Barely sane

Ever since I took up my current role,I missed my working from home days of my previous job for a very long time. Acclimatization eventually kicked in and I grew used to going to work. Every. Single. Day. 

If the kids were ill the odd days,I used to take emergency family leaves at work.( We have 5 per year). I fell in love with the routine. Going to work clearly demarcated home and work. I could not imagine any other way.

Till three weeks ago, we were asked to start working from home in response to the corona virus pandemic. The first day was a Friday. Friday has a different feel to it! I love Fridays :) I loved being at home, being served tea by mom and generally doing work sitting on the dining table.

The next week was a bit different. I was in a dilemma. Since there was no office commute, sleeping a bit late was tempting. But then I had my internal routine which wanted me to log into work at 0800. Schools thankfully forced me to still rouse at a certain time and get going. The kids went to school and nursery, K to work and it was a bit of a relaxed sprint for me. I thought I would have time in the middle of the day to do my workouts and other such, but nothing of the sort happened. I was quite jealous of my other team mates (all of whom are single without kids!) who were able to carve out time for video games and Netflix!  There were informal meets where team mates hung around, solved online murder mysteries, crossword puzzles and the like. But I just had work :(

Things were escalating fast. The world was winding down to a halt and it was a matter of time before the schools would be closed and all who could work from home would work from home. There were no activities for kids over the weekend, no training over weekday evening. There was a sudden lull. The first weekend, we had spare time. But no idea how to use it. When we used to have the crazy whirlwind weekends, we used to savour the time when there was a holiday or off from regular classes. Now when we had unlimited off till the end of time, we found it weird. The weather was too bad to step out (the rigid measures were yet to be implemented). There is only so much TV time that was permissible to kids in the house. But there was only so much reading, colouring, playing with toys that children could do as well. It was new for everyone of us. Everyone was feeling funny at the new set up.

We were made aware that children would be "home schooled" going forward. This was not equivalent to virtual classes. They were to be sent tasks and parents had to be the teachers. Guiding them, teaching them. In our house, both parents had to do their day job as well! To make matters worse, the schools had not streamlined their way of giving tasks (they did not have time! They were given maybe 2-3 days to prepare.) There were different sources through which work came. The worksheets were ill formed. Some didnt print fine, some tasks didnt get submitted ok. There were enormous technical glitches since some of the sites had a 500% increase in traffic! We had to be IT support along with supporting our IT tasks. With work, schooling issues, and Pumpki being younger and needing entertainment we were mega stressed. 

We enlisted the services of Chiyaa to keep Pumpki entertained. Since she had her elder sis at home, she constantly wanted to play with her. Chiyaa also was tempted to play with her (Which kid wants to study when her sibling is having fun!)  But Chiyaa also had her school work to complete. If she had a normal school day of 5 hours or so, it would have been ok and well spaced. But since she did not have that and we had no way of enforcing that, even Chiyaa had to stay up after Pumpki went to bed to finish her school work. It was not ideal, but there was no other way. Luckily, being someone who wants to put her best foot forward, she always gave her 100% when it came to doing her tasks. Touchwood.

I was not able to give my fullest at work and even said the same to my manager. Luckily (inspite of not having kids of her own) she was very understanding. She assured me that I needed to give the situation more time to settle down. A week, even two wasnt enough for a semblance of routine to come through in these times. And she reiterated that she had full trust in me. The definitely relieved me. One day at a time. Not someone who likes pending tasks, I started staying up late and working over the weekend to get the pending chunks of work done. I did not like it. But I did not have any other way. 

Friday, end of week 1 of school closures, I checked with a few other moms on how they were faring. Most were in the same boat and barely sane. They had not been more stressed ever. One of the moms shared that one of her colleagues woke at 5 to finish the work before kids were up! This made perfect sense to me. Kids' sleep time can be flaky, but they dont tend to wake up before a certain time. In my case its 0730 at the minimum. Waking up early is not my forte since I am not a morning person at all. But then desperate times call for desperate measures. So I moved my wake up time to the 5-0530 am zone. By the time the kids arose which was around 0830-0900, I ended up having 2.5 to 3 hours to nice peaceful work.Once kids were around, there was the usual scurrying with them. Their studies, activities and the lot. As soon as I finished work, I made time for the mandatory walk to get some fresh air, even if it was for 30 minutes only. After their evening chores were over, there was still a bit of pending work to catch up on. Factoring in reading and a bit of stretches and its midnight most of the days by the time I called it a day.

