disadvantage. I do know that all these options are just an eye wash - a mere veneer to cover a deep scar. But I so wish, I had some remediation. I see the same situation for a lady who is our neighbour. She too has 2 daughters, married and settled and her husband is no more. She is as busy as any other working lady being voraciously involved in religious and charitable activities. I admire how she gives the same commitment to so many activities she is involved in. But when sometimes mil says, she breaks down into tears sometimes when she was misses her husband and her children, I felt exasperated.
Phew! I am not sure if I went through a whole lot of ranting. Some of my readers are in the situation my parents are in - I would love to hear how they deal with it and maybe give some insights into how my parents might be feeling at deeper level. If they feel there is something I should do that could better things, I would be most welcome to do it. I hope this passes over soon :S
When I moved out of the house, which was a good 9 years ago, never once did my parents urge me to come home. Yes they used to miss me and they wished I was around with them, but they always stressed what I was doing then was more important than home. I always had stern directives, if classes are a bit slack then come home. If the project release is over, then come home. I always had an assurance, they are fine without me. Even if they missed me, it never came out overtly except sometimes over phone calls and letters. I always felt my parents are self reliant and I used to be proud of the fact.
But now that they are alone, their loneliness just comes through in every word they say. In spite of having an active social life, I feel as if they are yet to escape their loneliness. Mom asked me if would be possible for me to come over for a week in July and dad went to the extent of saying, take a month's leave and be with us. I know they are saying all this in a fit of weakness and emotions. Still it makes me feel helpless. It is so unfair, that parents spend a good part of their lives fending for the very children who one day might not even be close to them. The gross injustice of this fact leaves me suffocated.
And I feel completely at a loss reaching a solution for this scenario. 2 days back, I was nearly tempted to ask my supervisor, if it would possible for me to attain a work from home option alternate months or so. On another occasion I was thinking, how good it might be if my parents move base for a year or so, say take up a house in my city and be here just to be closer to us. Otherwise I keep mulling how good a puppy be in replacing us and then again I wonder, how about adopting a child and giving a good upbringing for someone with a disadvantage. I do know that all these options are just an eye wash - a mere veneer to cover a deep scar. But I so wish, I had some remediation. I see the same situation for a lady who is our neighbour. She too has 2 daughters, married and settled and her husband is no more. She is as busy as any other working lady being voraciously involved in religious and charitable activities. I admire how she gives the same commitment to so many activities she is involved in. But when sometimes mil says, she breaks down into tears sometimes when she was misses her husband and her children, I felt exasperated.
Phew! I am not sure if I went through a whole lot of ranting. Some of my readers are in the situation my parents are in - I would love to hear how they deal with it and maybe give some insights into how my parents might be feeling at deeper level. If they feel there is something I should do that could better things, I would be most welcome to do it. I hope this passes over soon :S
8 comments:
I dont have any insights to give but i can certainly say that parents are more sad when the younger kids moves outa home.. As a norm they think elder one has to go out n study, do jobs etc but the younger kid .. always remains a kid for them no matter how old .. so it takes a bit more time to get over it
Amirta, the best move wud be to move them to Chennai, that wud be a viable option for all. They will feel cmfy over the fact that your around and you are just a phone call away. I too was in the same situation 2 months back as I was shuttling between this graveyard city and chennai, then I moved my family here. At this time your parents needs you and your support and nothing more than that. This is my humble opinion :)
I had written a monster comment three times and every time blogger gave me an error alert!!! Grrrrr!!
All I want to say is its natural to feel guilty for not being able to be near your parents.But for what its worth,take solace in the fact that what matters more to them is that you are living a happy and a contented life and that assurance should help them to carry forward.
Having said that,my sincere advice would be to take some time off and be with them for some days till they can come to terms with the new routine in their lives.
Hope this helps :)
@Abhi- You are very correct
@Satish - The option works fine.. but if you see to it, it will be a paradigm culture change for my parents to move down south. And moreover whatever be the case, they have their circle there, speak the same tongue, bump into people they know and are used to that life now for greater than 50 years. I am not sure how good it might be to make them move so drastically
@Deeps- What you said is right. I would love to take time off, but this being kinda middle of the year, I am in thick of work :(
Hey dear.. it happens u know.. I think this is something that all parents now a days are aware of since beginning but then yeah its difficult when their nest actually becomes empty.. As Deeps suggested maybe u can take a week or so off.. no work is so important that u cant take time off..u wud have taken time off if it was urgent.. right? treat this situation the same way naa..
Anyways getting them to chennai doesnt sound that gr8 an option as in u will just move them from their comfort zone.. our parents are much stronger than what we perceive sweetie.. don't worry, they will be back to their useful self pretty soon.. every change needs adjustment. Give them time.
With such adorable and sensible daughters, they are a content lot.
Amrita,
Adopting a child or taking a pup is no answer to this. I need to know few things before I suggest something. Are they still working or retired? It is own house? What interests do they have? How big is their friends circle there? What about relatives? Computer literacy? If you wish you may write to me at my id given in profile. I will surely try to suggest something which is workable.
Take care
Ohh Amrita, dont feel guilty. Easier said than done. I know because I`m exactly going through this. Its a part of life. I`m worried about my Ma, who has to stay alone. She doesnt want to leave her old life behind and join us here. I can perfectly understand what you`re going through..
Dont worry so much.. time is the best healer. All shall be fine soon. Hugs
Aur uD gayi panchi! Hey....cheer-up for your sister who's about to have a taste of independence. As for your parents, they are never far away, are they?
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