Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Bas yun hi

Seems as if I am writing after eons. Work kind of kept me off blogging completely. And so much has happened in the midst that now I am at a loss at to where to start from.

A hell of a lot has been happening on the work front. Finally I seemed to be inching towards a role which I always thought of doing - and I feel challenged every moment of it. Managing people - its cakewalk if you take it as just another task, but if you decide to do it properly and with your conscience not pricking you, it is tough. Atleast for me as I am taking the baby steps.

In the midst my mom had visited Chennai - for a seminar. And so God had it, that the day she arrived, we had a 3 day visit scheduled for US execs. So much so that I was not even able to go the station to receive her. It made me guilty to no ends. Mil also said, I should be taking a day off and be with my mom the day she arrives, but sadly, we had a round table scheduled that day with a top shot and it might not have looked nice if I would have missed it. And my mom, as the feisty lady she is, said point blank there was absolutely no need for me to stay back and she would do just fine the whole day with mil. Still till she reached home, I stayed back so that I was atleast in a position to welcome her home - this being the first time she came here - the other time she had come was during the wedding and that was too hectic and jam packed with rituals for her to actually be with me. I was casually working on something expecting a call from her any moment asking for directions to our apartment or something, that I heard the sound of a vehicle. Just for the heck of it, I peeped from the balcony - and there she was! I was so amazed - without knowing the language, being here first time un escorted - bingo there she was!!! And the first thing she said on seeing me was " Why aint you in office?!" I was like "Mummy!!" And gave her the biggest hug possible!

After carrying her stuff to our home, I set her on the morphology of the house - the bathroom, the kitchen, the toileteries etc and scooted to office. On getting the least bit of free time I called her up to check how she was doing and with a giggle in her tone she answered that she and mil were off shopping in T Nagar! End of day, they had purchased 8 sarees between each other. And they even made a trip to Mylapore to the Kapaleshwar temple. There in some shop, mom had chanced upon Hema Malini! Yep, the actress! :D After a hell of a lot of snacking and packing for family, both samdhans had come home and were waiting for me to be back. Sadly I was in only by 2230 :( And the joy with which my mom received me, the un measurable pleasurable with which she waited for me and had dinner with me - it just made me realise, why mil dotes so much on K.

The next day mom was busy with the conference. But once back, she and mil took a long walk of the beach, shopped tit bits from the roadside vendors, snacked upon stuff, chatted, did cooking, arranged vessels, folded clothes - the whole lot of it. I was so charmed to see their easy camaraderie - touchwood. Generally down south, the relationships between sambandhis(I am at a loss for the english equivalent for it - could some one help me :S ) are a bit formal, I had felt ,while up north, its a very jovial and informal one. I was a bit skeptical as to how the two ladies might get along with each other - and it was really heartening to see them actually get along like a house on fire! So much so on friday when I came back early to be with mom, I found the house locked! They both had ventured to some hotel for grub! And on the way they even played rescue rangers for a poor couple who did not understand Tamil who were being harassed by an unscrupulous auto rickshaw driver! I was ahem speechless.

The penultimate day before mom left, she and I chanced to have a real long walk. We never intended for it, but it so happened that we walked some 5kms maybe discussing everything under the sun. My mom is everything I always want to be - smart, pretty, gregarious, vivacious and intelligent. If some one ever says I am half as good as her - that would be hmmm something for me. Now that shes gone back, there's a strange vaccuum in the house...... Love you Mommy.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Random bakar

Tonite I start back to Chennai - after a vacation well spent. When I started on it, I started with so many hiccups, so many nuisances that pestered me. And now at the end of it, I am satiated and I also want a bit more of it. After all - Yeh dil kab nehi maange more.

One thing that keeps coming to my mind is, a question my friend Ashu used to raise, when we both were spinsters. She used to say, "I cant understand when does your husband's house become your house and your parents house not yours." And we both used to ponder, how does that change come in, how do things change so very dynamically. But I slowly got to realise, things gradually change, but they do change no matter what. As time passes and a woman starts taking ownership of the stuff in her husband's house, when she is in charge of so much there that house gradually grows on her. Its not a phenomenal change which comes up and stands in front of her one fine Monday morning. Its a thing that dawns on her when she moves away I feel. When she steps out, she wonders if the house will be fine without her. You get such doubts only for a house which you own.

