Tonite I start back to Chennai - after a vacation well spent. When I started on it, I started with so many hiccups, so many nuisances that pestered me. And now at the end of it, I am satiated and I also want a bit more of it. After all - Yeh dil kab nehi maange more.
One thing that keeps coming to my mind is, a question my friend Ashu used to raise, when we both were spinsters. She used to say, "I cant understand when does your husband's house become your house and your parents house not yours." And we both used to ponder, how does that change come in, how do things change so very dynamically. But I slowly got to realise, things gradually change, but they do change no matter what. As time passes and a woman starts taking ownership of the stuff in her husband's house, when she is in charge of so much there that house gradually grows on her. Its not a phenomenal change which comes up and stands in front of her one fine Monday morning. Its a thing that dawns on her when she moves away I feel. When she steps out, she wonders if the house will be fine without her. You get such doubts only for a house which you own.
In the same vein at the parents place, things start fading. One forgets where the sugar jar used to be, which key is for which lock, which switch was for the night light of the room. Small things which were embedded into memory start fading. Its a pretty unnerving realisation but it happens none the less. And the parents who are always on the worried side, seeing the gem of their eyes who would still be pampered to no end, taking care of so much at another house - I believe it would be a painful feeling for any parent. When I put myself in my parent's and see, I am ok with ordering my kid sis around, but I cannot imagine her running errands for her sister in law - though equation wise we would be on the same platform and have the same rights on her. Its a weird thing, but no matter, that acceptance does not come - I love my sister to no ends and maybe I cant imagine her in laws equating my love. I maybe wrong, but I feel I am human to feel thus.
When we were in school and all and used to read those fancy stuff and write those mark fetching essays about women playing multiple roles et al, it seemed so heroic. But actually living is very challenging and even painful at times. Its like walking a razor thin line. When your heart yearns to be with your parents on one hand, you might be bound by love for your husband. No wonder there are z+1 hindi soaps and movies on the lives of women and the dilemmas they face day in and day out. I seriously wish, they were portrayed in a pertinent light rather than being made a parody of with garish makeups and over the top acting. :(
Phew. I am not sure if any of this made any sense. The crux of all this blabber is - I am going to miss you mom dad and kiddo sissy. Love you tons.
One thing that keeps coming to my mind is, a question my friend Ashu used to raise, when we both were spinsters. She used to say, "I cant understand when does your husband's house become your house and your parents house not yours." And we both used to ponder, how does that change come in, how do things change so very dynamically. But I slowly got to realise, things gradually change, but they do change no matter what. As time passes and a woman starts taking ownership of the stuff in her husband's house, when she is in charge of so much there that house gradually grows on her. Its not a phenomenal change which comes up and stands in front of her one fine Monday morning. Its a thing that dawns on her when she moves away I feel. When she steps out, she wonders if the house will be fine without her. You get such doubts only for a house which you own.
In the same vein at the parents place, things start fading. One forgets where the sugar jar used to be, which key is for which lock, which switch was for the night light of the room. Small things which were embedded into memory start fading. Its a pretty unnerving realisation but it happens none the less. And the parents who are always on the worried side, seeing the gem of their eyes who would still be pampered to no end, taking care of so much at another house - I believe it would be a painful feeling for any parent. When I put myself in my parent's and see, I am ok with ordering my kid sis around, but I cannot imagine her running errands for her sister in law - though equation wise we would be on the same platform and have the same rights on her. Its a weird thing, but no matter, that acceptance does not come - I love my sister to no ends and maybe I cant imagine her in laws equating my love. I maybe wrong, but I feel I am human to feel thus.
When we were in school and all and used to read those fancy stuff and write those mark fetching essays about women playing multiple roles et al, it seemed so heroic. But actually living is very challenging and even painful at times. Its like walking a razor thin line. When your heart yearns to be with your parents on one hand, you might be bound by love for your husband. No wonder there are z+1 hindi soaps and movies on the lives of women and the dilemmas they face day in and day out. I seriously wish, they were portrayed in a pertinent light rather than being made a parody of with garish makeups and over the top acting. :(
Phew. I am not sure if any of this made any sense. The crux of all this blabber is - I am going to miss you mom dad and kiddo sissy. Love you tons.
15 comments:
Ya well u did make sense.For me the realization that my parent's home is no longer mine occured when my brother got married 11 months after my marriage and my bhabhi went on to take my place in my room and in my parent's hearts.I found it difficult to let go of "my space" in my parent's house and would make a mental note of how the place was not being looked after well by the new occupants.
:)
A post straight from the heart! I so understand what you`re talking about.. the realization came to me when I was back home and had to ask Mom for everything. Didnt know where the glasses were, didnt know one lock from the other etc. Everything had changed. That plus the fact that I was actually missing 'my' own home :)
well.. i never thought about all this stuff :O
Amrita,
I am really so glad that this realisation has dawned on you automatically. I am very sure that you will always be very happy.
I have started writing here also under the same name. I have transfered some of my old posts here. May I request you to visit and read Strength of a family. I look forward to your views on that.
Take care
@Mudita - ah! must have been quite some change for u
@Nitin - :)
@Piper- Everyone goes through it eh? Good to know that
@Abhi - Hmm ... yaa.. take care of ur lady when she gets back from her parents place
@NG- I have read tht post and truly agree with every word written
I love this post. It's very true.
I totally get this. Mine was an arranged marriage, and I'd never stayed away from home before, so even before I got married, I would think of when I could come & visit my folks next! Today, I'm head over heels in love with my man, and if I have to go see my family alone now, its always with mixed feelings: I'm excited to be with them, but there's always the worry that hubby's alone. But then, I think that is everybody's challenge right, whether man or woman.....we're children, siblings, spouses and we have responsibilities in each role that cannot be ignored, so everybody's life becomes a balancing act, especially these days since families live so far apart.
Well, to me this post sounds like a "Inner Voice" of all the girls who gets married and goes away to a stranger's place without knowing anything about his family. Well, the reason why girls were made to leave their home and join their husband is, GUYS are not that mentally strong to digest that drastic change. I really mean in making this statement, and it's purely my opinion and no offence meant on anyone :)
shadi ka laddooo...
but since u have aloving husband.,.I fink thoda sa pain chalta hai :)
good analysis.... i like reading your posts and i am glad you share these little things about your life with us.
I have been reading your posts for such a long time and its good to see you grow and change over time (in a good way)
:-)
So true:) my mom used to say..jaise hi phere padte hain man badal jaata ha:)...its god given.
For me I was brought up qith that mind set only, so felt very much at home after marriage.And now my whole family of siblings, mom and then my children, all keep pulling me in their direction, but permanently i am anchored with my husband:)
But today i see many girls putting their feet in two boats, for exercising equality , but I see so many dichotomies that its not possible without lot of strife and hurts.
To tell you frankly even i used to say..nobody will own my daughter, even after marriage she will be mine,but then I relinquished my claim happily, so that she could settle in her new home without any pull.
sighhhh!
I can so relate to you :(
hi hi
Nice post written.
Lingerie Alley
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