Monday, December 10, 2018

A speedy recovery

It has been a week. I can say that though I miss his presence, I am not crestfallen. In a nutshell, I feel normal.

The day he started it was a crazy busy day. I came in to work. I had to rush back to Chiyaa’s school for a meeting with her headteacher around mid day. Then at the end of the work day I had to leave Leeds to goto Oxford for a training. It was  a very hectic and jam packed day. The impending travel did not help me get over my emotions regarding Papa’s departure. I would have loved to mull over and think about the time spent with him. But I was going through the motions of the day in a rather robotic fashion. As I said in my post a week ago, I just felt numb. 

My training was slated till lunch time. I thought I would take a train around 1300 and manage to reach home by 1800. That way I would be with the kids before they went to bed. Yes! It was the first time I was away  from the kids for a night! Even when I used to travel to Leeds from Ipswich, I would make the grueling journey back the same day so that they did not sleep without me. But for this particular journey, the timings of the trains were very weird. Mummy was confident that she could handle them. She  was also insistent that I need not take unearthly train times just to be with the kids. It was important that I rested and had a relaxed journey. Well as relaxed as I could have while thinking about things back home! It did not help that I had to go to an unknown place and face unknown people. My manager had very kindly agreed to accompany me. She did not need to, but she decided to come along on the 4 hour long journey just to keep me company. Since my manager was coming along, the HR rep, who sits in the office in Oxford, decided to keep a meeting with all of us in the afternoon from 3-4. The meeting invite came close to the time I was about to log off. I checked with my manager as to what would I do during the gap from the training to the meeting. She assured that there would be plenty to get on with. In spite of that, I somehow felt very shattered that I would be late to return home. And I felt shattered that papa had gone back. I rushed to the rest room and cried out. I cried till there were  no more tears left. I needed  it. 

We started off to the station. On  the way there a problem in the rail network. We had to get down and get the subsequent train which was an hour later. There were further delays and reschedules. We finally reached our destination 1.5 hours later than scheduled! 

I was checking on the kids. They were fine ( or so was reported.) Chiyaa had a rare treat of watching a movie on a week night. Pumpki was kind enough to sleep off early. So it seemed relatively peaceful. The training went good. I was graced with the wonderful presence of my manager who was lovely  company. There was never a dull moment with her. And I never felt awkward of inhibited either that I was with my boss. She was just a normal person having everyday conversations with another person. The return was uneventful though delayed. Since I had clocked close to 10 hours in travel, I was due for some time off. During the return journey , she kindly mentioned that I would be totally ok to take the Friday off if I wanted to. And I am not the one to say no to time off :D 

Once I was back home I was given the real low down on how the kids had been. While I was away at Oxford, the kids had behaved relatively well, though Pumpki had thrown some tantrum at night. She wanted MUMMY! And was demanding that I come :D Poor dear, she did not now mummy was away – far far away. Know what, at times during the journey I felt so exasperated. I was going really far from home and with the delays and railways issues, I felt so stuck. I could not go ahead or return. I was just stuck. And I imagined myself on the map of England being really really far from home. I am quite a visalisations person. Same reason I love seeing the flight itinerary when we travel. As I was travelling papa was travelling too. I kept checking the live flight updates. I could sense him slowly go farther and farther from me – geographically at least. He had reached safely and had spoken  with the kids. The kids unfortunately could not fathom what was up. Chiyaa understood  that he was in  India, but she  was too busy with her school and extra curricular activities to fully appreciate what was happening. . Pumpki was a bit clueless. But it seems whenever there was a knock, she used to say its Ajaa. Since she had not gone to her regular day care session, her routine was not the same as every other day. So she did not feel the difference of the absence of her grandpa. 

But time heals. Time moves on. As Roomie dear said, if I read the last post when papa is here next time, I would realise how fast time has gone. In fact reading it today makes me realise that a week has gone. I had the Friday off and mummy and I had plans to just venture out and clear our heads. We had had quite stressful couple of days. We had a simple meal of burger and milk shake which she enjoyed a lot! (She has very low demands!) . The weekend passed with the kids and here I am having survived yet another Monday. 

Time heals and I have recovered. A part of me misses papa , as will always.

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