India - first impressions

I am back in India after 4 years. I did not know what to expect. I was definitely prepared to be rudely shocked. I was also prepared to be pleasantly surprised. It was definitely going to be interesting. 

Across the Asian sub continent we have a lot of shared ethics and practices. That is why when we landed in the Abu Dhabi airport, I could smell home. And one practice that is common is washing up after finishing our business in the toilet. In all the Indian homes I have been to in the UK I have seen some arrangement or other for washing up. The ring of toilet roll is there but also along with it is a bucket and mug or wet wipes.  In the Abu Dhabi airport I heard a lady in the adjoining restroom comment ' Thank God there is a health faucet here' I could not resist a smile. I came out of the toilet and noticed that the ladies who were thanking the health faucet seemed pretty westernised and well  travelled. There are some things which are quintessentially Indian and I reckon this is one of them.

When we reached the Indira Gandhi International Airport, we went to the help desk to enquire about where we needed to go since we were a mixture of nationalities. My mother had warned that the last time she had travelled she needed to fill in a lot of elaborate documentation. In the flight we were not given any documents to fill for  my elder daughter's  and my Indian passports. We were doubtful that the air hostess might have missed giving us some forms. We asked the help desk person if we needed to fill any forms. He just directed us to the Special Assistance desks. The Immigration Officer handled our case pretty quickly and effectively. We had anticipated some trouble or red tape but our port of entry check was seamless. In fact the Indian passports were  welcomed with no fuss at all; really felt like I was being given a warm homecoming. It wasn't so the last time we had landed in Chennai. We had to wade through quite a bit of beauracracy. I could feel the good work being done by the current administration. The song 'dil kya kare jab kisi se' from the movie Julie rifted. Golden oldies. I was home where some things didn't change.

Our flight landed in Delhi at 0300 but our next flight to BBSR was scheduled at 1100. Since we had a very long wait I had booked a room in the airport hotel. The check in to the hotel was rigged with security checks. We had  3 security checks, where we had to show our passports and tickets and even go through a full scan of our luggage. We had to move a couple of floors but it took us 1 hour with all the security checks. We were helped a lot by the hotel staff. Mummy tipped him Rs. 300/-. Once the check in was done the front desk staff asked if we needed Internet. Of course we did!  This was another fact which we do easily took for granted in the UK. In most hotels WiFi is free and of pretty good speed. Here it was a password protected network. But it was enough to WhatsApp family of our safe landing in India. We slept like logs in the room. With burning eyes we woke 1.5 hours before our next check in. The hotel staff helped us with the check in for the flight again. He established contact with some ground staff. They had costs on which explicitly stated 'No tips'. But mummy offered them Rs 500/- as tips. It drove home another major facet of India. This is something conspicuous by its absence in the UK. And here within the first 5 hours of landing my mother had tipped Rs 800/-.  

I am very glad to be home. I had anticipated the weather, the infrastructure, the way of life to be very jarring. But I did not feel any awkwardness. After all dil hai Hindustani. 

Alphabet soup for lovers

I read a book after a long time. An actual, physical book with pages to flip. It was a very easy book. A book I finished in a day which gave me a major sense of accomplishment! Yeah cheap thrills that is what I am into ;) It was also my first book by Anita Nair. I have another Malayalee writer I admire after Shashi Tharoor  and Arundhati Roy. 

The writing is beautiful. She compares food with life, which makes one hungry and contemplative at the same time. But the scenes between the protagonists are well written but seem like Mills and Boons for mature audiences. The book was a good read, wish the content was different. Will be picking another by the same author. Hope to like it more.

Americanah

Picked this book as a recommendation from my sister in law. And I have a new favorite author. Chimamanda Ngozie  Adiche  has a way with words. She writes like Arundhati Roy and is puts mundane facts in iridescent spotlight like Jhumpa Lahiri. I loved the way she brought to life very normal, generic emotions. 

The book is about a Nigerian girl Ifemelu. Like most Nigerians she too dreams of making it big someday. And big is equal to America. As with most developed countries, one is happening if one makes it to the hallowed shores of the United States. Life brings her to the US and she realises that she is black! At this point the novel turns into one about race. At this is the point u regret. I felt here Ifemelu left the pages and in came Chimamanda. The characters Ifemelu begins writing about race and how to deal with it. But to me it seemed like a long discourse by Chimamanda. The novel picks up again when Ifemelu returns to Nigeria and sees everything with americanised eyes. 

The book is a must read. For

To enjoy the beautiful writing, to get some eye opening and candid opinion and to relish the similarly across developing nations. I would not do justice without quoting some lovely lines....

How easy it was to lie to strangers the versions of our lives that we have imagined.

