Reflecting

31/12. Used to be a special day. It's still special but not cos it's the end of the year. But because I have the wonderful circle of family around.

 Last year it was only mummy who was with me. This time luckily I have papa too! The children have had their annual bout of severe cough, cold and fever. K was not spared either. He had a viral infection a month ago. Somehow his immunity was not upto the mark and he had another week of sickness. He was in fact so weak that one day he collapsed with a blackout. The Christmas holidays helped him recover. There was opportunity to rest which has enabled him to be spruced up for welcoming the new year. Mummy though not 100 percent, is on her way to recovery after her sickness too. 

Just a month ago we were all by ourselves. Making do with a rhythm. The kids are definitely grown up and are participating in a lot of activities. They are also much more compliant and adhere to instructions. Though the occasional meltdown occurs too :) That made K endure a 4 weeks of summer vacation with the kids. He is one who is terrified of the idea of managing both of them. But even he could sense a better fabric of discipline. It was much easier manoeuvre them at home and even outside. We made a trip to Lisbon which was our first Europe trip as a family and it was very fulfilling and fun filled . 

This year has been a year of growing. The children are growing as if evident in their bond for each other, in their awareness of the world around and in their enhanced knowledge and influence. It also brought in the 4th birthday of Pumpki which heralds her karate lessons and next stage in swimming. She is also going to school next year! Chiyaa also moved on to the next key stage at school which drove home the seriousness of studying. Growing is synonymous  to aging especially for us adults. I could definitely find a reduced metabolism, thinning hairline, the more prominent greys and other tell tale signs of approaching middle age. But it also helped K and I find a passion in running  and karate. As we are growing, so are our parents. And I can see them go down in an accelerated pace. They are loosing their health and stamina. Though they try to keep up and keep going, I can see their health taking a toll. 

As we stand on the threshold of a new year,I hope our parents have the health and agility for their stay on this planet. I hope we have passions and interests to keep us alive and we are ever connected with the younger generation - physically, emotionally and intellectually. I hope the new generation keeps enhancing their already heightened morality, intelligence and superior sense of duty. I hope the next year brings forth new challenges and accomplishments. Wishing everyone who passes by a very happy new year. 

Figured it out!

I do not promote myths, I do not burst bubbles either. So if anyone asks me 'Is Santa real' I will say 'Hmm... I don't think so.. But I am not sure ' ;) You get the flow? And by anyone her I mean my kids of course :) Since I am not one to promote myths I never take my kids to ' Santa's grottos' or the like. *rolls eyes* Also I am very miserly when it comes to spending money in such places. I rather eat something for the same buck.

Luckily for me my kids never posed the question. Chiyaa never bothered much with Santa in her nursery years. In her last year at nursery in fact she was scared of him! When there was a Santa event in school, I think in year 2, she came home and said 'Mr Reed is Santa!' I applauded her for figuring it out :D 

One time Chiyaa mentioned to Pumpki that there was no Santa and mummy buys the gifts. I am not sure whether Pumpki registered that comment. But when Santa came visiting to her nursery she was perplexed. She asked me' Is it Christmas today?' I had to confess that it wasn't. Then she went ballistic ' THEN WHY DID HE COME TODAY AND WHY DID HE GET ME THE WRONG GIFT OF A BOOK WHEN I WANTED A JUNGLE?' I mildly said that 'He comes to nursery early maybe, and let's hope he doesn't mess up your gift on real Christmas day '. She was pacified by it, but I think in her heart Santa lost his charm :D 

But I must give kudos to her clever deduction!On her birthday what better way to pay tribute to her than by writing about her logical mind. 

Not meant to be

Papa mummy landed on the 10^th of December. It was a carefully planned trip, one which was decided a year ago. Generally I feel we are unsure of what is going to happen the next day, and papa planned to come back in a year’s time. The winter months are treacherous. They are the season of sickness and flu and terrible mobility limiting cold. But mummy is always gung ho to come and support us in the winter months. And papa wanted to be a part of most events in the family. Chiyaa, Pumpki and I are winter born. K’s and my wedding anniversary is in January while papa, mummy’s wedding anniversary is in February making the winter packed with a load of celebration. The decision materialized and they made the trip.

My parents are quite confident and comfortable around the house. So K and I were quite ok with not taking a day off when they arrived. We also could not work from home, since the home broad band had gone out of order. I waited the morning for them to come in. As soon as they reached, I handed the keys, gave a brief refresher of gas switches, heaters, water etc and bolted out. I spent the entire day wondering how they were doing. I totally forgot to mention that we had a phone with a pre-paid connection ready for them. I finished work a bit early since I wanted to be with them ASAP. I reached home, envisioning mummy opening the door, offering me tea and sitting down for a chat. But when I reached a very different scene stood. Papa came crying and said, mummy is not well. I went and saw mummy lying on the bed holding her head. She kept saying she felt very ill. Her stomach and head hurt a lot. Her look took the breath out of me. She looked so ill and so unwell. I was not sure what to do. The medical facilities in the UK are supremely complicated. I was not certain what I should be doing. So I gave her some over the counter pain killers and asked her to get some sleep. It was very distressing seeing her in so much pain. Their travel is especially convoluted where they have to take a flight from Bhubaneswar to a major city, then spend close to 12 hours for their next international flight. Mummy did complain that she did not sleep a wink in her flight. This compounded with aircraft and airport food, would have a crippling effect on health, especially given their age. We hoped that pain killers and some antacids would help her recover. We gave one night for her to improve. 

Day2 Papa finally said that she needed medical attention.  She had not eaten a morsel of food. It was very unlike her who throws herself into action. The kids waited on her, coming to her bed and checking her. I am sure, she would have hurled herself at them and hugged them. But she was so severely unwell that she did not rouse herself. I made a lot of calls and found the best course of action to undertake. I managed to get a walk in appointment. Mummy was finally seen by a doctor after a wait of 1.5 hours. The doctor recommended medicines for an infection. It was my birthday, not a day I thought I would spend at the hospital. I had hoped for a big cake, dinner at a new place and long chats with mummy and papa. Things have a way of getting messed up. Atleast I was happy that mummy got the medical attention without the fuss we had anticipated.

