I guess I am really, badly out of touch with blogging. Cos earlier when I got down to write anything, the first thing I would have in mind was the title of the post. Now after this span of inactivity, I am not even able to reach a good title to the post! Huh! How pathetic is that!
I would not say I took a break from blogging, because a break is timed and with a purpose. I just could not compose myself for blogging. Every single time I sat down to write anything, I used to be a scatter brain. Too many thoughts, too many worries, too many choices, too many dilemmas kept me too fickle. There were things going haywire in office, with there being work pressure plus some people pressure too. Things were very far from perfect on the home front too. And with K being away, I was a literal zombie. Yea, I did have my traditional vent in the form of my mom ( God Bless her!! Shes been my guiding angel carrying me through the troubled waters with her incessant support) But then keeping things from K ended up in me off loading it to him at the wrongest of times and the whole nine yards of being upset and patching up.
To make matters worse, I was getting choices, especially on the work front which were driving me against the wall. Some were such, they would meet my near term goals in a jiffy and make me reach cloud nine, but in the long run, my family commitments would go for a toss. There were others, which entailed a lot of hard work initially but would cut out my long term aspirations like a charm. There would be nights on end, when I used to cry myself to sleep, not seeing any end of any of the problems. There were days when some prospect would make me go mad with glee thinking, ah! finally I reached the end of it all. Fending all this without K near me, was simply not my cup of tea. I so so so many times thought of writing this or that out here. Or at least declaring I am off on a break. But then, a break was not my idea at all. I was rather on a roller coaster ride and never took the time to compose myself. It was being like ping pong ball, getting beaten up both at professional and personal life. What cant be cured must be endured, so there I was swallowing what ever came my way.
I do not want to sound like a martyr here, nor want to loll in self pity. Tough times come up on any one and everyone. A saying goes, "You never get anything before time, you never get anything more than destined" I had no other go but to wait for the time to get whatever was destined. I know the time has not yet come, nor has my prize been etched out for me yet. The only thing I was supposed to do was wait patiently. (IMPATIENCE is my middle name - waiting quietly is a toughie for me) I used to see people who were having completely different genres of problems and used to think, thank God, I dont have that on me. And I had the wonderful support of my friends, Ashu( You have handled me superbly, I have divulged my life to the tiniest granule to you, and your earnest help is something I am grateful to and will remain forever!) , roomie dear (The positive vibe that swells from you, sweeps me over and keeps me pepped up like a cuppa ginger tea! :D ) and one of K's friend who really took care of me like family. My mom was forever the Pole Star :) and then there was a cute set of colleagues who actually poured a lot of shimmer into moribund work! I cannot thank you guys enough, and I know you dont read my blogs :) but A, D and S, thanks for unknowingly being the help you were.....
Boy, this is sounding like an Oscar speech :S Yieeeeksss.... Did anyone fall asleep?? I was waiting for the month of May to make a trip to my recharge zone - Bhubaneswar. So here I was 2 days preceeding my sister's birthday with wonderful gifts for her, mom ( for momma s day) and dad ( he will be senior citizen July this year!). And yes though I am still worrying, I am in the midst of all the dilemmas ( I think I keep getting one per day) , the choices are still looming (I live by the Matrix Mantra that the power to choose is just an illusion but then when you get a choice, you feel as if you to exercise your right :( ) ... but I am in my ultimate comfort zone where no one judges me, where I don't measure what I say, when I am quintessentially just Me. And I am loving it :) So here I am in the lighted phase of the tunnel, garnering my resources for I am not sure whats up at the next bend on the road :S . So help me God.
I would not say I took a break from blogging, because a break is timed and with a purpose. I just could not compose myself for blogging. Every single time I sat down to write anything, I used to be a scatter brain. Too many thoughts, too many worries, too many choices, too many dilemmas kept me too fickle. There were things going haywire in office, with there being work pressure plus some people pressure too. Things were very far from perfect on the home front too. And with K being away, I was a literal zombie. Yea, I did have my traditional vent in the form of my mom ( God Bless her!! Shes been my guiding angel carrying me through the troubled waters with her incessant support) But then keeping things from K ended up in me off loading it to him at the wrongest of times and the whole nine yards of being upset and patching up.