She was taking two sides at once, to please everyone; she always chose peace over truth, was always eager to conform. 

He had spent too much time mourning what could have been and questioning what should be.

(The following lines are about Ifemelu's father )
He had scolded Ifemelu as a child for being recalcitrant , mutinous, intransigent, words that made her little actions seem epic and almost pride worthy. But his mannered English bothered her as she got older, because it was costume, his shield against insecurity . He was haunted by what he did not have - a post graduate degree, an upper middle class life - and so his affected words became his armour. 

Ifemelu watched them, so alike in their looks , and both unhappy people. But Kimberly's unhappiness was inward , unacknowledged, shielded by her desire for things to be as they should , and also by hope: she believed in other people's happiness because it meant she , too, might one day have it. Laura's unhappiness was differ t, spiky, she wished that everyone around her were unhappy because she had convinced herself that she would always be. 

The point of diversity workshops , or multicultural talks was not to inspire any real change but to leave people feeling good about themselves. They did not want the. Intent of her ideas;they merely wanted the gesture of her presence.

There was a manic optimism that he noticed in many people who had moved back from America in the past few years, a head-bobbing, ever-smiling , over-enthusiastic kind of manic optimism that bored him, because it was like a cartoon, without texture or depth. 

But of course it makes sense because we are Third Worlders and Third Worlders are forward-looking,  we like things to be new, because our best is still ahead, while in the West, their best is already past and so they have a fetish of that past. 

The journey starts

Well India happened two weeks back and till now I can say I am lovinggggggggg it. I had a lot of doubts and reservations about the trip but by God's grace none of them have turned out to be true.

Our tickets were booked from Leeds  so we had to make a trip from Ipswich to Leeds. The morning of the journey Chiyaa kept thinking we were going back to Leeds for good. She was  worried that all her toys were  being left behind. She even started dismantling her kitchen set to take back. The innocence kids have is just so so precious. My heart  went out for my little girl. 

The journey to Leeds involved a change of train. As we were in the waiting room for the transfer , we thought Pumki  needed a nappy change. There was no changing place nearby on the platform. We had to do it  in the room. But there was a lady having her lunch. We thought we should let her finish eating. I am not sure how she understood us, but she said ' if you need to change please go ahead. I have three sons and will be a grandmother today or tomorrow. And I was a carer for disabled children so I have seen it all.' We were touched by her warm gesture. I asked details about her soon to be grandchild. It was to be a surprise and her first grandchild. Her daughter in law was 12 days overdue and was being induced since the  previous day. If things did not progress over the day she would be operated the next day. It seemed like something so close to my recent experience. I wished the lady luck. I wish I could know what she had, when, how.... I guess some things are meant to be left unanswered.

We reached Leeds and checked into a hotel. Since it was not our home in Leeds Chiyaa kept asking if it was a different Leeds. We somehow reasoned that it was the same place but a different accommodation :)

The next day we had been invited by my college mate to have breakfast, lunch and dinner at her place ;) It was a simply brilliant day where we hung around and chatted and enjoyed some sumptuous food. The time just flew past and the children played a lot too. It was really kind of her to host us. Evening it was shut eye time as soon as possible. We had a really early start at three in the morning. 

A longggggg journey awaited us.....

Open letter to roomie dear

I could have written an email, but she reads my posts every day  - or so she claims ;) so here goes....

We have moved to Ipswich. Initially I didn't like it. I would not say I hated it. I just felt 'this is not Leeds!' Nothing more or less. 

K was around in the train station to pick us up and he brought us home. We had lived in a very modern, newly constructed apartment right in the centre of the city with onsite gym, pub and convenience store in Leeds. This apartment was an older construction. Everything had a run down feel to it. Nothing had a shine. Nothing had any new -ness. It in fact reminded me of a place in  the past where we had a horrible couple of years. Horrible infrastructure wise - Chiyaa was born in that house, so I cannot relegate it to be totally horrible. As K went to work, mom and I first learnt how to work the stove. Slowly the kids settled down and K was back home with pipping hot pizza! We tend to celebrate every moving in with pizzas! And in our 6 years in the UK this is our 5th house. Ah averages to around a house per year....we do have a nomadic existence :|

I suddenly realised that we were short of diapers. Since I was coming from a 'city' I was used to shops being open till 2000. I now understood what people were on about when they used to speak with distress about shops closing at 1730. Being a 'town' shops shut at 1730 in Ipswich. Like a big city girl I exclaimes 'really??!!' when K made me aware of this. But there were a few stores near our apartments. We popped down. I took the chance to soak in the neighbourhood. I had glimpsed the place when we had come to visit K during the Good Friday holidays. Now seeing the place up close,  reminded me of Delhi. Lodhi Garden to be specific. The place where me and my two friends from engineering had spent a glorious summer. A gorgeous summer when we had savoured independence, friendship, a bit of work experience and fallen in love with a beautiful place. *sighs* Ipswich took me back to a place I loved. Ipswich scored a point. Another winner was a little play area. It was the perfect place to take our little ones on the few days of summer we are granted.

