Maybe the end of a chapter?

 My parents start back to India tomorrow. It seems like the end of a chapter. Papa is 75 years old and is not too keen on making any more trips to the UK. The journey is too much of a toll on him. It feels especially heavy that tomorrow might be the last day they are in the UK. It all started way back in 2010 when K and I were seriously on a temporary basis here. We were so keen that everyone come and visit the beautiful country that we initiated visas for everyone and had them over for a few weeks to go through the main highlights of the country. 

One thing led to another and we had Chiyaa. Mummy was here to spend some glorious time with her when Chiyaa was a toddler. Papa was quite active then and could not do away with his engagements at home. He came over for shorter stints of 3 weeks when we visited Northern Ireland, places a bit further afield and had an amazing time. After Chiyaa it was time for Pumpki. Mummy who couldn't make it for  my first pregnancy because of visa issues, came over as soon as we needed her. She was a stellar companion for Chiyaa, was a fabulous granny for Pumpki and the solid support for me. Things did go a bit topsy turvy and K was transferred to Ipswich. We all made the shift because Mummy made everything seem so easy. Pumpki was flourishing in Ipswich and we were on the verge of getting our own house, when things took a turn for the worse. K had to quit his job to look for his next assignment in the UK. Mummy came over again once Amma had gone back to give us some respite. Since our tenure wasn't certain, we didn't want Pumpki to get enrolled in a day-care yet. K continued his job hunt and like a salmon coming back to where it is born we drifted back to Leeds. Mummy again made this second move seem seamless and effortless. 

Leeds was where we grew our roots. We got a house in 2018 and of course we had Papa Mummy come over and enjoy our new place. It was lovely to have them finally for longer durations since Papa had given up many of his long term engagements. Over the 7 years he was weakened as well and needed the companionship  of Mummy to travel. For me it was a bit of a win since I could enjoy his company for longer durations. We explored a few more places, ate at a few more joints and generally enjoyed each others company alongside our little kids. 

Papa wanted to make another trip the following year to perhaps celebrate the birthday of Chiyaa, Pumpki and myself since we are all winter babies. Winter is not the best time to come to the UK, but he is the kind of man who has some milestones and some self made aspirations. I was not going to complain :) Once they  reached in 2019, mummy  fell quite ill. It was the first time I felt the vulnerability of their age. It made me come face to face with the fact that they were loosing their strength - both mentally and physically. It made me aware of the changing times. But God had a different set of plans that year. 2019 was the year of the Covid and 2020 was the year of the lockdown. We had pencilled in  London and a bunch of other places. But we ended up being at home, taking many many walks, baking, cooking, playing, crafting and have a splendid 9 months! Papa had plans to celebrate 3 birthdays but we ended up celebrating every single birthday! During the birthday celebrations I kept thinking this was  perhaps the last time we were  all together cutting cakes and gorging on it because given our geographical distances, it wouldn't be easily feasible. I remember the evening prior to their departure back to India, I went on a walk with Mummy. She was looking around at the gardens and mentioned, "not sure if I can ever come back again and see all this" I replied, "Never say never Mummy, you never know :) "

As luck would have it, in 2 years' time my sister made her way to Leeds as well. It was an added incentive for my parents to come over here. They made the trips, we spent time as an entire unit - again something I never ever imagined would come true. It was literally God's grace and His awesome blessing that I got to spend such valuable time with my parents. Again there were trips, there was food and there were birthday celebrations. What started with just the highlights of UK in 2010 extended to way beyond the borders of UK by 2024. I did miss them when they stayed at my sister's place and I did wish we could literally be together all the time. But then one cant have it all.

This year 2025 has been their third consecutive annual trip to the UK. I must say this tenure has been the best. We have watched some scintillating cricket with the England vs India test series, the Asia cup or the IPLs. And maybe gotten the kids hooked to the game. We have played a lot of card games with the kids. It was a lovely time spent in a lot of warmth and love.

 I have taken the longest duration this time to reconcile to their return. As someone who has stayed away from home since I was 18 I am quite used to arrivals and departures. I miss people a lot, but then I move on. But this time around, the distance seems too much. We have come so far over the past 15 years. I have seen them slowly become reliant on us. I have seen them become even more adjustive though their body yearns for status quo. I know they have their lives back in India, it is much harder and much busier. The urge to look after them, to pamper them, to give them all the conveniences is very strong. I will be a wreck tomorrow. I will have my duties and chores, but the emotion of missing my parent will be with me for a long time. I know never say never, and the eternal optimist in me is sure they will come again and again. 

Sometimes its wrong

 Sometimes it's wrong

To be strong

To be someone who has it all together

For whom nothing can ruffle their feather 

Because these strong people also have cares

Worries, insecurities and fears

A wish for a shoulder to cry on 

The need for company when they feel alone

Someone to ask if everything is fine

Someone to assure after rain there will be shine 

Something new

 A lot changes tomorrow. My routine life which involved nothing much 😂 My holiday cadence. My lazy mornings and lazier afternoons sometimes littered with a siesta. My evenings were filled with tea and chit chats with family, lots of art and craft and card games. During the spectacular test series season it was high energy and high adrenaline match viewing along with some firey discussion with papa and my sister in post match. I watched a lot of movies in the theatre with the kids which was a novel and enjoyable experience. All 7 of us managed to make a vacation to scenic sea side in south of England. My mind was full in family mode basking in the tremendous love of my parents, my sibling, my kids and K of course. There was not a single iota of energy spent in work related thoughts. The laptop was turned off and kept away.

