Part 4. The U-turn

It takes courage to get suited to face a long travel and then wait in anticipation for another negative result. It kept happening to K all too often. We had to draw a line somewhere and gave ourselves time till Christmas. We had the wall full of interviews and their status. 

One day we got a call from one of the recruiters stating that K had done really well. He was sort of second best though. So in case the candidate who was numero uno did not accept the offer, the job would be K's. Well! That was something. Maybe. Maybe not. 25 interviews later it did sound good. 

The number one would in all probability accept the job. We could not rest on our laurels. It was quite far from Leeds or Ipswich which meant total relocation in all respects. I could not continue my job in Leeds since the travel one way was nearly 5.5 hours long. Still we made plans that if nothing happened, we would accept it. K was not so optimistic though. He felt he was always going to be second best or there would be someone better than him. I assured him that competing against life long programmers and coming second was not bad at all. 

A few days later he got an acceptance from a leading retail company. He was elated! It was closer to Leeds. The benefits were fantastic which included childcare and discounts in their outlets. We would need to relocate though. But I was not too keen on relocating to the place because I knew the locality was not up to my liking. It was predominantly populated by Indians. I did not want my kids to be brought up in a ghetto. I did not want the pressure of attending janmashtami and diwali functions else neighbouring lady would not let her kids play with mine. K furious at my stance. But I felt since we had taken such a risky  step, we should make  a move for the better. Not just better for the best. I asked him to accept the offer and dabble with the joining date. People did that all the time. It was not a natural thing for K to do. But with much persuasion he took the step. 

Meanwhile the company which had placed him second came back with an offer. There was an opportunity to expand the team and they were eager to get K on board. But we politely refused the offer. We had moved on with the decision that we were not going that far geographically. 

In a couple of days he secured another job in place which literally took me within arms reach of Leeds. The place was also highly rated, coming third as one of the best places to raise a family in the UK. But it was a very small place. Our next move and especially K's next move seemed murky. What if we wanted to change our jobs in future? The place offered only a handful of companies. Which meant we would need to travel to one of the nearby cities which would raise more issues in terms of travel, child care and the lot. 

Little did we expect that K would strike gold in Cambridge. He cleared some gruelling rounds to qualify for a top software firm in Cambridge. Cambridge is regarded as the silicon valley of the UK. Which made the next move for both of us not only feasible but also highly likely for the better. Cambridge comes up very high in terms of job satisfaction index and also as a place to raise a family. It is a lovely place and the place which houses the world famous university must have a lot of culture and character  attached to it. To top it all the company had some amazing perks and a really cool domain. K felt like a spoilt kid during Christmas. But. There is always a but. Because of all this aura of Cambridge, it has a very high cost of living. One that is 16% higher than average UK. It was very tempting to make a move. But who would want to live in the outskirts of the dazzling city, to live in reflected glory, to just visit the city for work and claim to live there. 

Painful as it might sound, we harboured thoughts of rejecting the offer. Because finally K got an offer from a firm in Leeds! It was ironical. When I had gotten used to the thin thread of limited contact with Leeds, when we were so used to the rustic and sedate life of smaller towns, when we were so sure that Leeds did not want us - K managed to get a job there. After God knows how many attempts of trying to get a job there. The timing could not have been more bizarre. 

Part 3. The implications

There are some things that I believed happened to other people. Like one of the earning members not having a job. I felt I have an adequately cushioned life to not have the scenario. We were both non-risk takers with stable jobs since we graduated. When K was without a job, it seriously seemed temporary. We know a lot of people who are contractors. Being 'between contracts' is a very fashionable thing. There are folks who take extended breaks to see the world! Such was not our fate. We were not proud of K being 'between contracts'. So one impact of our decision was:

1. Social - I had a don't ask don't tell policy. I didn't tell anyone but immediate family. In that too I chose my mother and sister. I didn't even tell Papa. He already has a lot on his plate. Mummy was with us so he would worry all alone. With his blood pressure I didn't want to burden him. He did figure it out eventually when he saw K at home during untimely hours of video call. He knew K clocked longer hours than me and seeing him around in the afternoon did heckle him. It was delicate for him too. Eventually mom broke the news and as expected he had some sleepless nights. I used to reach out to people asking if they knew any openings. It was rare I told them the full story - just that K is looking for a new role. 