The birthday celebrations were subdued. I got some cake for the kids. We decided to order some food, but the order got cancelled due to some technical glitch. It was as if things were not meant to be. In a days’ time, we were throwing a party for Pumpki’s 4^th birthday. We hoped that mummy would be ok to attend that. Friday she showed remarkable progress and started coming and helping. She had to be scolded by me to take things slow.

Mummy did attend Pumpki’s party and it was a lovely feeling to have them around. But her sickness made me feel how vulnerable my parents can be when it comes to health. I hope God always grants them the health to pursue whatever they want. Amen.

My Man III

This one has a back story. So there is an Indian lady who I am pals with. Her daughter is pals with Chiyaa. The lady is quite the gregarious kinds, who organizes get togethers and days out and what not – mostly with fellow Indian ladies or families. She is kind enough to always inform me and ask me if I would be game to join in. Being my typical unsocial self mostly responds with a no J

So she set up a movie night to watch the Frozen 2 movie. I was ambivalent. I am not into movies and especially not into the Frozen franchise. Also I did not want to spend one evening with people, forcing myself to socialize! I just told K of the event. Then he said he was happy to go for the movie with Chiyaa. We both knew that it would be moms centric gathering with a few fathers joining in. Keeping kids entertained is mostly mom’s job. But K said, he would accompany Chiyaa to the movie. I was amazed. I said he was being so “progressive”. To which his response was “She will have her friend for company. She likes Frozen and can watch the movie. I do not see what is progressive in this.” But I tell you, it is progressive. Most people would not have been able to think of it beyond a moms only gathering. That is all to be honest I saw in it. And I felt it would be odd if K went there as the only dad with a child. I know in this day and age, there is nothing wrong, but some norms are hard to break.

K may fight that progressive is too big a term and he was essentially doing whatever he was doing with least bit of premeditation. But I know him better. The girls are lucky to have a rocking dad like him! The world needs lots more Ks.

My man II

Its school holidays and K is home. This is a week long break out of which 3 days Chiyaa if off for sports club. K has to drop her and pick her up on time and that’s pretty much job done. Since Pumpki is off to daycare as usual, it is some classic "me time" for K.

But yesterday I threw a curve ball at him. I asked him to cook some pasta for Chiyaa and feed her once she was back. He was aghast! He asked me to keep the water and the salt in a pan and keep the measure of the pasta that needed to go in. I rolled my eyes and did the needful. Around 1300 I got a message inquiring, how long did he need to boil the pasta. I replied, till the pasta was cooked. To which there was the follow up questions “How will I know the pasta is cooked”. I was like seriously? I asked him check by piercing a pasta with a fork and eating it to check if it was done. Unbelievable that this was all for pasta and not for launching a missile.

Today the poor man woke up at 0645 in spite of it being a holiday for him. When I asked him the reason, he said, he hadn't had coffee in 2 days! He has black coffee! It needs a teaspoon of coffee in water boiled in a electric kettle poured into a cup. I add a splash of double cream. It again isn't rocket science. But dear K cannot manage it. The foodie cannot cook to save his life :D

A random day off

K and I took last Monday off for admin purposes J. We had some work at the Indian Consulate in a nearby town.

Since it was our day off, we snoozed the alarm. Then woke up with an alarm at 0730! There was exactly 1 hour to hit the road. Two of us split and divided and conquered the morning chores. Chiyaa was quite happy to see mummy hang around. She was also very excited that I was going to drop her. Pumpki on the other hand was the proper drama queen. She knew something was afoot and made a long mopey face and made everything very very hard to do. But, being the assertive parents that we are, we got them packed off to their respective destinations. After that our destination was the consulate. Our job got done quicker than we expected. Score! So we decided to have some breakfast and shop for rugs. We are oh! so getting old! We did not get the rug of choice, but I did manage to find a plant which I bought immediately - much to K's chagrin of course! 

Once back home, we decided to go for a run. Lately us middle aged couple have taken on running. It started with I dragging Chiyaa along. But she is a very reluctant runner. But I wanted to, and I pulled K. When Amma was around, it was our “us” time. Just running quietly J So we went for a massive 8km run while was very tiring but amazing fun. I miss my days with roomie dear and Ashu when I used to go for walks with them. Again just quiet time, when we felt at peace! Some day girls, we will do it again!

Once back from the run, it was time for quick meal prep. We had decided to pick the kids sooner. So no after school club for Chiyaa and early pick for Pumpki. The kids had so much more energy once home which made them so less cranky! But by 1930, they had run out of ideas to engage. They had read their books, had their supper. Chiyaa had done a bit of schoolwork and there was still time for bed. Anyways we decided to have an early night in.

It was the perfect busily relaxing day I could ask for J And today the mayhem of the buses began!!!

The headlines

Social media was flooded with people posing against moortis of Goddess Durga. Starting with Shashti people gave a close insight into their daily life till Dussera. And I lay in pain. Of course part of the pain was emotional since I miss home and whole hoopla of Durga Puja. Yes it’s a bit deal in Odisha (also in Jharkhand, Bihar, Madhya Pradesh, Chattisgarh, Assam – but then). So well, I missed home, being at home, being in that aura of puja. I had plans to go to the local temple. They make a moorti. We went there last year and it was quite a good experience. When we reached, the place was quite deserted and we had a very good darshan. Little did we know, the crowd started making their way at 2000 (when we were making our exit :D :P ) and that’s when all the cameras started clicking :D Being the un-social creature that I am, I definitely was glad at the lucky escape. And part of the pain was physical since I was nursing a big allergy (dunno to what) and had rashes all over my hands and face with a mild fever. I was not the best of puja events, but then..