The next day K took us into the town centre - in particular to a place that stocked Indian grocery. It was smaller than the shops in Leeds, but it was quite popular. We met nearly all of his colleagues there!

The weekend followed next. God made the sun shine brighter to make things look better.  We stepped out with K to get acquainted with  supermarkets, parks and other points of interest. We live right next to the river. To get to any place we mostly need to cross a foot bridge ( Yes that is where my Facebook profile pic is taken). It is very refreshing to notice the birds in the river. We have seen 5 eggs of a swan hatch. We see the swan  parents (hope that is the right word) float along with the baby swans. Chiyaa even has designated one as daddy swan and the other as mummy swan :) I feel as if like us, they are also off to a new start with their new babies :) 

Aclimatised with all the shopping destinations, the main thing I got was wipes. Lots and lots of them. The house lacked sheen. I was going to make it shine. Shine with a good scrubbing. Then shine with love. I decorated the rooms with pictures and quilling arts that I had made. If you love something, it is bound to love you back. I was getting ready to fall in love with Ipswich. As if God had chosen a voice, I got a call from my friend in Leeds. Yes the college mate I had mentioned about in my last post who had Oh so tremendously helped me. She asked me how I was faring. It was too soon to be attached to the new place. So I cribbed about it being small. Then she said that being an unsocial person, what was I missing in a small place? Really! The  amenities were nearly the same. And I was not the partying sorts to miss the vibrant nightlife. Nor   was I a shopaholic to miss the big brands (most of my shopping is done online or by my sister :D) What was I missing? Just the vibe. Shouldn't I rather take this as a chance to readjust my vibes to this quaint place? Most definitely I should.

So here I am geared up in true saggi spirit to approach whatever adventure and experience Ipswich has in store for me. This weekend we travel to Leeds to catch our flight to India. Another chance to say another goodbye to a favourite. This doesn't happen very often. Last time I was super excited for my travel to India. This time I look back at how 6 months ago I was waiting with trepidation for mummy to arrive. 6 months have passed and I feel I am going to drop mummy back. :( I am very excited to meet Papa and Lichie. But I feel as if the joy ride is about to get over. As one of my friends in school had said, parting causes more pain than meeting causes joy. Hmm... I guess there is some truth in that! I don't see my India trip as a chance to meet.... But as saying goodbye to mummy, Papa and sister. I should turn my views.... And I hope God helps me with it. I will miss K for the next 2 months. He has never been away from the kids... And this year suddenly he has been away a lot... I hope he copes ok with the lack of clutter and morning mayhem. I hope Chiyaa copes ok with daddy being in a different place again. I hope  Gabo is not too bothered by the change of circumstances. 

I will keep nagging you with my doubts and apprehensions. And I hope you don't give up pushing me - my alter ego!

Full circle

Life has a strange way of coming back to where it all began does nt it? It was two years back that I wrote the posts about the start of a journey. Chiyaa had started day care and there were some tear filled days of settling her. I remember leaving a very timid and diffident toddler in the care of the nursery staff. Two years and some months hence, we are leaving Leeds and there were a few tear filled nights. I used to be up at night thinking how she would fare without her daycare which was such an integral part of her life. I know eventually she would have left it for school, but that would have been the normal course of action, something deemed to happen. Now we were removing her from her set environment . 

Ever since I had given notice in her daycare intimating them of the move I kept wondering of all the friendships and relationships she would be missing. Every time her key carer spoke of her imminent departure, she used to choke. Before the time drew to an end I had my last progress review meeting with her. Through all her words I could gauge how much she really cared for my daughter. I cannot thank her enough for her kindness and her personalised care.

Finally the dreaded Friday came when Chiyaa went to daycare for the very last time. I had gotten some cakes for the fabulous staff. We went to pick her up a bit late to allow her to play a bit longer on her last day. We saw her being seated in a circle where all the teachers were wishing her all the luck in her future. There was a biiiiiig group hug with all the kids which brought tears to mommy and my eyes. Then the teachers  gave her a beautiful gift which included card games, some books and a card. It was tremendously emotional leaving the place for the very last time.

I am not sure if Chiyaa fully realises what is happening. She walked home proudly with her gift  on Friday and said 'Cam said it was my last day today'. I asked her if she knew what it meant to which she was unsure. Then I said' it means you will not go to Twinkles  (her nursery )again, we are going to Ipswich in some days. You won't meet your Twinkles  friends but you will make new friends in Ipswich.' She nodded her beautiful head. Those deep thoughtful eyes which were trying to understanding what I was saying simply broke my heart. 

