Take control

There is one thing I sternly go by - your life is your own and you should take full charge of it.

I lately heard some instances about a close acquaintance having some problems with her in laws - mostly mother. Its the usual, but way too trivial. The mother in law seemed to me a typical mother in law straight from the movies of the genre of Lalita Pawar. Now she does not help an iota in the house work, expects daughter in law to do everything from kitchen to clothes along with juggling an IT career. She goes to the extent of not taking proper care of her little 8 month old grand child. And to add insult to injury, lady goes on to blame daughter in law for everything, accusing her of not managing the house properly and to top it all accusing her of "torturing" her.

What I felt most unbecoming of a woman is she goes ahead and talks ill about her daughter in law and the alleged ill treatments heaped on her to all her relatives.

I was C-o-m-p-l-e-t-e-l-y appalled by all this happening even today. I was shocked and felt very shaken. One thing that struck me was - what is the son of the house doing? Yes point taken the lady on one side is your mother, but cant you see the person being victimized is your wife? Yes it is but obvious to not notice the minor mistakes of your own mother, but come on is nt there a thing called conscience which says - Woman you are wrong there. I seriously wonder if the guy (and I feel many guys) is bereft of this sense because of the loyalty towards the mother. But I personally feel, if the guy chooses to turn a blind eye to something that is so blatantly wrong, he is a complete wuss. (Excuse my language, but I guess I am way too angered)

Even if not the son, at least the father in law should curtail his wife and speak out when she over steps the border. But no, I wonder what made this "educated" retired man take cover under a newspaper. I wish a lightning would strike him.

If not any of them, then I feel the girl should stand up - for her, for her child. Shes got a career, got independence, and got a life of her. Its mandatory for her to respect elders and in laws, but its not written any where to take allegations lying down. I am not sure why some girls agree to some things when their heart is not into it. I feel its your own responsibility to lay things straight from the beginning. My mother always advised me, never treat your mother in law any different from me, else you will always feel the difference. And never be a different person there, else it will never be a home for you.

Every one should be aware of a daughter in laws individuality and respect that. I hear complains from some of Ks friends who are girls, that their mother in laws don't help at all and they find it real tough to handle house and work. I feel, ya feeling drained is ok, but if you are not able to take it then say it. Unless you tell there is a problem no one will get into ur psyche and pump it out. If cooking twice a day for husband and in laws is taking a toll on you, either ask your mother in law to help a bit, and if she is not in a position - GET help. Hire a domestic help. Do something. What good is coming out of bitching about your mother in law and complaining. End of day, you go tired to an unhappy domesticity.

This is not the adi manav age that girls dont have an existence. No asked you to follow the rules of Manu Smriti which says a girl should be depended on her father in childhood, a husband when married and a son in widowhood. If we choose to have such a life, we have no one but ourselves to blame. Seriously, if you dont assert you have a backbone, people will assume you have none and walk right over you. Take control gurll.

Ps. I am not sure if I am writing a politically correct post, so the views I hold in this post are entirely personal one. I am not being judgmental. But I welcome the views of other, if they can help me see the issue in a different light.