Talking of un-social, there is another social event in the offing. Yep! Diwali! Another reason for people to meet and hang around. I have a couple of ex-colleagues who are close friends now. I planned to host a Diwali dinner for them. Being non-Indians, a little glimpse into a popular Indian festival – I thought that would be a good idea. But then there is a group of Indian ladies who live in the neighbourhood. I had the “good fortune” of being added to one which consisted of 4 other members. Now one of them is quite gregarious, and she suggested a get-together. Hmm, fine I can deal with 4 more families for a couple of hours. I voted yes. Then someone from the group added someone else, and someone else added someone else! Whoaaa!!! Now the group had more people I didn’t know! Well, my vote immediately turned to NO. But I consulted my friends – who know me, who can feel me J Most said “Go na”. “You might make new friends”, “Kids will enjoy”, “Why not” were the arguments (BTW I asked 4 people, 2 of which were my mom and sis :D ) Then I asked the man – K. His heart was into it, he doesn’t mind socialising. But he knows me, and how much I dread it. So he said, fine say no. Halleluiah!! I politely excused myself. There were a few awkward messages with the 2 people I knew from the group who tried to find out “why” I wasn’t coming. How would I explain fear of crowd?!

But it left me thinking. All the people I asked said yes! Something is wrong with me. I even googled “ I don’t like socialising, is something wrong with me”. Got a load of results!! Mostly dealing with differences between introverts and extroverts. Huh! I have known I am an introvert, since I was 10.

Uh well, that was one bullet dodged. But, all dark clouds come with a silver lining. And yesterday had a beautiful silver one. Buses are an integral part of my life. They take me to and from work. But the buses have been keeping an absolutely horrendous schedule. Absolutely horrendous, delays on top of delays. So yesterday as I left work and reached the bus stop, there were 3 buses waiting. But………. To get to them, I had to go across a pedestrian crossing which was showing a big red stop. I waited. Generally I would dart through, but vehicles kept coming, so I had to keep waiting. Then when I finally reached the stop, all the buses had left!! The next was 10mins away! And given the schedule, it could mean 20, 30 – god knows what. There was no option but to wait. And within the next 2 mins, a bus came. Now since the previous 3 buses had swept through all the commuters. And this bus had just 4 people who didn’t need to get down. It was literally like going in a personal vehicle. In the race my bus came second!!! Woo hoo! Small joys! :D

via GIPHY

Borrowed time

Sunday night I was sleeping next to Chiyaa (yeah we still co-sleep, generally its K with Chiyaa and I with Pumpki). Around 2330 ish she woke me up and said she was not able to go back to sleep. I turned the night light on and gave her a book (yeah I did that :D) and drifted off to sleep myself. I thought she would sleep off, but 30 mins later she was still reading. I asked her to hit the bed, since she had school the next day. She asked me for something to eat (obviously one would be hungry if one wakes up in the middle of the night). I warmed a cup of milk and gave her. Minutes of having it, she needed the toilet! Obviously again. After that she and I snuggled and slept. 2 hours later, she said she wasn’t getting sleep again. I asked her to read again. After sometime, (I am not sure whether she slept in the interim or not, cos I was sleeping J ) she said she felt sick. Hmm… now that was troubling. We went to the toilet and poor child had a big puke. Cleaned up, we tried to sleep. She was definitely feeling better now. (Must have been the restaurant food we had on Saturday, plus my chicken biriyani on Sunday would have added fuel to fire). She slept for a bit, but then complained about not being able to get back to sleep! I asked her what she wanted to do and she said play J Good for her, she has toys handy everywhere. She started playing. It was close to 0400.

By now I had decided that she would not be going to school on Monday.

I told her “You are not going to school tomorrow”

She blinked and said “Will I be all alone?”

I said “Yes, of course”

“But who will take care of me?”

I said “What take care?

Chiyaa replied “I cant cook”

I said “I will leave some cooked food, you just have to eat it”

Chiyaa took a few moments to digest this. I asked “ You will be ok?” She nodded.

She was so cute! (And yes I was mean by messing with her head) I gave her the tightest hug and let her play)

I rang in school on Monday morning. When asked what was wrong with her, I was unprepared for a lie. I replied, she was sick. “Oh that means she has to kept at home for 48 hours to rule out any infection” Darn it!! Now I had to take 2 days leave. Thankfully my company had a policy that allows upto 5 days leave in a year for family emergencies.

And was I glad! I caught up on some books. I played with Chiyaa. We took a 90 minute long walk. We practiced some karate since she has a tournament in 4 weeks’ time. I got to prepare food and be around the house pottering around. I realised just how much time we spend at work! When I came back on Wednesday I also realised how little we add to day to day. When I was at home, I felt a lot would be happening. But then everything seemed the same. It was very kind of everyone to ask about Chiyaa.

It wasn’t for the best of causes but the effect of the two days was very good - some more time with my little one J

Growing up and moving on - again

Note: The again in the title, cos the first post is here :) 

The thought ran through me the other day when I saw a woman carrying her baby in a baby carrier wrap. The child was a few months old and she had a purse and a nappy bag slung over her shoulder. A pretty lady, she looked like a travel system on two legs J and she was doing her job of maneuvering through the market and shops pretty deftly. (Not that I was stalking her or anything, I just noticed :D ) She reminded me of my days. You know how I am not the one for nostalgia and all for moving forward and future looking when things get better and easier. But once in a while I am a normal human who has a wave of reminisce. ;)

My days with Chiyaa, I remember well. I was by myself. She was the only child in the house. Every moment was etched. But Pumpki was different. I had mummy around after she was born, we travelled to India when she was 4 months old and stayed for 3 months. Amma managed to come back once she turned 1 and then did mummy. Our movement from Ipswich to Leeds ended up in her not having a nursery place and hence extended care from grandparents. Now grandparents’ care exists even when parents are home. I have always had someone shadowing me. So with her my memories are blurry. She is also one who changes in a flick. No gradual transition, which makes moments with her more like “blink and you miss it”. I do not remember her learning to walk. She used to “cruise” that is, hold on to sofa, tables and chairs and get up and walk a few steps. One hilarious thing she used to do is, hold on to a stool and put one leg on it (kind of like a stretch ballerinas do). I have umpteen videos of her holding that stretch for longer and longer, then gradually leaving one hand, then the other. And one fine day, after her stretch she put her legs down, and walked a few paces, un-aided. That’s it, from then on, she increased her steps and in a couple of days she was walking! With Chiyaa it was way more gradual – her first steps were noticeable. (I have a recording of it) But Pumpki, no she just walked.