I feel stressed on many days and over worked too. But I am sure I will get used to it eventually. All this will seem like the new normal. The challenge after that would be getting back to going to work!!! 

The other two

As a follow up to the last post, the nursery manager came back with a reply for Button Bear. Her email said

“Thank you for telling us about Button Bear, we will replace it here so please do not worry about it.

would you like to take Button Bear again?

I hope you have a lovely Evening”

My first reaction was “pagal hai kya fir se lungi wo bhalu?” (Am I crazy to take that bear again?)

But I professionally responded

“That is just so kind of you! We really appreciate it!

I think Shambhavi had her share of fun with Button Bear when he was with us. It would be fair to let the other children have a turn. :) 

Again we are very touched by your gesture. “

Phew! That was on bullet dodged.

Also now you see why I blog? If I kept saying what was on my mind, I would make the world an unhappier place ;)

No I have not forgotten about things 2 and 3. Lets get on with them. Monday morning Chiyaa woke up with a smile. Chiyaa can wake up in multifarious ways

1. Howling Mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy
2. Groggy
3. Reluctant – Can I have a few more minutes of sleep
4. Worried – Is it going to rain today? Is it PE (Physical Education) today?  Have you signed my book log? And so on..
5. Hyper
6. Mature – just gets on with what shes meant to do without any of us even telling.
7. Happy

But last Monday was yet another way – with a smile. As I went to wake her up, she opened her eyes before I said anything and smiled. Then I asked her to come and brush her teeth. She said she wanted to come down first. I comb her hair downstairs.  I reached downstairs but she was nowhere to be seen. It is a small house, but then I went looking for her (On hindsight I shouldn’t have bothered. Not that she ran away to the streets). I felt she was in the bathroom and I opened the door. She was trying to brush her teeth. Her intention had been to surprise me. But when I opened the door, I ruined her surprise and (hehe she got a nasty surprise) . She was majorly upset and started crying. I am generally bit hurried in the morning. I started shouting back that she was being ridiculous. K came running and shouting at me. All the shouting woke Pumpki up.

Pumpki has 2 ways of getting up

1. Happy – wassup guys types
2. Grumpy – Go away I want to sleep.

Thank God she chose option 1 that day. All the shoutings later, we had a big group hug, lots of kisses and sorries and then I dashed out.

I felt bad about losing my cool so easily. It was all sorted eventually, but I ruined the smile Chiyaa had the first thing she woke up. Anyways that was one bad thing for the day.

I got my bus and was 2 stops away from my destination when K called. This did not augur well. I picked the phone and he asked in a very calm expectant way “Hey Mu, have you seen my car keys?” (He drops the kids and I pick them up and we need the car for that )

I was filled with a gazillion OMG, Oh no, and other unparliamentary words.

I knew the answer. Cos the answer came to me Bang! Like a thunderbolt. And I replied

“Its with me”. (Well before the said outing where we lost Button Bear, K had moved out with my car keys to open the car. Since Chiyaa was hovering around doing something which she felt was ultra important to do before stepping out (I don’t know what) I came with her a few minutes later. I picked up K’s keys to lock and put it in my pocket. I stayed there warm and cosy the entire weekend. Monday morn, when I saw my keys hanging on the key holder, I picked it without thinking much)

“What both the keys are with you? Yours and mine?”

“Yes”

“How, What, £$*”£$*  OK BYE”

I was shoot shoot shoot, too bad. It was 0818 and the Chiyaa needed to be in school at 0855. Taxis are highly unreliable in the mornings thanks to school and office runs. I was worried. I wanted to go back just for moral support. I called again. K picked “WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME ??? I CANT TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW”.

I reached my bus stop and called him again

“ Did you get cab” I asked before he could say anything.

“I have booked Uber, but please don’t call. I cant talk to you”.