In the same vein at the parents place, things start fading. One forgets where the sugar jar used to be, which key is for which lock, which switch was for the night light of the room. Small things which were embedded into memory start fading. Its a pretty unnerving realisation but it happens none the less. And the parents who are always on the worried side, seeing the gem of their eyes who would still be pampered to no end, taking care of so much at another house - I believe it would be a painful feeling for any parent. When I put myself in my parent's and see, I am ok with ordering my kid sis around, but I cannot imagine her running errands for her sister in law - though equation wise we would be on the same platform and have the same rights on her. Its a weird thing, but no matter, that acceptance does not come - I love my sister to no ends and maybe I cant imagine her in laws equating my love. I maybe wrong, but I feel I am human to feel thus.



When we were in school and all and used to read those fancy stuff and write those mark fetching essays about women playing multiple roles et al, it seemed so heroic. But actually living is very challenging and even painful at times. Its like walking a razor thin line. When your heart yearns to be with your parents on one hand, you might be bound by love for your husband. No wonder there are z+1 hindi soaps and movies on the lives of women and the dilemmas they face day in and day out. I seriously wish, they were portrayed in a pertinent light rather than being made a parody of with garish makeups and over the top acting. :(

Phew. I am not sure if any of this made any sense. The crux of all this blabber is - I am going to miss you mom dad and kiddo sissy. Love you tons.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Mixed emotions


The last couple of days have been full of ups and downs. Literally they been like a wave diagram as it used to be in the class VIII Physics text books.

Last Friday, the 27th of Feb, I was all agog to venture on my trip home. Thursday was a bit of a spoiler cos mil had to go sil s place, since she was needed there. I was a bit worried since the duration of her stay out there was unsure, and I was a bit concerned for K, cos without any one to give him his daily grub, he would get very very negligent of his food. And that was the last thing I wanted keeping his busy schedule in mind. But then I was reassured by K again and again, that he would take care of himself and I would do good to take a chill pill and stop worrying about him.

After that lengthy sermon from him, I was rest assured. And I was back in my pepped up spirits on Friday. But then, I happened to loose my cell phone on the way back from the gym. The Sony Ericsson W580i which I loved to hate - that phone worth 10K + , that phone which was nearly indispensable for me slipped somewhere and I lost it. I sobbed my heart out and I was more shaken because I was travelling that very day. I had to coordinate stuff with so many folks, the call taxi, a friend I was planning to meet up that day, the folks I intended to catch up with when I was at Hyd, etc etc. I got on with work as soon as I reached home, got searching signatures of people in emails and took down their numbers and called as many as possible from the landline. I even went and registered a complaint at the local police station, boy I summoned some amount of guts for that.


The onward journey to Hyderbad was very pleasurable since the co passengers of mine were very friendly. One happened to be from Mumbai, one from Gujrat, one from Bihar, one passenger from Haryana, another person from Kerala, I was from Orissa and finally there was a couple from Andhra Pradesh who seemed more like conjoined twins to me ;) So this band of Bharatwasis were on analysing every place of India, lifestyles of different parts, culture, food, politics and anything else that we could think of. After a really long time, I had a pleasurable trip in the train, where we actually were so pally. I will always remember this train trip as one of my most pleasurable ones. And finally Sh hugging me as soon as I alighted at the Secunderabad Railway station made me feel - I have reached the place which I connect with.


That day we did not venture out much, thanks to the enervating heat and I not being able to contact most folks. The day was spent leisurely, making gobi parathas and ginger tea, chatting about home and work, playing agony aunty and my friends being all questions about my new life. It was really humbling to learn, how even after close to a year, my friends still talk about me and kinda miss me. When Sh said, "Amrita has come here but I feel at home now " nearly brought tears in my eyes. And A as usual bore the brunt of Sh and my jokes in her usual sportive self. God bless you both sweethearts and hope your troubles go away Sh. And you both owe me a trip to Chennai.


The next day had my mom and I making a trip to the Chilkur Balaji temple, and preparation of a wholesome Oriya meal for lunch and then off to the airport for the onward trip to Bhubaneswar. Reaching Bhubaneswar, I was happy on one hand to see my folks, but then I was missing Hyd and my friends and was also feeling a bit anxious for K. A whole topsy turvy trip full of mixed emotions :S

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