Same was with her weaning. It seemed arduous and quite daunting, but 2 days into our attempt and she was weaned. But she got on to a bottle. She used to have milk at night as well. Sometimes more as a comfort feed when she woke up. Since she is going to turn 4 in December, we tried hard to think of ways to get her off it. Chiyaa was the same and it was quite a struggle to break the habit. We diluted milk with water, then transitioned to only water to have her stop. We were not sure with Pumpki. But 2 weeks ago, she developed a cough. When she woke at night, we insisted she have water. We kept saying “water will stop the cough” to encourage a few sips. After exactly two days of complaining, day 3, she stopped asking for milk. Just like that, the habit is gone. Same goes for her getting off diapers too! She was toilet trained but we put diapers as a precaution for nights. One night, she was fidgety. When I asked if she needed the toilet, she said yes and walked with me. Since then – no night time diapers for her. Same during swimming. She doesn’t need one then either. Same goes for her settling down in nursery. She used to cry and one day she stopped. She used to enjoy her day, but was the quiet one. Someone who did not talk much and the nursery staff had to really struggle to get words from her. They used to ask us to share home videos where they could see her communicate so that there weren’t concerns about her speaking. In fact I read an article on selective mutism and wondered if Pumpki had it. As with everything with her, one day, she started talking a bit more. First to her friends, when an adult was not watching, then to her key person who works most closely with her, then with friends even in and adult’s presence. Now a days I get regular feedback on her being “chatty” and sharing stories and the like! Huh – she is a regular chatterbox now!

She is growing up to be an independent person. She for sure seems to be slipping right out of my hands L

Every holiday is different

I am back. From a holiday. When the alarm went off this morning, my first thought was “Is it Monday already!?”. And Monday it was. Luckily Chiyaa’s school starts tomorrow, which gives us a day to gently “transition” into full on working days.

When the holiday started, I had no plans. We had a few days away in a nearby sea side town. The week leading to the break had the coldest, murkiest weather. Felt like October rather than August. Sea-sides can be notoriously cold. And cold climates do not agree with the kids. I did not want weeks with kids suffering from cough and cold. We were supposed to travel on the Friday. Thursday it was raining cats and dogs all day long. I packed tights, sweaters, boots and light shoes (in case the weather was warm). I was fully prepared for the worst holiday weather. Friday morn as if by magic it was a hot hot hot 24 degrees. The coast was warmer in fact at a tempting 28 degrees!! The sun was shining and though google maps predicted lot of holiday traffic in the motorway, the roads were not a nightmare! I had a wonderful drive for the first half. As we started making progress to the the rural roads, we missed an important turning. But as if God was watching over us, there was a road blockage a few minutes on. Since the traffic was stalled, we were able to quickly turn around and take the right route. We felt blessed, as if the holiday was destined to go well.

It started well. We had a lovely meal once we reached, and watched a few shows that were being performed in the venue. When we got around to wrapping the kids for the night, I realized that in my enthusiasm to pack warm clothes, I had over looked inner wear for Chiyaa. I had not packed a single piece for her!! Disaster! Anyways we planned to go out to a nearby store the next morning (which was not so nearby since we were put up in quite a remote resort). It would take some meaningful time away, but then what needs to be done needs to be done. Pumpki was "the have" with a surplus supply of knickers and the moment she knew of her "have-not" sister, she did not leave a chance to rub it on :D . She pretended to choose which one she was going to wear, and even had a day, evening and night one segregated. The audacity! While she went on with this exercise, much to the chagrin of Chiyaa, I noticed that one of the knickers looked big enough to fit Chiyaa. (Yes! I buy bigger size for the kids, so that I don’t need to run to the stores every 3 months) I asked Chiyaa to try it and it fit! This was Pumpki’s chance to get harassed :D since her stuff was being worn by didi. Karma ;)

We ended up washing and using the 2 and Chiyaa survived! (Thank the shining sun and tower driers again.) Knicker-gate resolved without a longggg trip to the markets. Boo-yah. The good weather held up too. Saturday was warmer than Friday and we spent hours on the private beach. It was idyllic. Sunday was slated to be even higher in temp. We looked forward to a day in the pool, followed by a stroll around the amusement rides and then back to the beach. Till another disaster struck at 0930. The electricity went off. And took water with it. K went to inquire and was informed that it was a town wide issue! Well….this was an issue of massive proportions. Everyone but me needed their bathroom business done ;) and we Indians need water. So with 5 people with pending bathroom business, we were in critical need for water. We started opening taps full throttle like crazy. Every drop was precious. Yes the speed was slow, but then there is always water lurking in the pipes isnt it? We could manage to get 2 bottles filled. K as usual had a light bulb idea. The beach was nearby. (Not really, but for argument’s sake) He recommended we take all available bottles and go to the beach, fill water and come back! You can NEVER take India out of an INDIAN! Spoke like a true bred Hindustani. People across the resort were contemplating their next move. We were smug with a back up plan. Apart from the fetching-water-from-the-beach idea,  K recommended that we make a trip back home sooner if the water/electricity situation did not improve. It was a Sunday and the next day was a holiday, chances that anyone would be around the fix and issue in a remote touristy place was bleak. Well, that was a valid point, though it would be an unceremonious end to the holiday :( 

But then!! Bijli aa gai! And we shouted hurrrraaayyy!! We clapped, we cheered. I was totally reminded of the days of past when the current would go in crucial junctures of cricket matches. In the sweltering heat, tempers would flare. Papa would barely contain expletives. We would pace up and down, and keep a look out for any signs of electricity. The sound of television or the sight of light if it was after evening. If we saw some lucky goon with it, we would fish out if was the generator or the power supply. God forbid if it was power supply - Papa would make frantic calls to electricity department or drive off to the local one - depending on his state of mind. And when the power was restored, the rotating fan, the tube light, the flicker of the television – heaven was right there in the living room. That day in the resort, I felt the same. Wow! Vacations follow a trend but these nuances – they make it.

