Last year Diwali came and went without a fizz. And this year it seems a bit more lacklustre.
First things first, our family is not together. K is already in Leeds. So I don't feel the enthusiasm to gear up for anything. Papa is also all by himself in bbsr. My sis has not been able to make the trip home this year and mummy is here. So he will have a lonesome Diwali.
Secondly K was here last weekend. In his enthusiasm to contribute towards the packing get he has packed the lights and the batteries. I do not have the patience to rummage through the boxes and find out which one might contain them. And what is Diwali without the brilliant lights? Last year in fact to have a more vibrant atmosphere I had bought a lot more lights. Alas they all lie packed up in a box.
Thirdly I am dreading the changes that are on my way. Chiyaa 's change of school. Pumpki's start of day care. Mummy leaving for India within a few days of it will end up in me being in a strange set up with the cold dark months stretching ahead.
To top it my college friend in Leeds will be ironically coming to Ipswich. We shared a good bond and it feels good to share with someone who has known you previously. But it's as if the Gods don't want us to be together.
I have nothing to look forward to this year. Nothing that gives any sense of joy this Diwali. My natural optimistic self seems to have taken a beating.
I am so sad at leaving Ipswich. I feel a tug of pain as I cancel payments for Chiyaa 's classes or slowly tell everyone that we are leaving. I am the shy sorts so rather than broadcasting I tell people of the topic comes up. I wish I could be open and tell everyone and say a good formal goodbye. Today one of Chiyaa 's class mates joined her karate class and he said to his mum that Chiyaa is going to a different school. His mum wished us luck. But he remarked ' I am going to be so upset'. I felt too bad. I will miss the long journeys to Leeds which initially seemed daunting but then became fun and an opportunity to devour books. I will miss the playarea just near our apartment which gave so many fun filled hours to the kids. I will miss the riverside, the shrieks of gulls which sound like human cries, the foot over bridge across the river. I will miss every bit of the place which I scoured quite a lot.
The silver lining in this is a child's mind. Chiyaa and her attitude gives me hope. She is counting days to go to Leeds. She said she would be sad at leaving her friends. She is concerned that she will forget her friends. But she looks forward to going to Leeds, making new friends, and seeing the change. You make me proud kid. You give me hope. Hope that things will settle down. Hope that things don't be so bad. Hope that things will in fact get better. Hope that all will be well. And hope is a good thing.