K on the other hand is way more extrovert. All his colleagues knew. But he didn't feel bad about it. He sat with people who specialised in aspects of software development to get pointers. He called ex-team mates to get clarifications regarding why they solution ed a certain thing in a certain way. People were helpful. Being someone who connects easily and well with others, most people genuinely wanted to guide and help him. Some applauded his bravery! Which the cynic in me resisted. Bravado doesn't get dinner on the table.

But to each his own. K derived solace in well wishers. I with drew. There were some weird interactions. We had invited some recent acquaintance home and one of them asked K ' so who is your client' K just said the name of his employer. I thought the conversation  might go forward into work domain which might turn out to be awkward. Luckily it didn't. There were quite a few such near misses. It wasn't that we would have lied. But we might have to divulge more than we wanted to to people who didn't know us well enough. We might have received some unsolicited advise which I am K would definitely not have appreciated.

2. The obvious - Financial - The first thing we did when K was out of work was cancel a holiday. We had booked it with a lot of enthusiasm for the kids. It was a visit to Cbeebies land. The kids were at the right age to go for it. Chiyaa was at the threshold where she liked some of the characters  but was getting bored of others. She would outgrow them in 18 months time. Pumpki was falling in love with some while didn't get others. It would be the right time to have them both adequately entertained. Unfortunately this time it was not to be. We decided to save the money since it was close to a month's rent. 

We kept up the essentials like Chiyaa 's swimming and karate which in spite of being on the expensive side we deemed important. What upset me was when I failed my driving licence test the first time. Driving lessons are expensive and so is the test. I postponed buying some real good pillows since they seemed like luxuries. 

Thankfully working was never optional for me. I was somehow raised with a mindset that I should work. So by God's grace my income was enough to support a family. But just support. We couldn't be aspirational. Things like dresses, holidays eating out needed budgeting. I have always rationalised expenses. But for the first time I was doing  so with much greater attention. K took long winded and uncomfortable journeys for interviews instead of taking the costlier and comfortable ones. 

3. Emotional - The emotional implication was expected but took time to kick in. The adrenalin rush of going on an adventure was immense. As reality sunk in I chanced upon K applying as store operator in local super markets or checking for openings in McDonald's. He thought the pay would be enough to take care of a portion of the rent. But I advised against it. I wanted him to concentrate on the job search and only the job search. To train and train for war. It would be draining. Being on some odd job would take his mind off. But that could be  counter productive. 

One day I booked a cab to pick Chiyaa from school. The driver casually remarked that the school was pretty far from our house. I replied that since we were late applicants because of our movement from Leeds to Ipswich, that was the school we got. I also said that generally my husband did the school runs but he was away for a job interview that particular day. I think he  got the drift and filled me in regarding details of driving a cab. Coincidentally he lived in the same apartment complex and gave his home address in case we needed any further information. 

K and I found the thought of driving cabs rather palatable. Since he ended up being self employed. He could drive the days and times he wanted. During lean periods he could study. But we kept that option for a later day. 

As the days progressed, K started stressing out. We quarrelled a bit more. He misunderstood my irritation on innocuous issues like the kids not eating or my inability to get a workout to be because he didn't have a job. In calmer times I tried to convince him that I might be getting angry on any of things but it would be never for him not having a job. 

The days dragged on. We geared for round 2 with a more resplendent resume. One adequately highlighting his new earned skills. 

