Deja vu

Disclaimer: Once again a pretty personal post and more for my record keeping. Spinsters and people with no kids yet please look away. Seriously DO NOT READ FURTHER.

Did not expect to be back so soon, but I guess having mom and some experience is making some difference. 

K and I welcomed our second daughter last Monday. I had a more or less uneventful pregnancy except for being diagnosed with gestational diabetes in the third trimester. Since it could  have an impact on the growth of the baby, I was given a date to be induced into labour if things did not materialise naturally. I kept hoping and praying that nature would take its course. After having a section for Chiyaa I wanted a more natural procedure this time. A week before the scheduled induction  I was a nervous wreck. My mom was confident things would proceed to the best outcomes. I was not very open to share my fears with her because I did not want her to feel worried about me. K was in his own world where he thought 'the baby and would come out like a banana ' ( mind you those were his exact words!) I used to lay sleepless at night thinking and crying. I was an emotional wreck. Roomie dear 's words were some consolation. Having had a baby through induction she said the experience was 'mesmerising'. I hoped I had similar words at the end of the procedure. 

The day arrived. A nice sunny day. Not a day meant to be induced into labour but a perfect day for taking a walk and window shopping. We went to the designated ward and were told to wait. While we waited I read a novel while K browsed. We must have looked like the ultimately relaxed  couple,  but I for one had serious butterflies in my stomach. Finally at noon I got the stuff to get the induction started.

Within 20 mins I started feeling uneasy.  K and I went for a walk downstairs. I thought it was just the sensation of something alien in my body. But even a stroll of 20 mins seemed arduous. We returned  to the room. I asked the midwife if things were progressing or all of it was my imagination. The midwife said things were definitely progressing. Around 1800 I asked for my first pain killers. I could take one every 4 hours. I took another at 2200. K said I was like one of the characters of Breaking  Bad  looking for my drugs fix ;). We spent the time watching House on Netflix  :) Thank God for technology! I also walked around the room listening to music. At 2300 the midwife did an examination. I was having regular contractions but was not in established labour nor had my waters broken. She decided to take me off the induction hormones to stabilise the body and see if things progressed naturally. She advised me to get some rest. She dimmed the lights and I got a fitful and painful couple of hours of sleep. Poor K tried sleeping stretched on the chairs, putting some makeshift stuff on the floor and even sitting beside me on the bed. The night shift midwife was very diligent coming every 30 mins and checking me. Through my groggy sleep i could see her looking at me and checking the intensity of contractions. At 0200 the doctor was supposed to see me and give the next course of action since my body was not getting into established labour on its own. Apparently there were quite a few  emergency and surgery cases, that we finally got seen by the doc at 0500! He concluded that the only way to progress was to  restart the induction hormones. By 0700 I was back to square one - experiencing contractions but not in established labour neither  had my waters broken nor were they in the position to be broken artificially. 0730 saw the change of yet another shift and I saw the third midwife! As this midwife was being transitioned by the night shift one, the latter mentioned - 'this is a typical deja vu. Last time she was induced at term +2, this time at term +3 (which had become 4 by now), her body does not seem to be adjusting too well to the propess(the induction hormone carrying device) She had fetal distress the last time, so had emergency cesearian. We might be going the same route this time.' The morning shift mid wife mentioned -' it might be better to go the surgery route.' The night shift lady bid good bye saying, 'we are eventually going to have this baby '

The new midwife thought it was a good idea to get the view of the doctor. The doctor came in and was of the opinion that the induction drugs remained  for 24 more hours. Once he had left the midwife came close to me and said 'you do not have to listen to him just because he is a doctor. You can choose what you want to do.' K found this move of hers utterly manipulative. She seemed to be in a rush to him. But then K and I gave it a thought. Was it worth it being in pain for the next 24 hours and still being in the same situation. What if we were to go into surgery anyways tomorrow because of the induction not working? We agreed it was a bit of an irony that we went through all the trouble for a normal procedure and inspite of all the pain had to opt for the additional risk and pain of surgery. But then it was better to take a call sooner rather than later. The words of a friend rang ' there is no medal for enduring pain!' With that being the cornerstone of our argument, we decided to go for a section again. 

At 1202 I saw little Shambhavi in K's arms. I remember one of the apps I was using during pregnancy having a section ' what are you going to miss about being pregnant. And I in my logical pregnant self had thought nothing - nothing at all!)  I will never be pregnant again (we definitely don't want to birth more kids) Despite all the inconveniences of pregnancy I will not feel the flutter of movement in my tummy ever again, I will never feel the excitement of what the stork is going to hand, I will never wait with trepidation for a date. I will never have a chance at a normal delivery. I never understood women who had a section and used to feel they have been bereft of something. Again my super logical self used to think, as long as mom and child are healthy, the how should not matter. But it does. 

Well all of it is water under the bridge. As my body recovers,my mind has to accept the realities as well. I could play through a lot of if -then -else scenarios. As of now I am ever grateful for the newest addition who has made our family complete. I certainly stand by Vidya Balan 's dialogue in the movie Paa - everyone should be a mother once.