Chiyaa still keeps role playing about Twinkles all the time. She keeps reliving the routine there. I will also keep getting a lot of insight into what she feels through her actions. When things were being loaded to Ipswich on Saturday, she found her old push chair. She asked if she could go in it to  Twinkles . I felt like hugging her but I distracted her by saying she was a big girl now and did not need a push chair any longer. And today she has gotten her ears pierced! All she wanted to do was go to Twinkles to show it to her best friend. When I said Friday was her last day, she asked if she could go to her best friend's house. I had no words. I hope she reconciles soon to the first big change at the tender age of four. 

I hope she comes around soon and moves on to the future and keeps the fabulous memories of the past.

Because I can

I am going to write this post ;)

Well I have so many thoughts and feelings. There are so many things that are happening and my to do list just keeps getting extended. As I was playing with Chiyaa and Pumki today, I thought, this is the last sabbatical of mine. I better use it to the fullest. My mom is around and she makes a whole world of difference. This is also the first and maybe last time I am with my mother full time. I get to spend the whole day with her which is pure bliss. There is a Hindi saying which loosely translated means, where there are two vessels there will be noise.  There has been occasions where my mom and I have 'fought' with each other and gone without talking to one another. As I look back, I just see the time - rich in moments. Time I have spent with mummy, discussing the new baby and things to come, having the new baby, her help through those initial cold dark days, and now the full mobility with the 3 month old young lady and her 4 year old fiesty sister.

K has been in the other town for the past 3 weeks. No matter how much she denies I know my mother feels a degree of conciousness in front of her son in law. I am sure these last 2 months of her stay she is without any inhibition what so ever. Though on the other hand, K's absence does make things seem a bit vacant. I am sure even mummy misses some of the fuss associated with cooking for K.

K being away was a very different experience for Chiyaa. The first day she did not realise till late at night that daddy was missing. When she did, she cried quite a lot which was very heart breaking. But time is really a very good healer. She slowly did move on and got used to the fact that daddy works from another place. K made a trip to Leeds last weekend. It was real fun, I could see the change in him. He was much more patient and was giving real time to both the kids. In spite of a very long journey he was up with a lot of enthusiasm in the morning and got on with diaper duties with more diligence than he used to when he was around. After that he was ever so attentive to Chiyaa. Chiyaa also loved every bit of the time with him. When he left, she was crestfallen. But we distracted her with some movies. Slowly we have talked to her that daddy will be coming and going. K did not come this weekend. And I am not sure how she is going to behave when he comes the next..... Fingers crossed it all goes well.

This is think is good preliminary practice for our stay in India. Had I mentioned that ? Well, mommy will travelling to India in the third week of May. The kids and I will be making our journey with her. Woo Hoo. But not a full throttle one. On one hand I am super excited to be at home for 3 months! Yes you heard me right.... 3 months. We will travel back when K gets his vacation in August. But on the other hand, I am full of doubts. The planning of the journey itself was doubts riddled with the arrangement of Pumki's travel documents being a very critical affair which thankfully was successful. I also have concerns about the children. Here they are used to a peak summer temperature of 20 degrees Celsius. And I will be dragging them to 46! I hope and pray they are ok in the heat and humidity.  Chiyaa will be starting school in September. The final months before the big change, she will be in totally alien environment. Again I am putting her through a lot here :( That is why this travel is riddled with doubts, but our reason for making this trip now is - if not now, we will never get such a long time in India. With school and my job resuming next year, this is the best we could hope to have back home. Last time when we had undertaken the trip to India with Chiyaa being a 7 month old baby, all the relatives wanted us to stay a bit longer. But since things were not very bright on K's work front, we had a 3 week long vacation. This time things are not hunky dory yet for him, but we are going ahead with being with extended family a bit longer. We will mostly survive to tell the tale.

The change of location has thrown another item into the mix. Chiyaa's school. Yes I think I mentioned that. But the real deal is this. We were all set for starting school in Leeds. But with the move we had to get a house in a rush in Ipswich (the town we are relocating to). Since allocation of schools are location of residence driven, we had to finalise a house and find about schools and give our choices in break neck speed. We are new to all this, and are keeping our fingers crossed that all goes to plan and Chiyaa gets a decent school. 

That is quite a lot of crossing of fingers. :D We have too many things in a year, too many uncertainties, too much action. Already our house looks like a waiting room with boxes to travel to Ipswich, suitcases designated to travel to India and stuff for use day to day in Leeds. A lot of factors are still 'up in the air'. Hoping they all land shipshape.