Step 2: first day at home

 The girls are here in Chennai after a span of nearly 6 years. There is not much that they remember about their home. 

It was the dead of the night that we reached Chennai. K was there to receive us. Once we reached home, we unpacked our change of clothes. I went off to relax while the girls got busy with their paati. They were finding it a bit hard to get to sleep, so amma took them over for a stroll around the apartments. They were surprised to see the number of stray cats and dogs! Once walk done, they were a bit peckish and went on to have a quick breakfast of some cereal. The UK sleep cycle eventually kicked in and they drifted off to sleep. 

K and I after we were refreshed ventured to get some shopping done. Primary among them was some utensils and pressure cooker. Shopping done, we came home and had a gorgeous home cooked lunch. Living 3 mins away from the beach mandates an evening trip to the beach. That's where we proceeded. The girls just loved it to the hilt. They were surprised by the warmth of the water. And since the water was warm there was no end to the time they could spend!  

But we had to draw them out around 1900 to wrap up soon, for next day we were off to Bangalore!

Step 1: the onwards journey

When we travelled the first time from UK to India, it was with a 5 month old Chiyaa. She was a naughty raucous baby who had to be transferred from the baby bassinet to our arms intermittently. I had a few moments of calm when she slept off and I could enjoy my meal in peace. As I sat waiting for her next demand, I saw two ladies who were watching movies with subtitles on. I was reading the text and watching them sip their gin and tonic and having a 'pleasant' journey. I thought what a fry cry from my dishevelled state was their journey.

It does not take long for time to turn around. This time when I was travelling to India, I had a 7 year old and 11 year old in tow. I had some worries, but I was amazed by how smooth it was (touchwood) The formalities at the airport were done smoothly. I had come well prepared with food for them. So we took the time to recharge ourselves. Once we boarded the girls just busied themselves on games provided in the flight console. They needed the slightest bit of nudge to take a nap or to have their food. I managed to watch 1.5 movie in the flight and was pretty much like the ladies 7 years ago.

The flight was surprisingly ahead of schedule. And we managed  to get out quite quickly. And what greeted us was beautiful India! 

The warmth of family

K left for India last Saturday. My parents and Lichie are here with me since. And I must tell this has been the most unique 7 days of my life. And there are 4 more to go before the kids and I start to India. 

I have to do the drops which was K s responsibility. It adds an extra task to the day and makes it a bit more hectic. The bit I dislike the most is bidding them goodbye. Pick ups are a much better task when they come all happy and running telling tales of the day. Once the kids are dropped at school, it's the four of us. A proper throwback to our school days. It is very different. Those days 30 years ago were full of struggle. Both our parents were working, we kids were stressed with school work. Things have taken such a turn now. We are older and have so much to converse with our parents. Along with work there  are cups of tea and random discussions on things like why are pension ages increasing, what is the role of opposition and many many more.

We all go for some sort of exercise, not together but around the same time. It is lovely to come back all refreshed and then relish the delicious lunch mummy makes. She makes the simplest but tastiest stuff. Once the kids are back there is the usual running around after them. We play chess, monopoly,watch some documentary or again just start chatting.

As the days wind down, I can't help but treasure them. By some weird twists and turns God has brought me to this juncture which I never thought was imaginable. I am with my most favourite people. 

Not all gloom and doom

 My last post had roomie dear quite worried. Yes things are going a bit awry, but there are always silver linings. Even when it snows! This winter, we did not have any snow.  There were cold snaps, there were Arctic winds, but no  snow. Till finally in March, while we are in cusp of spring, it snowed. Again, Arctic winds were blamed for the phenomenon. But who cares about the why. We are concerned with the what to do with it. :) 

We have recently got a sleeping bag. Our intention is to probably camp in the garden in the summers. But well who has seen summer when its snowing in March :D So we offered the girls if they want to be warm and cosy in the sleeping bag on the floor of our room. Such excitement among the lil ones at the idea of trying something different. We 4 were all cosied up like a family of hedgehogs with the heating on in full blast. We had a truly tropical environment going on over there :D

The next day, the school closed at 1345 because of bad weather. The girls were over the moon! Who doesn't like a shorter work day :D They came in, had mug fulls of hot chocolate and then it was TV first before anything. After the extra screen time, it was back to the usual rigmarole of wrapping up for the day.

But we woke up to a ton of good news! There was a lot of snow and the school was closed due to bad weather. The kids as expected got ready in their thickest coats and got playing on the snow :) It was all going too well, till there was a fight regarding the snow man. All went down hill from there. Kids were bickering, crying and since K and I had to work, we were joining in with shouting as well. Not good. But I had a back up. We decided to goto my sister's place! (Not sure if I mentioned but she has a place of her own in Leeds and my annoying parents are with her :D ) So without further ado, we went to her place. It was a surprise and what a pleasant surprise it was! It was wonderful again to work in the sunny confines of her home with the sunny vibes of family cheering up a really cold day. Small joys, small wins :) 

Not going well

 This year has not been going great so far. There are far too many issues on the home and work front that keep me quite anxious. They are not earth shattering or life altering things, but just constant, persistent issues and scenarios that make me unhappy. I get head aches. Once awake at night, I find it difficult to get back to sleep. I was talking to a friend and she said, the added pressure to be resilient is not good. So take the chance to be vulnerable. Not sure what might be the right drift of things. Hopefully things pan out better 🤞

Reach for help

 I pride myself in being an upbeat,optimistic person. I tend to find solutions or distractions out of problems. 

But for the past few days I was just sad. There was an all permeating sense of grief. The usual methods of making myself feel better were not working. Nothing felt good at all. I didn't feel like exercising or listening to music. The tears were relentless.

I took the day off sick. I could have tried harder, but I realised that it was just not done. I took the time off. I chatted with a dear friend and felt much better for sure. I knew my job wasn't making me any happier so I went ahead and applied for another. I know it was perhaps a rash move, but it was something I wanted to do. Then I exercised a bit and definitely felt better.

I am so glad that we live in  a day and age where mental health is given importance. I feel blessed that I was able to book the time to step away from work and the demands of it. I feel blessed that I have the support system of a small but sturdy network of friends and family. 

But I also wish that everyone is able to avail it. The small joy of having someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on. There I am sure ample avenues to talk to someone when in need, someone outside the network of friends and family. If anyone reading this, feels the need to talk to me, please feel free. The feeling of acute sadness, when nothing feels nice and one seems to lack the energy to do the basic tasks can be quite debilitating. There need not be a concrete reason for it or there can be a mixture of many. It is not a pleasant feeling to silently sit and suffer. I hope everyone realises when they are in need of a good talk, when they are in need of a mental break. And I hope everyone who is dealing  with it, a speedy recovery. 

Parents are annoying indeed!

 You remember when I wrote about my super duper annoying parents? Well they have proven to be more so with the passing years. 

My sister had gone to India to visit them during the Christmas vacations. During one of the video calls, I mentioned that it had been nearly years since I had mutton curry and had in fact forgotten the taste of it. Not that I am a bit mutton eater or even a non veg eater for that matter. 

But it was something my parents registered. The day before my sister was to start, Papa got the best mutton he could find. Mummy sweated for hours to make her signature curry. They froze it so that it remained fresh for the more than 24 hours it had to spend in different modes of transport to cross continents. And finally I had a taste of mummy made most deletable mutton curry ever! Every spoon tasted of love and concern and the undying commitment my parents have for their kids. In our younger days they did their bit of guiding and scolding. But now that we are adults, when they pamper us with these small but super meaningful gestures, it feels like divinity itself. No one spoils an adult like their parents!!