Bad mother II

I never thought I would get to write a version 2 of this topic. But history repeats. And today I was not only bad I was horrible. 

Lately we are trying to make Chiyaa walk rather than relying on the push chair. She does not like it all the time. But it's an effort on our part to acclimatise her. Since the nursery is very close by for starters we drop and come home walking. 

They are good days and there are bad. Some days she is really cooperative and walks along enjoying the sights of the pigeons and dogs being brought out for a walk. Other days she cries, asks to be picked up or stands at one place. 

Today while returning she didn't want to walk at all. She didn't want to be picked up either. She just kept dragging her feet and being difficult. I somehow brought her till our apartment complex. Once inside we need to take the lift to the second floor. We reached the second floor. She refused to come out of the lift. To make her come outside I stepped out of the lift  and said 'OK I am going' and turned my back to her. In a split second the doors of the lift closed with my baby inside. My heart skipped a beat. I pushed the button immediately to make the lift doors open. They did not. I panicked and ran to the ground floor. I pressed the lift buttons. The lift came down and opened. But Chiyaa was not inside. Luckily just then K reached. It was a pure stroke of luck that he was an hour early. I asked him to take the steps while I took the lift. I planned to stop at each floor and look for her. The first stop I made was at the second floor. K was there too by the steps and we both could hear her cry. She was in some floor above us and had stepped out of the lift. 

Second stroke of luck,I thought I saw her press the button for 8th floor as soon as we had entered the lift. She had this silly habit of trying to press all the buttons on switch board. I hit the button to the eighth floor and as soon as I  stepped out  I saw her crying hysterically for mummy. 

I took her into my arms and came running down to our home. I cannot imagine how scared she must have felt. She spent the whole evening crying. She did not eat much, she just kept remembering the horrible incident and crying bitterly. In a moment I had turned a happy smiling girl into a petrified child. I dare not imagine anything untoward which could have happened.  I am so guilt ridden. I feel horrible. I will never forget what I did. I will never forgive myself for what I did. I hope she does one day.