“Shall I come back?”

“Why? It will be of zero use”

I messaged him to send me a message once the drops were over.

0853 I got the message “Dropped in school, going to daycare now”

Phewwwwww!!! Chiyaa wasn’t late. The school is quite stern about being on time. Its not that an off incident is not pardoned. But if shes delayed Chiyaa gets very nervous. I have been with her once and she was literally having a panic attack when she thought she might be late. Anyways that was another horrible thing within a span of 1.5 hours!

I crossed my fingers through the rest of the day which was rather uneventful (Touchwood!) So that’s my happening weekend + 1 folks!

Almost settled?

There are just too many things happening at the moment and I seem to have a thought about every thing. Let me take my mind through each one of them slowly and carefully.

The juggle of work and kids is something constant that many in my boat have to deal with. My job offers me the flexibility to work from home. A feature I and many colleagues use as and when need arises. Since November last year, work has been loosing it's sheen for me. I have been getting bored. But I was  hit by the realisation that the feature of working from home would not be available for me from many other organisations. A friend of mine said ' work is the same anywhere it is these add ons that matter'. K advised that we had a lot of change coming on in the form of a trip to India and a house move, and I stick to the current set up till the changes are catered to. So I stuck.

Ah coming to house move! We, who have had 7 moves in 7 years. We were ready for one final move. To our own home. That in itself is a saga. We liked Ipswich a lot. I had an arrangement, K 's projects were most likely to be centred within commutable distance from Ipswich. The school was good. Extra curriculars were good. The future looked promising. And we decided to set roots. We started looking for a home to call our own. We saw many, rejected many, discussed many and many slipped away. Finally we had a place finalised. We were excited. Two days after our decision, K got news of his release from his project which set an entire different chain of events. One moment we were discussing the new home. The next, K was without a job. 

After 4 months of struggle, K finally got an offer which brought us back to Leeds. We decided to 'settle down' ASAP. After the usual ups and downs, we found our house. Our home. Which had our name written on it. It was our piece of the soil which we could call our own. It was the stuff dreams were made up of. Finally we have the space, the garden, the proper feeling of walking up to an abode.

It is still a weird feeling for me though. Like I am newly married ;) I have never stayed at home. Papa had a transferable job and for as long as I can remember  we grew up living in government quarters. When we finally had our own place in bbsr I was off to hostel. And never have been at home. Even Chennai the stint in our home was for two years after which we were off to the UK. The sense that we are living at a permanent place will take a while to get used to.

 It has also come with the quirks of sub urban life. The 'city' is some distance away. We make plans to goto 'Leeds' while earlier Leeds was where we lived and was like the back of our palm. Setting the house in order was most pleasant. Amma gets surprised seeing me buy so many things for the house. She has never seen that aspect of mine. I say, decorating something that is your own is different. Nothing but the best will do.

  I have started coming in to work more often. Because of that I am not availing the luxury of coming in a cab everyday but rely on public transport. The first day was the hardest. I was panicking about taking the bus. I was on the verge of a breakdown when the return bus was a few minutes late was I was dreading the cascading delays in picking Chiyaa and Pumpki. I have to get down from my bus stop, rush home, get my car and pick the kids. My mom helped me breathe easy when she said, when they have stayed away from you for so long, don't panic over a few more minutes. Drive carefuly. But once they are back give them 100%. Phew! Thank you mummy! Gradually I have started liking getting dressed ( even amma says she likes seeing me dressed in the morning rather than being in track pants and t shirts all day long) and enjoying the interactions. The wfh days seem a bit boring to be honest. The run from office is still a nightmare.... but I believe we will get used to it. 

It's  easy to give up. But I am forcing myself to persevere. I am gearing and preparing everyone for a tomorrow which is going to be even more challenging than today. So help me God. 

No more action

That was the very sensible advice I received from my sister. There has been way too much action... Would put any James Bond and Ethan Hunt put together to shame. 

First we had Pumpki. We had to deal with getting her documents sorted before the trip to India  which involved quite a bit of travel at break neck speed. K moved places. We moved places. We moved countries for a few months when the kids and I got to have a wonderful wondrous Indian summer. Once back there were some major upheavals on the job front. These were reason for much tension, a look out for new job, juggling of kids, some difficult conversations and return to ground zero. 