With electricity back, we were able to get on our “business”. Colon cleansed, the family marched to enjoy a glorious day in the sunshine.

Once back in Leeds, the days with the kids were pure bliss. We went around the city, visited some local farms, played, watched a load of television, coloured a lot of pictures, nursed sore throats and cold congested chests (there is no avoiding them :( ) and essentially had summer vacation.

Tuesday as Chiyaa goes back to school, I hope for the summers again soon J

August again!

Though I had a few thoughts brewing in my head, I kept putting them off. A bit of lethargy and a bit of procrastination. So before August draws to a close, let me put my post up.

August is guess what – yes holiday season! Summer holidays! Before they start I panic. I keep wondering how to keep Chiyaa gainfully engaged for 6 weeks. This is the last year it is only Chiyaa, from next Chumki joins her for her day care ends! (How time flies, that little one will be in school next year!!) So to keep Chiyaa engaged, I enrolled her in a couple of dance sessions and a week of sports.  That took care of 7 days :D There were many many more days.

K was on parental leave the first week of the hols. He did a stellar job of keeping the kids engaged. They would go on walks, collect rubbish from the neighbourhood, go and have lunches and be busy. And in the lean time, when Chiyaa would pick a book, K would engage in some online fighting J For me I did not have the rush of getting Chiyaa dressed and all in the morning, which meant I could have 15 additional minutes of sleep! So much so, even my showers are longer and more relaxing. Also once back, I did not have to scurry away in the car for the pickups. I could have a relaxing cup of coffee and pick Pumpki once it was time. Wow! I think I am getting used to this :D

The roads are scant since many people book holidays thus lessening the traffic. We have purchased many books so every room is littered with a pile. There are toys all over the place – some setups have a strict warning “DO NOT TOUCH” like this 

since the kids intend to resume play any moment. At the mid point of the hols, I can say, I am loving itJ

Bluntly speaking - They are just movies for crying out loud!

I do not understand why movies are being given the importance of a dissertation? When the movie Uri was released, people were agog about it. It felt as if India had won a cricket match against Pakistan! The hype was so much, I was tempted to persuade K to go for the movie in a theatre. ( I am a human after all!)  Thank God, better sense prevailed (my logic was – if I watched Thor Ragnarok on Apple Tv, I should wait for the online version of Uri too) When I finally had the viewing pleasure of the much touted movie boy was I in for a massive disappointment!!!!!!! In the movie kuch bhi ho raha hai! An intern is making a prototype which is the main surveillance device. I wonder if the highly qualified DRDO scientists were on Instagram posting pictures while this intern managed to develop Garud! An officer who was on a desk job is reinstated onto a high profile mission – JUST LIKE THAT! No vetting, no fitness checks nothing.  “Tumhe ek team tayyar karni hai Vihaan” or something to the likes was quoted by the superior officer. Again I think more eligible folks were updating CV on LinkedIn. He goes on to lead a mission which has ridiculous twists and hey! also an helicopter fight thrown in for good measure. The movie was nothing but a feature length chronicle of newspaper snippets and theories proliferating in media.

If one goes through a fine tooth comb and presume it is all factual, there would be serious doubts on the security of armed missions and also the secrecy of armed missions. The surgical strike was a tactical mission and hence a lot of information about it must and should be confidential. It is thus appropriate that a lot of content of the movie was derivative. These thoughts are solely mine. I cannot label that because majority of the people like it, India is a country of jingoists. Or people who did not like it are anti-nationals.  As a movie, if it entertained audiences – it has served its purpose. That is what cinema is. It is a story. It is not a treatise. The screenplay writers are not experts in any field, they are story writers. If the story is not well told, if it fails to entertain audiences, it will not gain traction. That does not mean the movies need analysis under the lenses of patriarchy, feminism and other buzz words.

Given this I am bewildered at the critics and their pseudo intellectualism while analyzing something as temporal as movies! I see the world divided into two when reviewing Kabir Singh – that it reeks of misogyny and many other terms which need me to pick a dictionary. It is a movie! Like it or leave it. It is not an intellectual product. I hated the hugely successful movie Saathiya. I cannot fathom what made the lead character portrayed by Rani Mukherjee marry while in the middle of her doctoral education. There was no resistance from family, there was no rhyme or reason. I would bash that as “insubordination of an offspring”. There was a spew of “obsessive lover” stories in the late nineties like Darr, Agnisakshi, Anjam  and maybe many more. The highly successful movies Hum aapke hain kaun and DDLJ were I feel an epitome of patriarchy (if I speak like the current crop of critics) where the girl wasn’t even asked! We never had critics regurgitating words from a dictionary while reviewing those movies! If given a chance anyone can over analyse anything.

Movies get many things wrong. Pick any biopic and one can see glaring fictionalization to adequately entertain. Dangal would not have been the same without the fictional mirch masala. Movies stereotype blatantly and brutally. Some communities have been the butt of jokes since forever. If its funny it will be irrespective of the accent or the makeup of the person delivering it. Laugh and move on. A movie is a story, not a message – social or political. A movie is a story, not a commentary. It is a personal experience how you take it. If you are inspired, excited, spellbound or had a laugh – good for you. If you are offended, disgusted, disappointed or bored – again your problem, deal with it. There is no need to see either scenarios with glasses of social commentary, evocative discourse or anything remotely intellectual. Intellectualism does not reside in the silver screen. If you want to have deep thoughts and profound discussions – chuck the cinema and pick a book.