On 15th I went to the work place to give my laptop and access card back. It always feels strange doing it. There is some attachment to those inanimate objects that were part of your identity for however long. But it was all done in 5 minutes flat and there were no feelings attached. 

That door closed I look forward to starting my new job tomorrow. I know the company.  I have known this place and it has been a dream place since 2018. I couldn't make it then, this is my second chance. I know the work culture since K works there. It will be new but there is a degree of familiarity as well. I cross my fingers to the new beginning. 

A different summer

 Sitting on the 21 of July I was a bundle of emotions. Things have changed so much over the past few days. I intended to write this post earlier but then....

Well so this is how the story goes. I submitted my assignment on the 21 st and was informed  that I would get some feedback by the next day. It was a day filled with trepidation. I received no feedback. Which I felt was all right because it is not easy to evaluate a submission for a technical role at senior level. Also the evaluators would have their regular day job to  manage as well. Wednesday I had the phone on the highest ring volume and waited. It was also the day the kids started their summer holidays. K, I and the kids had plans to goto an indoor jump park to burn some calories. We were getting ready and the phone rang! Well, thank God it was nt just got news, it was amazing news. I had done quite well in the tech test. They wanted to schedule the next round. I was mostly available since I was not doing anything useful at my current place. The interview was scheduled for the next week Monday. 

I spent the Thursday preparing. Friday was a play date for both the kids. It was a good day with both being busy with their friends. It was also quite enjoyable for me since without much workload it was the first time I was able to host a play date. My parents came over from my sisters house that evening so it was a lovely full house. 

I had my interview on Monday and by the evening I got the information that I had secured the role! It was just amazing to land with the job which would be more my cup of tea. I had to inform the other place that I would not be joining them. It was to be quite an unpleasant conversation but something which had to be done. I prayed for the reason to just tumble out and not burn any bridges or be supremely uncomfortable. Thankfully it somehow segued into the realm of personal circumstances where I was looking for a more stressful free and less demanding role. Again by the grace of God the recruiter went away with the reason without challenging me much.

That door was nice and firmly closed. Now I was relaxed. Though I had to take a pay cut I was happy with the role and the company. Sometimes it is for the greater good. 

There were 3 more official days at my firm. I was itching to send my last day at work email 😂 

I was having a time of my life with the summer holidays though. There was no work to bother about. I was doing some light reading to keep pace with the changes in technology. There were long walks with the kids. There was a lot of time spent playing board games. There was a lot of video gaming as well. The schedules are messed. Kids would be up till 11pm and I was hitting the bed after midnight. It was exhilarating. Something I would never have done with work. I wasn't on holiday but I had no work. It was the most amazing 2 weeks. 

Finally we got to the 31st of July which was my last working day with my organisation. I informed the people I had worked closely with. It was amazing to get the good luck wishes from my wonderful colleagues. It was an official end to a chapter. A very weird chapter. I was being paid a lot and had a lot of perks. But I never had challenging work. I had good work life balance but then there were some funny characters to deal with. I had unlimited leave but then each day wasn't worth much. It was funny. I had no reason to leave and no reason to stay. It was a limbo. And finally push came to shove and I had to leave. An unceremonious leave. But hopefully all for good 

Topsy turvy

 Things are never super duper smooth sailing for me. Such is my luck. If things can go wrong, they do go wrong. 

So I was at risk of redundancy in my current firm. I started looking for a new role and managed to get one as well. I handed in my notice to my current company. It came as no surprise to my manager since all of us were at risk. There were no hard feelings and he was super supportive and was looking at an early release if needed. I was looking for a release on the 15th of August so that I could start in my new place on the 18th of August. I would work till the 31st of July and then take two weeks from 1st August to 15th August as holiday and join on the 18th.  I made this clear to my new place. The recruiter wanted to understand the full timeline. And I made it clear what my plans were and how I was negotiating a release. Once they were made aware, they started pushing for an earlier joining date. My initial offer letter had 11th August as the joining date. This was subject to change. Since they were now aware of my where abouts (for which I was totally to be blamed for divulging in total naiveté) they were insistent that I join them ASAP. 4th August to be precise.

I had no plans for the 2 weeks of holidays. But I needed that break. I wanted to spend the time unencumbered with my kids since it was summer break too. I did not want to be bogged by new work, access requests, getting laptops set up and a million other things that come with joining a new place. The recruiter was insistent in calling and texting and getting in touch with me regarding an early release date. I am not very comfortable dealing with such scenarios. I can take a full on technical issue and deal with it through sleepless nights, but I cant deal with people who tick me off in the wrong way. I was getting very annoyed with his constant calls pestering me for an earlier joining date. At the end of it I just lost it. I wasnt keen on entertaining such ignorant arrogant people. Maybe he had his reasons(which wasnt made clear to me). Maybe there was no ulterior motive but they just wanted to get things started very quickly. But it didnt sit right with me. So I started my look out for jobs again. 