There was something happening all the time. There was no time to just sit back without something  to analyse, discuss or brainstorm. It was never ending. But there were so many permutations and combinations of cause and effect that it was impossible to let things go. That's when my sister said 'no more action'. She asked me to sit back and let things run their course for once. What's the worst that could happen. And I am so grateful to her for showing me the light. Yes literally, the power to chose is actually an illusion (courtesy The Matrix). So I have decided to sit back and enjoy the show. I have even given up on exercising and counting calories. 

Early in the year we had got a school, denied the school, researched how to apply for a new school and followed up with municipal authorities across counties for a place. Chiyaa started school and as with other changes she did not take to it so well. She used to cry when being sent to school initially. Till now when she has reached a point when she cried when I told her she won't be going to school! Why? Well she has been rather unwell. The usual cough and cold kept bothering her for a week or so till last Friday she was wrecked by fever. The fever got in to a rash that spread across her body along with diarrhoea. There was a perceptible swelling on her face on Sunday which made us reach out to emergency care. The doctor figured it was a bad case of viral infection which had unleashed a full on attack. A fungus joined hands and  caused an infection in her mouth which made eating and drinking a torture for her. She gave us the required meds and we have been seeing a remarkable improvement. So she had been off school for the past two days. 

Talk about I more action and literally  there has been no movement since Friday evening. We are holed up with the television running kiddy shows. Thankfully K had his wfh facilities enabled last week which came as manna from heaven. I wanted inactivity albeit not in this format. I keep thinking of being careful what I ask for. Here is hoping there is peaceful inactivity till the end of the year *fingers crossed *

Did someone say adventure? Hampi Day1 Episode1

I was totally unprepared for Hampi and boy how unprepared was I!

Alighting at the Hospet station, we had to take an auto rickshaw to get to the Tungabhadra river banks. Our idea was to cross the river and get an accommodation on the "other side" of the river. Sam had visited the place before and she was more or less the tour operator. As we were going, I was able to catch a glimpse of some of the ruins. Being a history buff myself, I was getting too excited to get up close and personal with the archeological sites.When we inquired the auto rickshaw driver as to the ferry timings for taking to the "other side "of the river, he said, they exist from 6 am to 6pm. Now when Sam had come before the ferry ran till 2000 hours. Having the services cut 2 hours prior would not be a bit tight in case we wanted to roam around a bit more. When we reached the river banks, Sam said, we would relax for the day come to this side to see the ruins the next day. I said, we could give the day to visit the sites on the "other side". Then she said, there was nothing much on the "other side", it just gives the laid back feel thanks to the cottages and huts. Whatever I had read about Hampi, never gave me the picture that there was nothing of importance on the other side of the river. Somehow all websites and blogs and travel portals I visited gave me a feel that the ruins were equally dispersed on both sides of the river. I felt a bit crestfallen, because I am a touring tourist :) Rest is not my idea when I come to a place like Hampi for sure. But when I learnt that on the "other side "of the river, rest was what was primarily done, I felt disappointed. But then I was a bit curious as to what lay on the "other side", so did not want to spoil the plan to cross the river either.

The ferry that came up was a motor boat to be precise and a pretty decrepit one at that. Once we reached the "other side", we were hounded by people advertising their cottages/hotels. We checked a few and then got into Hema cottages. They are small huts, cottages is a pretty fancy name I think for the amenities they have. You get the bare minimum, cots, fan and a bathroom and if you regard network for your cell phone and electricity as bare minimum - you do NOT get them. Yep, its a veritable village and many things we city breds take so much for granted are unknown there. There is a daily power cut from 8 in the morn till noon and again from 5 in the evening till 8. In between it has its whims and fancies and comes and goes at will. I was a bit taken aback by this wanton electricity supply. None the less we somehow refreshed and went ahead for breakfast to a nearby hotel.