Freaky Friday

Friday was the day! I started karate training! Whoop whoop!!!!

I have always been a martial arts enthusiast. In school we were trained for a few classes/months – I don’t remember. What I do remember is practising my moves on Papa at home and giving him a wrist injury! But since then I have always been very very keen on martial arts. (Or maybe before that, because I have loved Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan movies since forever.) I like Karate in particular – for its one of the art forms which relies both on hands and legs (for instance taekwondo relies more on legs) and does not depend on any weapons ( karate means “empty hand”). BTB there is a weapons training in karate, which is the normal moves assisted with weapons . (You can see I have done a fair bit of research – mostly internet driven. So if any of the facts are incorrect, don’t take me to court).

When Chiyaa was born, it was a no brainer that no matter what she would learn karate. Ipswich gave us the first chance. Since she was not yet 4, she was needed to train with an adult which had to be K (since I was tied up with Pumpki) As the days passed, her interest in karate seemed to wane. It was worrying. K commented that since she was in the same class as dad, she did not like the fact that he was praised some times. (Weird I know – but in those classes, they used to make kids compete with adults. A free for all and super duper weird.) K asked me to come along for a class as spectator to encourage her. I did. She was encouraged plenty and did real well. But I was also convinced by the instructor to give the class a go. It was as if I was waiting for the bait. I took the trial class, a class then on and before I knew, I had bought the uniform and all geared up for my Karate journey. (Amma was there, so Pumpki was attended to, I started my classes on a feaibility basis :D )

I am eager about stuff, but don’t take me for a fool. Slowly I realised glaring defects in their mode of teaching (yes I am a die hard critic. I am optimistic but critical – be careful of me) It did not take me long to pull Chiyaa out of the class, research more classes and put her in a awesome Karate coaching club. (I just loved it there). K continued his classes at the old place, but being the one seeking company, his attendance started dwindling. In a timely fashion he got injured during sparring once, and dropped 2-3 classes, which soon turned to stopped attending any classes :D

To ease his guilt, we moved to Leeds. J

I kept searching for karate classes in Leeds. I kept taking Chiyaa for trial classes in a zillion clubs! (Boy was I surprised to find the number of clubs around!) She was enthusiastic about every class. She loved every class. But it was not easy to deceive me ;) Finally after 4 months of scouting we entered the waiting list of a club. Waiting list was step 1. She had to like the trial class(which I was sure she would), I had to like the trial class( which I wasn’t so sure I would) and then we had to get going. Luckily everything fell into place and she was a student of karate again.

On cue K joined the classes too and dad and daughter started progressing. I stood in the sidelines, proud of their gradings, their tournaments, their practice together. I kept waiting for my turn. My idea was, once Pumpki started her training after she was 4, we would rejig our time and I would somehow start attending the classes. To give a bit more detail the classes happen on Tuesdays and Fridays. The under 9s train from 1800-1900, and the main class (over 9 to whatever age is interested) is from 1900-2100. So. Chiyaa would be dropped by me, picked up by me/K and then K would rush to attend his class (we have one car) It is a bit rushed and we are scurrying through Tuesday s and Fridays.

Till a few classes back the sensei said, Chiyaa could attend the main classes since she seems to be mature enough to do so. (Belt wise and demeanor wise J )So dad and daughter started training together and they loved it! This gave K an idea, that I could train one of the days. That way I could start working on my dream! It sounded tempting but I was skeptical – Pumpki, long term feasibility etc etc. K brushed these concerns as excuses! I have no idea why he was so enthusiastic about my training. Think he loves me and could sense I was literally jumping on my feet to start training. Anyways what goes inside a man’s head! After thinking a lot, debating and trying to come up with adverse scenarios I had to give in. There is one unhandled scenario still where Pumpki starts training and has to attend the kid’s class and someone has to bring her back. We have addressed this as of now by working out that the non-class-attending parent would bring her back while the class-attending parent and Chiyaa would take the bus and return home.

Long and short of it – Friday I attended my first proper Karate class (again!) And I oh so loved it!! When I came home, I was exhilarated. It felt awesome. Pumpki was fine at home with K and Amma. It felt nice to see the kids getting independent and I being able to do my things. Now K is looking forward to all of us participating as a team in the tournament next year!! (Boy that should give us some points for cuteness ;) )

Rain rain - do whatever you want to do

It’s a murky day today. Its been raining since I don’t even remember when. It is cold in June. It is the sort of weather that would make you climb under the duvet and not see the world. It is the kind of weather I hate. Or maybe I should say I used to hate.

I am reformed. I am not hating it. I am not loving it either. I am liking it would be close enough. 

I am liking the fact that I don’t have to hunt for a seat on the right hand side of the bus. Let me explain. The sun’s oblique rays scorch the left hand side of the bus i.e the east. It is more of a problem for me since

a. I read a book on my phone and the reflection and glaring rays really bother me.

b. I sit on the top deck of the bus because I like sitting there. The lower deck distracts me, people getting in and out, the activities on the street what not. I am very easily distracted.

So I like the fact that I don’t have to go searching for an appropriate seat.

Also the blanket brightness removes the feeling of the passage of the day. It is the same bright day from 0600 to 2130. Literally. But when rains and the associated clouds come into play, the texture of the day keeps changing. Sometimes it dull, sometimes its dark, sometimes it becomes a teensy bit bright and then rainy. It seems to have a bit more variety. I dont mind that.