To make matters worse, I was getting choices, especially on the work front which were driving me against the wall. Some were such, they would meet my near term goals in a jiffy and make me reach cloud nine, but in the long run, my family commitments would go for a toss. There were others, which entailed a lot of hard work initially but would cut out my long term aspirations like a charm. There would be nights on end, when I used to cry myself to sleep, not seeing any end of any of the problems. There were days when some prospect would make me go mad with glee thinking, ah! finally I reached the end of it all. Fending all this without K near me, was simply not my cup of tea. I so so so many times thought of writing this or that out here. Or at least declaring I am off on a break. But then, a break was not my idea at all. I was rather on a roller coaster ride and never took the time to compose myself. It was being like ping pong ball, getting beaten up both at professional and personal life. What cant be cured must be endured, so there I was swallowing what ever came my way.
I do not want to sound like a martyr here, nor want to loll in self pity. Tough times come up on any one and everyone. A saying goes, "You never get anything before time, you never get anything more than destined" I had no other go but to wait for the time to get whatever was destined. I know the time has not yet come, nor has my prize been etched out for me yet. The only thing I was supposed to do was wait patiently. (IMPATIENCE is my middle name - waiting quietly is a toughie for me) I used to see people who were having completely different genres of problems and used to think, thank God, I dont have that on me. And I had the wonderful support of my friends, Ashu( You have handled me superbly, I have divulged my life to the tiniest granule to you, and your earnest help is something I am grateful to and will remain forever!) , roomie dear (The positive vibe that swells from you, sweeps me over and keeps me pepped up like a cuppa ginger tea! :D ) and one of K's friend who really took care of me like family. My mom was forever the Pole Star :) and then there was a cute set of colleagues who actually poured a lot of shimmer into moribund work! I cannot thank you guys enough, and I know you dont read my blogs :) but A, D and S, thanks for unknowingly being the help you were.....
Boy, this is sounding like an Oscar speech :S Yieeeeksss.... Did anyone fall asleep?? I was waiting for the month of May to make a trip to my recharge zone - Bhubaneswar. So here I was 2 days preceeding my sister's birthday with wonderful gifts for her, mom ( for momma s day) and dad ( he will be senior citizen July this year!). And yes though I am still worrying, I am in the midst of all the dilemmas ( I think I keep getting one per day) , the choices are still looming (I live by the Matrix Mantra that the power to choose is just an illusion but then when you get a choice, you feel as if you to exercise your right :( ) ... but I am in my ultimate comfort zone where no one judges me, where I don't measure what I say, when I am quintessentially just Me. And I am loving it :) So here I am in the lighted phase of the tunnel, garnering my resources for I am not sure whats up at the next bend on the road :S . So help me God.
5 comments:
:) I loved reading your musings and your thank yous! :) It happens, my friend. Sometimes you get so weary of having to fight it out at every step. And those are the times you realize how lucky you are to have someone (your Ma or your friends like you mention), who can pull you through. Hugs. I`m glad you`re feeling better. Loved the picture in the end!
:) m happy that m not the only one in a mess..:) hehe ;) m so bad na but still m happy..:) u r always ther for me to supportttt..:)
Loved reading your travails:)..hota ha aisa bhi kabhi kabhi:)..dont worry too much..see whenevr I find myself at crossroads, I always take one road and then leave the rest tpo GOd to make it right for me, and believe me he does.
Amrita,
Nice to see you back after long. It is so good that you have support not only of your mother but some good friends too. After reading this post, I do feel that what was in my mind may be true to an extent. Wish you all the best for everything to go fine as you would like to.
Take care
Oh.. finally a post.. have been waiting since a long time.. :) Loved the new look of ur blog. Everything will be fine in no time at all.. I can feel it.. :) Meanwhile always at ur service dear!!
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