The "other side" as this side of the river is called is a proper hippies getaway. Here lot of foreigner especially Israelis abound. And there is a slow pace with which things go on. The food here is divine and we did gorge on some awesome continental and Israeli cuisine. But all the while I was yearning for the history that I was missing :( So I said it might be a better idea if rather than staying till the next day in the guest house, if we checked out in the evening and crossed the river. That way we would be able to start early on the coming day and complete the share of sight seeing. Sam was more inclined to taking the lazy way out and being on this side of the river, generally relaxing, eating good food and spending the time doing nothing. K played the perfect devil's advocate and said, If we were going to check out of the guest house, rather than waiting very long, it would be better if we did so sooner, like 4-5 in the afternoon so that we would have time in hand to search for hotels. Else if we decided to stay on this side itself, it would be better to check out around 12 the next day so that we would do some sight seeing at least. He was like coming that far and not doing any sight seeing at all might not make much sense. After a lot of debating we decided, we would finish breakfast, go for a cycle ride and check the ruins that lay on this side, come back, refresh, finish a late lunch and cross the river.


Breakfast done, we started on the cycle trek. We had an awesome time! There was a gentle breeze flowing and we had the sun screaming down on us. We were sweating like proper rustic folks and we were getting one hellova tan too. The hand beyond the shirt sleeves were nearly turning black! But it was some feeling. At points when the road was a downward slope and we did not need to paddle, wow! When we were all drenched in sweat and suddenly there would be a waft of cool wind, bliss! On the way a bunch of school kids hi-fived us, suweeeet! We intermittently stopped under shaded parts to rejuvinate and gulp some water. K at one point got rid of his tshirt and used it as a turban - a la pukka rural tam ishytle, and Sam and I were sure jealous of him. But we urged him not to strip further cos he was not a proud possessor of the body like those Israeli hunks ;) He teased back saying, we were not any close to the damsels either else we too would have started shedding. The banter thus went on and we had no idea how far we had cycled. We had reached a village called Anegondi - which K insisted on calling Anaconda :D

At that point we decided to just turn back and head home. It was a 50 mins solid ride home. On the way, we just stopped at a point where the river was a bit shallow and went down. It was divine to soak our tired feet into the cold water.

This time we gave a ride to another group of school kiddos who were walking back home. In a nearby stall we all shared some soft drinks with the kids.

Once we returned to the guest house, we realised how very tired we were and how very tanned we were :) It was already 1500hours. By the time 3 of us freshened up and headed for the place for lunch it was 45 minutes past. Now as I had said, the "other side" of Hampi is for lazing around. We made it very clear to the waiter, that we had only an hour to spare since we did nt want to be late for the ferry. We ordered stuff which would get ready sooner. But inspite of our urging him to move things faster, inspite of our coaxing and threatening to cancel the order, by the time we got done it was 1730. Everyone else was sipping their beers, smoking their cigarettes, lolling on the mattresses as if they had alllll the time in the world. And we three were gulping our food as if we were having a heart attacwith K giving the time by the second. At a point I said "Stop it! The wall clock is right in front of me and I see the darn thing ticking and moreover I wear a wrist watch too which you dont and I am inclined to seeing that and getting more NERVOUS!"

We scrammed out of the place and ran towards the river bank. It was 1750 then. We saw the ferry being parked a bit further, not in the designated place. Dont know what sadistic pleasure the ferry drivers get by making their customer wade through ankle deep mud when they can very well park in drier places. One good old man showed us a narrow pathway to get to the ferry. It was very narrow, a bit unsafe and slippery(because of people having walked on it with wet feet) and steep downward incline. With Sam and I having 2 heavy backpacks and K a travel bag, we started climbing down.

We had climbed some paces only when we heard the engine of the ferry rev up. We got franctic. Sam and I started shouting Bhaiyya! Bhaiyya! and started flailing our arms to make the boatman stop....