Part 2. That funny feeling

I know swimming. But I am not a great swimmer. So even after nearly 10 years I sometimes go through a "near drown experience". Not coming up for air at the right time , going through the slide in the water park and going splash under water, suddenly getting a sneeze in chlorinated water - the scenarios are oh so many to go through NDE. Its a funny feeling to be honest. I am scared. Oh my the  sensation of having your airways blocked with water, the feeling of going down - it's terrifying. I feel as if you are going to die. A very unpleasant death. A death people around the pool will laugh about. But I  have belief too. 'Come on, I know swimming. I am not going to drown in a pool of 8 feet water!!' And I kick. I flail my arms. I try to bring the head up. I try to remember the stroke I know best and do it. I know I can do it. I surface. I gag  and reach the other side. I are embarrassed but hey I survived. 

It was nearly the same feeling when K lost his job. It was a petrifying. What if we went under. What if he didn't get a job. What if he got depressed? Were we ready to cope? He had tried to move out of the organisation before but it hadn't worked. He had tried to change to the technical track before but had not felt comfortable. What if history repeated? But then hope kicked in. Come on he had over a decade's experience and nearly 7 years in the U.K. He had the brain. If he gave his heart and soul and studied, he would crack it. As they say" if you really wish for something the whole universe conspires to get it for you". We were about to give the conspiracy a chance. 

K started studying. Baby steps first. It was frustrating. Technology changes way fast. He felt challenged. There is little that burning the mid night oil cannot achieve. Slowly things started making sense and the big bad world of client side coding made sense. He was up till 3 in the morning debugging his projects. As his confidence grew, he put his resume up in the job portals. He started getting calls. Some were rigorous. Some old school interviewers literally took a class on software development. Some were frivolous. He had a 1.5 hour telephonic just to get the following feedback: "we found him not serious about relocating to Exeter. For him any job will do at the moment and this is not a display of adequate seriousness for the job". Someone who does not have a job would have really done with any job. We did not get why the interviewer was so high strung about the place. Anyway all we could do was move on. 

A month and a half on - the hours of study made it possible to attach technical skills to the resume. The frequency of telephonic interviews increased. He was a busy man with nearly 3 interviews every day. The conversion rate to face to face increased. He had an entire week lined up with interviews. He had to literally travel the length and breadth of the country. One day he had a 7 hour travel one way to attend an interview. He came back around 2200. Only to start the next day at 0600 on a four hour long journey. 

Every interview gave us hope. It wouldn't be long till all fell into place. Each interview made us stronger for we definitely learnt something. But every single interview turned out be a failure. 

Part 1. Quitting

During the Easter  holidays we had gone out of town. We had a fantastic time with Mil and the kids. We came back rested and rejuvenated. Within a couple of hours of reaching home on Easter Monday K got a call from his boss stating that he was being released from his current assignment. There were budgetary constraints which were the driving factor for the same. Just as we were getting tiny roots, and felt adequately settled with schools, extra curricular and the people around, there seemed yet another movement round the corner. One must do what one must do. So K started looking for opportunities. 

With the recessionary trend in financial markets and Brexit, projects were scanty. The organisation was also at its most unhelpful best. The top  bosses wanted him to make a move  back to India. Even K felt jilted for being treated as a mere resource after 13 years of service. But that is the dog eat dog corporate world. Rather being pushed to do something that was expected of him, for the first time we took a risk. 

K quit his job. He decided to change tracks too - to go back to the technical line from the management one he was on. I was elated.. It was a big risk. He was to come back to the ring after 8 years. None the less it  was a risk worth taking. 

30th May. K was officially out of work.

Assorted news?

See what I did there with the title? I have no idea what I am going to write. But my head is bubbling. There is quite a lot going on. So this will be a very jarring post.