It reminds me of home, of Bhubaneswar – of the monsoon. It is nearly monsoon time there. And it reminds me of how much I hated it growing up. And all the stuff we used to do to dry clothes. We Indians are passionate about drying clothes arent we? Something I feel we share with the Brits. Any day the sun shines I see clothes magically appear on the clothes lines. I wonder if people wait for the sun to wash. Or they put clean clothes to wash just because its sunny or they put dry clothes on the clothes line just for laughs. I cannot check, but I remember back in India the passion with which we needed to dry clothes. We used to string wires across rooms – bedroom, dining space – anything goes. And put all the wet clothes there with the fan on in full speed. We hated the “fan dried” clothes. And waited for the rains to stop. We do not face the problem of drying clothes because of the dryer. But there is an inherent dampness in the coats and the shoes. I would prefer it dry, but I don’t mind it.

The place where I live, there is a general misty feeling around. An earlier me would have hated it. This new me finds it poetic! I am alarmed. I asked K if everything is ok with me and he said “It actually is beautiful, why wouldn’t you find it beautiful ?” Point. He can shush me!

I am happy with the changes though. Age has come with some positive changes I would say. I am not grumbling as I stand in the bus stand and the bus is delayed cos of the rains. I am also thankful for the right choice of footwear and outerwear which enables me to be relatively dry (of course this is a skill developed over the years of residence in this country. I have figured out what to wear when :D ) . An earlier me would have worked from home under such inclement weather ;) But I am liking coming to work and sitting in the climate controlled 13^th floor, where my window seat gives me the privilege of looking outside and the murky sky while appreciating the artificial brightness inside (I am not being sarcastic ). 

Working at office is helping me to be more disciplined rather than foraging through the fridge and food cupboard.

The rains are supposed to get worse over the next 2 days. Bring it on. I feel prepared :D  

A letter to my daughters - first of many :)

I had been meaning to write this for a long time, but today I read something which made me feel that I have to write this. This is in no way a complete message and I will keep on adding more (you know how I love expressing my inner most thoughts ;))

Many people have written letters to their offspring, to their past/future selfs. So here I stand going down the same road.

So girls gear up, here is mummy speaking.

1. Be empathetic. It is easier said than done, but try to treat others how you would like to be treated. This will be especially true when you have your own friends circles and cliques. It will be easy to ignore the ones outside the boundary or sitting on the fence. But try to always think, how would you feel if you were them. Not so good maybe, if you were being treated like them. So be nice to people who are different from you.
2. Have a mind of your own. Whenever you read something, hear something – think. Use your own judgement. Use your own moral compass. For instance if you read an article on Brexit, pause and think and weigh the facts. If you are not able to make your mind, read some more, research some more. Find out more and then join the dots. Think aloud your thoughts. You will etch a stand of your own. It is easy to get moved by passionate writers/speakers. Remove the emotion. Use the head not the heart. And the same goes for everything – Brexit, diets, education reforms, anything. Yeah some things cannot be read up. But as you hone your analytical mind on measurable stuff, you will start sub consciously working on the subjective ones. Then if your friends are excluding someone or being mean to someone, you will be cognizant enough to question their actions.
3. Battles for wars. Pick them wisely. Some battles are not worth it. Don’t invest time and effort to just prove a point. Many wars are not worth it either. Don’t wage one just because you can.
4. Accept but don’t settle down. Life will throw many things at you. You will not do well in an exam you studied hard for. You will not win a contest you prepared well for. You will not get a job you gave your right hand for. Your exercise routine will not give you the results you expected. An endeavour wont be successful. Accept them all. But don’t give up or settle down. Don’t think you wont ever do well in exam hence there is no point in studying. Or no point in contesting, preparing, applying for jobs or exercising. You are the work in progress. As you study, prepare, exercise – you get better, you develop life skills. You will become better. There is no judge for that, that is the contest you have with yourself. What did I do better? How did I become better?
5. Read a lot. It is a way to understand the minds of other people. It is a way to delve into cultures and lifestyles. It is a way to give wings to your imagination. It is a way to escape. It is a way to be grounded. It teaches you to count your blessings. It is a trait that enables you to never be bored. If you have a book and if you like the company of a book, trust me you will never be bored. Just like life will throw lots of hardships and disappointments your way, it will also throw lots of opportunities to get bored – state where you are not sure what to do and time stretches like an endless desert – if you have a book you will not endure that unending pain of watching time pass. There will be occasions where you wont be able to read a book – but if you can – you wont know an emotion called boredom. That my kids is a blessing. People get bored in multifarious ways and try to alleviate it with silly stuff  like eating, talking nonsense, watching mindless television. There is nothing better than picking a book and losing yourself. There will be phases where the habit mine wane – an exam, a new job, a change, your own kids. But  always come back to the habit. You will be glad.
6. Write a lot too. If you read, you will write. As you read, you will feel the saplings of ideas and thoughts in your own head. As you write, you will feel as if you have created something. You will feel the logical pathways of your mind. You will analyse your thoughts and emotions better.
7. Believe in God. It just helps. No one has seen God, no one has proved God. But the belief in Him helps. Believe in Him as a doer of good, as a protector, as a friend.

Hope this helps J

The lull

It has been over a month since I blogged. I used to come over to my space once in a while and return without writing anything.. something akin to opening the fridge to eat something, but then seeing nothing that I fancy and returning. The craving to eat something would die eventually. The craving to write would die eventually.

But its been over a month, and I hadnt written a word. I was getting a bit wary that I would become a member of the extinct species of “bloggers”. Bloggers are so few and far between now a days. My few random readers and one diligent reader ;) are busy with their respect upheavals to pay attention to this tiny blur “cherries blogs”.

I also write for myself. I write to commit stuff to memory. I write to give a bearing to my many random thoughts. There have been quite a few, none poignant enough to make me write. Life has been going on at a steady pace. It has been 8 months at my “new” (now not so new) place. I am totally indoctrinated to the pace and style of work here. The kids are done with the “settling down” and have now started to grow. Something like my plants at home. They started young and fragile a year back, and this year, some have outgrown their pots! I had to get bigger size pots for them. Amma is here who takes care of half the work at home and gives me ample time. So much so, I am definitely sleeping more at night, which I judge from the fact that I literally rise and shine in the morning.