Mera time kuch kharab chal raha hai :(

Yesterday was a very long day for me. Yesterday I was pick pocketed. Yes - you guys heard it right, and I am bad at keeping suspense and revealing at the very end as to why yesterday was a very long day for me - I was robbed of my wallet. Of the zillion + 1 things I carry in my big as a rucksack purse, the small cute navy blue wallet was what was chosen by the disreputable thief. And with it went 800 odd rupees, one ICICI platinum card, one ICICI silver card and 2 debit cards :( Thats why I said, mera time kuch kharab chal raha hai :(

Now back to the basics, how did it happen. Well yesterday I chanced to get into a bus to commute to office. As per my habit I paid for the ticket and went ahead to read Love in the time of Cholera. When I alighted from the bus, my purse felt a teeeeeny weeeeny lighter and I checked - the wallet was MISSING! Now till then I gave no thought as to who, when, how - I ran to the nearest auto. The urgency in my tone was sufficient to convey to the auto driver who knew no other language but Tamil to go ahead and chase the bus. He could have given any Hrithik Roshan a run for his money by the Dhoom ishtyle in which he drove the auto rickshaw. We reached the bus in the next to next stop and when I got in and checked, there was no purse to be found :( First I thought, maybe I was careless and had dropped the purse and the driver or conductor took it up. Crestfallen, I asked the auto rickshaw driver to drive me home, promising him to pay once we got home. On the way back itself, zip zap I got 2 messages of transactions worth Rs. 2840.50 and Rs. 6293.00(within a span of 15 mins of loosing my wallet). Then I was certain, that none of the bus operators had picked the wallet, cos they would be still on the route. It must have been someone who took it deliberately - and I had quite a few people who chanced to sit beside me and there could have been any number of opportunities for someone to pick pocket :(

I must commend the auto rickshaw driver for the awesome help that he was. I later discovered that he was infact waiting for someone to come when I came and approached him. But rather than waiting for that person, he chose to drive and help me. His other passenger in fact still owed him money for the onward trip. I called up that person to speak to him, since the auto driver did not have balance in his cell phone. The other gentleman said that, he had picked the auto from near his home and would pay him surely in the evening.

Once home, I had to go through the long, unnerving and extremely irritating process of cancelling 2 credit cards and 2 debit cards. My God, how ICICI bank made me wait wait and wait phew! I have gotten allergic to the theme tune of the bank grrrrrrr.... It took from 1220 to 1445 to get the 4 things blocked. Then since there had already been some transactions on my credit card, I had to file an FIR in the nearest police station and fax the same to the Fraudulent Department of the bank. When anything has to go wrong it will most definitely go wrong. Today being election day in the state, most police men were on election duty and the rest present were munching mutton biriyani clad in white vests ( believe me thats what they were doing ) When I saw the sight I thought I wonder if anything will work out today :( But I think the writer recognised my face ( Yes I had come to the same police station 2 months back to inform about the loss of my cell phone, and he obliged to take the complaint. Thank God! As we were coming out, we heard of another case of a girl having left her credit card in the ATM machine itself! Someone withdrew 4K cash and used the card to shop for 15K odd! She had left the debit card in her office ATM machine, means someone well educated was into such abhorable task. Maybe there should be more plastic money :(

FIR logdged, we came back home. I was dead tired not only with all the scurrying around but also because of a reprimands I got from K. He was hyper, tensed and very very anxious. And my dad being his replica, I had warned my sis not to tell him. When I reached home from the police station at 1530 and was about to have lunch, my dad wanted to speak to me! I was nearly narrating Hanuman Chalisa. I was too happy to hear "It happens dont worry" rather than a face a rampage from him. He was so chilled out!! I was amazed! Maybe he thought I must have got a heady dosage from K and could do without a repeat telecast from him. Lunch done, I lied on the sofa and dozed off for an hour and my mil who was with me through and through (poor dear she ) too had a cat nap.

Evening was full of analysis of how, why, when, destiny, karma, God. We called up the store as well to find out what had been shopped and it seems the spurious person had bought vessels and a fan! My dad was like " Arre why did nt he/she buy and ac!" I was like "Dadddddd!! " My manager being the good samaritan that he is, offered any sort of help needed even monetary :) When I informed my onsite counterparts, I was touched to see their empathy and concern. One of them retorted, the fiend should be made to do allllllllll the documentations of our projects, not once not twice but thrice and should even be made to answer some questionnaires :)

Frankly speaking, I was having a very ominous feeling since the morning. One thing or the other was going wrong. I had a strong sense something very wrong was going to happen. So when the theft happened, I was relieved in fact, that okay, if this is what had to go wrong, its fine. Whatever happens happens only for the good....