Summer hols are drawing to a close. Yes we are nearing the end of 6 weeks of no school. You know how they say the average parent gets 5 hours less sleep? ( Less sleep than who? Non parents? What defines an average parent- one with 2 kids, with 4, what age of kids? Well no one questions these aspects. We gladly wallow in self pity boo hoo look at us surviving with less sleep)  I had warned you this was going to be an incoherent post.....Coming back. The average parent according to me handles childcare responsibilities. They are not easy. Kids can be nerve wrecking. They have too much energy, are very inquisitive  and can survive a very active day with very little food. All the good qualities ideally the parent should have. God - your sense of irony is amaze! So well we had 6 weeks of a child in her activated state who could oh so easily super charge her sibling. And trying to work with not one but two kids around - that is like driving with your eyes closed. You have no idea what will hit you. So we had a topsy-turvy routine at home. I took a couple of weeks off work and it was such a pleasure hanging out with the girls! We do relive our childhood through our kids.

But I got another chance to relive my childhood. The other day I had to travel to Leeds. I am a seasoned traveller now but..... Travelling still gives me the hebbie jeebies. To take my mind off I painstakingly decide the attire. That day I even had a new handbag. I also tried a new cream I got as a sample from one of the stores which would  make my skin radiant all day long! Not sure about radiance I sure was a bit sweaty by the time I reached the station at 0540. Is that what they meant by radiance? I was greeted by a notice stating that essential maintenance work had resulted in my regular service being disrupted. So for my northwards journey I would need to go south and resume upwards. I had to spend 8 hours in train both ways to account for 7 hours of work. But I am 'supposed' to travel to Leeds at least once a month. Hmm..... Decision time. It is these sort of decisions that make up life don't they. And I decided to strut right home with my radiant face. And when I reached home to my shocked mom ( did I tell you she was around? More about that in a later post) and a very pleasantly surprised Chiyaa all I was reminded of was the rainy days in school. Remember being all dressed up for school when it would be pouring all sorts of canines and felines. And then the announcement of school being  closed! It used to make my day! Like Sia I love cheap thrills. And do you know what would be the first thing I would do once we got back home? Eat my lunch! And can you guess what was the first thing I did on coming home from the station that day? I slept an additional hour! The average parent in me was having one hellova ride !

It is these small decisions that make up life. Give the small joys or cause the minor pains. And we took one such decision a few months back. But seeing the clock has moved past midnight let me make the decision to hit snooze on my train of thoughts. I have a couple of un- snoozable alarms;) more on the  decision in the next post.

Surviving day1

I was torn between priorities. I could keep browsing aimlessly. I could read an amazing book - The tie that Binds, yet another master piece by an author who has captured my imagination, Kent Haruf. For people who might not have heard about him, he writes dramas set in the 1950s America. There is no indication of the time line, I am taking a guess with the picture he paints. And he writes beautifully. Beautiful literature. Simple characters with minor convolutions in their lives making each day a little bit harder or easier as the case may be. His stories are beautiful.... I am at a loss for words(mind you that is not something that happens often) OK coming back. I could read this book. Or I could watch the movie Hindi Medium which has become available to be streamed ;) Or I could actually get a bit more productive and write something which would give a vent to the thoughts knocking my eardrums.

So. Let me write. 

Yesterday was an epic day. Oh well SRK wasn't waking in the town centre oh no. Yesterday Chiyaa 's term got over. She started her summer vacations. A year ago, it was such anxiety. Which school would she get a place in and what not. Within the blink of an eye (cliché I know) a year has gone past. When I went to collect her yesterday, some scenes were quite emotional. There were a few kids changing schools ( it's preferably done at end of terms) and they were giving gifts and thank you notes to the teachers. There were pics being taken. I am not a pics person. Well I am more than K but  way less than the average Facebook-er. So I shied away from that. I saw everyone carrying a thick class works notebook. And Chiyaa didn't have hers. She said 'it's gone to the photocopier'.  I didn't believe it. She has a tendency to throw jargons at me. I went to her class teacher and gingerly asked ' V didn't get her book'. She said ' oh her learning journey? (That's what the thick book was called) I have kept it to photocopy. It is just brilliant with you interactions  and I want to keep it as a sample. She is a super star!' I felt proud of course. Happy too. Puzzled as well, God knows how they went through their learning journey? I know the Indian way not the British one.  And I stood facing my first summer vacation.