Things are going at calm, sedate pace. I feel a bit unsettled by all this. This is all too good to be true. Is this the calm before some unknown storm? When I read about children having terminal illnesses, families obliterated in accidents and catastrophes – it gives me a shudder. I was mulling about a vacation during a lull period at work. I opened bbc.co.uk to run as a background thread and the news I read was of the tourists drowned in Hungary. I immediately shoved away any thoughts of the holiday for the time being. I know it sounds down right morbid.

Though that’s not my usual frame of mind. I am glad the kids are happy, work is even paced, family is doing well (more or less) and the sun is shining J

I did not expect to write a post today

But who can let go of awesome fodder for writing? So here goes another incident in the happening life of yours truly.

Sunday was going on fine. It was relatively hectic where K and Chiyaa went for a karate class and I had to keep Pumpki entertained at home for close to 5 hours. The weather did not allow us to step outside. Managing her with the week’s prep of cooking is hard work. K and Chiyaa also came back pretty exhausted from a 3 hour long class. All of us were a bit here and there once we got together around 3 in the afternoon.

To add to the melee, I had ordered some plants online and they got delivered on Friday. I wanted to plant them since I was sure there would be no time in the weekdays. But to plant them, I needed K’s help with digging a biggish hole. He is not a keen gardener. He is the one to get pretty annoyed with my constant wish to buy plants, pots, to do composting, saving kitchen water and the whole 9 yards. Well, in this case, it was he who wanted a “tree” and I had gotten a tree.  Well its more a little plant now, it will eventually grow into a tree :D

K being the unaware gardener thought tree needs big hole, I dig big hole! (Even though it is a small plant, it does need a big hole for its root system to establish). He started digging. The problem is there was something in his way! It was a green pipe. Now we never figured out what this green pipe was for, but its went across the patch. We planted stuff around it. One of our neighbours casually mentioned that it might be a cable wire. We do not watch cable since we stick to online streaming, so the wire wouldn’t matter to us. But we never got around to doing anything about it. I always thought, what if I get electrocuted!In fact, I bought extra soil to add and cover the wire.

Sunday evening, K had to dig the hole and this wire was coming in the way. And he decided to take action. He has all sorts of tools and being the true bred engineer, he got to work to cut the wire off. As I came outside to monitor the progress of the hole digging, I noticed that the wire cutting was nearing completion.

I asked aghast “Why did you cut the wire?”

“Because it kept coming in the way!”

“But are you sure it will not impact anything?”

“See it is  a co-axial wire, must be for tv”

To be honest, I was pretty impressed he knew what a co-axial cable was and could identify one! My engineer hubby :D

“But are you sure it will not impact anything?”  - I asked again

“We will soon find out” K said that with ultimate “K” coolness.

We did find out soon. “Daddddddddddddddddddddy the TV is not working”. We had the world’s best “We have messed up” look.  Notice I say “we”. I am all for team spirit ;) But if I had even scratched a co-axial cable K’s rant would have made me feel like turn back time and undo my actions. Being the good Indian wife, I chose to stand by the husband :D We did some more investigation and found out that the humble co-axial cable also brought the internet connection home. We have fiber connection, but its only the “last-leg” that has the funky fiber optics cable. Those are well hidden. (thank God) Tain tain tainnnnnnnn!!!!

What followed was frantic calls to the internet provider. Worry over the cost of re-establishment of internet. Concern over how to get approval from work for a day’s leave in such short notice. There was close to one hour’s chaos and confusion. All the while the kids went about moaning, fighting, crying, demanding our attention and being at their worst behaviour which is typical when there is an emergency ;)

So day after tom from 12-4 the “engineers” will come and hopefully our house will be back on the world wide web :D :D That was some Sunday action I had not anticipated :D

Long weekend with R

We had a long Easter weekend last week. Coming back from a gorgeous holiday onto a short work week is the stuff of dreams! To top it I had my room-mate from graduation, R visiting me. She is on a work trip to UK. Though she is posted real far from where we live, she took the effort to come and visit us. We met each other after 15 years! And it was just something. I do not live in the past, I do not attach a lot of importance to nostalgia. But spending close to 4 formative years interacting with a set of people can form some bonds. In all honesty we were not that close during our student years. After finishing graduation, life and work took us on different paths. Except keeping tab on each other’s developments via social media and the one off birthday messages on WhatsApp, our interaction was few and far between. But ever since she came to the UK we had been talking. And the 2 days spent with her did renew a lot of bonds. It was great revisiting common memories, talking about common people, discussing common places, retelling common experiences. It was good to realise there is a lot in common between the two of us. She went off to visit another friend of hers in a nearby town, so I missed on spending all the 4 days with her. Which I now wish I had.

We live more or less in isolation. The 4 of us form a close knit unit. The reason we try to frequent the visit of grandparents is so that the children form more connections. Also grandparents can stay longer thus strengthening those connections. In this any additional human interaction, especially with people we have known before is really heartening and what we long for. It was amazing to see the kids interact so well with R. She has two daughters too, so she was reliving her life. Chiyaa could not have enough of aunty and kept talking to her. One morning in fact she went and lay in her bed, messing with her phone and talking random stuff. When R went to her friend’s place, Chiyaa kept enquiring when she would be back. When I said she would be back the Monday morning, and she wasn’t, Chiyaa was visibly upset. But then kids being kids, recover fast too. Pumpki is the quiet one, but she would drag aunty and make her sit and do puzzles. They had no stranger anxiety or inhibition in being with her. Which was great. I hope we get more chances to catch up!

We made a day trip with her to the beach. It was really fun spending  a day with her. The entire duration was amazing. We just reconnected and went talking about anything and everything. Work, in-laws, family, kids, career, India, UK, finance – you name it! The 3 nights she stayed with me, it was wonderful to talk to her late into the night. She is not a late sleeper, so I must say she did real well staying up J When she went back, both she and I were left with lots of emotions. She said she was going back with a lot of memories and I hope they were all good ones J