Keeping Busy

I like it when I am damn busy I think. In the days that have been I have been literally running around with out any time to spare.

Till the 18^th of November, I was preparing for an exam.

So mornings after the normal chores and 45 minutes walk, I used to sit down with books. While traveling to office, it would be a novel which would occupy me. Work would keep me on my toes for the next 10 hours. After which travel back home, scram and have dinner and then sit down with the exam prep again.

My free time used to be… hmm I can say… the minutes I used to spend talking to family or one or two friends. That would cumulatively be some 1 hour at the max.

With that pace of life, I wanted the D day to pass soon, so that I could sit back and relax.

I used to see my flat mates having a gala time, moving leisurely, having (what seemed to me) the luxury of watching tv, talking over the phone with out thinking how many minutes is the call eating up, and generally having a peaceful and calm existence.

I felt I was all the while literally running on a treadmill.

But after the exam got over, I had one complete day when I just chilleddddddd it out. I watched tv as if there was no tomorrow :-). Then for the next 2 days, coincidentally work pressure was a bit low. And I used to come back home, read a novel and drift of to sleep. I used to sleep so deep and so much with out any damn concern. I remember waking up all alert in the mornings with out any sign of left over sleep.

I continued like this for 4 days I think. And I loved it. But I got bored of it I guess.

The very next week, I resumed my swimming.

So the mornings I wake bolt up at 7, scurry to the pool, after an hour there, run home, have breakfast, read the paper, get ready and then dash to office. And now see the twist of fate: work is hectic again – demanding me to multi task over 3 completely different arenas. I come back home and then again I have this whole pile of un read novels asking for my immediate attention. And I have to force myself to hit the bed by 2330 hours so that I can get up again all fresh and bright for the humungous morning that beckons me.

Hmm…. Well… keeping busy tires me. But I cant take the relaxed pace either. Hmm… weird dilemma.

Feeling Blank

Some times I am very incoherent. I hate being in the state when I am blank. I am without an opinion, without a thought, without a vision – a state when I feel everything zipping past me and I like a mute spectator just watch on. My mind on one hand urges me to move, to get up, and to do some thing, anything but lie in a limbo. At any given point of time are not there lots of things to be completed, lots of tasks pending, lots and lots of ‘to do s’? But on the other hand I feel like just being as I am. I feel like wasting my muscles, subduing my thoughts. I feel any ways I won’t be able to effect much change in a few hours or in a day. There will still remain lots more things to be completed, some more pending tasks and there will never be tick marks against all the ‘to do s’. So why make the effort?

Just let time take hold. Let the day move on. Let tomorrow come. Tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow will throw new challenges on your face. Tomorrow will ask you to take up a new gauntlet. Tomorrow will force you to come out of the state of inertia. Tomorrow you won’t be in this insipid state of inaction.

But when tomorrow comes I feel ‘ARGH! I wasted yesterday :-( ‘

24X7

When I was in school, during a moral science class, our teacher asked us a question, “What do you all think - is life too short or too long?”

I promptly raised my hand and said, I think it’s too long.

A lively debate ensued, and I gave a plethora of reasons for my stand. There were some who rebutted me and many who joined forces. We did not reach a conclusion, but the teacher concluded the class by stating, life is too short to learn about God, so spend as much time as you can each day with Him.

It was a moral science class, so as per norms it ended up with the matter boiling down to The Divine.

But the question persisted in my mind.

When I came home, I asked my dad what he felt – Is life too short or too long.

Dad said in his usual nonchalant way, still poring over the newspaper, with out even lifting his head from it – depends, if you have work, it s too short, if you don’t have any its long.

I thought that’s it?!

That’s all he has to voice on a question that bothered me through the entire ride from school to home?

But today when I have my both hands full of work and commitments, I feel yes, maybe what Dad said does sum up how life seems.

Here I am jostling between a job, tasks at home, my hobbies and interests. And each day I wish there were a couple of hours more in a day or some more days in the week.

Alas! 24X7 is all I got : (