Couldn't help remembering my last. Yeah the one in 2001, end of first year engineering. I remember packing my bags in hostel and a fellow dorm mate  come up and say - enjoy your last summer vacation. I was perplexed. She read my mind and replied ' next year would be summer training, the next internship and by the end of the 4th year we would be pass outs hopefully in a job. So the last summer vacation.' Boy did that sound depressing. Ironically one did hope for it  - hoped for a good summer training, a good internship and of course a job hence to be seated 9-5 at a desk. Imagine one wished for depression . But the world is not so dank. Work is fun when one rationalises. 

I have been prepping for the summers since a long time. If I can prep for 5 days break and manage a routine, think about my readiness for 6 weeks. I even have this stuck on my wall. We will plan one day at a time expect for the ones already pencilled in. 

Day1 has been good thus far. We have gotten creative and made this.

Chiyaa was hyper for a bit but no scolding or tears touch wood. Well hoping for a more filled up calendar, more works to show off and wonderful summer holidays!

An utterly random post

Disclaimer : This post might not have any semblance of continuity 

A few days back I posted a pic of a cake. A school friend of mine asked if it had been baked by me. I replied 'not in this life'. To which she said ' Yes this life is for reading books and writing'. Which made me think reading is ok, but it's been eons since I wrote anything. So much is happening all around me and my blog is still stuck in the 'towel' post. 

Sticking to towels and swimming, I have started attending classes in the gym. As the public announcement system in the gym says' Group exercises are focused training sessions to energetic music which will give you a much better workout'. I tried one for the heck of it. I chose a female instructor ( God knows why as if a male instructor is going to make me the chosen disciple in the throng of 30 odd gym bodies who really have bodies I think can only be achieved surgically. Seriously I wonder kis chakki ka aata khate hain yeah log? Anyways they might have the unfair advantage of high metabolism, superb genes or might be very bad cooks. Who cares. I got to do what I got to do and try to squeeeeeeeeeeeze into those pre-second-pregnancy clothes. I have not made much progress towards those goals. Ok so coming back to the classes. I took the first one. LBT ahem legs, bums and tums. I loved it. Body sculpt followed soon. Bodypump took some self coaxing but I loved lifting a barbell. I weigh the same, look the same. But I definitely feel better after the classes. I feel entitled to the cake, the cup of Tiramisu and ice cream. I also feel better during the class. I don't dance in public. Wouldn't dance even if thakur from Sholay asked. In the class I let loose. I do the kicks, the burpees, the deadlifts as if no one is watching. My ultimate favourite is the body combat class set to the principles of karate, muay thai, kick boxing and boxing. The punches, elbow jabs, knee jabs, axe kicks are therapeutic. The most liberating is a sequence which feels like the traimer is  making us pulverise an enemy. Two conclusions from the session

1. I totally understand role play gamers. 

2. I believe I am very passive aggressive.

Another aspect which has dominated life has been work. I have been through a cycle of 'assessments and selections' which is a fancy term for cut backs. I managed to keep my job. Phew! We have lost a lot of people in our department. Some voluntarily some compulsorily. Many close friends and peers who were colleagues are now ex-colleagues. With a thinning layer at actual office, my remote working arrangement does not seem so odd now. As I might have mentioned in my previous posts I mostly work remotely, again fancy term for I mostly work from home. Earlier this seemed like a favour from my bosses. But when work kicked in, it seemed harder. It requires a different discipline to constantly work from home. My OCD helps in forcing me to log in, log out and have lunch exactly at 0815, 1630 and 1300 respectively. Pumpki was being minded by Mil at home. The urge to rush into the other room at her slightest cry, the wish to swoop her into my arms at the sound of her cooing and many such instincts got suppressed over time. 

Time has flown. Since the time I set my out of office for being on maternity leave to being through a cycle of assessments and selections to having completed a mid year performance review. 

The weather has improved and everything seems sunny and bright. There are uncertainties looming but hey might as well enjoyed the sunshine.