I had an interview which had gone quite well and there was a tech test which was pending. I reached out to the contact and asked if I could restart my application. She was very welcoming and was at once willing to get going on my application. She passed on the test. It was very daunting and quite a complicated test. I spent an entire evening panicking over it. I had to look up tutorials because it had been a few years since I had done work in the particular technology. I started on Wednesday(16th July)  and kept a mental time frame of finishing it all by the weekend. It was 5 days worth of work where I toiled hard to present my best foot forward. Sunday evening I submitted my work. In the meanwhile, on Thursday I got confirmation that I was ok to join on the 18th of August. 

There were too many things up in the air for my sanity. I felt I was very reactionary in hind sight. I felt as if I need not have negotiated for an early release in my current firm, since I was loosing the chance of literally getting paid for doing nothing. This again didn't feel good for the work ethics part of me. But this was the genuine state of affairs. There was no compulsion to do any work for any of us since we were all at risk of redundancy. We were allowed to devote all our time for preparation for our next roles where ever they might be. Many of my colleagues had taken this route till the year end to start looking in the new year. They were taking the time to relax and up-skill themselves. It is not a mindset I can live with, but looking back perhaps this should have been my approach after all. One learning for the future me. Sometimes it is good to take time to react. Though honestly I am not sure how successful I will be in removing the impulsive part of me who likes to dive in and take action as soon as there is a stimulus. 

Sitting on the 21st of July things seem in a lot of flux. There was a moment last week where I was tempted to rescind my resignation. I was so daunted by the tech test, that I simply wanted to withdraw it and sit here till December to see how things pan out. But within 5 days or so, I have managed to submit my test. I will hear from them tomorrow. I have another initial round scheduled for tomorrow. The kids holidays start tomorrow which means a bit relaxed when it comes to schedules but a bit more chaos in terms food and general lay of the house. If some other offer happens in the midst of this, I am also dreading a very uncomfortable conversation to withdraw myself from the position with my future employer. I have no idea what is going to happen. I have no idea what is good and what isn't. I just have to wait and bat it out 🤞

The journey and the destination

 I am very lucky when it comes to my family touchwood. They just swoop down and encompass me in this blanket of love and caring that I just feel immune to any worries and woes. Thats what happened over the weekend. My mom flew down and took over all the chores in the house like ironing the clothes, cleaning up and all the peripheral activities. My sister took over the kitchen. Papa engaged in light talk about the England vs India test series and cleaned up the garden with me. Their very presence, the light hearted conversations lets me leave my worries and  cares and bask in this true love.

The interviews started lining up. My diary started getting filled up. I will be honest, there definitely was a big plus in officially trying for a job. There was liberty of using any sort of work resources to help one find their next employment. I made a calendar of all the initial conversations that were scheduled for me. When I started talking with all these people, looking to hire someone like me, I loved it. There was a thrill in putting my best foot forward and show-casing all I knew. There was a challenge in thinking on the spot and coming up with answers. There was a sense of achievement in the feeling that I had given my best. The adrenaline was back again, in proper fight mode. I had been scared and been hiding behind a cushy job which I claimed I could do in my sleep. The benefits and the flexibility made me further chained to the mundane and drab work. This was the jolt I finally felt glad for. Maybe it was God's plan to get me out of a rut (since I did not realise I was in a rut in the first place) and get me moving and excelling. 

The interviews I had were brilliant. They were all amazing people who wanted to assess someone instead of putting someone through a gruelling test. I loved the whole process. There was one company which was progressing at quite a rapid pace. They were very keen to have me on board. I had an initial conversation with their CCO who went on to schedule a face to face technical interview. Post the interview, within a day they were happy to give me an offer. There were a few more conversations in the pipeline. But that I had an offer was terribly reassuring. I let the news out to people who had been worried for me. The fact that after the dreadful news, when everything seemed gloom and doom, with news of the awful market and what not, it was amazing to end up having an offer, to have options, to have the excitement of moving on!

Silver linnigs

 After the news was dealt there was a flurry of activity in our organisation. People started posting questions. People started putting forth openings that they came across. People started really helping each other. There was such wonderful camaraderie amongst all those who had been impacted by the news. There was also immense support online on various forums, especially LinkedIn. That annoying site for once was filled with genuine concern from ex-employees who were reaching out to people at risk. Since the organisation is quite big, the news was quite widespread. I had friends and ex-colleagues who were sharing links of openings or taking my resume for referral. It was so heart warming to witness this overflow of good will.

I started receiving calls from recruiters and companies since I had pretty much carpet bombed my resume. I had interviews lined up for the next week, for all the days. It made me feel really optimistic that all this would turn out for the good. There definitely was light at the end of this tunnel.